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Won't speak German


Guest TheMouse
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Guest TheMouse

Hi,

 

I hope I'm not gate crashing, but I wonder whether anyone could give us any advice, if you've come across similar issues.

 

My daughter is 2.4 and speaking English very well now. We live in Wales, and I speak to her in English, as do her grandparents. My husband talks to her exclusively in German, and I also speak German to him when we are at home, as we met in Germany and German is our natural language. So she hears lots of German.

 

Steffi understands everything he says, and even has a pretty good concept of "German" and "English" languages, but she never speaks more than occasional nouns in German. She's quite good at the game of "What does Daddy say for xxxx?" and will gleefully translate robin, polar bear, wee, etc! She has lots of time with him, and her passive knowledge is excellent.

 

Last week, I was talking to her about how well she can say things in German now, and tried saying that she'd have to talk in German when we go and see Oma and Opa next, as they don't understand English - but that just got the reply "No, Mummy do it." This is an important issue, as her German grandparents don't know any English and are quite upset that they can't understand her.

 

I'm wondering what the chances are that she'll just naturally start to speak German at some stage, or will it have to wait until she's older and can go over there for an extended period, maybe without me? Have other people come across this problem, and how have you addressed it?

 

Many thanks for reading!

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Our children were born in Honduras, and grew up bi-lingual. When they were the age of your daughter, they compartmentalized the two languages. They would not speak Spanish to anyone who understand English. They would not even translate for a non-Spanish speaker until they were 8-10. It may relate to cognitive development. I think she may speak German to them when she realizes they don't understand English. As she grows older, she'll use German more.

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Hi Mouse (?),

we are the other way around in our family and I talk German to our kids, with dh speaking English.

When they slip into English I'll repeat what they say in German and once they have repeated that I'll reply. A bit tedious at times, but I know so many families where one language dominates and I really want them to speak as well as understand. As they are older now it's not so much of an issue any more, but I think that's partly due to the effort I put in during the earlier years.

I've found over the years that visiting grandparents was excellent for their German. After an initial akwardness the children would soon speak and my parents understand more or less, depending on the amount of English thrown in. If I was around, I would explain to my mum what they were trying to say (somehow my dad always gets them, but then again he gets all his grandchildren, no matter from where they are!) and as long as they were trying I would also give them key-words when they got stuck.

When we're there the house is always full of cousins too, which helps cause then they play in German with them.

 

One last comment, I do believe that when they are little the dh has it harder with "his" language, cause the mother is around so much more. Due to a difficult pregnancy and living overseas we were once seperated as a family when our girls were only 2 and 4. Dh came to see us after 6 weeks and whereas they understood him, they wouldn't talk English to him, though they understood him. It freaked him no end (his German, esp. my dialect, not being that strong). We worked at it and during that time also moved to the UK for the birth, but it still took months and months for them to get back at the level they'd been at before.

So whereas children pick up languages reasonably fast, they're not geniuses and need help and time with it.

 

God bless,

Friederike

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I have two children and they both spoke German since they were born, however, once they reached around 3-5 years old they started to responed in English only.My best friend had the same problem...

When we go to Germany or when the Oma comes over they speak German, but not with me.I have asked why they don't speak German to me and I was told YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH and Oma and the people in Germany don't.

Viel Glueck!!!

 

katarzyna

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Hi Mouse, :D

 

I had the same problem with ds 9 at this age. He wouldn't speak any German. I have tried everything until he refused to talk either language. He was in preschool at this time and the teacher even thaught he might be autistic because he just didn't respond in ANY language. Our pediatrician at this time just told me to be patient. My son is just "sorting out the information" he receives, storing them into different compartments. I was told, that some children (when taught in two different languages) just need more time to comprehend what they are hearing. At one time, my son's favorite phrase was: grosser bus - big bus. That was all we heard from him. By the age of 4 he spoke only English, telling me that German is just TOO hard. However, by the age of 5 he changed. He used to speak more German, was experimenting with German. At this time, I sent him to a German Kindergarten for 3 months. I did this for two years in the summer. My son's German was perfect at this time. Unfortunately, as he gets older - he gets (what I call) lazy. Just like others said, his favorite answer is: But Mom, you do understand - why bother. So, I just pretent I don't understand what he is saying in English until he repeats it in German. I know, my reply does not really help answering your questions. Just want to tell you - you are NOT alone. It can be very challenging to raise children bilingual or even trilingual. Your little girl is sooo young. I really believe she is just storing the information until it is time to release all what she has learned. She will talk to her Oma and Opa - when she feels she is ready!

 

Sonja

___________________________________

Homeschooling JUST ONE - ds 9

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Guest TheMouse

THanks v much for all the fascinating responses! It seems that it is a general tendency for a child just to speak in the main language if that does the trick...

We'll continue to try gentle persuasion and hope that going to Germany will help. I'm sure she'll be able to speak when she wants to, whenever that may be.

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THanks v much for all the fascinating responses! It seems that it is a general tendency for a child just to speak in the main language if that does the trick...

We'll continue to try gentle persuasion and hope that going to Germany will help. I'm sure she'll be able to speak when she wants to, whenever that may be.

 

I took a 5-week trip to Germany with my girls a year and a half ago - they were ages 6 and 8. They didn't much want to go. One of my dds did speak quite a bit there, the other two mostly listened. But the change since we've gotten back is huge. Even the little one, who claimed the whole time she was there that she couldn't speak (even though she could quip "Ich hab' keine Ahnung!" with perfect inflection), now is much, much less reluctant to speak. I think it really increased both their ability and interest.

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I don't know the answer, but I'll commiserate. My 5yo won't answer in Spanish either and unfortunately, most of dh's family understands English so she knows she doesn't have to. OTOH, both the 5yo and 8yo do have a pretty good receptive vocabulary and they've finally shown some interest in studying Spanish. Given the boys' autism and our family situation, that's as good as we could hope for. I do think that both my verbal kids will eventually speak Spanish fluently, but they'll have to study it formally, not just absorb it.

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My cousin went to a full immersion French school (her dad is trilingual), but just faked it at first. She wanted little to do with French until they visited Montreal the following summer. They were in a French speaking area, and she said, with some astonishment, "They're speaking French!" Her grandparents on that side spoke only French and Ukrainian, so she had to speak it with them.

 

ie, I think a trip to Germany would be good.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I lived in Norway until I was 6, though I crossed the Atlantic several times before that and my mother spoke English at home. I have been told stories of how I refused to use English with non-speakers as a child, probably because I wanted to be difficult. I must also admit that after we moved, I forgot some Norwegian which I didn't recover for several years. Even words like "crayon" I had to relearn after a year or so. To this day, I struggle with some basic words and frequently misuse words, despite a thorough study of the language including high school level composition.

 

I think your daughter will be fine. Keep speaking and encouraging her to speak as well. And yes, interacting with other Germans would probably be a good idea.

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Guest vnvnvn2000

When I lived in Trier, I didn't have that problem at all, as there were no other English speakers there, so Germans spoke very little English. Sometimes that made things difficult

 

The odd time I came across this in other towns, I would persist in speaking German, even if they answered me in English. I do see what you mean, I think Germans have a good standard of English as opposed to Spanish or Italian, so it is easier for them to converse in English. Is this a disadvantage, I'm not sure! It can be handy, when you have no other way of explaining yourself in German, you can throw in the odd English word and they will understand. Hardly a disadvantage.

 

If you just accept that they too want to improve or practice their foreign languages. Give and take. Keep answering in German and eventually they will probably lapse into their own native language, as is more convenient. Don't take it personally, your German is obviously a good standard at B1. If someone asks me for directions at home and I detect a foreign accent, I would jump at the chance at explaining in their language so I can practice! Just be persistent!

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Hi,

 

I hope I'm not gate crashing, but I wonder whether anyone could give us any advice, if you've come across similar issues.

 

My daughter is 2.4 and speaking English very well now. We live in Wales, and I speak to her in English, as do her grandparents. My husband talks to her exclusively in German, and I also speak German to him when we are at home, as we met in Germany and German is our natural language. So she hears lots of German.

 

Steffi understands everything he says, and even has a pretty good concept of "German" and "English" languages, but she never speaks more than occasional nouns in German. She's quite good at the game of "What does Daddy say for xxxx?" and will gleefully translate robin, polar bear, wee, etc! She has lots of time with him, and her passive knowledge is excellent.

 

Last week, I was talking to her about how well she can say things in German now, and tried saying that she'd have to talk in German when we go and see Oma and Opa next, as they don't understand English - but that just got the reply "No, Mummy do it." This is an important issue, as her German grandparents don't know any English and are quite upset that they can't understand her.

 

I'm wondering what the chances are that she'll just naturally start to speak German at some stage, or will it have to wait until she's older and can go over there for an extended period, maybe without me? Have other people come across this problem, and how have you addressed it?

 

Many thanks for reading!

 

This does seem to be a pretty normal stage. I remember that a couple of my kids would get really annoyed if we read to them in German.

 

Other than your dh, does dd have other German input like videos? Sesam Strasse and Die Sendung mit der Maus were big favorites for us. In fact I have a few hours worth that I taped off of tv when we lived in Germany that I have kept to keep showing the kids. We also had a rule that we showed Disney videos in German after the first showing. So if the kids wanted a movie, they got it with a language lesson.

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  • 2 weeks later...

In grad school, I did a paper on bilingual children. It was fascinating. I like "listening in" on the stories over here. Maybe someday I will go back to teaching English as a 2nd language. :)

 

I can't give you a lot of wisdom here. I do know that a 2yo who is being raised bilingually is "normally" behind in language learning because of their working on 2 languages at the same time. At some point the child realizes that there are two languages being used, often followed by his running up to ask each parent with "what is this?" for the same object. It is sometime in mid elementary school that they start pulling ahead of their peers in language knowledge.

 

Very often each parent had a language that they always spoke with the child (parent specific) and a language that was the family language. At some stage, some of the parents chose to gently force the use of the language: repeat a question when the child had responded in the 'wrong' language or respond to the child's chatter with a mild response requesting they speak to them in their language or not respond to a child who would not use the correct language (works best when the child is asking for something to eat or such. LOL) Perhaps the parent was much quicker to respond and more helpful when it was their target language being used and more sluggish and absent minded when the wrong language was use--not pushy or demanding. I think it was quite normal for the child to prefer one language, and for those parents who wanted their children to use both, they had to work on it (best when they were young--it seems to me that trying to get them to use it when they were older was not the most successful unless they took it as a language in high school, but even then, I don't know if they ever used it unless they determined they wanted to use it--just like any other kid, I suppose.)

 

I wish I had taught my children Spanish when they were young, but my oldest had a huge language delay, and just learning English was a mountain to climb. By the time #2 came a long, the idea of doing it was long past. Enjoy!

 

Jean

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"It seems that it is a general tendency for a child just to speak in the main language if that does the trick."

 

That's the truth. My DS favors English now that we live in the States and favored German over there. We speak English outside of the home (of course) and when it's just the 3 of us. When Daddy's home we all speak German. I find that my DS is more likely to speak German if everyone around him is speaking it, otherwise he'd be the odd-man-out. We also watch DVDs and read books in German. Probably more in German than in English, even.

Whenever he asks something in English, I repeat it back in German (as if I didn't quite understand) -- and wait for a confirmation that that was what he meant -- before I answer. I've noticed when I do that, he finds it really annoying so he remembers what I said and says it in German the next time.

What I don't do is correct his German. I just rephrase or expand upon what he said.

 

Both of my children are late-talkers so it was tempting to drop German and stick to English. Don't do it!!!! It is very difficult to start the second language later and they do catch up in the end. Now that he's 4 he actually has pulled ahead of his peer group speech-wise. And that in two languages. I've also noticed that being bilingual seems to make learning additional languages easier. Now that he knows that there are 2 words for everything, he's not surprised if you add a 3rd or 4th word. For example, he can count to 10 in English, German (and Bavarian), and Spanish. He's become very good at compartmentalizing words by language.

 

What I've also noticed is that he's amazingly good at translation now. Instead of literal word-by-word translation, he actually translates the meaning of the sentence. For instance, during Christmas he came up and asked me, "When does Santa Claus come?" but then he remembered that we were speaking German at that time and repeated himself "Wann kommt das Christkindl?" Now, he knows that the translation of Santa Claus is Weihnachtsmann but he also knew that in our house it is the Christkindl that brings presents (it was my mother who brought up Santa Claus).

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