Do most young men play violent video games?

[Danestress]

We have never been a video game family. My sons have never had them. My eldest went to college, and he's spent most of his disposable income since on video games (which makes me wonder whether having none was a bad idea growing up, but that's a different question).

 

Anyway, he's home for spring break - a junior in college. He's a nice kid. He's very nice to his 11 year old brothers, he's no problem. But he had friends over late the other night, and they were playing a really really violent video game. It was a World War II thing, but shockingly violent (I guess war itself is shockingly violent). Anyway, do most 21 year old guys play these kinds of games? I was just really horrified. As long as I don't have to see it and his brothers don't have to see it, I am not planning on making a big deal out of it - they were off in the tv room which is removed from the rest of the house anyway. But I am just curious. Are there 21 year old men who would say, "I don't like violent games?" or is it just the nature of the beast to enjoy that kind of stuff?

 

To be honest, I am really shaken by how awful it was, and sort of sad that anyone would play that for "fun" but I understand that young men aren't just like 40 year old women. Give me perspective on this. He's always been a peace loving kid for the most part - gentle and respectful.

[Ria]

I think most guys in college do play video games, and the popular ones do include some war games like Call of Duty. Halo is also popular; though slightly less graphic, it's still considered violent by some.

 

I don't worry about it.

 

Ria

[sunshine]

my 17yo is not allowed to play video games, that forces him to have a life which consist of

 

Boy Scouts

Order of the Arrow

Traveling with TeenPact

Traveling with WorldView Acamdemy

cooking

moderator on a Lord Of The Rings Site

investigating the history of medieval weaponry

Israeli Combat Fighting

SCA

fencing

mentoring disadvantaged elementary kids

engaging in politics

Paintball

shrimping

fishing

hunting

tilling the garden

messing with his truck (I have no idea)

reading good books (and Survival Manuals and practicing the techniques)

playing violin, piano and bagpipes

Camping every other weekend

Four-wheeler

teaching his sisters and others swordplay

costume making

exploring various interest

thinking

and right now he just arrived home from the Spring Fellowship of the OA, washed his puppy and is watching C-Span's coverage of the questioning of the recipents of the stimulus money (at least that is what it sounds like) and having his sisters crawl over him and the puppy.

 

I intend on depriving his sisters in the same manner

[Danestress]

With slightly different activities, of course. Music, church stuff, some sports, airsoft in moderation, reading, movies, etc. But 21 is looking very different and I don't get to walk into his home (he pays the rent) and tell him what he's "allowed" to play. I guess what I was wondering, from those who actually have 20 something boys, is whether most of our "not allowed" 17 year old are going to WANT to play violent games when they are self-moderating adults. It's probably silly, but I am sort of disappointed that he wants to play that junk. I thought I was insulating him from it a bit more. It seems so degenerate, but I know I am a woman and that I came of age before the age of video games, and I am wondering if I am unrealistic.

 

 

my 17yo is not allowed to play video games, that forces him to have a life which consist of

 

Boy Scouts

Order of the Arrow

Traveling with TeenPact

Traveling with WorldView Acamdemy

cooking

moderator on a Lord Of The Rings Site

investigating the history of medieval weaponry

Israeli Combat Fighting

SCA

fencing

mentoring disadvantaged elementary kids

engaging in politics

Paintball

shrimping

fishing

hunting

tilling the garden

messing with his truck (I have no idea)

reading good books (and Survival Manuals and practicing the techniques)

playing violin, piano and bagpipes

Camping every other weekend

Four-wheeler

teaching his sisters and others swordplay

costume making

exploring various interest

thinking

and right now he just arrived home from the Spring Fellowship of the OA, washed his puppy and is watching C-Span's coverage of the questioning of the recipents of the stimulus money (at least that is what it sounds like) and having his sisters crawl over him and the puppy.

 

I intend on depriving his sisters in the same manner

[Joanne]

Yes, and I'd add most average, normal, nice enough boys do as well.

[Hillary in KS]

We don't have any gaming systems, so the games my boys play are on the computer. My 13 yo ds' plays Lego computer games and Age of Empires. Neither of those are terribly graphic.

 

When they get together with friends, they usually play Rock Band or Wii sport games at their houses. None of the boys seem to play or be into anything violent.

 

But, 13 is very different from 21. And, sadly, it seems that many older boys do play those kinds of games.

 

Have you talked to him about it and expressed your concerns? I'd be curious to know why the switch? What is the appeal?

[KJB]

in the military for the "real world" version, you can feel lucky that your son is content messing around with the fantasy.

 

Honestly. Think who goes to war. Testosterone can do funny things to a person.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I would think there is a considerable number of young men who play violent games and others with inappropriate things. We give our kids our beliefs (to abstain from things God hates, including violence, false religion, etc). As young adults, they'll have to make their own decisions (about entertainment, career choices, etc) and we hope they choose God's ways instead of the world's. However, regardless, they will be expected to keep MY home free from things displeasing to God.

 

Anyway, if you are very bothered by it, I think it is more than reasonable to ask him not to do it in your home.

[sunshine]

With slightly different activities, of course. Music, church stuff, some sports, airsoft in moderation, reading, movies, etc. But 21 is looking very different and I don't get to walk into his home (he pays the rent) and tell him what he's "allowed" to play. I guess what I was wondering, from those who actually have 20 something boys, is whether most of our "not allowed" 17 year old are going to WANT to play violent games when they are self-moderating adults. It's probably silly, but I am sort of disappointed that he wants to play that junk. I thought I was insulating him from it a bit more. It seems so degenerate, but I know I am a woman and that I came of age before the age of video games, and I am wondering if I am unrealistic.

I don't know. I wonder that too. But as no one in our family on either side play games on the computer or video games maybe he won't. He is leaving for college next year and will be with others. I know he has friends that he has spent the night with that play all the time but they prefer to do other things when he is there. I know that he has played on one friends PS3 some flight simulator thing and the race car thing at ChuckECheese so I know he probably likes it.

But when I say he was never allowed, I meant that he was never allowed to have one in our home.

His grandmother (who lives to prove I am a crazy person for homeschooling) has bought him everything from gameboys to X-boxes but he is not allowed to have them at home and if he played it at his grandmothers house (which I have to force him to go to) it is never for longer than about 15 minutes because he would rather watch westerns with his granddaddy! Now we have a problem there. His Grandfather let him watch things like Death Wish 3 at age 13 and 14 but we talked about those things. So I am use to people trying to get him to "be a real boy" and "be exposed" to things "all normal kids" do. But he knows my reasons, which I explain in detail, (flashing lights, flickering screen, waste of life, affects nervous system, affects personality, etc) and he has always been obedient and not complained. It has made him use his time to pursue other things instead of the easy time filler of sitting in front of a flickering screen. Like I am doing now!! what a hypocrite I am!!:glare:

 

But no, I don't know the future, I don't know if he will be a heroin addict either, but I know that I do let him know how I feel about both addictions.

I also didn't mean to sound superior but I wanted to list some of the things he did instead of wasting time in front of the video console. You can't control what happens when they are outside of your arms but you can let them know what you want from them. And it may take you pointing out to your 20 something year old that you are disappointed with what he chooses to do with his spare time and get some statistics on game playing and the affect on family life and relationships long term. That is one of the things that I have always talked to my kids about. I dont' lay down the law without them understanding completely at their level why.

 

Good luck, but he is own his own now and all you can do is advise carefully, with a smile.

[Ria]

But no, I don't know the future, I don't know if he will be a heroin addict either, but I know that I do let him know how I feel about both addictions.

I also didn't mean to sound superior but I wanted to list some of the things he did instead of wasting time in front of the video console. You can't control what happens when they are outside of your arms but you can let them know what you want from them. And it may take you pointing out to your 20 something year old that you are disappointed with what he chooses to do with his spare time and get some statistics on game playing and the affect on family life and relationships long term. That is one of the things that I have always talked to my kids about. I dont' lay down the law without them understanding completely at their level why.

 

First of all, playing video games does not an addict make. If you really think that playing the occasional game is going to turn someone into a video game addict, think again.

 

Second, please explain how playing the occasional video game is going to affect family life and relationships long-term. Um...you are sitting in front of a screen reading this. Do you honestly think that an hour reading and posting on the boards is any different than an hour spent playing a video game? Both are done in front of screens and focus one's attention on the stuff on the screen.

 

Why would someone be disappointed because their adult child plays the occasional video game with his friends? How does this make him a bad person, or a person who has made a bad choice?

 

Ria

[Amy in OH]

First of all, playing video games does not an addict make. If you really think that playing the occasional game is going to turn someone into a video game addict, think again.

 

Second, please explain how playing the occasional video game is going to affect family life and relationships long-term. Um...you are sitting in front of a screen reading this. Do you honestly think that an hour reading and posting on the boards is any different than an hour spent playing a video game? Both are done in front of screens and focus one's attention on the stuff on the screen.

 

Why would someone be disappointed because their adult child plays the occasional video game with his friends? How does this make him a bad person, or a person who has made a bad choice?

 

Ria

 

Agreeing here, Ria. I'm thinking it's a testosterone thing and not really a big deal, as long it's not being played to the exclusion of all other activities. I'm pretty sure that a 21yo guys's and 40yo woman's taste in video games are not usually very similar.

[JudoMom]

First of all, playing video games does not an addict make. If you really think that playing the occasional game is going to turn someone into a video game addict, think again.

 

Second, please explain how playing the occasional video game is going to affect family life and relationships long-term. Um...you are sitting in front of a screen reading this. Do you honestly think that an hour reading and posting on the boards is any different than an hour spent playing a video game? Both are done in front of screens and focus one's attention on the stuff on the screen.

 

Why would someone be disappointed because their adult child plays the occasional video game with his friends? How does this make him a bad person, or a person who has made a bad choice?

 

Ria

 

Also, how is sitting and watching a western with his Granddaddy any different that playing a video game with his Granddaddy? Both involve time together in front of a flickering screen.

[Susan in IL]

My ds is almost 21. To answer your question, sort of. Some violence he will play, the super realistic ones, he won't. He loves Super Smash Brothers. Some would call that violent.

 

We did have video games when he was growing up (and still do) but I monitored them closely. There are a couple his roommate has (and he plays) that I do not approve of, but I have no control what he plays at college. He knows they are not allowed in our house. Some of the worst ones, GTAuto comes to mind, he is not interested in playing. He has seen some of them at others dorm rooms, apts., etc. and will comment how violent they are. What games is he playing?

 

It's a guy thing.

Not sure if that helps or not.

[KJB]

that the old west was a bit on the violent side, itself, to say the least. Shoot 'em ups between cowboys ain't that different than shoot 'em ups between men dressed in fatigues. It's all about good guys and bad guys and guns.

 

Oh, and testosterone. :D

[sunshine]

First of all, playing video games does not an addict make. If you really think that playing the occasional game is going to turn someone into a video game addict, think again.

 

Second, please explain how playing the occasional video game is going to affect family life and relationships long-term. Um...you are sitting in front of a screen reading this. Do you honestly think that an hour reading and posting on the boards is any different than an hour spent playing a video game? Both are done in front of screens and focus one's attention on the stuff on the screen.

 

Why would someone be disappointed because their adult child plays the occasional video game with his friends? How does this make him a bad person, or a person who has made a bad choice?

 

Ria

 

Yes I do think an hour on this board is different. We are interacting and thinking. We are responding to human beings. I am assuming everyone on here is alive and breathing and not an android. I am not blowing up anything or trying to kill anything imaginary or simulated. There are so many studies out there that point, indicate and prove that video games are addicting, contribute to disciplline problems, cause family problems (I think there have been several post from WOW widows, I know that one of my friends complains bitterly about her husbands playing video games). Think of all the things the children could be doing instead of laying in front of the console staring. It is a waste of time. Valuable, never to be recovered time in their youth. It is very addicting, take it away and see how your kids act. It may surprise you how they react. Similar to symptoms of coming off drugs or alcohol. It causes ADD, increases compulsive behavior, and sometimes violent behavior. Watch the difference in a child's personality after 2 or 3 days of not playing games and then observe them after they have been on one for over a 30 minute period.

The flickering lights in young children have been thought to be responsible for causing seizures in the seizure prone, and a study (one of the first ones I ever read when I was a Child Psychiatrist Assistant/Office Manager) also indicated that the flashing lights, flickering screen interupted the neurons in the brain from connecting fully. Shortening the neural path. You can google it all day long and find studies, but if you really want to know where I came to my conclusions, look in the medical studies and the psychiatriatic journals. Those are the ones the video game companies don't want you to see. I do research my opinons and do not attempt to give out advice or my opinion with the intention of offending or discrediting someone. These are some of my reasons, this is why I do not use the video game for a time filler. I have other reasons but then it would seem that I am trying to say I am a better mother. I am not in so many ways compared to most on this board. SO don't ever think that I am slamming you for how you do it. And I would appreciate it if you not slam me. I don't have to agree with you and you don't have to agree with me. But if you ask for an opinon, I have one. and the OP did ask. My statements are meant to be helpful or encouraging and if they come across any other way, give me a little grace and assume that I have good intentions, because I do.

Edited March 8, 2009 by sunshine
I cannot spell or figure out that spell check button

[sunshine]

Also, how is sitting and watching a western with his Granddaddy any different that playing a video game with his Granddaddy? Both involve time together in front of a flickering screen.

A western on TV is by no means the same as a graphics laden video game. Not even close. And they are laying in his hospital bed because his Granddaddy is disabled. There is a time for leniency for all rules in my speck of the world. It is not an everyday, time filler either. So yes it is vastly different.

[MamaT]

My 22yo will play the occasional violent video game with his friends. He is a wonderful young man who I am very proud of. I wouldn't play the games he does, but see no problem with him doing it. His younger brothers aren't allowed to play or watch him play those games, but I imagine they will when they are older. He is a gentle peace-loving person and video games haven't changed that. It is his "brain off" time. Everyone needs something like that. While I am sure there are more productive things he could be doing, I don't see the harm in it.

[motherofjoy]

Take out boyscouts and add 4H, and this could be any of my four kids. However, they've all played scads of what are probably considered "violent" video games. Doing one doesn't mean the other can't be. Just saying. They're all quite sane, production young adults, doing well in college and with their jobs. They still play video games, but not to the exclusion of everything else. Call of Duty, HALO, even GTA. I've never censored their games or limited their screen time. To each their own.

 

my 17yo is not allowed to play video games, that forces him to have a life which consist of

 

Boy Scouts

Order of the Arrow

Traveling with TeenPact

Traveling with WorldView Acamdemy

cooking

moderator on a Lord Of The Rings Site

investigating the history of medieval weaponry

Israeli Combat Fighting

SCA

fencing

mentoring disadvantaged elementary kids

engaging in politics

Paintball

shrimping

fishing

hunting

tilling the garden

messing with his truck (I have no idea)

reading good books (and Survival Manuals and practicing the techniques)

playing violin, piano and bagpipes

Camping every other weekend

Four-wheeler

teaching his sisters and others swordplay

costume making

exploring various interest

thinking

and right now he just arrived home from the Spring Fellowship of the OA, washed his puppy and is watching C-Span's coverage of the questioning of the recipents of the stimulus money (at least that is what it sounds like) and having his sisters crawl over him and the puppy.

 

I intend on depriving his sisters in the same manner

[Danestress]

Believe me, I am struggling with exactly why and how and why I am so horrified by what I saw, even knowing that millions of nice kids play them. But anyway, I have watched pretty violent movies (though I prefer not to) and nothing I have seen is CLOSE to what it's like to play again where you are blowing torsos in half in order to score points. At least in my mind. But reasonable minds can differ about this, which is why I wanted to get some other perspectives, and I do appreciate all the perspectives here.

[motherofjoy]

Yes I do think an hour on this board is different. We are interacting and thinking. We are responding to human beings. I am assuming everyone on here is alive and breathing and not an android.

 

XBox Live. Real humans, 24/7.

 

You can find "research" that supports any point of view. Plenty of studies have concluded that previous studies showing certain products and behaviors as harmful were not scientifically produced. If you don't want your kids to play video games, more power to you. Just don't try to prove that it makes your family superior, because that's how you're coming off. Plenty of us have kids we're very proud of, good successful kids, and they play video games.

[Tami]

I agree with the poster who said that you have a right to set boundaries of what is acceptable in your home. If you aren't comfortable with it, who cares what everyone else does?

 

If it doesn't jive with your values, have him save it for when he is with his buddies.

 

It's kinda like the question, "Do most young men view porn?" Most of the answers given here could be applicable to that question a well. It doesn't matter a whit what most people do; they do not live in your home. Do what YOU feel comfortable with between you and your God. :001_smile:

[ereks mom]

We have never been a video game family. My sons have never had them. My eldest went to college, and he's spent most of his disposable income since on video games (which makes me wonder whether having none was a bad idea growing up, but that's a different question).

 

Anyway, he's home for spring break - a junior in college. He's a nice kid. He's very nice to his 11 year old brothers, he's no problem. But he had friends over late the other night, and they were playing a really really violent video game. It was a World War II thing, but shockingly violent (I guess war itself is shockingly violent). Anyway, do most 21 year old guys play these kinds of games? I was just really horrified. As long as I don't have to see it and his brothers don't have to see it, I am not planning on making a big deal out of it - they were off in the tv room which is removed from the rest of the house anyway. But I am just curious. Are there 21 year old men who would say, "I don't like violent games?" or is it just the nature of the beast to enjoy that kind of stuff?

 

To be honest, I am really shaken by how awful it was, and sort of sad that anyone would play that for "fun" but I understand that young men aren't just like 40 year old women. Give me perspective on this. He's always been a peace loving kid for the most part - gentle and respectful.

 

He has played Halo and a few other war games with his friends in the past, but never got "hooked" on them. Now, when he plays video games, he plays Sonic or Mario games with his sister, or Guitar Hero with his friends. When he plays games on his computer, it's things like Age of Empires or "vintage" games like PacMan and such.

[Danestress]

Why would someone be disappointed because their adult child plays the occasional video game with his friends? How does this make him a bad person, or a person who has made a bad choice?

 

Ria

 

Well, I don't think it makes him a *bad* person, but I am struggling with feeling disappointed that our lovely, gentle, sweet boys will grow up to enjoy games that involve blowing other people's heads off. I'm not sure I am "disappointed in him" as a person, but I am feeling really icky about this. It just seems sad and hard to accept even though I realize that it's normal, to some extent.

 

In most ways, I don't feel like the gulf between myself as a woman and my sons as guys is that dramatic. I've never really wanted a daughter, and I believe I am unusually close to my sons, which feels like a huge cosmic gift. But THIS is one one of those things that perhaps this Mom just can't really understand about her boy, and that makes him feel like an alien. I honestly don't understand how it could be fun to see torsos ripped in two. I don't feel angry at him. I can't say I am "disappointed" in him. But I am sad, and I am surprised to find myself feeling that way on this lovely, sunny day.

 

Anyway, just "conflicted" is how I feel. But honestly, I'm glad he's home and I am glad he likes coming home, and as long as I don't have to see it, I'm not interested in trying to tell him he can't play games at night that would bug me if I saw them. And he just told me that DH and I should take advantage of his babysitting skills and have a "date night" while he's home, so my angst is lifting, lol.

Edited March 9, 2009 by Danestress

[JudoMom]

Believe me, I am struggling with exactly why and how and why I am so horrified by what I saw, even knowing that millions of nice kids play them. But anyway, I have watched pretty violent movies (though I prefer not to) and nothing I have seen is CLOSE to what it's like to play again where you are blowing torsos in half in order to score points. At least in my mind. But reasonable minds can differ about this, which is why I wanted to get some other perspectives, and I do appreciate all the perspectives here.

 

I would agree that the violent video games are much different than a western. My guys are still young and I haven't had to deal with them yet (the violent games). But I'm getting the impression from sunshine that she lumps all video games into the same category (bad), no matter the violent content (or lack thereof). I don't see the difference between my boys playing a game of Lego Star Wars with their Grandpa and her son watching Westerns with his Granddaddy.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have posted (I really don't want to hijack your thread), and I am curious to hear the answers as well. We do allow video games here, in controlled amounts, in the hopes that it helps the boys use self-control when they are in college. But we won't know if this is the case for another 9 years.

[Ria]

Think of all the things the children could be doing instead of laying in front of the console staring. It is a waste of time. Valuable, never to be recovered time in their youth. It is very addicting, take it away and see how your kids act. It may surprise you how they react. Similar to symptoms of coming off drugs or alcohol. It causes ADD, increases compulsive behavior, and sometimes violent behavior. Watch the difference in a child's personality after 2 or 3 days of not playing games and then observe them after they have been on one for over a 30 minute period.

 

It might surprise you to know that children whose parents don't fear video games and thus allow access don't clamor to play them constantly. My kids, for example, spent the day outside today. Soccer, climbing trees, talking a walk, doing some outside chores for me. They also read, helped with inside chores including doing laundry. They went to church, came home, and helped make lunch. They are all straight-A students who are quite bright (one of them, the one who really enjoys the games most, just got 760 on the writing portion of the SAT...gee, he can play games and still use his brain! Amazing!), and they have no ADD, no compulsive or violent behavior, no issues when they don't have permission to play.

 

Right right now they are playing Guitar Hero with each other in the basement and having a blast...but they asked permission first, of course. As an aside, my kids will often go a week without playing any game, and in the summer they live in the woods in Canada for 6 weeks and have no access to electricity, much less games. Your addiction theory makes absolutely no sense for most well-adjusted kids.

 

And now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go watch my "violent" children play the heck out of their guitars. I guess they could all be sitting alone reading their books, but we kind of enjoy watching them have fun playing together. Imagine...valuable time with their siblings, never to be recovered...

 

Ria

[ereks mom]

But 21 is looking very different and I don't get to walk into his home (he pays the rent) and tell him what he's "allowed" to play.

 

I get a bit concerned when I hear someone say that their older-but-not-yet-legally-adult teen (16/17) "isn't allowed" to do a certain thing. I'm not talking about not being allowed to do something *illegal*, just something that the parents may not approve of.

 

ER's college campus has lots of guys who weren't "allowed" to do certain things; their parents didn't allow them to make some of their *own* decisions regarding which tv shows or movies to watch and which video games to play, etc. And when these young men arrived on the college campus they started doing things like staying out all night or going out drinking or skipping classes, etc. Why? Because they *could*. They got that first taste of freedom and didn't know what to do with it because mom & dad always made those decisions *for* them. These young men have no experience in deciding "small" things for themselves while still in the protected environment of the parents' home, so when they suddenly found themselves in a position of being their own bosses (18+ yo & legally adults) and mom & dad weren't there to supervise, they went a little (or a lot) wild.

Edited March 8, 2009 by ereks mom

[Ria]

Well, I don't think it makes him a *bad* person, but I am struggling with feeling disappointed that our lovely, gentle, sweet boys will grow up to enjoy games that involve blowing other people's heads off. I'm not sure I am "disappointed in him" as a person, but I am feeling really icky about this. It just seems sad and hard to accept even though I realize that it's normal, to some extent.

 

Have you asked him about it? It sounds like you have a great relationship with your son, so why not ask him why he enjoys playing these games? My guess is that he's enjoying the strategy involved, or something similar. I sincerely doubt he's playing *for* the violence, if that helps any. But do ask him, open a dialogue, and see what he says. I think you'll feel much better.

:grouphug:

 

He sounds like a really good kid, you know. A real sweetie, and very considerate. You've been blessed!

 

Ria

[Danestress]

I have never had any difficulty at all telling my children that they can't do things in my house that offend me (or bug me, or are annoying in whatever way). My house, my rules.

 

But I wasn't asking for advice about setting rules. I was asking whether the *desire* to play violent video games exists in the majority of young adult men. Even if I say, "not here please" I guess I am distressed by the knowledge that my son would WANT to play that game to start with. And the porn analogy is a good one.

[KJB]

Men are hard wired to protect, defend, hunt, and if necessary be violent. Young men act that out through video games. Not all men feel as compelled to participate, but I'm pretty sure most of them feel the drive.

 

My DH is active duty so I occasionally get to witness this first hand. You should see the young guys training. The other morning my kids and I stopped to watch about 50 young men crawl through a muddy field on their elbows. I cannot fathom having the desire to participate in that let alone "hussle" but these guys were amazing.

 

These young men, with their whole lives to live, could be in a classroom, could be starting a business, could be spending time with their girlfriend, could be a million other places but here they are volunteering to crawl their hearts out spitting out dirt and rocks as they go....

 

I guarantee they aren't doing it for the three hots and a cot.

 

We don't have a game system. We don't even watch commercial tv. Our PC gets excited when she hosts an organic whole grain Nancy Drew mystery once in a while. Even so, I fully expect my sons to participate in the types of games your son is playing when they get to be that age if they're around other kids that are into playing. I won't be worried that they are any less the fine young men I raised. It's just role play and it's a lot safer done on a computer than in a desert.

Edited March 8, 2009 by KJB

[Tami]

The APA has some info available online regarding studies regarding violent media and it's effect on thought and behavior. I imagine there is lots more out there, if you are interested.

[Ellyndria]

I've known many gamers. Many, many gamers. None of the people have been violent. Remember we're talking about an adult here - violent video games are a not a problem for normal people. I promise. It is good to pay attention to the ratings though, T for Teen, M for Mature, etc. I wouldn't let a young child or preteen play something rated T, and I wouldn't let a younger teen play something rated M.

 

The crazy stories you hear of someone doing something bad after playing a video game? Those people have had something wrong with them since before video games entered the picture, and probably anything could have set them off, I'm willing to bet on it. Normal people are just not affected by violence in video games.

 

Now if you want to know why? Let's think about what games can be about. Achievement. Competition. Skill. Socializing. Exploring (especially in video games). Escaping. Relaxation. I'm sure I could add more.

 

Good gameplay can sell a game, and good graphics can sell a game... even better if a game has both. But, graphics are huge. Have you ever paid attention to how often new graphics cards for computers are released? You probably don't want to. Everyone wants bigger, better, more realistic graphics.

 

Why must they be violent? Honestly, I don't see the appeal myself, but gaming friends say, "It's cool." Why is it cool? I don't know, but I think it's the graphics. I think it's best to look at it as how far graphics have come since the early days of video games, and it is easier to appreciate on that level. Now, I don't know what game you're talking about specifically, but it really doesn't matter. People don't actually think the act of stealing cars, or chopping off heads or arms, or shooting things and seeing blood are cool, I'm pretty sure it's appreciated more or less on a graphics level. Some people think, "Well, if I *am* cutting off someone's arm in game, it *should* bleed, right? Right?" These types of games usually depend on skill too, so throw in skill, achievement, and many times competition into the mix too.

 

Movies can be so much more violent than video games, and yet I never see people worrying about an adult watching a violent movie.

 

Now, as far as a question of using their time wisely? Well, I don't know many people who *don't* waste some time now and then. TV? Movies? Reading a trashy novel? I think we're all guilty of some mindless, escapism fun now and then.

 

Now if we're talking about addiction, that is worthy of a thread all its own. Playing a video game (or violent video game) does not an addict make, unless you also think that having an alcoholic drink makes you an alcoholic.

 

(Now, if the person stops going to work/school, not taking care of their family, has piles and piles of empty pizza delivery boxes, empty Mountain Dew cans, and Cheetos bags on their desk, and have replaced their chair with a toilet, then come talk to me. :lol: Sorry. Total stereotype there.)

 

If it makes you feel better, you can think of it as a guy thing... except more and more girls are playing video games too. The average video game player is a 33-35 (I've seen both numbers) year old male, and has been playing video games for 12 years. I expect the definition of an "average" player to change over the years.. it will be interesting.

Edited March 8, 2009 by Ellyndria

[Elaine]

It might surprise you to know that children whose parents don't fear video games and thus allow access don't clamor to play them constantly. My kids, for example, spent the day outside today. Soccer, climbing trees, talking a walk, doing some outside chores for me. They also read, helped with inside chores including doing laundry. They went to church, came home, and helped make lunch. They are all straight-A students who are quite bright (one of them, the one who really enjoys the games most, just got 760 on the writing portion of the SAT...gee, he can play games and still use his brain! Amazing!), and they have no ADD, no compulsive or violent behavior, no issues when they don't have permission to play.

 

Right right now they are playing Guitar Hero with each other in the basement and having a blast...but they asked permission first, of course. As an aside, my kids will often go a week without playing any game, and in the summer they live in the woods in Canada for 6 weeks and have no access to electricity, much less games. Your addiction theory makes absolutely no sense for most well-adjusted kids.

 

And now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go watch my "violent" children play the heck out of their guitars. I guess they could all be sitting alone reading their books, but we kind of enjoy watching them have fun playing together. Imagine...valuable time with their siblings, never to be recovered...

 

Ria

 

Why are you getting so defensive and snarky? Sheesh. Sunshine has her opinion and you have yours, why be so cranky about it.

[Danestress]

because we were a military family for many years - DH retired from the USMC a few years ago.

 

DH thinks these games are completely stupid (but he's old and grew up before they existed). Men who you see enlist and out there training are actually experiencing what it feels like to be physically and mentally "tested" - perhaps a universal need for young men. Video games make boys feel powerful, but it's an illusion, of course. There is no real danger, no real physical prowess, no chance to show courage under fire. The biggest wimp in the world can come out the hero. Which is why my son sometimes makes fun of boys who are really addicted to video games. But apparently, he's not above feeling like hot shot for a little mayhem.

 

Anyway, everyone, thanks for the perspective! I have enjoyed reading all the response.

[Jami]

I've known many gamers. Many, many gamers. None of the people have been violent. Remember we're talking about an adult here - violent video games are a not a problem for normal people. I promise. It is good to pay attention to the ratings though, T for Teen, M for Mature, etc. I wouldn't let a young child or preteen play something rated T, and I wouldn't let a younger teen play something rated M.

 

The crazy stories you hear of someone doing something bad after playing a video game? Those people have had something wrong with them since before video games entered the picture, and probably anything could have set them off, I'm willing to bet on it. Normal people are just not affected by violence in video games.

 

Now if you want to know why? Let's think about what games can be about. Achievement. Competition. Skill. Socializing. Exploring (especially in video games). Escaping. Relaxation. I'm sure I could add more.

 

Good gameplay can sell a game, and good graphics can sell a game... even better if a game has both. But, graphics are huge. Have you ever paid attention to how often new graphics cards for computers are released? You probably don't want to. Everyone wants bigger, better, more realistic graphics.

 

Why must they be violent? Honestly, I don't see the appeal myself, but gaming friends say, "It's cool." Why is it cool? I don't know, but I think it's the graphics. I think it's best to look at it as how far graphics have come since the early days of video games, and it is easier to appreciate on that level. Now, I don't know what game you're talking about specifically, but it really doesn't matter. People don't actually think the act of stealing cars, or chopping off heads or arms, or shooting things and seeing blood are cool, I'm pretty sure it's appreciated more or less on a graphics level. Some people think, "Well, if I *am* cutting off someone's arm in game, it *should* bleed, right? Right?" These types of games usually depend on skill too, so throw in skill, achievement, and many times competition into the mix too.

 

Movies can be so much more violent than video games, and yet I never see people worrying about an adult watching a violent movie.

 

Now, as far as a question of using their time wisely? Well, I don't know many people who *don't* waste some time now and then. TV? Movies? Reading a trashy novel? I think we're all guilty of some mindless, escapism fun now and then.

 

Now if we're talking about addiction, that is worthy of a thread all its own. Playing a video game (or violent video game) does not an addict make, unless you also think that having an alcoholic drink makes you an alcoholic.

 

(Now, if the person stops going to work/school, not taking care of their family, has piles and piles of empty pizza delivery boxes, empty Mountain Dew cans, and Cheetos bags on their desk, and have replaced their chair with a toilet, then come talk to me. :lol: Sorry. Total stereotype there.)

 

If it makes you feel better, you can think of it as a guy thing... except more and more girls are playing video games too. The average video game player is a 33-35 (I've seen both numbers) year old male, and has been playing video games for 12 years. I expect the definition of an "average" player to change over the years.. it will be interesting.

 

:iagree:

 

Married to a gamer (player and designer) who works with gamers. They play games over their lunch break at work, and yes, some pretty violent ones. And they're all thoughtful, gentlemen (and a lady), the ones who are married are loving and attentive husbands from what I've seen and those that have children seem to be active, involved, and very cool dads.

 

We have three systems here at home (one handheld and two consoles) and are very strict with what kinds of games our children play and for how long. Dh has one fairly graphically violent game, which I personally think is over the top, but I can tell it's at least designed well and isn't just mindless gore.

 

I think there are games out there that are well-crafted and encourage problem solving and cooperative play. And there are lame ones. As with all hobbies and interests, moderation is wise. My daughter would read 12 hours a day and not interact with the rest of us if I let her, so we moderate that here too. ;)

[Nestof3]

Yes, they do, and it has been a constant battle keeping our oldest from playing them. We don't have them here in the house, but all of his friends do, and it has been hard for him to resist playing them (though he does resist). They just do other things when he's there -- usually a paintball game (which I don't see as the same thing) or playing musical instruments. One of his friends is really into history, as is his dad, so they usually end up talking history.

 

My son loves military strategy, and loves playing video games that involve this, but they are violent and disgusting, so we've said no.

 

One time I found a broken video game in his drawer and asked him about it. He had bought it when visiting his bio. mom (she said, "just don't tell Dawn), but while there stopped playing it, brought it home and broke it. He didn't want me to see it in the trash can, and he did not want to destroy it there because he was embarrassed.

 

We met up with another homeschooling family for the first time a few weeks ago, and one of the boys asked if my young sons could play video games. I said, "Just nothing violent," and they said that, "well, that's all we have."

[Nestof3]

Ereks mom,

 

There is an Eli principle which many Christians adhere to. Essentially, as long as our children are living with us, they will abide by the rules in our house regarding moral issues. Our eldest actually says that he has appreciated that as it has helped see him through difficult times. If we have deemed something as sin or unfit, it will not happen in our house.

 

Sure, he will be on his own one day. And when he is not home (at school, friends, or martial arts), he has opportunity to choose without us knowing, but so far, he has remained so very focused on his future and his current responsibilities that he has not swayed. We have had a very open relationship.

 

He is also be accountable for all of the decisions he makes, and he knows it. But, while he's living rent-free with the benefits of our household at his disposal, he is expected to honor us. Will he always? No, but we still have to hold the standard -- to encourage it. We are not unreasonable parents, and we always discuss things.

[Nestof3]

Ria,

 

I found it interesting that your children have to ask permission to play video games, and yet you indicated that you had no concerns about addiction. Do your children have to ask to play soccer and climb trees too?

 

If I were saying this aloud to you, I would not sound snarky, but there is no way of typing this question without it coming across that way. That is not my intention.

[Nestof3]

Danestress,

 

My husband enjoys games like Jane's flight simulator (though he hasn't played in years), but he really sees a difference playing it and playing something that is so visual with faces and blood and such. He would never condone them.

 

Something like Jane's is very distant to the player (so it has been explained to me) -- like playing paintball. You are not visualizing death and gore -- it is impossible to not visualize it when you are so involved in a game with such violence, and the fact that it is a GAME (as opposed to a documentary one might watch to learn) makes all the difference -- in our opinion.

Edited March 9, 2009 by nestof3

[Danestress]

He had bought it when visiting his bio. mom (she said, "just don't tell Dawn)

 

Oh my. Does't that kind of thing just require so much patience?

 

Thanks for your thoughts!

[fivetails]

I don't have a "young man" of the video game playing sort - our ds10 is blind and has other disabilities, so he doesn't play video games. ;)

 

What I do have is a dh who lives and breathes video games. *sigh* :tongue_smilie:

 

He plays some really violent/graphic/mature type games like the GTA stuff, Resident Evil, whatever... but then the other night he was sitting here playing Disney Cars. Go figure. :lol:

[Mandy in TN]

Let's see. We own many, many consoles. I think we own them all except the PS3. We own many, many violent video games. I do not restrict game play.

 

I just asked my 17yo how much time he has spent on gaming consoles in the past two weeks.

 

Today he went to a friend's house to play Warhammer (not a video game- a fantasy/ tabletop war game). When ds was the only person left, they played Call of Duty until I got there. Last week he played Wii Excite Truck with his 6yo brother. A week and a half ago he played Halo on XBox live with his 15yo brother and some friends.

 

So, in the past 2 weeks he has spent less than 2 hours on a gaming console. He spends far more time reading. The families I know who have sons who are obsessed with video games are those that restrict game play.

 

OTOH- I am all about your house- your rules. If it really bothers you, you have every right to ask that it not be done in your home.:D

 

My middle ds and my little guy are actually going through an online gaming phase. I have had to restrict middle ds but only by requesting that his computer come to my room at night. I keep hoping that their interest will wane before my patience.:glare:

 

As to the question about wanting to play violent games, I agree that some of the most violent games are the ones with the most incredible graphics. From teenage boys I hear a lot of talk about the graphics on video games. I hear very little talk about the violence on video games. So, some of the fascination with these games is the fascination with the graphics.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've talked to my son (only 11 years old) about these games. He was exposed to them at another child's house. My explanation to him was that these games by definition are set in historical settings and/or have a war setting so of course there is killing. My dh and I are not against the military and think that is a honorable job/calling. But - a video or computer game can not give you the system of honor that I've seen in all the real-life soldiers I have met. (Yes - soldiers do not necessarily have that honorable character - but all the ones I've met do).

 

I've told him my reasons why I do not think these games are a good choice for a person of any age but I've also told him that when he is out of our house and on his own, that it will be a decision between him and God. I think there is a gray area to this decision and that he could very well feel that he can be honoring God and still play these games once he reaches that age. Both my dh and I feel that we personally can not. We also feel like there are tons of choices out there that can still provide challenge, intrigue, logic, hand-eye coordination etc.

 

One more thing I've told my kids re. choices that fall in a gray area. Usually there is a range of things to choose from - some are bad (don't choose those!), some are good (or ok), some are better and some are best. Of the last 3 choices I prefer to stick with choices that are better and/or best. Personally I see these games as falling somewhere between the bad and o.k. choice but even if you rated them higher, I would never rate them as "best".

[Mommyof4ks]

I grew up with a game console from the Atari and now we have a Wii, but my husband did not have video games nor was he allowed to play until he left the house. I could care less now, and he is addicted, go figure. This is how it seems it is with many couples we know (the one restricted is now addicted).

 

Our children do play video games, not violent ones, and they are 3,5, and 9. My middle son is somewhat obessed, but that is due to his auditory processing disorder (video games are something he can do without frustration).

 

At 21 though I think it is 'normal' to try new things, and it could be much worse than violent video games which he will probably tire of over time (especially if he plays them alot right now). Testosterone does funny things to young men especially when they discover something that was once restricted (not that restrictions are bad, but as adults we can chose to do them).

 

All of that to say, yes that is normal for young men.

[Ria]

Ria,

 

I found it interesting that your children have to ask permission to play video games, and yet you indicated that you had no concerns about addiction. Do your children have to ask to play soccer and climb trees too?

 

If I were saying this aloud to you, I would not sound snarky, but there is no way of typing this question without it coming across that way. That is not my intention.

 

I know you didn't mean it snarkily (is that a word?), Dawn. No worries!

 

We do limit screen time for our kids. We always have. It's not that we have concerns about the kids getting addicted to the games, or computer, or Jackie Chan DVDs, though. My idea with screen time is "all things in moderation." Our children, even the older teens, ask before watching a video or playing a video game because that's the rule here. Dh and I limit the amount of screen time; we also limit the snacks the kids eat. Sometimes kids want to have more than they should, in both fun and food...that's where parents can monitor and guide. Might my kids play more video games than I would like, if we had no rules? Probably. Would they be addicted? No...they do get bored after a while (but their "while" is longer than my "while" lol).

 

I hope that made sense.

 

Ria

[Nestof3]

Thanks Ria -- I feel exactly as you do.

 

Thanks also for understanding my post.

 

Aaron and Ben would probably play video games and eat sugar all day if I let them. :)

[sunshine]

It might surprise you to know that children whose parents don't fear video games and thus allow access don't clamor to play them constantly. My kids, for example, spent the day outside today. Soccer, climbing trees, talking a walk, doing some outside chores for me. They also read, helped with inside chores including doing laundry. They went to church, came home, and helped make lunch. They are all straight-A students who are quite bright (one of them, the one who really enjoys the games most, just got 760 on the writing portion of the SAT...gee, he can play games and still use his brain! Amazing!), and they have no ADD, no compulsive or violent behavior, no issues when they don't have permission to play.

 

Right right now they are playing Guitar Hero with each other in the basement and having a blast...but they asked permission first, of course. As an aside, my kids will often go a week without playing any game, and in the summer they live in the woods in Canada for 6 weeks and have no access to electricity, much less games. Your addiction theory makes absolutely no sense for most well-adjusted kids.

 

And now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go watch my "violent" children play the heck out of their guitars. I guess they could all be sitting alone reading their books, but we kind of enjoy watching them have fun playing together. Imagine...valuable time with their siblings, never to be recovered...

 

Ria

 

 

ok Ria, somehow every word I have said that applied to my family has hit you personally. I just sat down to read the posts because I got off the computer after my last post. Maybe you missed it, You don't have to agree with me (Thanks Elaine!! for your support). I was not condemning anyone who lets their kids play video games all the time, some of the time or none of the time. Your kids, your business. I said what WE do. You dont' have to, you don't have to let what I do offend you or make you feel like you have to bash what I do. I feel very confident in what I believe. and because of that I don't care what others do with video games. It is not for my family. Maybe my son will waste his whole freshman year gaming. Who knows? My son's best friend plays everyday and it has never offended me and me not letting my son play has never bothered his Mom who is one of my best friends, so I am at loss as to why you are so offended with every one of my post. Sometimes eye contact and voices are better than posts. A flickering screen if you will.......

I am sorry I have hit a nerve, offended, made you mad, whatever I did, I am sorry.

I hope I didn't hurt Damestress's feelings too. That is who my post were directed to. And by the way, I missed in my quick original reading your son's age. If I hadn't missed that I would have been asking YOU questions on at what age he started his fascination.

On the bright side (for me anyway), I have talked to my son about his lack of gaming career and he said that he has not been deprived,and that I shouldn't worry about college as he cannot see it becoming an issue. I will let you know. Maybe next year it will be me looking for reassurance from you mothers of gamers.

[katemary63]

Men are hard wired to protect, defend, hunt, and if necessary be violent. Young men act that out through video games. Not all men feel as compelled to participate, but I'm pretty sure most of them feel the drive.

 

YES! And thank God that they are! To be cliche about it, this IS just boys being boys if you ask me. My DD22 plays video games that I think are absolutely disgusting! I have asked him about them. He likes to explain to me what is actually happening, who is trying to kill who and why. HE doesn't understand why I don't think it's cool for the "good guy" to "get" the "bad guy." That is what is going on in these games and I'm good with that. But I think, "Why do you want to SEE that?" The answer is - because he's a man. It doesn't make him bad or violent or heartless.

 

ps. I personally think the really gorry ones are inappropriate for even older teens, over 18 only IMHO. But the OP was talking about 20's.

 

pss. DS is a hard working, employed, college student.

 

psss. His father happens to be quite different. Although he occasionally plays these games with DS, he finds them mostly gross. He is a sensitive guy and would much prefer to play Webkins with DD8. Have to get the jewel of the day! LOL ( If you know what Webkins is, this is really funny!)

Edited March 9, 2009 by katemary63

[Reya]

Now I'll really shock you: I let my 6-y-o play them with his dad! And guess what? He's NEVER hit another child in anger. NEVER. Gentlest kid I know.

 

You don't "cut people in half to score points." That's the silliest, most judgmental thing I've heard in a long time. You may cut people in half because in Gears of War (actually, I bet it was GOW2), the chainsaw is the most powerful close-combat weapon. But not to score points!

 

http://www.pbs.org/kcts/videogamerevolution/impact/myths.html

 

I really like watching my son and DH play HALO together. The teamwork, cooperation, the way they look out for each other--I don't see anything bad in that. I joke that it's an electronic version of the hunter-gatherer teaching his young son to bring game home. ;-) These games are about skill, more than anything. That's why they play the best-made games, not the goriest, for goodness sakes.

 

Screen time is screen time. If anything, video games are likely better than movies or TV. To call your son an "addict" just because he's discovered something new and is exploring it enthusiastically is ridiculous. If anything, you created the situation when you taught him that it was morally reprehensible and he discovered that you were wrong and so is, well, stuffing himself temporarily like a kid at a party who's never had chocolate before.

 

If you approach him about it, ESPECIALLY in the tone you take here, he won't take you seriously.

Edited March 9, 2009 by Reya

[katemary63]

 

One more thing I've told my kids re. choices that fall in a gray area. Usually there is a range of things to choose from - some are bad (don't choose those!), some are good (or ok), some are better and some are best. Of the last 3 choices I prefer to stick with choices that are better and/or best. Personally I see these games as falling somewhere between the bad and o.k. choice but even if you rated them higher, I would never rate them as "best".

 

I love this. Very wise.

[Reya]

get some statistics on game playing and the affect on family life and relationships long term.

 

Yes, please honestly do. It may surprise you--and educate you.

 

Sheesh. ALL my DH's coworkers play games. They're computer scientists, and most are married and have very happy and stable lives. But I guess they don't count, hmmm?

 

*shakes head* You're making stuff up and trying to pass of emotion as fact.