if you have young kids, how much time do you spend with your DH a night?

[caedmyn]

Wondering what "normal" is for the amount of time you spend with your DH in the evenings if you also have young kids (and assuming he's home in the evenings).

[lovinmyboys]

When my kids were very young, they went to bed at 7:00 and Dh and I would spend most evenings together. Now, they don’t go to bed nearly as early and we have multiple children in evening extracurriculars, so I feel like we rarely get “quality†time. We go different directions with the kids then go to bed about the same time they do. We do have family time several evenings a week.

[katilac]

Our kids went to bed about 8 o'clock when they were young, like until 9 or so for sure, so we always had a bit of time - like lovinmyboys says, more time than when they got older! 

 

And now I have to tell my favorite early bedtime story: when youngest was a preschooler, she woke up and walked into the living room to find dh and I watching TV and eating bowls of ice cream. She pointed her little finger at us and yelled, "I knew it! We're sleeping and you guys stay up and have ice cream parties!"  :lol:

 

 

[sassenach]

When my kids were young, we went to the bedroom when they did. So, at 10 and under, we were all in our rooms by 8:30. Dh and I would usually stay up till 11 or 12 (we were young and needed less sleep). Now, he and I will often go to the bedroom before our 15yo- usually around 9. I'm generally passed out by 10:30 at the latest. So we probably got more evening alone time when they were little. In fact, I know we did, because there are plenty of nights that the teens are hanging out with us until I fall asleep. 

 

So to recap, probably about 2-3 hours a night when they were little and 1/2- 1 1/2 now.

 

But we can go out on dates without hiring a babysitter now, so it's a wash.

[Caclcoca]

We definitely had more time together when our kids were little. Now at least two of them stay up later than I do. If I want alone time with my husband, we have to kick them upstairs to their rooms. Our only TV is downstairs, so everyone wants to be down here.

[Jean in Newcastle]

When my kids were young we often were ships passing in the night. His work schedule was evening shift (worked 3 pm to 11 pm). I was in bed by the time he got home and woke up with the kids before he got up. It was a season.

 

Now my kids are older and he works days but we often don’t have “alone†time. We try to schedule dates about once a week. I am happy with our marriage but I am sure that different people have different needs.

 

 

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[Megbo]

Alone? About an hour each night, with a full evening together (3-4 hours) once a week. 

[KungFuPanda]

I found it much easier to get time alone with Dh in the evening when my kids were young and I controlled their bedtimes. It’s impossible to stay up later than teenagers 😂

[maize]

Maybe 2 hours a week?

[happypamama]

We have small children AND we have teenagers.

 

An hour if we're lucky.  But tbh, we don't have the same hobbies, and both of us are very introverted.  We interact constantly via text throughout the day, and that actually gives us plenty of communication time.  It's pretty rare that we actually sit down and watch TV together at night.  Sometimes we're both hanging out and playing on/reading stuff/watching stuff on our separate phones and occasionally sharing something with the other, or we're otherwise doing two activities in the same room for a bit, but usually if all the stars align and all kids are asleep or at least in their rooms, we won't opt for TV.  (Which is probably why we have all the kids, hehe.) 

[Ellie]

Dc were in bed by 7:30 or 8, we went to bed around 11, so that much uninterrupted time together. But we counted *all* time together as time together. :-)

[MaeFlowers]

I'll be the exception. None. Once the dc are to bed, we go our seperate ways. He watches tv while I read or work on the computer.

[Miss Peregrine]

I'll be the exception. None. Once the dc are to bed, we go our seperate ways. He watches tv while I read or work on the computer.

Same.

[Tap]

Who???  That guy who lives here and  starts the coffee in the morning? We say HI, and that is about it.  Right now it is 854 on a Sunday night, we spoke for about 15 minutes, he is upstairs getting his clothes ready for tomorrow. Im visiting here and that is it for the day. I work on Sundays and am not chatty when I get home. This is Pretty typical for us.  I have texted more conversation today with my coworkers than he and I spent talking. LOL

[hjffkj]

The kids are in bed between 7:30 and 8, dh gets home by 9:30, then we go to bed around 12 or 1am. All the time between when he gets home and when we go to bed is together. Most of the time it is specifically doing something together, like watching a movie, playing board games, TeA, just talking, etc. But 1 or 2 nights a week we are both in the same room doings our own things but still interaction together occasionally. Like right now he's playing on his PS4 with an online friends while I work on my book. We're in the same room and will talk in between his game rounds.

[DawnM]

I feel like we really only had time on weekends.  When they were very young, I worked full time.  Dh and I had staggered schedules.  I went to work early, DH went in later, I got home early, DH got home pretty late.

 

Then we moved to NC and I stopped working, and we had a little more time together.  Although that was also around the time we started doing evening activities.  Scouts, church, soccer, etc....so we didn't have much time together alone.

 

Now they are teens and I am back to working full time.  Dh and I could have more time together, but we are now TIRED.....hahaha!!!!  We rarely go anywhere alone that doesn't involve the kids or an activity at church or something.

[EMS83]

More than now, really.  Though the potential is still more or less the same; I just have my own computer now.  Poor guy.   :leaving:

Bedtime has always been 7:00 - 7:30, though these days sometimes I get them to bed as late as 9:00.  I go to bed around 11:00.  So theoretically, we have at least 2 hours together every evening.

 

We have also always had two nights each month where one or other set of grandparents took the kids overnight, so that has helped a great deal.  It's a luxury I know many couples don't have.

[fairfarmhand]

I got way way more time with my dh when they were little. Now I’m lucky to get a half hour here and there. In the evening I have this annoying habit of falling asleep.

 

 

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[mytwomonkeys]

When they were little my children went to bed by 7:30, so we had each evening to ourselves. Now they are teenagers & we have a date night each Wednesday when they’re at youth group. And realistically, we can be alone whenever we want now because they’re old enough to stay home alone. When they were young though, we relied heavily on a strict bedtime routine (not just for our alone time, but also for my sanity).

[Mimm]

We are hard core introverts who often don't spend time together at the end of the day. I feel like we should, but sometimes we just need to be alone at the end of the day. We're in a pretty healthy place right now, relationship wise, so I don't feel bad about the amount of time we spend together. But if we want to hang out, the older girls go to bed at 10, so we have about an hour in the evenings before I'm tired and need to sleep. Sometimes less, sometimes more.

[barnwife]

Zero most nights, but that's because DH works 12 hour night shifts. On one of his off nights each week, I leave after dinner to go anywhere but here. So it's zero that night too. Which only leaves a couple other nights.

IOW, we are in a season of life where we don't really see each other. I hate it. It's...definitely affecting us, but I don't see a way around it.

[Selkie]

When they were little, we spent several hours together each evening. We only have three kids and they are close in age, so it was easy to send everyone to bed early.

 

I kind of miss those days now that our evenings are busier and there are teens milling around until the wee hours of the morning.  :)

[marbel]

We had very little time alone together.  My kids tired me out when they were little so in the evenings I was ready for sleep.  My husband traveled a good bit and had a demanding job; we also had a demanding house in term of yard work, maintenance, etc.  

 

I guess we still don't have much time alone together, though we are starting to go out more.  I don't like going out to dinner very often (mainly because of the expense and disappointment over the quality of the food) but lately we have been going out for a beer/glass of wine occasionally, preferably to a place with live music.  I'd like to do more of that.

 

We have had some times when we rarely connected.  We always acknowledge it and remind each other that it will pass.  I think just being open about it and accepting it as a season of life helps us get through those inevitable times.  (inevitable for us, not everyone.)

 

 

[alisoncooks]

I'll be the exception. None. Once the dc are to bed, we go our seperate ways. He watches tv while I read or work on the computer.

Same. DH catches up on shows or YouTube channels. I go to the bedroom and read or fold laundry while watching tv.

[Farrar]

When the kids were really little, none whatsoever. His schedule is weird, but it wasn't so much about that. It was more that they required so much attention and we were so exhausted. We had to carve out time at other times.

 

After about age 5 or so, we would get time in the evenings together - we didn't always take it, but we would have a couple of hours together if we wanted it, to watch TV and chat and so forth. Now that the kids are older, we can do whatever we like. Bye, kids, mommy and daddy'll be back around midnight. Turn off the screens at some point.

[happypamama]

Zero most nights, but that's because DH works 12 hour night shifts. On one of his off nights each week, I leave after dinner to go anywhere but here. So it's zero that night too. Which only leaves a couple other nights.

 

IOW, we are in a season of life where we don't really see each other. I hate it. It's...definitely affecting us, but I don't see a way around it.

I clicked "like" for the "I leave to go anywhere but here," not for you and your DH not seeing each other.  That's lousy.

[SparklyUnicorn]

We didn't get a whole lot of alone time when our kids were little.  It's a lot easier now that they are 12 and 16!

 

 

[mamaraby]

Well, when my kids were little, dh worked less. That’s before he took the pay cut so when he got home from working second shift, we’d stay up hang out for a little bit before going to bed. He’d also be more likely to be home in the mornings before he went to work second shift. The kids went to bed around 7pm. On his days off, we’d spend time together after the kids went to bed.

 

Dh works more now so we spend time together differently. It’s probably less time over all, but that’s less to do with the kids and more to do with other concerns.

 

That being said, we’ve always spent quite a bit of time talking here and there through out the day, especially after getting the smartphones. In fact, being able to do that here and there, a little at a time, has been hugely helpful for us. Also, when I say we spend time together, it can also be in parallel, individual pursuits. Last night, dh played a game while I read a book. For us, that counts.