Etiquette question

[hjffkj]

Would it be rude to ask a neighbor what they pay in rent? We are on friendly terms in passing but that is about the extent of our relationship. Well they are also new clients at dh's work.

 

The purpose is to gather pricing information for our house to turn into a rental.

[goldberry]

I'm not much into etiquette, but that would seem rude to me, at least intrusive.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Eh, I find the rules regarding asking money related questions frustrating so I would just ask. If they don't want to answer that is fine. How else does anyone find out?

[Katy]

You might ask what they think is a reasonable rent for your house.  If they're open they'll volunteer what they pay.

Edited March 21, 2018 by Katy

[solascriptura]

Personally, I wouldn't care at all if someone asked me, but I know that most people would find it rude.  Money is a touchy subject for most Americans, but as to the reason why, I have no idea.  

[Annie G]

I would calculate 1% of the value of your home and ask the neighbor if that’s in the ballpark of what the going rate is. I’m assuming they checked other places before they rented near you.

That seems to be less nosy than just outright asking what they pay. Hopefully they will open up and say yes, or heck no that’s way too low, or whatever.

[Pawz4me]

I think it's all in how you phrase it. If you say something along the lines of "I know this is kind of nosy and of course you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but we're planning on renting our house and were wondering if you'd mind telling us how much your house rents for?" it wouldn't bother me at all.

[marbel]

I would try to find other ways of getting the information.  Are there rental websites in your area that might show similar homes?  I think Zillow.com lists rentals. 

 

The problem with asking (no matter how it's worded) is that, even if the person doesn't to answer, it can be uncomfortable to say "I'd rather not answer."   I think in the specific case mentioned, being clients complicates things, though of course I don't know what that means in the context of their relationship.   

[hjffkj]

Personally, I wouldn't care at all if someone asked me, but I know that most people would find it rude. Money is a touchy subject for most Americans, but as to the reason why, I have no idea.

This is how I feel. But knowing that I'm the oddball in this country is why I came to the Hive for advice, ha.

[hjffkj]

I would calculate 1% of the value of your home and ask the neighbor if that’s in the ballpark of what the going rate is. I’m assuming they checked other places before they rented near you.

That seems to be less nosy than just outright asking what they pay. Hopefully they will open up and say yes, or heck no that’s way too low, or whatever.

I like this suggestion, thank you. I think I'll strike up a conversation along these lines when we're shoveling snow. They know we were preparing the house for sale so the question is it completely out of no where.

[SKL]

I agree with asking them what they think would be a reasonable rent for your house.

 

Personally I would not be offended by a question about my rent, but some people might.

[hjffkj]

I have been researching on Zillow but Zillow doesn't show old listings that have been rented out. And there are currently only 2 up for in the neighborhood that are significantly smaller units than ours.

 

I'll do extensive research on all the rentals within the next week or so but I wanted I quick number in my head on this snowy day so I could run the numbers and get a ballpark of if we should go ahead with turning it into a rental.

 

Thanks all.

[goldberry]

Usually I'm a very hard person to offend.  But when we bought our house 3 years ago, it was really awkward how many people asked, "how much did you pay for it?"  Even ones who added, "if you don't mind me asking", it was really hard to say, no, I don't want to say, without feeling even more awkward.

 

The house was a step up for us, and I felt like people were going to start assuming we were money bags or something, or make other assumptions.  It probably would have been easier to tell a stranger actually, but it was friends and family asking, many of whom I know have different issues with money.  We keep our finances private for exactly that reason.

[J-rap]

I agree that it's all about how you phrase it.  I'd probably say something like, "We're planning to rent out our home and want to make sure we ask a fair price.  Do you know what the general price range is for rentals in this area?"

 

That way they don't have to feel embarrassed about telling you specifically what they pay, but their answer would still be helpful and would certainly be based on what they pay.

 

 

[J-rap]

Usually I'm a very hard person to offend.  But when we bought our house 3 years ago, it was really awkward how many people asked, "how much did you pay for it?"  Even ones who added, "if you don't mind me asking", it was really hard to say, no, I don't want to say, without feeling even more awkward.

 

The house was a step up for us, and I felt like people were going to start assuming we were money bags or something, or make other assumptions.  It probably would have been easier to tell a stranger actually, but it was friends and family asking, many of whom I know have different issues with money.  We keep our finances private for exactly that reason.

 

I agree!  I do think you could ask the neighbor for a general rental price range in that neighborhood, but asking the specific question of what they themselves pay can feel very personal.

 

I think the same thing about salary.  I've been surprised at the number of people who ask my kids -- when it's their first career job after college -- what their salary is.  I know they would't ask it of someone who is older, but for some reason they feel like it's okay to ask a young person just starting off.  I just cringe inside when people ask that. 

[Bluegoat]

I find that people who rent in general are happy to talk about it in a way that people who buy aren't - the latter feel it's intrusive.

 

There's no ,logical reason I know of for this, other than that I think people who rent often seem to want to know whether they are getting a bad deal.

[hjffkj]

Hehe, I just remembered I knew someone I could ask without them getting offended. Someone who is a few streets over who I befriended when she was taking classes at my dh's work. I quick Facebook message and she answered all my questions and gave me the name of her landlord who owns a few rentals in the neighborhood! I can't believe I forgot she lived in our neighborhood and rented.

[hjffkj]

Thank you all for the input. I am someone who has never understood hangups with regard to discussing financial things so I really have a hard time gauging what is appropriate. At least I know that and think hard before making others uncomfortable.

[school17777]

This made me chuckle. I had to explain to someone that you don't ask how many cattle they run. Of course, you can count bulls, multiply by 25 and figure it out, but many folks pasture them in several pastures just so that can't happen.

Explain it to me, please! I would never have known not to ask this. Plus, I don’t even know what it means for sure. I am assuming “run†means own.

 

Eta: and why would you multiply by 25 to figure it out?

Edited March 21, 2018 by school17777

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't generally like being asked such questions, but if you explained the reason I'd be fine with it.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Thank you all for the input. I am someone who has never understood hangups with regard to discussing financial things so I really have a hard time gauging what is appropriate. At least I know that and think hard before making others uncomfortable.

 

I don't understand it either except growing up my parents were so crazy secretive about money (for reasons I have no clue about).  I'm not by comparison, but I have to kinda stop those voices in my head because that's the sort of attitude I'm used to dealing with.

 

But asking for the reason you are asking is perfectly reasonable to me. 

Edited March 21, 2018 by SparklyUnicorn

[Tess in the Burbs]

LOL, well my neighbor and I just had this conversation.  We were outside anyway and I went over to say hi.  She asked me if we had decided to renew our rent...and I said yes, but sure enough I had to decide soon about another year.  I asked if they were able to get another year and she said they were hoping for a long term lease.  I asked her if she minded sharing what the new rate was.  She did, and I shared mine.  I do hope to use the info when I have to give  a yes/no upcoming b/c she is paying a lot less than me.  So in the right context it can help you both.  

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

LOL, well my neighbor and I just had this conversation. We were outside anyway and I went over to say hi. She asked me if we had decided to renew our rent...and I said yes, but sure enough I had to decide soon about another year. I asked if they were able to get another year and she said they were hoping for a long term lease. I asked her if she minded sharing what the new rate was. She did, and I shared mine. I do hope to use the info when I have to give a yes/no upcoming b/c she is paying a lot less than me. So in the right context it can help you both.

 

And this is why I think we should share!

[solascriptura]

Usually I'm a very hard person to offend.  But when we bought our house 3 years ago, it was really awkward how many people asked, "how much did you pay for it?"  Even ones who added, "if you don't mind me asking", it was really hard to say, no, I don't want to say, without feeling even more awkward.

 

The house was a step up for us, and I felt like people were going to start assuming we were money bags or something, or make other assumptions.  It probably would have been easier to tell a stranger actually, but it was friends and family asking, many of whom I know have different issues with money.  We keep our finances private for exactly that reason.

 

I'm not trying to argue about how you felt, but the price you paid for your house is public information.  It's right there online.  If someone wants to know how much I paid for my house all they have to do is google my address and it's right there.  If I want to know how much my kids' teachers are paid, again, all I have to do is look online.  I guess that's why I don't understand why people find it rude.  Perhaps people feel that the person asking will place some sort of judgment on the money made or spent.  My dh is extremely private about his salary and our finances.  I agree for his comfort, but I still don't agree with his non-existent reasoning.  He just "feels" that way.  

 

To the original poster, I would google similar size rentals online.  Again, this information isn't really private.  

 

Just an FYI,  in many cultures, it isn't unusual or offensive to discuss details of salary or money spent among acquaintances.  If someone (perhaps a visitor or recent immigrant) asks you, they aren't trying to offend you.  They most likely just do not understand the degree of privacy that American culture has placed on finances.  

Edited March 21, 2018 by solascriptura

[marbel]

I'm not trying to argue about how you felt, but the price you paid for your house is public information.  It's right there online.  If someone wants to know how much I paid for my house all they have to do is google my address and it's right there.  If I want to know how much my kids' teachers are paid, again, all I have to do is look online.  I guess that's why I don't understand why people find it rude.  Perhaps people feel that the person asking will place some sort of judgment on the money made or spent.  My dh is extremely private about his salary and our finances.  I agree for his comfort, but I still don't agree with his non-existent reasoning.  He just "feels" that way.  

 

<snip>

 

Right.  So there's really no reason for a person to ask and risk offending someone.  I think I've been asked just once, and IIRC I said something like "too much" which was true because we bought in 2007 at the peak of the market, just before everything crashed. Actually I hope I'd say something like "I've no idea why you think you need that information, but if you really do, you can look it up yourself."  Whether I'd actually say that or not, I don't know.  :-)   

 

My father was very private about things like this, which is I suppose why I am too. But I also don't see the need to satisfy peoples' idle curiosity. (I'm not talking about the OP's situation, but rather why someone would need to know how much another person paid for their house, or someone's salary.)

[solascriptura]

Right.  So there's really no reason for a person to ask and risk offending someone.  I think I've been asked just once, and IIRC I said something like "too much" which was true because we bought in 2007 at the peak of the market, just before everything crashed. Actually I hope I'd say something like "I've no idea why you think you need that information, but if you really do, you can look it up yourself."  Whether I'd actually say that or not, I don't know.  :-)   

 

My father was very private about things like this, which is I suppose why I am too. But I also don't see the need to satisfy peoples' idle curiosity. (I'm not talking about the OP's situation, but rather why someone would need to know how much another person paid for their house, or someone's salary.)

 

Yes,  this is why I don't ask; I know that it will offend some people.  While the dollar amounts are vastly different, I guess I don't see the difference if a friend asks me how much I paid for my house, car, groceries, sweater, shoes, etc.  I could care less if my friend thinks I paid too much for my house or cashmere sweater.  Is it idle curiosity?  Perhaps.  But a lot of the things that we think and talk about could be labeled as such.  Is it even idle?  

[goldberry]

I'm not trying to argue about how you felt, but the price you paid for your house is public information.  It's right there online.  If someone wants to know how much I paid for my house all they have to do is google my address and it's right there.  If I want to know how much my kids' teachers are paid, again, all I have to do is look online.  I guess that's why I don't understand why people find it rude.  Perhaps people feel that the person asking will place some sort of judgment on the money made or spent.  My dh is extremely private about his salary and our finances.  I agree for his comfort, but I still don't agree with his non-existent reasoning.  He just "feels" that way. 

 

My family might ask, but I seriously doubt they would go searching online for that information.  If they want it bad enough, then have at it, but I don't think it's likely. People can find a lot if they put in the effort, but many times it's just curiosity to fuel gossip, and they are too lazy to do much more than ask. 

 

It is not just a feeling when you have experienced certain things in your family dynamic.  There have most definitely been judgments and comments made, assumptions made.  Like who is "well off" and should be paying for certain things. Or that it's okay to ask to borrow money that won't be paid back. Or that so and so must think they are "above" everyone else, because you know, not down to earth enough.

 

I have seen it happen also with some friends who do very well financially, people have asked them about their house, etc, then made snide comments about them being materialistic or whatever.  I've seen it happen with family who are not well off, but when everyone knows their financial business they feel free to comment or judge their purchases or choices,  even what is in their cart at the grocery store.

 

There are actually quite a few reasons why someone might not want others knowing their financial business.  If you haven't had those experiences, you're fortunate!

[school17777]

I will know how much you make in any given year if I know how many calves you sold. Running, means how many do you own. On range, one bull can cover (breed) 25 cows, so it's simple arithmetic. Just like you'd not ask, "How many shares of IBM stock do you own?" or "How much is your pension?", you'd not ask how many head of cows do you run. It's the same as asking how much do you make in a year.

 

 

eta: when I'm asked what we run, I prevaricate and say, "Well, we had to cut the herd down quite a bit during the last drought."

 

Thanks for explaining! Now I’ll know better the next time I run into a rancher.

 

One more question, why can the bull only breed with 25 cows?

[nixpix5]

Personally, I wouldn't care at all if someone asked me, but I know that most people would find it rude. Money is a touchy subject for most Americans, but as to the reason why, I have no idea.

I don't understand why it's rude either. I have always been confused about this. It wouldn't bother me but seeing how you never know what is going to offend, I might say "we are thinking about renting out our house and I am wondering if you know what is normal for this area" and they might give you a ballpark.

[Pawz4me]

It's public information how much you paid for your home? This is news to me. Maybe not everyone knows that. I mean I know certain things can be found online or in public records, but I didn't think this was.

Home purchase prices are listed here with property tax records. All you need is an address or the property owner’s name.

[solascriptura]

Home purchase prices are listed here with property tax records. All you need is an address or the property owner’s name.

Yup. It's on Zillow.com and a few other sites.  I just took a look and it also lists the realtors we used and our taxes.  It's public domain.  Previously you would have to inquire at the courthouse or something, but now with google it takes seconds.

[theelfqueen]

Have they been renting it long? If they're new you could tell them you're considering renting your place and since they are more recently familiar with the market, could they tell you about the ranges they saw when looking in your neighborhood/at similar properties? Then you're not asking directly about THEIR money but the door is open for them to volunteer such info.

 

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[Carol in Cal.]

I'd leave them alone and try Craig's List.

[SparklyUnicorn]

It's public information how much you paid for your home? This is news to me. Maybe not everyone knows that. I mean I know certain things can be found online or in public records, but I didn't think this was. Also, as for the pay of the teacher... no, you wouldn't necessarily know that would you? I figure a) it goes by how long they've been teaching (would I know this?) and b) their district (might pay more than another in the same state) and possibly other factors like that they went from a bachelor's to a master's over the course of time they were teaching. Seriously, how would you pinpoint all that??

 

We did once speak to a neighbor about the lease increasing our rent... we shared a duplex though. I can't recall if we were paying the same, but were upset about cost going up when it was time to renew.

 

Yes.  They publish that in the newspaper too.  Here all home sales are published including who bought the property and how much they paid. 

 

All those on-line places like Trulia...they post that info too because it's public knowledge.