Ms. Riding Hood Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Ds just returned from his 3-day college visit. There were hundreds of scheduled activities to choose from, and had I been along, we would have highlighted one per hour and made the rounds from dawn till dusk. Ds, however, availed himself of exactly *two* activities that I might have selected for him, preferring to spend the rest of the time hanging out with his host student & friends, the wrestling team, the fraternities...the exact things I *never* would have chosen or expected. The great news is that he loved the campus, loved the kids, and said that if he has to go away from home he can't imagine a better place to be. But mommy is having trouble adjusting to the idea that child #1 has ideas of his own. Funny--I've never thought of myself as controlling, but since I'm feeling a little pain, maybe I've been so more than I realized. :confused: Don't get me wrong, I'm not adbdicating my parental authority, but seeing the need to back off and let him make his own choices to a higher degree than before. It's unexpectedly difficult.:001_unsure: And he officially accepted the offer of admission today!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda in MA Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I hear you! Letting go is hard. My ds is looking forward to college this fall in some ways and dreading it in others. He alternates between, "Mom, I can't wait to get out of hear because I'm tired of you telling me what to do!" and "I don't want to go away because I'll be so lonely, and I'll miss you." Oh, the joys of adolescence! Happy Monday, Brenda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Ds just returned from his 3-day college visit. There were hundreds of scheduled activities to choose from, and had I been along, we would have highlighted one per hour and made the rounds from dawn till dusk. Ds, however, availed himself of exactly *two* activities that I might have selected for him, preferring to spend the rest of the time hanging out with his host student & friends, the wrestling team, the fraternities...the exact things I *never* would have chosen or expected. The great news is that he loved the campus, loved the kids, and said that if he has to go away from home he can't imagine a better place to be. But mommy is having trouble adjusting to the idea that child #1 has ideas of his own. Funny--I've never thought of myself as controlling, but since I'm feeling a little pain, maybe I've been so more than I realized. :confused: Don't get me wrong, I'm not adbdicating my parental authority, but seeing the need to back off and let him make his own choices to a higher degree than before. It's unexpectedly difficult.:001_unsure: And he officially accepted the offer of admission today!! I think one of the hardest things a parent has to do is let there child make his/her own decissions and live with them. I have 3 grown children and as I watch some of the decissions they make I just groan inside but unless I am asked I try REALLY, REALLY hard to keep my mouth shut. You see them make choices in financial areas, schooling and even moral issues that you don't agree with but you say to yourself, "He/She is an adult now and I can no longer make these choices for ......." It is hard but in the long run the best because if you have kept your opinion to yourself and not put up those walls that many times our opinion makes, they come to you when they REALLY need to. God's grace is ALWAYS sufficient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 It is funny how they make those decisions. My ds and I visited about 4 schools, then he decided to go to one he had never seen. And take a big sigh of relief and pat yourself on the back! Not only did he get an offer, but he made a decision. Good job - mom, teacher, principal, and college counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon in MD Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I am so happy for all of you! It is a wonderful feeling to have the decision made, isn't it? I can also really relate to the feeling of it's their decision, not ours....I can remember as we were visiting various campuses, it was so hard not to try to sway his opinion, to wait and hear what he thought before opening my own big mouth. I'm very excited for our kids, and yet I also know it'll be so hard to leave him there in the fall, knowing that it will never be quite the same again.... My neighbor, mom of two grown sons, was giving me some advice yesterday about taking sons to college....actually it was advice that one of the Jesuits from her son's high school had given all the moms....I'll share it because I really think it is wise. He said when you take them to school, don't stay and unpack everything for them. Help them get it all in of course, but don't put it all away for them. That way when you leave, they have something to do and it will help both them and mom with the departure. And you know what? As she was telling me this....she still was tearing up at the remembrance of leaving her boys at school for the first time. It's gonna be tough to do.... I'm gonna get as many hugs in as I can between now and then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I'm finding that the older my kids get, the more I need to practice saying, "That's wonderful..." I thank God that they are making lots of wise decisions, but sometimes I wonder where their brains are.....and I try to just keep on smiling. Example --On-campus housing over the summer is always tight at my kids' college because they shut all but one of the dorms. Ds1 can't live off-campus because he won't have a car. He didn't contact housing, he didn't contact housing, he didn't contact housing. I had visions of him having to tell the prof he couldn't take the research position because he couldn't find a place to live....And finally he did do it, and he does have housing. But only reminding him once or twice and otherwise keeping my mouth shut was one of the harder things I've done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I'm finding that the older my kids get, the more I need to practice saying, "That's wonderful..." I thank God that they are making lots of wise decisions, but sometimes I wonder where their brains are.....and I try to just keep on smiling. Example --On-campus housing over the summer is always tight at my kids' college because they shut all but one of the dorms. Ds1 can't live off-campus because he won't have a car. He didn't contact housing, he didn't contact housing, he didn't contact housing. I had visions of him having to tell the prof he couldn't take the research position because he couldn't find a place to live....And finally he did do it, and he does have housing. But only reminding him once or twice and otherwise keeping my mouth shut was one of the harder things I've done! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy in Richmond Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 And he officially accepted the offer of admission today!! Congratulations on making the decision! :001_smile: But mommy is having trouble adjusting to the idea that child #1 has ideas of his own. Funny--I've never thought of myself as controlling, but since I'm feeling a little pain, maybe I've been so more than I realized. :confused: Don't get me wrong, I'm not adbdicating my parental authority, but seeing the need to back off and let him make his own choices to a higher degree than before. It's unexpectedly difficult.:001_unsure: It's very difficult to stand by and watch them grow up. Sometimes I find that trust is the hardest part of this process. We homeschool moms have been so intimately involved in their lives all along, that it hurts us a little that they grow up and can make decisions without us...even if that is just what we were raising them to do! And they will most likely do a few things that will make you shake your head. Last summer I watched and bit my tongue as my ds made a not-so-good decision about staying on campus for the summer with only a very part-time job and an expensive summer room rent. It's the deal here that he will work enough during the school year and the summer to pay for his food, books and personal expenses. He learned a good lesson when, at the end of the summer, he had less money in the bank than when he started out. Now this upcoming summer is completely different; he has been very proactive about searching out internships and not only found an excellent opportunity in his field, but one with excellent pay. I think he needed to learn that lesson on his own - no amount of suggestions on our part would have done the trick. Ds just returned from his 3-day college visit. There were hundreds of scheduled activities to choose from, and had I been along, we would have highlighted one per hour and made the rounds from dawn till dusk. Well, Lynne, you will just *have* to go to Family weekend in October! You will get your own fat book of hundreds of activities, and you can have a great time going to classes and events - it's just like a family CPW. There's even a chocolate brunch sponsored by the Lab for Chocolate Science (how would I know?!). And he'll most likely be able to go on some of those activities with you - we've had a blast as a family at those weekends! Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in IL Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Mine is just finishing his 3rd year of a 6 year program. So many times I have had to bite my tongue and I think he knows now when I am doing it. :lol: Not only do you know them very well, they know you just as well and your probable reactions to decisions they make. Hang in there. We are here to support you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 My son was ambivalent about the whole subject of which college, so I chose some examples of different types that would be easy to get to and he and I went. My son was very quiet during the tours and it was painful watching him fill out the form at the beginning because he doesn't remember how to print and was fuzzy on half the information, but when we got done and I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to see, expecting him to say no please let's leave, he suddenly transformed into a confident, competent (more competant than my spelling probably) adult and said we had to go see the althletic department because he wanted to play a sport and wanted to see what he could transfer to from gymnastics. My jaw dropped! I was only vaguely aware that I was raising an athlete!!! Yes, I suppose I should have known it, judging from the amount of time he put into gymnastics, but we were always very casual about it. So many other things had higher priority. He led me into the building and asked directions to the athletic director's office with me saying, "But won't he be busy?" Nope. It turns out that athletic directors like potential athletes to come talk to them and are perfectly happy to discuss their sports and which team a new student might like to try out for. They take it just as much for granted as my son that athletics are a very important part of the college decision, if not the most important factor of all. Naturally, naturally. I just hadn't thought about it. And amazingly, I had no idea my son was considering college sports that important. Yes we had discussed it, and yes we had all agreed that he would need to be in a sport to keep from driving himself crazy, but somehow I didn't put the pieces together. Silly mummy. And then, surprise number two, my son and his older brother hatched a plan to go to college together. I needn't have worried about which college or career interests GRIN. I was very relieved. There was/is so much to do to get the two boys ready and installed (second one is accepted and goes in the fall) that I don't have to worry about being left out of the picture. I know about that feeling of surprise GRIN... And relief... -Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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