One was a homeschool mom. They were all Mormons as far as I know. Most if not all of the children in the group received some kind of bullet wound. My heart is just breaking for them , their families, their friends, their communities. From the article linked below: At least nine U.S. citizens, including six children, who live in the Mexican border state of Sonora were killed in a shooting attack Monday Rhonita Maria LeBaron, reportedly died along with her twin 6-month-old babies and her two other children aged 10 and 12 Also killed were Christina Langford Johnson, Dawna Langford and two of Dawna's children Seventeen family members from the LeBarons and Langford families - who are related - were traveling in a caravan of three cars to a wedding According to relatives, Mexican drug cartel gunman opened fire One relative said as many as 13 others were missing after the attack https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7650129/Relatives-say-5-US-citizens-killed-northern-Mexico.html?fbclid=IwAR1TctWmQf2yd1sSi83AvwWBQ2jmYctJhk6ExJXtO3l7IievpHOS8wUmrfI

That's pretty much what they said when I left last time. That I was just having a bad inflammatory reaction.

I'll call the in the morning. But I don't want to go to the ER. That's the nuclear option for me.

No one on my insurance anyway. The nearest next doctor on my insurance is in the next town over 2ish hours away. Honestly, I'm gearing up to go in again. I promise. I just feel like any moment I'll hit on the right set of pain meds and rest and supplements and it'll be better by tomorrow. It's just that it's not happening. And I so tired of doing this alone. My husband, loves me, and wants to help, but has to work. And medical stuff just isn't his thing. And truly, he just defers to me to make the "medical" decisions - even his. On a bright note: I'm so glad yours is working for you!! I've heard lots of good things about them from in real life people. Pretty much fuss free bc is such a bonus!!!

It was so cathartic to write it out. If nothing else, thank you for that. Thank you listening. I've not been wanting to share with anyone else in real life. Most of the moms I'm "friends" with are just rather superficial relationships and this level of sharing feels off somehow.

I've been playing around with the idea of the ER in my head. But my gyn is THE guy they ask to come to the ER for stuff like this so there wouldn't be a point unless it was the middle of the night.

I'm like running around screaming in my head :willy_nilly: :svengo: :willy_nilly: thinking about them doing a hysteroscopy. I might go back to the doctor this week if the bleeding doesn't let up. But right now, I'm just so very over being touched by a medical person. Thank you though. You're very right. It's not normal.

So ... long story short. I had to have an unexpected d&c in November to prevent me from bleeding too much during my miscarriage. The pregnancy was unexpected and happened while I was on the mini pill. I had been having lots of problems with other forms of bc like the contraceptive film and foam and when we made the switch we found ourselves pregnant. So then we had to find a different form of bc. I nixed the idea of getting my tubes tied. There's too many horror story out there about those. No thank you. I should have listened to my inner self when they suggested the Mirena IUD. I said Yes anyway. And on Monday Dec. 19th I had one inserted. It was really painful. I had lot of bleeding. Later that night I had a lot of cramping. By the morning it was just super uncomfortable. Okay, I thought, maybe it'll be okay. By Wednesday night I was thinking there may be a problem. By Thursday night I knew there was a problem. By Friday morning I was crying on the phone to the Gyn in terrible terrible pain. Being the the 23rd they were closing at noon, but they got me in with the NP. I was in so so much I couldn't walk. They gave me a shot of muscle relaxer. And sent me to ultrasound in a wheelchair to make sure it hadn't perforated. It had not perforated, thank you, but it was twisted or something. They removed it right then. There wasn't any blood then. They sent me home on doxycyclene and told me to take ibuprofin for pain. The pain didn't stop. On Monday the 26th I was stuttering a low grade 100.5 fever. On Tuesday the office opened back up and I was crying on the phone again. The had me come in and have a CT scan to check things out. I glow in the dark now. It's kinda cool. Anyway, they couldn't find anything. The quick test for bacteria came back negative. Sent me home with a prescription for some pain relievers. Tylenol with codeine. No help. On Saturday night (yay New Years) I had horrible horrible horrid stabbing cramps and passed a huge bright red clot with a torrent of gushing blood. But as soon as it started it stopped. Left in it's wake is daily cramping with pangs of labor like pains with occasionally shooting and stabbing pains and I'm bleeding like a regular period all day. Way more than spotting, but way less than a bad period can't leave the house kinda day. The pain is all day. Worse at night. I can't bend or twist in the slightest. I have some periods where the pain is hovering out of sight and I'm pretty pain free. Like when I'm sitting with my feet up but even then cramps can start. The period of pain free times probably adds up to about 2 hours out of the whole day. Yes, it can and does wake me at night every so often. I'm in my third week. I'm losing hope I'll ever be pain free. I'm crashing mentally. My house is a mess. Schoolwork is non-existent. I have a part time job that I can do slowly and without oversite (my boss is on the other side of the country) but I'm contemplating quitting because I was already stretched thin with the job and homeschooling and now, I'm just not homeschooling. Except for board games and Thank God for Teaching Textbooks!! and Youtube. I'm trying to control it all with the following: 2 aleve 220mg twice a day 1 extra strength tylenol twice a day Tramadol for the really really bad times. But I have to be very careful. My body over reacts to it and I have already had a bad reaction where I passed out. Golden Milk. Turmeric with honey and pepper in milk. Hot water bottle. Baths with epsom salts. Magnesium supplements. 500mg (I think) at night Since the tests came back negative or at the most inconclusive I got the very real impression there isn't much they can do for me. I'm reluctant to go back because I don't think I could stomach another painful round of pelvic exams. I'm super scared by the way. I KNOW that there is something more brewing. At some point my body is going to remember that I should start my period around the 10th or so. My periods had been bad before. This one is sure to be really bad. I'm also super scared that something may go really really wrong and they'll start suggesting a hysterectomy. So here I am. Hanging on to the knot I've tied in my rope. What more should I be doing? PS: sorry it's so long. You should give yourself a pat on the back or something for making it this far.

That's fun! I might steal it!

Out the front door and into the back? Oh, boy.

Does anyone remember the name of the book that suggests you have your children call you "Mrs.____" during school hours? There's someone in my "circle" who is doing that with her kids... and uniforms.... and I was trying to understand where she is coming from. I know there's a book.... isn't there? I ran a search here and on google and I'm probably not using the right search terms....

Precisely, especially the bolded is what I'm looking for. I'm just not sure where to start. (for the record, we are agnostic. And I've discussed with him (11yo) other religious views. And I've discussed what I think and feel)

This is what has been true for me in my life. And I'm thinking that my son will walk the same path. My mother couldn't help me and I stopped asking her or anyone else. Anecdotal evidence of therapists in my surrounding area has me thinking that right now, therapy is not appropriate. There is one in a larger city some 6 hours away, but it's not that feasible. Again, I'm seeing signs of anxiety, but I don't think that it's tripped into depression yet. More information helped me, but it didn't come until later (30s). I was hoping that were some books or other resources out there now that might help him know he's not alone in this struggle and what others his age are doing in their lives.

So two weeks or so ago I read this article: http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/existential-depression-in-gifted-individual And like so much that happens in my life, it was timely. About a week or so later my 11yo son started asking me about the meaning of life. Was "this" all there was? What is my purpose? Do I have a purpose? What do I think happens when we die? What about nuclear weapons? What about war? How do we work towards peace if we even have these weapons? How do I as a kid affect enough change and give meaning in my life? Is my meaning controlled by a higher power? And if those questions weren't tough enough, my 6yo son, separately came to me has been asking me what death means? What is his purpose? How should he live his life? How did I choose to live mine? I've talked to them about it from my own personal experience. I've shared how I've struggled. What I've read. How I'm still struggling to find answers. How I find contentment and peace in my life without having all the answers. But, I realized last night that he's not only asking about these things, that he's fighting off anxiety from it. I don't think he's depressed about it. None of those signs are there. Have you or your children struggled with this? What did you say? What did you read or watch that resonated with you? That helped you?

So two weeks or so ago I read this article: http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/existential-depression-in-gifted-individual And like so much that happens in my life, it was timely. About a week or so later my 11yo son started asking me about the meaning of life. Was "this" all there was? What is my purpose? Do I have a purpose? What do I think happens when we die? What about nuclear weapons? What about war? How do we work towards peace if we even have these weapons? How do I as a kid affect enough change and give meaning in my life? Is my meaning controlled by a higher power? And if those questions weren't tough enough, my 6yo son, separately came to me has been asking me what death means? What is his purpose? How should he live his life? How did I choose to live mine? I've talked to them about it from my own personal experience. I've shared how I've struggled. What I've read. How I'm still struggling to find answers. How I find contentment and peace in my life without having all the answers. But, I realized last night that he's not only asking about these things, that he's fighting off anxiety from it. I don't think he's depressed about it. None of those signs are there. Have you or your children struggled with this? What did you say? What did you read or watch that resonated with you? That helped you? (I think I'll cross post this)