Jump to content

Menu

can we discuss boys and friendships?


Recommended Posts

My son will be 7 this month. We have moved a lot in his life but he always been able to make friends...until this last move. I am trying to decide if it's ok or if I need to provide some new opportunities for him to meet others.

 

Our last home was only 45 minutes away. we were very involved in church and we taught his sunday school class...so we knew all the kids/parents. we had BIG bday parties at local spots. We had playdates with others who were home as most of our friends only did church preschool a few days a week. we had a good social life for the kids.

 

we moved closer to dh's work 18 months ago. we already had friends out here...and my son's bestest friend in the whole world is out here. so he gets to see him more now...but we haven't made any other friends. we are in a local group that meets weekly for PE at a park. last year he was just too young to really connect with the group. this year he plays fine with the group but there aren't any real strong friendships coming from it...no one has asked to play with us and he hasn't asked to invite anyone else to play.

 

we attended a church for the summer that the kids met lots of kids but our overall experience was negative(more of a local club for the neighborhood kids than a ' church ' environment) and we left. My son had some disappointing experiences inviting kids from there...none wanted to get together and the one who did I don't have her contact and we aren't there anymore to get it.

 

Our current church has one little girl younger than my son and one boy who is years older.

 

they also attend Awana's at another church during the week. it's the second year there so I kinda hoped something would click with someone but it hasn't.

 

so I asked about his birthday coming up and what kind of party(we had no party last year except some family friends coming over for cake/dinner) he would want this year. he said just his best friend and some cake. nothing big.

 

I feel so badly for him. He went from a large pool of friends to one. And he adores his one friend but I also want him to be able to play with other boys and make other friendships! I will say we have met some kids along this journey I wouldn't want to encourage the friendships, lol. So it's hard for me as a mom right now to know what to do.

 

we can go to the park and he can play with new kids no problem. He has a blast. But he hasnt' ever wanted to invite anyone to play or meet up again...

 

is this normal for an almost 7 year old boy? he's the kind of kid who stands back in new situations and watches before joining. once he's comfortable he will be right with the leader suggesting things to do...but he's 'sensitive' to many things. is it just his personality to have one close friend and not care about more?

 

I will say people in general don't make efforts to get together here. there are homeschoolers in my neighborhood that we have never met up to play or do things with...and they are so close!

 

so give me the scoop on boys and friendships. my husband has no close friends he calls to chat with...just work aquaintances he does stuff with. is it a boy/man thing? or should we consider a coop next year to give him a better chance to develop a friendship with new boys?

 

thanks for your advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ds is that way. we moved almost three years ago. he has great friends right next door, a boy and a girl. He's not super outgoing in group and the few times he's been involved in things he doesn't really make friends enough to ask someone over.

 

There are a couple of other kids in the neighborhood that he is getting to know and sometimes he does ask for more friends, but generally he is content to play with the kids next door. they click very well so I am happy for that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We are in the same exact situation.

 

We just moved and my 7yo had many friends in our old residence. He had many homeschooling friends as well as many neighborhood friends.

 

We have been here 2 months now and he hasn't met anyone. He talks to some of the boys in his TKD class and he occasionally plays with kids at the playground but there are no kids in the neighborhood.

 

He seems to be the oldest one every time we go to the park. Secondly, the local homeschooling group seems to be very focused on "educational events", and structured activities. Even though I posted a message asking if anyone wanted to meet for just unstructured playtime and I got little to no interest.

 

The thing is that my kids really just want to play with somebody, and if I take them to these very structured events, they are not going to pay attention, they are going to want to talk and play. So, for me, taking them to these educational meetups is not a good way to introduce ourselves to the group. (we would be "those" parents with the wild and unruly children who don't pay attention--kwim?)

 

I hear what you are saying. My son isn't begging for someone to play with but I do know that he just wants to run around and play tag or ride bikes with someone (like he used to do daily).

 

Sigh....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes, he won't ask for new friends...but he would like more playdates. some weeks we have none...not even with the one friend. and he loves to just play...

 

he used to play with his sister a lot. they are only 20 mo apart but in the last few months he often tells her no and goes to his room to shut his door. but then asks me when we can go play with someone. so I know he wants to play...just not with his younger sister anymore. so it's hard on her too.

 

we aren't alone in this situation though...but if we only had some answers!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have an outgoing, friendly, extroverted only ds. At age 7, I had to be very proactive in order for him to have playmates. The book Good Friends are Hard to Find by Fred Frankel had a lot of great ideas. We were able to find friends through sports, scouts, church, hs group, and neighborhood. I encourage you to find group activities that have the potential for developing closer friendships.

 

I could write a book (it would be quite the whine) about people who "never make the effort to get together". It's very frustrating.

 

Good luck!

 

P.S. My ds was never interested in the "academic" get togethers either. When he's with other kids, he just wants to PLAY.

Edited by Sue in St Pete
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have two girls, but I'm going to answer anyway, as I consider the personality of the child more important than the gender in this situation.

 

One good friend, a sister and a weekly opportunity to play with a group of kids sounds good to me. I'd be open to encouraging more friends/playtime, but I wouldn't fret over it. Does it even seem to bother him, or is it more that it's bothering you? I'd have to say I'm the mean mom who wouldn't feel too sorry for him, when he has a perfectly good sister he chooses not to play with!

 

My kids are 8 & 10, and I'd definitely say they each only have one or two actual FRIENDS (as opposed to kids they see/play with casually). We certainly don't have a play date every week! I think that is more common with younger kids; when they get to school age, home schooled or not, it just doesn't happen as often.

 

I think you are doing your part - - he has weekly social events, a sister and kids in the neighborhood. Is there a reason he can't just go knock on someone's door when he wants to play, if there are kids around? And again, he has a sibling close in age, who is ready and willing to play with him.

 

Jumping back to playdates for a second, I have to say that we don't do playdates often. Like you, we meet with other hs'ers once during the week, which sucks up one afternoon. In between that, school, errands and so forth, I find it tough to dedicate another afternoon to a planned playdate. If they get a chance to randomly play with neighbor kids, great! If not, they have each other and they'll see their friends at group. I really think that may be part of what you're coming up against as your ds is getting older.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...