Jackie in NE Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I'm so "up-in-the-air" on this whole topic..... I'm even having a tough time phrasing my question.... Here's the situation: Very bright 14 yr. old dd. First born, self-motivated, dutiful, etc. She is doing quite well in school at home. She has me outrun in Latin and Omnibus, so she takes those courses on-line. She absolutely loves her online courses and so do I. Those courses really buzz her. The rest of life she just kind of motors through. kwim? There's no FIRE. There used to be...... Dh and I think that she might benefit from a couple of classes at the Jr. High. She could take french and art there. 3 mornings/week and at home the rest of the time. Yes, she has a couple of close friends that she sees somewhat regularly, but not often. She is on the swim team (but no friends there), in 4-H (loves it), and in a book club. So, she has lots of activities. But I guess the troubling thing is that she would very much like to be a hermit. She would never leave the house (except to take care of her beloved sheep and horses), if we didn't force her to leave it. She would spend her entire life sitting in front of her computer writing her stories (she has 4 going right now), or reading books (really good books, no twaddle). She is also involved at Church, but doesn't really have close friends there. So, she's a great kid. But I just feel that her current route (hermit route) is not preparing her for life. When we gently make her do things with others her age, she really enjoys herself. For example, we went on the VP scholars online field trip last year, and she HAD A BLAST! I couldn't believe the amount of energy she had. She loved being around all those bright, articulate, energetic kids, even though she thought she would hate it, and was actually fearful of things like riding the subway in Wash. DC. OK, sorry to ramble.... But has anyone had a similar situation? Is enrolling her in ps part time a good idea? I love having her home all the time. She is a joy. But I just feel that she needs more people in her life. I want to see that energy again. Thanks for reading...... :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in AL Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Hhhmm, coming from a family of mixed introverts and extroverts, I'm not sure if you'll be able to change her. She sounds delightful and seems to have many interests. She has several outside activities already and I would be afraid of overcrowding her schedule which may decrease her creative energy. From what I've seen in my dd, 2 tough online classes can really sap your energy. If she is happy, I'd leave well enough alone. She has church, book club and 4H for group interaction. If she functions well in those groups, I wouldn't be worried. Some people truly don't need many friends. If your concern is to find friends for her, I would concentrate on the groups she's already in. Maybe plan some outside activities with the groups such as movie night, bowling or game night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Is it a really sweet Christian school? Because if it's public, don't expect that it's gonna give her access to friends. I really love our small Classical Conversations' group. Next year, could she do the Omnibus in a real life group? This has been the best group of nice kids that I've seen....it's the kind of group that would be special to attend. PS, after her attending all of her life in the same system...has provided one kinda good friend. It's hard to build good friendships for her. (What am I talking about, it's hard to have good friends, for me, too) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I agree with Michelle. Some people just prefer a more "hermit" existence. They can still be happy in life and even thrive in certain group settings, but some people require more "home time." My daughter is very similar. I just don't think you're going to change how she is deep down inside no matter what all you put her in. And you could do more harm trying to change her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Would you consider having her take more online classes next year? Maybe not a full load but possibly one or two more classes, if those are what energize her. I would hate to be tied to two totally different "outside" schedules - the local school and the online school, on top of trying to do some things independently at home. She DOES sound delightful and I wouldn't try to change her "hermit" tendencies. Where would we be without CS Lewis? :) It sounds like she wants to be (is!!) a writer, and writers NEED time to themselves to perform their craft. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in NE Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 I hear very clearly what you're saying...... she might just be more of a hermit. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just that I get glimpses of the "extrovert" when I see her in certain groups. Is it possible to sometimes be introverted and other times be extroverted? Of course my goal is to provide the environment that will allow her to discover her gifts.... Thanks for all your thoughts. More are welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Is it possible to sometimes be introverted and other times be extroverted?/QUOTE] I think I'm this way :) At least there are groups or individuals who energize me more than others. Some just exhaust me - so there are times I'm more energized being a hermit :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I'm so "up-in-the-air" on this whole topic..... I'm even having a tough time phrasing my question.... Here's the situation: Very bright 14 yr. old dd. First born, self-motivated, dutiful, etc. She is doing quite well in school at home. She has me outrun in Latin and Omnibus, so she takes those courses on-line. She absolutely loves her online courses and so do I. Those courses really buzz her. The rest of life she just kind of motors through. kwim? There's no FIRE. There used to be...... Dh and I think that she might benefit from a couple of classes at the Jr. High. She could take french and art there. 3 mornings/week and at home the rest of the time. Yes, she has a couple of close friends that she sees somewhat regularly, but not often. She is on the swim team (but no friends there), in 4-H (loves it), and in a book club. So, she has lots of activities. But I guess the troubling thing is that she would very much like to be a hermit. She would never leave the house (except to take care of her beloved sheep and horses), if we didn't force her to leave it. She would spend her entire life sitting in front of her computer writing her stories (she has 4 going right now), or reading books (really good books, no twaddle). She is also involved at Church, but doesn't really have close friends there. So, she's a great kid. But I just feel that her current route (hermit route) is not preparing her for life. When we gently make her do things with others her age, she really enjoys herself. For example, we went on the VP scholars online field trip last year, and she HAD A BLAST! I couldn't believe the amount of energy she had. She loved being around all those bright, articulate, energetic kids, even though she thought she would hate it, and was actually fearful of things like riding the subway in Wash. DC. OK, sorry to ramble.... But has anyone had a similar situation? Is enrolling her in ps part time a good idea? I love having her home all the time. She is a joy. But I just feel that she needs more people in her life. I want to see that energy again. Thanks for reading...... :bigear: I wouldn't for two reasons besides what the others have stated. 1. Background information: I just pulled my 14yo daughter out of 8th grade over the Christmas break. Same thing - first born, bright, ... The kids in PS had a bad influence on her, socially and morally. And we have a good school in a small town with small classes (around 9 students in her class total). I like the school and teachers. It's the kids... 2. Around here, mornings are golden for getting our work done. Do you really want to be disrupting your day 3x per week to take her to school and pick her up? It can get insane, and not fair to the other children you are homeschooling. Hope this helps. It sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennW in SoCal Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I've watched many homeschool kids go through a period in their early teen years when they want to be hermits. There is so much going on inside them as they mature and grow that it is probably more comfortable to be home than out interacting with unfamiliar people. The male homeschoolers I've known at this age tend always to wear hooded sweatshirts with the hood up, or baseball caps, and when they've grown out of this period they suddenly reappear with bare heads! It's like they were in a cocoon for that year or so. Some of them go on to become very actively involved in the things they shied away from before. My almost 14yo ds is in the middle of this, though he quipped the other night that he doesn't wear a hat or hoodie, he just wears the house! For him, it is hard because he is nothing like other teens his age either in the homeschool groups or the church groups. Like your dd, he is energized by his studies, not every subject, but he cares about learning when most of his peers are into heavy metal, or skateboarding and hanging around making a very self conscious effort to look cool. He has some activities with them but isn't friends with any of them, so I worry and feel bad for him. But, I've lived through this stage with my oldest son, and he came out fine, so I'm trying to just be patient. Your dd sound fine. The few activities she has may be just the perfect amount for her at this time. Let her decide what she wants to do -- whether it be more on-line classes or more outside activities. You may find by the time she is 17 that you have the opposite problem, that she is never home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Jackie, Generally, no one IRL would guess that I tend to prefer to be alone, shut up, etc. They also show surprise when I suggest I'd prefer to be a wallflower, not speak to people, am nervous-ish, and feel inept socially (comparatively). Some of us REALLY can thrive in certain situations, enjoy them, etc. But even if we can and do so well sometimes, it doesn't mean we want to do it ALL the time (and 3 days a week would definitely feel like all the time to me). My daughter is the same way. She actually prefers a small group setting for courses. The Spanish class at the private school, the co-op biology, the 8 person Calc class, etc were great. But they were for a couple hours a couple times per week, not CONSTANTLY. Now, we introverts can make a different choice when we want to for some reason. My daughter wishes to be involved in some ministry service work 20-25 hours a day that would require her to be in a group and to talk to strangers. She feels strongly that she is supposed to do this and it will be pleasing to God. It goes against EVERYTHING in her nature though. But because she sees it as important, she'll push through. Your daughter may choose her schooling or career choices or extra curriculars based on her needs. That is fine. And it is fine if she goes outside her comfort zone. I do think my daughter will probably need a bit more "extra quiet" time as she's pushing herself with the volunteer work. That is okay. We all do whatever it is we feel best for us individually. My daughter may school and work from home also. That too should be okay. Whatever combination works. It sounds as if you have done well with your daughter so far. I'd let her determine what directions she wants to go for things. If she likes the idea of outside classes, great. If she doesn't, that is okay too. If online is more her style, have at it. If she does an occasional summer camp, wonderful. But I'd let a teen decide. She knows her needs in terms of "hermiting." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in AL Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Some introverts function well in groups, even appear outgoing, but they often need even more down time once alone to recover or regain their energy from being out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I hear very clearly what you're saying...... she might just be more of a hermit. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just that I get glimpses of the "extrovert" when I see her in certain groups. Is it possible to sometimes be introverted and other times be extroverted? Of course my goal is to provide the environment that will allow her to discover her gifts.... Thanks for all your thoughts. More are welcome. I think it is dangerous to label kids too much- if you "decide" she is an introvert, it will limit how you are with her and the opportunities you give her- and you are obviously concerned about it. I think you are spot on yourself- that even though she might naturally be content to be alone a lot, some extra social stimulation could be good for her. Sure, it might not change her nature, but it might extend her horizons in a positive way, and as homeschooling parents, I think that is our job. I would go for the PS classes, and I only wish I could do the same and let my dd14 do a class or two locally- she would thrive on it, while still getting the majority of her schooling at home. I am myself an introvert who tends to hang out at home and limit my social activities to just a few- but I know that there have been many times when a friend has dragged me out, or phoned me to go for a coffee, or I have attended a social event or class, where I have been very glad I left the home and interacted more in the world. I know it is good for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Jackie, I'll be odd woman out here. I'm a big believer in parental radar. The fact that both you and dh are thinking this is something that would be positive for her weighs strongly for me. Additionally, it sounds as if your daughter is a hermit as much from inertia as anything else, since she really enjoys some of the outside activities. The homeschool setting makes it more challenging for kids to be social, and if they are not driven that way, they may let it go, when they'd actually enjoy it if they'd just do it. (Like I actually LOVE to walk, but will sit at the computer instead because that's where I am already! ) As to whether French and art would be good--that depends on a number of factors. I would see it as an opportunity for her to interact with kids who don't necessarily hold your values, while she's still at home and you can help her steer through that. If those are subjects she'd enjoy, and the school would be supportive, I'd give it a try for a semester. You can always pull her out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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