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  2. It's hard for you to make a strong case when you clearly engage in social drinking as well. It was your beer, not some beer she bought and wanted to drink. It's all well and good to talk about the risk of alcoholism in your family, but what she sees is that you hold yourself to a different standard. And since she is a legal adult and it is legal to drink at 18 where she is right now, you don't quite have the moral high ground of "It doesn't seem fair, but sometimes adults can do things that teens can't". It's not that your worries are wrong - I don't know that! And I don't think your actions are wrong either - adults are allowed to drink alcohol, and it sounds like you're drinking in moderation. But if my mother tried to pull this on me when I was 19, I would've condemned her as a raging hypocrite.
  3. The Doorman's Repose (Chris Raschka) is interesting, unusual, and composed of nearly stand-alone stories about folks who live in a New York apartment building.
  4. Disallowing pets can certainly be a class issue. I'm not going to say it's exactly the same as not allowing children, because obviously our society privileges human children over all non-humans (and that's quite a reasonable position!) but... well, children put wear and tear on properties as well. *shrugs* People benefit from having pets. There is a valid argument to be made that these benefits shouldn't be only extended to those who can afford their own homes.
  5. No, of course not. As a life-long pet owner, it's nice if a landlord feels comfortable or has some kind of arrangement in place should a dog chew something, etc. but you are not required. We had pets when we rented and there was a security deposit involved. It was also abundantly clear to us should the dog damage something, that we would either fix it or pay to have it fixed. There seems to be less tolerance toward people who assert their rights regarding property or just about anything else; this is probably what fueled this discussion.
  6. You have a lot going on, don't you? I couldn't find the right "smiley" to click, so I thought I'd just send you Happy Thoughts and hopes for a restful weekend with minimal evacuations & swellings. I've just made my morning tea here ... if you had a cuppa, I'd propose a tea-toast to magical springs. ☕☕
  7. A woman on our marketplace today posted something about "why is our valley so uptight about renting to folks with animals?" I stupidly tried to explain that many landlords don't want the extra wear and tear on their investment properties, and the woman went off about the ADA and service animals, etc. etc. Most folks seemed to think that yes, if truly a service animal, ADA applies (as it does by law) but I was surprised at the number of people who thought renters were OWED access to housing that would accept pets! Is this a new entitlement mindset? I was called an idiot and a horrible person, yada, yada, 'til the whole thing was pulled off. I was flabbergasted by the inability to see that people have a lot of money invested in their properties (our median house in the south end of the valley now goes for about $335,000, and about $650,000 for the north end, yes, for a basic 3 BD, 2Ba house). And everyone's valuations went up $90,000+ this year! Do you feel people are owed housing that allows pets?
  8. This is what our broker / realtor said would happen in the event we wanted to make an offer on a house where he was representing the seller. You mentioned "small town" but is there another real estate agent who could work just for you?
  9. I have a sunroof on my Subaru as that was what it came with, used. I do pop it so the car doesn't heat up as much, but it is never open when I drive--reduced fuel efficiency, plus the noise. It's a small thing, not the big pano thing on your link. I would never want the great big thing--you'd scratch it all up putting a kayak or skis on top. Our sun is intense--the inside of the car would be SO hot!
  10. I liked my roof that was a sunroof or popped up a bit at the back to allow ventilation. This is what I had on the last two cars. I don't care for the moonroof on my current car and hardly ever use the sunroof. And it doesn't have the back tip-up for ventilation so I'm in the not-worth-extra-money camp.
  11. A few things: - if the antibiotics are not helping, he may need others. I got an abx resistant something-or-other with my last bad sinus infection and after the ENT did a culture, we saw that I needed a different family of abx. - prednisone I have only sympathy. I'm having my deviated septum repaired Tuesday in the hopes of preventing my constant recurrent sinus issues.
  12. Today
  13. I would be uneasy over the fact that she brought you a buyer so fast. We did one real estate transaction with the same agent selling our house and representing the sellers of the house we bought (we met her when we toured the house we eventually bought). We believe she was honest and did her best to represent both parties, but the truth is that she had a better established relationship with the other party before we came along. In hindsight I believe an unrelated agent would have helped us make the purchase at a lower price. There really is a conflict of interest. I would ask that she decrease her commission by 1%. She is doing the detail work for both parties, so technically she is doing both jobs, so I wouldn’t seek to dock her commission by too much. But there’s the other problem with a dual agent - you only get one set of eyes on things and details might get missed or not treated with equal care.
  14. We just bought a house that is just under 3000 sqft and it has all the rooms I wanted/needed. First floor master so my parents could move in with us. An electronics free room that houses are books, boardgames, art supply with a table to do them on, and a second table to play board games at. It has a living room, computer room, huge laundry room with utility sink, and 4 additional bedrooms upstairs (one of which is our playroom/guest room.)
  15. My dh loves his moon roof and usually has the inside cover pulled back to see the sky. I'm not sure how much he actually pops it open. FWIW, I hate it. I find it distracting to see anything above me, and I don't like the extra road noise when it's popped open.
  16. I swear by the McGuffey Primer/workbook. My mom taught her 4 kids to read without any issues/struggles when we were 4-5. I have the same Primer she used and will start it with my 4yos, making him the 16th child to use it. Learning styles all varied, but McGuffey's was 100% successful. Tried and true (at least for us)... The other Readers are lovely as well - we read the stories/poems together often.
  17. This is a little more insidious. It's a NYTimes article suggesting there are no safety standards for them and that they increase the risk of ejection during rollovers. Oh my. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/22/business/car-sunroof-safety.html And then an article on exploding/shattering glass. https://www.chicagotribune.com/autos/sc-auto-cover-0222-exploding-sunroofs-20180220-story.html https://www.consumerreports.org/car-safety/laminated-glass-reduce-risk-exploding-sunroofs/ This article says GM is using tempered glass, so I guess it's a definite no. Well that takes care of that. Foo, it seemed like a lovely idea. But it might explain why I literally couldn't find the tripped out version with the moonroof. It was just really conspicuous, because I found so many models around our state with these features but none of them had the moonroofs.
  18. Since your dd is already drinking, I think the best thing you can do is tell her that you love her, and because you love her, you are afraid for her. You know what has happened to some in the family and to others who were convinced they wouldn't have a problem when they started drinking, but eventually they did. You are sad because of the difficulties they've had to endure, not just in the short term, but over their lives, and you don't want that for her. You don't want her to become addicted or to make stupid decisions or be taken advantage of while she's drinking. You understand she's not getting drunk, but any alcohol is priming the pump, if it turns out she's prone to addiction. You know she's an adult, and you are thrilled and proud to see all of the mature decisions she makes, but you are concerned that this one may be a mistake.
  19. Ok, this article seems pretty persuasive on the don't do it camp, lol. He thinks the only reason to have one is to look for traffic helicopters, lol. https://www.thedrive.com/opinion/4193/8-reasons-why-you-should-never-get-a-sunroof
  20. The car does seem to have a low ceiling, so it might feel claustrophobic when it's all dark. You definitely don't have the sun I'm used to (we have 350 sunny days a year), so you'll only have to deal with the heat when its sunny for those three months. You could get that peel away film and apply that for those hot months.
  21. Yup. Remember, in the US, in most states you as a parent can give her alcohol in your own home AND she could have been ordering alcohol in restaurants when you were present. Even US law is not complete abstention till 21.
  22. Personally, I would rather my kids get used to the feeling of alcohol in a safe place. At home and with friends is much better than a party on a college campus to experience alcohol and its effects. She is a legal age and isn't drinking to excess or causing trouble for herself or others. As a parent it is one thing to say "You having a glass of wine with dinner makes me unhappy and these are my concerns..." vs. adding consequences solely based on hypothetical risk factors. I think that it is going to be especially hard to make much of an impact on her behavior, when, as you said...she was asking to try your own beer. "Do as I say, not as I do" doesn't go far with parenting adults. I know you feel like waiting for a glass of wine with dinner, is different at 19 (than 21), but do you have research to back that up? or just personal feeling on the topic. When I did a cursory search on the topic, studies linked 18yo in with adults. If you want to get anywhere with this conversation, I guess one topic you may discuss is the affect of alcohol on the development of the prefrontal cortex. But even with this, the teen age brains cited are often more in the 13-15 age range than 19+.
  23. Are you ok with social drinking for legal adults? Like do you social drink? Then I would teach her your standards for that (how you sort through the amount, type, frequency, etc.) yourself. If you do not drink, then I would explain to her why. As for enforcing it, that gets more interesting. My dd sounds like she's about the age of yours, as mine just turned 20. My dd has a really big thing right now about not being treated like a kid, so I think it's not so much an "enforce" in a country where that isn't the law. The back at college thing, it's against the law, I would flat out require that or pull all funds, end of discussion. That's my opinion but I'm a complete tea totaler and am not going to pay for that. Everything my dd has (tuition, spending money, etc.) is of me and through me, therefore she is not acting as an adult to make those decisions, therefore I have a say and will say. But my two cents, having said all that, is that *in a country where it's legal* I would probably sit down and have a really mature discussion. Like I said, my dd SO WANTS to be treated like an adult right now. I would probably say you know here, for a few weeks during this visit, you have that legal option. I want to help you think through it and hear what you're thinking and tell you might concerns so that you can tell me what you're thinking about those issues. And I would probably look the other way and not provide any money for it, withdraw all funds or decrease funds I had been planning to give her equivalent to anything she chose to spend on it, and keep a close eye for her safety. To me, and like I said I'm a complete total abstainer, I don't think the issue is whether she's drinking 1 or 2 drinks on a trip to another country. That's experimenting. The question is whether more was going on with that college exposure, whether her body is going down a path, whether it's getting to be too much. That's what I would be concerned about. I'd that's a really sad discussion to have to have, because if it has gone too far what is she going to say? You'd like her to get to the conclusion that it would be good to take a break, but you'd like her to get there on her own. Ideally. And if she seems dependent, I'd be cutting it off faster than fast. I mean, this shouldn't even be an issue. Do others in your circle drink? Is she *offending* people by choosing to do this? That could be an argument too. Not a really strong one, but still. It adds to the "let's take a break, I'm worried about you" discussion. I'll say this. When my dd is away at college, she gets kind of emotionally distant. She's so wrapped up in her friends, etc. It takes her a while to get back to oh I have parents, the money did not just appear, and get really emotionally reconnected. I don't know where your dd is in that. I'm just saying sometimes it takes TIME and sometimes that TIME (like hours and hours and hours, some late nights) is the thing that flips her over to listening again. It's like she forgets who she's supposed to listen to and thinks her peers are really great counselors, lol.
  24. I just finished a mystery that I enjoyed; admittedly, I did have a few quibbles. The Scent of Murder: A Mystery (A Jazz Ramsey Mystery) "The way Jazz Ramsey figures it, life is pretty good. She’s thirty-five years old and owns her own home in one of Cleveland’s most diverse, artsy, and interesting neighborhoods. She has a job she likes as an administrative assistant at an all-girls school, and a volunteer interest she’s passionate about―Jazz is a cadaver dog handler. Jazz is working with Luther, a cadaver dog in training. Luther is still learning cadaver work, so Jazz is putting him through his paces at an abandoned building that will soon be turned into pricey condos. When Luther signals a find, Jazz is stunned to see the body of a young woman who is dressed in black and wearing the kind of make-up and jewelry that Jazz used to see on the Goth kids back in high school. She’s even more shocked when she realizes that beneath the tattoos and the piercings and all that pale make up is a familiar face. The lead detective on the case is an old lover, and the murdered woman is an old student. Jazz finds herself sucked into the case, obsessed with learning the truth. " Regards, Kareni
  25. Well we have a tiny moonroof on our newer-ish vehicle (10 years old) as it just came that way. And you're right, I never open it for light let alone air. Now my dh does a LOT and really likes it, lol. We have 6 months of full winter here, 3 months of drab basically winter, and 3 months of spring/summer. So I don't know what it would be like. I want to ask my ds to see if he has a take. I think there's something to how it will feel. Like it might make it feel great or it might be better to have it be cave-like, I don't know.
  26. I think it would depend on where you live. I live in the high desert of New Mexico. The sun is brutal. There is no way in a million I would have a car that was all glass on top. I have a small sun roof on my van that has a solid cover to close it off. I keep it closed most of the time because the sun on my head is so hot. I like that I can open it to air out the van when it's super hot inside the car (from sitting parked in the sun), or if there's a bad smell in there. I never open it otherwise. If you live in a place with less intense sunlight, you might have a better experience. It is stunning to have such a panoramic view of the sky, but I think the novelty would wear off in a short time, and you'd just be left with hot, dirty windows on the roof of the car. That's just my opinion, though. Have you seen/driven one in person with the moon roof?
  27. Please don't quote, I will be deleting. Nutshell version: Dd is visiting. It's legal to drink alcohol at 18 here. I told her I'm uncomfortable with her drinking but she is an adult. At dinner 3 times so far on her trip here (at a friends house and at 2 restaurants, not at home) she's had wine. Last night she wanted to taste my local beer, and I said I was uncomfortable with that. She was miffed and has been giving me the silent treatment. This morning I said I knew she was not happy with me last night and I asked if we were ok, and she said it's annoying because it's legal here at 18 and she's 19. I know we need to talk more about it, at least to IDK, be easy with other because it's uncomfortable. She and the rest of our visiting family are out for the day. We had a very good talk when she first arrived about college and her boyfriend (he broke up with her) and she did say that she's been trying different drinks and that she doesn't ever get drunk, but that he set up a bar (18yo, not legal) and served others. She said "it was a lot more innocent than it sounds" but well, no it isn't. It's not legal. I'm glad they broke up (and she's ok now). We have so much alcoholism in our family, I was really hoping she'd choose to at least wait til 21. I do understand trying things in college. I think I'm a little scared, to be honest. So my question is, how do I handle this? I'm not going to control it by saying something like, if you drink and I find out, I'm not going to pay your tuition--I think that's stupid, tbh. I want to see what her motivation is, I guess, and I do want to talk with her more. But I don't know the boundaries, I don't know what is harping on it and what is ok. I've told her, yeah, I DO get to give you advice cause I'm your mom! But you don't have to take it, because you are an adult! And that seems good to me. But again, I'm kinda having a hard time with it. So any advice or btdt or reassurance would be most welcome. But be gentle please because remember we have family history of rebellion and addiction.
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