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I think I have an anger problem...cc


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Dh has been driving me crazy for the past month because he spends 3-4 HOURS each night playing World of Warcraft. I try to not let it show and do my own thing but truth be told, it makes me crazy.That has been brewing for awhile. He's pretty stressed at work and likes to escape into with the game, I guess. He knows I hate it but he's pretty addicted.

 

However tonight, he totally freaked out because he thinks I wasted $80 buying a furnace part and having it delivered rather than saving that money and driving out (into the snowy weather and bad roads in that particular town) and picking it up myself. I was so nervous about driving in my van and getting stuck that I was willing to pay the extra money. He says that if I had wanted to go shopping or do something 'fun', I would've found a way. He's basically calling me a liar. Anyway, he was yelling and yelling....it was awful. I can not emphasize how much that $80 meant to him.

 

After a bit of this, I totally lost it. I started screaming at him and really freaked out! I was going to leave to cool down and started getting my coat on. He said if I left, not to come back. I yelled some more, couldn't find my purse so ended up staying. Plus, who knows if he would've locked me out. My daughter was crying, my son was furious, it was just plain awful. I just can't sweep these things under the rug anymore, I know I shouldn't have lost it like that but I really lost all control.

 

I am so mad, I feel like an out of control toddler. Suddenly, I can understand the furious outbursts from my oldest dd and ds and how it's so hard when you're angry. There's so much anger and because dh won't ever talk about anything, it's all pent up. I have absolutely no time for counseling, it's all I can do to keep the house together and homeschool. I'm tired of his apologies and nothing changes. I hate that stupid computer game. And I hate feeling so out of control. I can't seem to forgive him and move on. I'm just mad and have no place to vent. Well, that's not totally true, I can talk to my sister and she helps a lot. But what do you do, when you're so mad about something, the person you're upset with has no interest in discussing it w/you, and you're just left there....stewing. How do you let it go? I want to enjoy my life and I want to be able to sleep tonight and I don't want this eating away at my health. I can just feel it in my chest...it's awful.

 

I feel like I've got to emotionally distance myself from him. But what does that do to a marriage. We have a good relationship when he's in a good mood but when he's stressed...watch out....he's like a ticking time bomb.

 

What does Christ want me to do? What does not sinning in your anger look like? I suppose I could start by not flipping out like that again. How do I keep from taking his outbursts so personally. I feel like, to do that, I have to almost emotionally divorce him.

 

Tomorrow I have a lot of talking and repenting to do with the kids. I think it'll be a good "teaching moment" for sure.

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Anyway, he was yelling and yelling....it was awful. I can not emphasize how much that $80 meant to him.

 

After a bit of this, I totally lost it. I started screaming at him and really freaked out! I was going to leave to cool down and started getting my coat on. He said if I left, not to come back. I yelled some more, couldn't find my purse so ended up staying. Plus, who knows if he would've locked me out. My daughter was crying, my son was furious, it was just plain awful. I just can't sweep these things under the rug anymore, I know I shouldn't have lost it like that but I really lost all control.

 

I'm sorry, hon, but YOU feel like you have an anger problem? You are reacting the only way appropriate for a crazy making situation; crazy.

 

Is computer gaming the only addiction of DH's? Are you at all familiar with addiction and the dynamics around it?

 

Also, the threat of the loss of relationship, the power and control implied in his response and the fact that you are tired of the apologies but no change has red flags all over it.

 

Are you familiar with the list of non physical abuse?

 

Destructive criticism/verbal abuse: name calling, mocking; accusing; blaming; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures

 

 

Abusing authority: always claming to be right (insisting statements to be the “truthâ€); telling you what to do; making big decisions without consultation; using “logicâ€

 

 

Disrespect: interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of others; saying bad things about your friends and family

 

 

Abusing trust: lying, withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous

 

 

Emotional withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support; attention or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions

 

 

Breaking promises: Not following through on agreements, not taking fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework

 

 

Minimizing, denying, and blaming: Making light of disturbing behavior and not taking you concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn’t happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying you caused it.

 

Pressure tactics: rushing to make decisions through “guilt trippingâ€: sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; bossing you around

 

 

Intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments (as if to block the way out); outshouting you, driving recklessly (to scare the partner, even put her in fear for her life)

 

Destruction: destroying your possessions, throwing and/or breaking things

 

Threats: making threats to hurt you or others

 

Habitually disparaging the partner’s views, beliefs, ideas, opinions. (such as “You can’t possibly think that.†Or “You know nothing about the subject.†Or “You’re mistaken.†(which ends up with other people figuring that he’s right, I’m clueless and stop listening to me)

 

Making mean statements, and then resisting taking responsibility for these by either denying or contradicting what he just said or “Not remembering†what he said, even if it was only 30 seconds earlier. (Mental whiplash), on the other hand, the abusive partner can simply drop the conversation by not bothering to answer me when I address him. (Passive aggressive way of saying “I don’t think what you said merits any feedback, so I’ll make that remark go away.â€) if partner confronts him, he’ll say “Oh, I didn’t hear you†or “I didn’t understand you.†Leaving her wondering what happened.

 

Flip flopping arguments, positions, etc.

 

Cutting off.

 

Gaslighting= slowly making one wonder if she is sane by systematically hiding or taking away her things and telling the person that she misplaced them.

 

Nasty quarrels- He deals with his self-loathing by projecting his intolerance about himself onto her, by externalizing bad stuff and mercilessly attacks in her that so that he doesn’t take responsibility for his own flaws. He then denounces her for her failings (which are really HIS failings) in ways to prod her into striking out at him and then when the scenario plays out- AHA! You started it!

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You're frustrated because your dh, who's supposed to be the leader of the home, is hiding every night in a stupid game--a game that's not uplifting at all and pulls him from his family and damages the relationship he has with you and the dc.

 

So, what should you do? Well, the screaming probably wasn't a great idea, but believe me, I completely understand it! I've done my share of screaming myself. What would Jesus want you to do? He'd want you to speak in love with respect to your husband, even if and especially if your dh doesn't deserve it. He'd want you to exhort your dh to godliness, encourage him to face whatever it is he's stressed over and show you the love Christ gives the church--sacrificial love. I'd wait until things calm down and talk to your dh about perhaps seeing your pastor for some solid biblical counsel. Obviously, there are things going on with your dh that make him want to hide in WoW and he needs to face those things. Usually, when men hide like that, they're anxious about something. God tells us specifically to not worry or be anxious, but to trust Him.

 

I'm betting once things are all out in the open and dealt with, forgiveness given, relationship on the way to healing, things will improve.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I hope things are better for you both soon. :)

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you're living with someone with an anger problem.

 

and i've lived through that part of my life where i had to walk on eggshells around someone. it's no fun and i did leave after a few years of it. the eggshells were breaking and it was becoming dangerous.

 

no great advice other than to say that tonight you had an understandable reaction to an "attack". cut yourself some slack. admit to the kids that you could have handled it better. put your feelings/thoughts down on paper if you think your dh would be more open to a written message than a conversation.

 

:grouphug:

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Julie,

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you tonight. I was so grieved to read your post, and I really wanted to reply with something useful and to be a blessing to you, so I read some of your blog to get to *know you* a little bit first.

 

I found this lovely post on your blog about your 12th Anniversary, and you said this about your life, and your husband, "I'm running late....my heart is full of joy for the gifts God has bestowed on us. As my dear husband always reminds me, "these are the signs of life." One of the many reasons I am thankful for him most of all."

 

 

I also saw a beautiful picture of the two of you, which you stated that you have everywhere (in your living room, on your computer screen, and you give it out whenever you get the chance).

 

 

 

 

My heart is pounding right now, because I have to go against some of the other posters who say that you are the one being abused, and that you have a right to be as angry as you are (I'm summarizing). I'm not sure that's true. Of course, I don't know you one bit, but I know myself, and many other women who have behaved just as you have tonight. In my own case I have gone into screaming fits many, many times, and in every case I can point to what made me SOOOO mad. In every case I think it was my pride being bruised. I thought I was doing something right, and my husband pointed out my fault. Sometimes he pointed it out gracefully, but many times not so gracefully. Either way, I ended up in anger, because I didn't want him to point out anything bad/wrong/in error about me.

 

 

 

 

Maybe this is the case tonight. Maybe not. Maybe your husband is under financial pressures, and the $80 just pushed him over the edge. Maybe the video game is the only time/place he can go where no one is putting pressure on him/expecting things from him. Maybe the best solution here is not to distance yourself from him, but make steps to be closer to him. If he is like my husband, and like many of the husbands of my friends, he just wants to be respected, and trusted. He wants a safe place to come home at night where he won't be nagged on. He wants to be able to tell you his troubles, or when his troubles are more than he can tell, he wants to know that you trust him no matter what to do the best he can with all the burdens he carries to provide for the family and manage his work life.

 

 

 

 

Well, my heart is still pounding, because I'm really stepping out guessing all these things about you and your husband. I really hope you can come close together again in love and trust. I can see that you had that just a year ago from your blog posts. This season can be very stressful for most people. Please give him some grace, and pray that he will extend it to you too. I will pray for you.

 

 

 

 

One more thing...If you read that list of abuses, maybe think about some of the ones on that list that you have done toward him. This might put the focus of your heart and mind off of the grievances he has caused you, and you might just see that you have caused some to him too. I know that I can point to several on that list that I have done toward my husband. God bless you, your husband, and your family.

 

 

Edited by JenniferB
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My hubby is on WoW a minimum of 3 hours a night as well... usually 5 or 6. During the weekend or on holidays it's even longer.... usually all day. It's beyond frustrating. I dont know what to do about it either.

Just saying I know what your going through, and your not alone.

:grouphug:

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Anger breeds anger. If one person is angry or has a hair trigger anger response regularly, then that can cause the other spouse to develop the same habits. It is usually directed towards the kids, in quick angry responses on a day to day basis because you may not feel able to react angrily back to the other spouse. And if you do, then the whole family seems to get mad at you because usually you are usually the one who calms the situation down and when you give as good as you get, it is scary for the children because they don't feel safe because you are not diffusing the situation and now they it may not be safe.

 

NO one should ever threaten the other spouse with divorce. Which is what your dh meant. You knew it, and the children knew it.

 

Your ds may have been furious because his nature is to fix things and when you can't fix something so important as your parents, and anger is part of the household, he gets angry. It is a warnig signal that he is developing angry habits.

 

You have to tell your dh that threatening you like that can NEVER happen again. It is a violation of trust. Not only for you but the children. I agree that you have to apologize for losing control to your children, but he has to also. If you are dealing with a believing husband and he does not do this, for your sake and especially the children, go to your Pastor or Elders. They have to go to your husband. Your have to find someone to be accountable to so that your house is safe for your kids. or they will be living your life when they are married. And it could be worse.

I am sorry, I hope your church will intervene if your dh will not face some hard facts that this is not a healthy environment for any of you.

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I am sorry but if it was me I would have explained in a none-too-kind tone of voice that if the money was so important to him that he could a) get off his happy *ss and drive to pick up the part himself or b) quit playing WOW at at least $15 per month. I would also informed him that he would never again threaten me in such a way. I may not have yelled but I guarantee that my voive would have put a chill in his bones. I don't know about abuse but he definitely has an addiction problem. I love this board. I spend quite a bit of time here when I can but it does not interfer with my daily duties and I rarely visit when my husband is home.

Edited by KidsHappen
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My hubby is on WoW a minimum of 3 hours a night as well... usually 5 or 6. During the weekend or on holidays it's even longer.... usually all day. It's beyond frustrating. I dont know what to do about it either.

Just saying I know what your going through, and your not alone.

:grouphug:

 

 

I have seen one case (and heard of many) where this game in particular is soooo addictive it actually breaks up the family. The dads become so involved that they get no sleep - falter at work - ignore their kids and wives....

 

It's like crack....or crystal meth!

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What an awful night. He was on his game till midnight and I just stewed and stewed and tried not to stew. I was mad when I woke up and I'm only calming down right now because he emailed me and told me not to bother returning it, $80 wasn't worth the aftermath it caused, and that he is sorry he yelled.

 

I wrote and told him that the whole episode unmasked some problems that could have easily have gone ignored otherwise. But I apologized for yelling as well and told him I'd talk to the kids. It was so traumatic for them that at first I thought we'd take the day off from school, discuss this, and do some 'relationship and emotional-rebuilding' activities like make cookies and go ice skating at the school rink, or something. But now I'm thinking maybe we should just have a nice breakfast together, discuss it, and move on....life doesn't have to stop. What do you guys think?

 

My oldest dd is up now, so I must go do some mending. Please say a prayer if you think of me!

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My dh would go off and play video games all evening a few years ago when he was having a lot of pressure at his job. Luckily we never got into a fight. I just left him alone and finally talked with a pastor at our church. He was able to give me some insight into what my dh was thinking at the time. He was very worried about financial issues and a possible job loss.

 

When that pressure was off of him he came back into our world.

 

We are told to show Jesus through our actions. I'm not very good at it myself when put on the spot like that. I would either yell back or just leave the room. In this particular case you could have possibly apologized for spending the extra money and not discussing it with him. I'm only thinking of something that could have possibly diffused the situation.

 

My dh and I had a fight one time that was out of control. He was upset about something and instead of yelling I laughed. He knocked a chair over. I think our oldest was 9 months old. When he came back to the house after an hour or so I told him that would never happen again. We've been able to control our conversations since then. Can you find a neutral time to talk with him about this situation?

 

Are there financial issues right now? Maybe in the future you could call and ask him his opinion. If you are too frightened to go out in the weather (I totally understand that one) then maybe you could ask him to pick it up.

 

I don't know your dh so I don't know if that would have worked or not. My dh is pretty good about understanding my fear of driving in the snow.

 

Does he yell at you a lot? Is this a one time thing? Can you talk with your pastor?

 

I hope some of this made sense. I'm sorry for this situation.

 

I just thought of another thing I wanted to say. I don't think you have an anger problem honestly. You have been trying to deal with a situation that you cannot deal with alone. Please talk with someone close to your family. A message board is a good place for support but a pastor or family member can help you more. Is there a man close to your husband who can talk with him? After a while a husband will think his wife is nagging him.

 

Kelly

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I'm not sure if talking to our pastor will help right now. I think dh would feel uncomfortable because we only started going to this church about a month ago. Dh is a very private person. However, I do believe that he is under a lot of stress at work and financially, we're doing better but ONLY because his father bailed us out of $17k worth of debt! So, dh just wants to make sure we don't go there again. I grew up in Alaska so he doesn't believe me when I tell him I'm uncomfortable driving in snow. It's not even the snow so much, it's more the small towns, back roads and no snow tires, no cell phone, and a van full of kids that makes me very nervous. If I were alone, it wouldn't be as intimidating because if I got stuck, I could walk to find some help. With 5 kids in tow, that's a bit more difficult. But I should've called him and let him know about the price difference. He is having a very busy and stressful time at work right now and wouldn't have been able to pick it up himself because of the distance & the business hours...but that could've been his choice. I don't know.

 

He does yell more now than he used to. He has more of a hair trigger temper these days. He is hugely addicted to WoW and although he uses it as stress control, he is losing touch w/me and the kids. He said that he was going to cancel it but then got mad at me once and recanted. So who knows? I'll leave it alone. I find when I don't say anything and pray that God will talk to him about it, soon after dh decides he needs to stop playing the game. If God is going to talk to dh, I guess I better be quiet so he can hear Him.

 

I did go for a drive last night, after the kids were in bed, and it helped a bit. I talked to my dd this morning about the whole thing and why it's so important to find a way to diffuse the anger before it gets out of control. Being able to come here really, really helped! You ladies are a real blessing!

 

I heard a lot of truth...I'm sure that there are issues of my own to deal with. I just need some time to calm down and then I'll think about that!:)

 

Can I just say it one more time though....I really hate WoW!!!!!

Phew...much better.:)

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Can I just say it one more time though....I really hate WoW!!!!!

Phew...much better.:)

 

You have to decide what your part was in that fight last night. I have a terrible temper too and believe me my hair- trigger dh doesn't make my life easy. However, I decided years ago that I would not allow another human to make me behave so badly. It is bad for my health, physical and emotional...bad for the children (although ds wasn't born yet) and most of all God hates violence and hurtful words.

 

So that is that part of it. I feel that you are sufficiently grieved over your own behavior that you will work on that. And speak to your children.

 

The WoW addiction. Let me just tell you...I've have personal knowledge of a man with 4 small children and a SAH wife who allowed his gaming addiction to cost him his marriage AND a couple of years later his job.---his $70K a year job. So it is no small thing. I definitely equate it with other more recognized addictions.

 

:grouphug: to you.

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He does yell more now than he used to. He has more of a hair trigger temper these days. He is hugely addicted to WoW and although he uses it as stress control, he is losing touch w/me and the kids. He said that he was going to cancel it but then got mad at me once and recanted. So who knows? I'll leave it alone. I find when I don't say anything and pray that God will talk to him about it, soon after dh decides he needs to stop playing the game. If God is going to talk to dh, I guess I better be quiet so he can hear Him.

 

Jul, I think you would like The Way of Agape.

 

In fact, I need to start reading it again...

 

I have prayed and will continue to pray for you and your dh. :grouphug:

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I have temper issues for sure but I try really hard to keep them in check however....

 

That video game crap has to stop. He is a grown man for goodness sake and I have no patience for that. Three hours a night playing videogames is not a good example for your kids and it is time that he is NOT spending with you and the kids. Find something you can all do as a family (board games? puzzles? we like to play Wii sports all together).

 

I HAVE been there. It wasn't videogames, but a few years back my hubbie was an internet junkie...always on the computer surfing the net...for hours at a time. I stewed and stewed and eventually I blew up. I told him I was going to take a sledge hammer to the computer if he didn't get off of it. I'm pretty sure he thought I was a lunatic!:D But the fact is I was starved for attention from him.

 

I didn't destroy the computer but we did do something semi-drastic. We cancelled our internet service for a month to let him "detox". It worked. Now if either of us feel like we are spending too much time on the computer we will do an internet "fast" and turn off the computer for a week.

 

Now as to the yelling from you...can't help you there as I am still working on it myself BUT you do need to get to the bottom of exactly what is making you angry. Is it the WoW game or is it a lack of attention from your dh?

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That video game crap has to stop. He is a grown man for goodness sake and I have no patience for that. Three hours a night playing videogames is not a good example for your kids and it is time that he is NOT spending with you and the kids. Find something you can all do as a family (board games? puzzles? we like to play Wii sports all together).

 

While I agree that excess gaming is never a friend to quality family time, I think the above is an incomplete understanding of the dynamic of addiction. What an addict should do and what you have the power to make them do are typically very different.

 

OP, life stress can exacerbate problems. It can't, however, *create* addiction, abuse or bad character. You are the only one with the access to the info needed to determine if your DH's behavior is temporary or a deepening of existing issues. With addicts (of any kind), it's important to remember that money stress, work stress, health stress, aging parent stress, having been raised by abusive parents, being molested, or {insert anything} does not drive addiction. The addiction drives the need to *use* those things as excuses.

 

I'm glad you've experienced debt relief. Have behaviors that created the debt changed?

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Jul, don't worry about being too new at your church. If your church is worth its salt, the pastor and elders would love to be able to help your family through this.

 

I understand your dh's hesitance to reveal such issues, but believe me, EVERYONE at that church has something in their lives that's a thorn. My pastor and the elders at my church are very confidential about issues people bring but our pastor has made it clear in various ways that everyone has issues/sin problems/weaknesses. We're supposed to bear each other's burdens and pray for each other. People can't do that for your family if no one knows there's a problem.

 

If you're not entirely comfortable with seeing the pastor, maybe he can suggest a biblical counselor. Not necessarily a "Christian" counselor, but a BIBLICAL one, who can counsel you and your dh with counsel straight from the Word.

 

:grouphug:

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Jul, don't worry about being too new at your church. If your church is worth its salt, the pastor and elders would love to be able to help your family through this.

 

I understand your dh's hesitance to reveal such issues, but believe me, EVERYONE at that church has something in their lives that's a thorn. My pastor and the elders at my church are very confidential about issues people bring but our pastor has made it clear in various ways that everyone has issues/sin problems/weaknesses. We're supposed to bear each other's burdens and pray for each other. People can't do that for your family if no one knows there's a problem.

 

*Cindy kicks a few skeletons out of the way, slams the closet door and posts her response:* :iagree:

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My dad is the "very private person." Doesn't like to share anything with anyone. My mom is the one who stewed and stewed... swept everything under the rug and essentially "moved on" (but not really).

 

2008 was their 40th wedding anniversary. They are currently separated. Mom couldn't "walk on eggshells" anymore. Dad is frustrated because mom won't talk (it's a LOT more complicated than that, but these are highlights). My dad is the one with the hair-trigger, my mom became more like that over time as well.

 

At the peak of all of this, I was actually scared that my MOM might physically hurt, maim or kill my dad.

 

They didn't seek counseling earlier, and now I'm not sure if anything will fix their marriage.

 

It's a sad Christmastime for everyone in our family that is old enough to understand what is happening.

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I am so sad for you. I know what you are feeling. In the begining of our marriage we had some pretty bad times. 9 years later we have an amazing marriage. However the transformation began in my own heart first. I picked up "The Power of a Praying Wife". I went through it once a month. I figured if I could'nt change him maybe God could do a miracle. I also began to read "For Women Only" it gave me a lot of insight into how most men think and feel. What I found is that God began to start the changes in my attitude first, which aided in my husbands attitude changing. He started wanting to be around me more. But remember it is not just my attitude that changed things . Prayer really works if your serious about it :).

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I understand your dh's hesitance to reveal such issues, but believe me, EVERYONE at that church has something in their lives that's a thorn. My pastor and the elders at my church are very confidential about issues people bring but our pastor has made it clear in various ways that everyone has issues/sin problems/weaknesses. We're supposed to bear each other's burdens and pray for each other. People can't do that for your family if no one knows there's a problem.

 

 

Thanks for posting this, Michelle -

 

I just spent about 45 minutes on the phone with a dear friend, who basically said she felt like the black sheep of our family Sunday School class, since they were the only ones with problems. That is a lie straight from the pit of hell itself.

 

Julpost - praying you will be able to find some men in your church to come alongside your husband.

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I don't have much advise except that a friend of mine is going through something similar with WOW, only he's the stay at home dad and nothing gets done around the house because of WOW.

The little bit of advise I do have is to apologize to your little ones and TRY to talk to your dh about how his stress is negatively affecting the family. I wouldn't tolerate those threats either.

HTH

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I am so sad for you. I know what you are feeling. In the begining of our marriage we had some pretty bad times. 9 years later we have an amazing marriage. However the transformation began in my own heart first. I picked up "The Power of a Praying Wife". I went through it once a month. I figured if I could'nt change him maybe God could do a miracle. I also began to read "For Women Only" it gave me a lot of insight into how most men think and feel. What I found is that God began to start the changes in my attitude first, which aided in my husbands attitude changing. He started wanting to be around me more. But remember it is not just my attitude that changed things . Prayer really works if your serious about it :).

 

This is my experience as well. It has been about 6 years since God, over about a period of a year, completely changed both of us and our marriage. It was a beautiful thing. The changes started in me first, as well, and I had to be willing to be changed and used by God (and to pray without ceasing.)

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I'm not sure if talking to our pastor will help right now. I think dh would feel uncomfortable because we only started going to this church about a month ago. Dh is a very private person. However, I do believe that he is under a lot of stress at work and financially, we're doing better but ONLY because his father bailed us out of $17k worth of debt! So, dh just wants to make sure we don't go there again. I grew up in Alaska so he doesn't believe me when I tell him I'm uncomfortable driving in snow. It's not even the snow so much, it's more the small towns, back roads and no snow tires, no cell phone, and a van full of kids that makes me very nervous. If I were alone, it wouldn't be as intimidating because if I got stuck, I could walk to find some help. With 5 kids in tow, that's a bit more difficult. But I should've called him and let him know about the price difference. He is having a very busy and stressful time at work right now and wouldn't have been able to pick it up himself because of the distance & the business hours...but that could've been his choice. I don't know.

 

You're making a whole lot of excuses for his behaviour. He's a grown man with a family and you don't need to be constructing loopholes for him to get out of his responsibilities.

 

He does yell more now than he used to. He has more of a hair trigger temper these days. He is hugely addicted to WoW and although he uses it as stress control, he is losing touch w/me and the kids. He said that he was going to cancel it but then got mad at me once and recanted. So who knows? I'll leave it alone. I find when I don't say anything and pray that God will talk to him about it, soon after dh decides he needs to stop playing the game. If God is going to talk to dh, I guess I better be quiet so he can hear Him.

 

But don't use God as an excuse not to deal with this yourself. You are still your husband's partner and have a responsibility to lay out what his addiction is doing to the family. That temper could be directly related to the gaming. Do you know how frustrating it is to be involved in horribly important matters like a castle siege and have annoying outsiders pestering you for hugs or yard work (yes, I've had my own issues with the computer)? God will do what God will do but don't abdicate your role in this.

 

 

I heard a lot of truth...I'm sure that there are issues of my own to deal with. I just need some time to calm down and then I'll think about that!:)

 

I think one of your issues is blaming yourself for things that clearly aren't your responsibility.

 

I'm prone to sinking into gaming and computers. What I need from my husband is not distance or excuses. What I need are clear and firm boundaries and to have my excesses pointed out to me. I count on him for that at times. Please don't deny your husband that kind of support and help by claiming fault or staying quiet. He needs you to tell him what you expect, where you draw your lines and what his behaviour will cost his family and himself in the long run. He's not thinking clearly so you need to do that for him.

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A good friend of mine always tells me the same thing when I have pent up resentment and anger with my husband.

 

Men are idiots.

 

They are not psychic, they are not even very intuitive. If you don't tell them, in clear language, bold letters, explicitely (sp, sorry), then they will not figure it out themselves.

 

It always shocks me, when I have finally had "enough" and I lay it out for my man. The shock, confusion, all around quizzical look, that he gets...

 

Please note, my husband is a warm, generous, kind hearted man. I love him. Sometimes, I live a little too much in my head and expect him to know what's going on, without having given him the slightest clue.

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