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How to help 17 year old daughter with boy.


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I have question. My just turned 17 year old daughter has a boyfriend who she met a year ago and rarely sees due to the fact he is now living in Australia. They will see each other this summer.

 

The majority of their communication is by computer a few times a week.

 

Here is my question. When she is talking to him on msn she will many times ask me what to say to him or how to answer him. I mean she found a really sweet quote to send to him and he asked her what made her send it. She did not know what to say so she asked me. I have helped her anytime she asked. But I always turn it back to her and say, "what do you feel about this." She always says.....I have no clue.

 

So I'm beginning to wonder. Yes she is very smart but why is she having to ask me what to say to this boy. She told me she is afraid she will say the wrong thing. But I think she needs to express her own feelings and I'm wondering how to help her do that. Any ideas or books that might help her. I think it's a combination of not ever having a boy that she liked before in this way and also maybe not being able to express her feelings.

 

Thanks for your help,

Jo

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Sounds like she wants contact with boys, is petrified of having it, and is finding a compromise by having a boyfriend safely on the other side of the world. As for her quote, sometimes thoughts from the heart don't translate well into words from the brain, and, as she said, she's worried about upsetting him. I guess your supposed to continue as you are and hope she finds a local boyfriend. Or not, depending how you feel about it :D

 

:)

Rosie

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OK, that's a hard one. I know when i was in high school i would ask girl friends what to say, how to say it etc and pluck up the courage through them. I would never have gone to my Mum. Sooo, maybe she is looking at you as a girlfriend in this situation. Does she have any really close girlfriends she could bounce these things off instead of you?

 

I'm not trying to say that you shouldn't help her out, but you have BTDT and have a lot of insight, wisdom etc because you are older. She needs to kind of find her way herself and her friends may be able to help there.

 

I also agree with Rosie, maybe she needs some guy friends so she doesn't feel akward towards boys and is more able to be herself not what she thinks they want.

 

I think you should tell her that too. If he doesn't like you for who you are then he isn't worth it. In which case she should just answer how ever she thinks without worrying what he will think. If they were face to face she wouldn't get all that thought time. She would just have to answer with the first thing that comes into her head.

 

Just my 0.02c HTH.

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