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Feeling overwhelmed - upset with myself


Teresa in MO
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Ever since my dh passed away 18 months ago, I get very overwhelmed at times worrying about financial matters, and sometimes just day to day decisions that have to be made.  While we had a fair amount of life insurance on him, it will definitely not be enough to last my lifetime.  My hope is that its enough to see me through till my youngest dc reaches adulthood.  And I think it will or would if not for having to worry about this.  My 20 yo dd was in an accident about 2 months after my dh passed away.  She thought she was at a 4 way stop sign, but traffic the other way did not have to stop.  The other car was basically sideswiped down the passengers side.  There was front end damage to my dd's car, which my son was able to fix.  The other car was damaged down pretty much the entire passengers side.  Speed limit was only 20 mph, but my son believes for the amount of damage done, that the other driver was going considerably faster than that.  The accident was relatively minor.  The police came and made them exchange insurance information, but we don't believe a police report was made.  My son was there when the police officer asked the other driver if she was hurt.  She was running around mad and said no she was fine, but then said Oh, I don't know.  We knew that she had retained a lawyer last year.  Got a letter yesterday that she will settle the claim for 350K!!  My policy limit is $100,000.  My dd is on my auto insurance policy.  Insurance is just so expensive on their own policy and because they pay for their own college, we usually keep them on our policy until the graduate from college.  Looking back now, I realize that this was stupid, stupid, stupid!  And we had no umbrella policy.  I tried to get one after the accident (knowing it would not cover the accident, but for the future going forward), but they will not issue one until the accident has been closed.

 

I ask myself how I was so stupid when it came to both life insurance, auto insurance, and the need for an umbrella policy. I did not realize they were so reasonably priced.   I didn't sleep much at all last night.  I won't be able to talk to the claims adjuster until Monday.  And my body does not react good to added stress.  Sometimes it just feels like too much.  Thanks for letting me vent.  

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You are not responsible for your daughter's liabilities unless the other side can make a claim for "negligent entrustment," which means you let her drive your car knowing she was an unsafe driver.  I would imagine that your daughter is judgment proof, so I would (1) definitely let your insurance handle it; and (2) tell 'em to bring it on.  Worst case scenario:  they sue your daughter, get a judgment she can't pay, and she declares bankruptcy, having liquidated her assets that probably include--what, a dozen pair of shoes, a nice purse?  In other words, nothing they want.

 

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THIS.  Much, much worse accidents--those with real damages--have settled for tons less than the policy limit.  I'll bet your insurance company settles for $10,000 or less.  

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My husband was in an accident (his fault) several years ago and we received that same scary letter from a law office.  Talk to your insurer.  They should be the ones handling all of this.

 

We had only liability (the absolute minimum, at that!).  Our insurance company reassured us that this happens all the time... let them handle it. We did, and the lady had her damages paid, no drama.  ;)

 

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You are not responsible for your daughter's liabilities unless the other side can make a claim for "negligent entrustment," which means you let her drive your car knowing she was an unsafe driver.  I would imagine that your daughter is judgment proof, so I would (1) definitely let your insurance handle it; and (2) tell 'em to bring it on.  Worst case scenario:  they sue your daughter, get a judgment she can't pay, and she declares bankruptcy, having liquidated her assets that probably include--what, a dozen pair of shoes, a nice purse?  In other words, nothing they want.

 

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THIS.  Much, much worse accidents--those with real damages--have settled for tons less than the policy limit.  I'll bet your insurance company settles for $10,000 or less.  

 

 

I want to second this. Do NOT lose any more sleep over this. In the worst case you could retain a lawyer as well which would still be less expensive than 350K.

This is why we have insurance and while I don't know everything about insurance law, I think they have to go to bat for you since you are their client.

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I’m going through this right now with my son’s recent car accident. Hasn’t your insurance agent been handling this? It should be going through them.

 

((Hugs))

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Jean, can I ask if your son was on your auto insurance policy?  Thanks everyone for responding.  I know logically I need not to worry about this, but my body doesn't alway listen to my mind, if that makes sense.  The letter states that she has offered to settle the claim for $350K and that anything over my policy limit might be my dd's responsibility and that we have a right to retain a lawyer.  I talked to my agent and she is reaching out to the claims adjuster to get more information on Monday.  The car was titled in my dd's name, but her insurance is on my policy.  

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Hugs hugs hugs.

 

Let the insurance company handle it. Been through something like this with a family member. The insurance company's lawyer was like a rabid dog and got the claim settled quickly.

 

Speculating, but it seems the fact there's no police report will work in your favor, because that means there was no blame assigned (did she get a ticket at the scene?).

 

Seriously, though, let your insurance company handle it.

Edited by Seasider
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Jean, can I ask if your son was on your auto insurance policy? Thanks everyone for responding. I know logically I need not to worry about this, but my body doesn't alway listen to my mind, if that makes sense. The letter states that she has offered to settle the claim for $350K and that anything over my policy limit might be my dd's responsibility and that we have a right to retain a lawyer. I talked to my agent and she is reaching out to the claims adjuster to get more information on Monday. The car was titled in my dd's name, but her insurance is on my policy.

Yes, he is on our insurance. And yes, the car was titled in his name.

 

If someone called the police then there should be a police report. Your insurance adjuster should ask the police for the report. Your adjuster should be able to talk you through each aspect of the policy- personal injury, collision etc. I have asked so many questions-more than once on some of them! I hope that your dd is ok physically.

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I want to reiterate that having her on your insurance does NOT make you liable for anything! It makes your insurance company liable up to the policy limits; it does not make you personally liable for any judgment that might get assessed against her. If, like most 20 year olds, she is judgment proof, it means that the scumbag who is threatening her is SOL even in the very unlikely event that she gets a judgment over the policy limits.

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In addition to all the very good words above, I’d like to say - do NOT respond to this letter in ANY way. If the person or his or her representative should contact you by phone or text or in any way, your only response should be something on the order of “my insurance company is handling thisâ€. Then hang up. No other conversation!! Tell your daughter this, also.

 

Hang in there - I agree with the others - you’re not liable and this will all get settled in the end by the insurance company. These people are just trying to scare you and scam you!

 

Anne

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In addition to all the very good words above, I’d like to say - do NOT respond to this letter in ANY way. If the person or his or her representative should contact you by phone or text or in any way, your only response should be something on the order of “my insurance company is handling thisâ€. Then hang up. No other conversation!! Tell your daughter this, also.

 

Hang in there - I agree with the others - you’re not liable and this will all get settled in the end by the insurance company. These people are just trying to scare you and scam you!

 

Anne

Oh yes! These were the exact instructions given to us by the insurance company's lawyer. Do not speak to anyone else, no matter how they bait you.

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Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm a little confused though when everyone says to let the insurance company handle it. The letter I got (my dd got one letter and I got a cc) was from my insurance company. I also got a release form from my insurance company for permission to let the other party know my policy limits. Not sure if that's in my best interest or not.

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Please let your insurance company handle this. I have worked for a few different attorneys/firms who defend claims against auto insurance companies. While I don't know your specific circumstances or the state law in MO, I can't recall EVER seeing a case settle for MORE than the insurance coverage. If I were in your situation, I would have every expectation that, at some point down the line, the case will settle for well UNDER $100,000, or possibly the maximum. Your insurance company knows this, and the other person's attorney knows this. It would be extremely unusual for you to have to come up with anything more.

 

Please don't let yourself worry about this, and just let them handle it. It's why you have insurance.

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  

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Teresa, try to calm down. This will be okay and you are not going to be bankrupt. :grouphug:

 

We got sued after my husband rear-ended someone a few years ago, so he was at fault. The other party made no claims for 2.5 years and then sued us for 60K + for pain and suffering and medical treatments (mostly acupuncture and chiropractor bills). Our insurance's lawyer handed it and it went it front of a judge when they refused to settle. The judge gave them about 23K - about 1/3 of what they asked for. 

 

Your insurance will handle it for you! The first we knew about our lawsuit was when my husband was served a subpoena at the front door. The other party had already filed suit.  The person/lawyer who sent you a letter is trying to get you to agree to terms that favor them. The lawyer your insurance will provide is experienced at fighting this. Don't respond to the letter in any way - let the lawyer do it all.The other party knows they will need to prove vehicle damage, physical injuries (with medical records) and doctor visits. For that amount if money, they would need to be able to prove injuries with tests that diagnose an injury directly related to the accident. Was an ambulance called to the scene? Did they go directly to the hospital and require a CAT scan, MRI, x-rays? Were they admitted? I am pretty sure there would need to be extensive medical documentation to get that level of settlement, otherwise there is no way they are getting that amount of money.  If you google personal injury law you should be reassured.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

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Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm a little confused though when everyone says to let the insurance company handle it. The letter I got (my dd got one letter and I got a cc) was from my insurance company. I also got a release form from my insurance company for permission to let the other party know my policy limits. Not sure if that's in my best interest or not.

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What plansme said. The driver who blew a stop sign and hit us almost four years ago was 20, we got paperwork she declared bankruptcy last year since our insurance company, after covering half a million (!!!) in medical bills for us went after UNINSURED her to get their money back. Because the driver (and her passenger who actually owned the car) were over 18 their parent's assets were untouchable.

 

 

Of course the other side will try and make you think you have to come up with $350,000. Let your insurer handle this. Don't talk with or deal with the other side at all yourself, or let your dd do so. You had insurance for $100,000 so providing they have proof of medical expenses, that is all they can get. From your insurance.

 

BTW - to have $350,000 of medical expenses, I had a broken leg, internal bleeding that required emergency surgery to repair a torn artery and removed part of my colon and then a "poop bag" for four months before more surgery to put innards back together, and between hospital and rehab a full MONTH away from home, then a hospital bed, walker and wheelchair at home. Hubby, another $150,000, had a broken ankle, broken ribs, broken wrist and his own hospital bed at home etc. If that other driver was able to be running around her car bellyaching right after a mere sideswipe, than I doubt she has major medical bills. We had to be dragged out of our busted car.

Edited by JFSinIL
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Does the other party share the same insurance carrier, e.g. do you both have Allstate or Geico Insurance? I'm not sure how that would work, but I think you should call YOUR personal agent and show him/her the letter. Your liability coverage means that your insurance will provide you with lawyer to fight the suit, if in fact a lawsuit has been filed. 

 

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm a little confused though when everyone says to let the insurance company handle it. The letter I got (my dd got one letter and I got a cc) was from my insurance company. I also got a release form from my insurance company for permission to let the other party know my policy limits. Not sure if that's in my best interest or not.

 

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Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm a little confused though when everyone says to let the insurance company handle it. The letter I got (my dd got one letter and I got a cc) was from my insurance company. I also got a release form from my insurance company for permission to let the other party know my policy limits. Not sure if that's in my best interest or not.

 

It sounds like the insurance company's lawyer is just keeping you informed about what's going on, as he is required to do.  She could offer to settle for $12 billion, and he is still ethically obligated to share that offer with you.  I would call the insurance company on Monday and see what's going on (and, really--would it have killed them to add an explanatory cover letter?) but it sounds like they're on it.  

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Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm a little confused though when everyone says to let the insurance company handle it. The letter I got (my dd got one letter and I got a cc) was from my insurance company. I also got a release form from my insurance company for permission to let the other party know my policy limits. Not sure if that's in my best interest or not.

 

WIthout knowing exactly what the letter said, it's hard to know if they were just letting you know- Hey, this is happening, or if they're telling you- Hey, this is your problem not ours.

 

My very strong guess is it's the first.

 

I got served in our driveway with papers. Dh was getting sued in a no-fault accident for 500K. Honestly, I would have loved to have gotten a letter from the ins company giving us the heads up. Instead, I came undone thinking we were on our own. 

 

In the end, there was a few months of depositions and negotiations (all with the insurance company's lawyers), and the plaintiffs settled for 10k, if I remember correctly.

 

Your insurance company, who is liable for the first 100k, would prefer to pay as little as possible. They have a vested interest in negotiating this down. Based on your description of the accident, I doubt the driver has 100K in damages.

 

((((hugs)))) and prayers for you. This isn't easy to do on your own. 

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I’m sorry!

 

We went through being sued after an accident, it was really unsettling at first. But, it’s a slow process and the insurance companies will fight it out. Your insurance company most likely will (or has) hired an attorney that will work on your behalf.

 

Ours ended up being settled for under $20k, after starting out much more than the policy limit. The insurance company paid it and we never heard another word. Hopefully your case will settle quickly as well.

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Just because your daughter was on your policy, that does not mean you are responsible for anything the policy does not cover.

 

The insurance company will probably negotiate this down under the $100,000 and then pay it.

 

In the unlikely event your daughter ends up responsible for any amount, she could declare bankruptcy as I assume she is not flush with assets.

 

Please don't worry any more about this.

Edited by SKL
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Have you called your insurance company to ask them for more details? I wouldn't know how to understand a letter like that (or even if it truly is from your insurance company, or if they insure both parties). Get an agent on the phone and ask them if they sent the letters, what it means, what the next steps will be, what's at stake in disclosing to the other party your insurance limits, how long the process might take, etc. 

 

If the agent you speak to isn't knowledgeable or personable enough, try calling again to get someone else who can better answer your questions, or ask for a supervisor.

 

I'm so sorry you need to handle this on top of the grief and loss of your dh.

 

Amy

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Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm a little confused though when everyone says to let the insurance company handle it. The letter I got (my dd got one letter and I got a cc) was from my insurance company. I also got a release form from my insurance company for permission to let the other party know my policy limits. Not sure if that's in my best interest or not.

Was the insurance company just letting you know that they received this letter?

 

It is ok to let the other company know your coverage. That’s part of the exchange of insurance information.

 

What we have done since my son’s accident.

1.. called police from the scene. Gave statement to police.

2. Police took care of the exchange of insurance information because Ds was being treated at the scene by EMTs.

3. notified insurance immediately from the scene

4.. took detailed pictures at the scene. (Later forwarded these to insurance)

5.. Dh arrived and took Ds to ER.

6. Police had car towed since it was not drivable.

 

7. Next day: formally opened insurance claim. Gave statement to insurance over the phone.

8. Got an assessment from regular doctor. Filled out medical forms detailing findings for insurance.

9. Opened a personal injury claim with same insurance company. Talked with medical claim adjuster (different person than auto claim adjuster)

10.. Gave claim number and information to doctor’s office so that they can send all bills to auto insurance company. They are in charge of trying to get other company to pay. If not, then our company will pay because Ds had personal injury protection.

11. Got on scene accident notes from police officer. Our insurance is also asking for further reports including possible arrest information on the other driver (it’s complicated).

12. Visited tow yard to get personal items out of car. Filled out paperwork for them.

13. Talked to other insurance and gave them permission to pay tow yard to release the car and tow it to their lot. (This us a good thing because they are assuming responsibility for the costs of Ds’ car at the moment).

14. Filled out paperwork for medical adjuster including information on Ds’ lost wages as he’s been unable to work.

15. .Talked to other insurance at our insurance company’s request and gave them information on Ds’ lost wages. (This also is a good thing because it indicates that they are at least considering taking responsibility for this)

16. If we had collision insurance on Ds’ car (we didn’t) then our insurance company would have forms and information on repairs or replacement. In our case, the other driver was clearly at fault (possibly even criminally) so his insurance (not him personally) should be liable for some degree of replacement value.

 

It is a big job dealing with all of this.

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Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm a little confused though when everyone says to let the insurance company handle it. The letter I got (my dd got one letter and I got a cc) was from my insurance company. I also got a release form from my insurance company for permission to let the other party know my policy limits. Not sure if that's in my best interest or not.

 

 

You can call, but I would show up at my insurance agent's office.  I would want a face to face to figure out what is going on. Have him/her go over the steps with you so that you understand.  This is overwhelming! Don't be afraid to ask the agent to reexplain or to rephrase so that you understand.  This is stressful and you should ease your stress by being armed with as much information as you can.  

 

:grouphug:

 

The other party will most likely not go for anymore than your insurance can pay.  People know they can't win that.  They are just trying to find out how much your insurance will pay out, then they will settle for that amount.  

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Was the insurance company just letting you know that they received this letter?

 

It is ok to let the other company know your coverage. That’s part of the exchange of insurance information.

 

What we have done since my son’s accident.

1.. called police from the scene. Gave statement to police.

2. Police took care of the exchange of insurance information because Ds was being treated at the scene by EMTs.

3. notified insurance immediately from the scene

4.. took detailed pictures at the scene. (Later forwarded these to insurance)

5.. Dh arrived and took Ds to ER.

6. Police had car towed since it was not drivable.

 

7. Next day: formally opened insurance claim. Gave statement to insurance over the phone.

8. Got an assessment from regular doctor. Filled out medical forms detailing findings for insurance.

9. Opened a personal injury claim with same insurance company. Talked with medical claim adjuster (different person than auto claim adjuster)

10.. Gave claim number and information to doctor’s office so that they can send all bills to auto insurance company. They are in charge of trying to get other company to pay. If not, then our company will pay because Ds had personal injury protection.

11. Got on scene accident notes from police officer. Our insurance is also asking for further reports including possible arrest information on the other driver (it’s complicated).

12. Visited tow yard to get personal items out of car. Filled out paperwork for them.

13. Talked to other insurance and gave them permission to pay tow yard to release the car and tow it to their lot. (This us a good thing because they are assuming responsibility for the costs of Ds’ car at the moment).

14. Filled out paperwork for medical adjuster including information on Ds’ lost wages as he’s been unable to work.

15. .Talked to other insurance at our insurance company’s request and gave them information on Ds’ lost wages. (This also is a good thing because it indicates that they are at least considering taking responsibility for this)

16. If we had collision insurance on Ds’ car (we didn’t) then our insurance company would have forms and information on repairs or replacement. In our case, the other driver was clearly at fault (possibly even criminally) so his insurance (not him personally) should be liable for some degree of replacement value.

 

It is a big job dealing with all of this.

 

 

Is it ever! I was in a tiny accident late September 2017. Someone sideswiped me and the total repair for my car was just under $3000 just to give you an idea how minor the damage was. Just a little dent in the passenger side door.

But dealing with insurance this and that (everything was taken care of) took until December.

 

Teresa, let the insurance do their thing. It's a SLOW process but eventually it should all get sorted out.

Edited by Liz CA
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You can call, but I would show up at my insurance agent's office. I would want a face to face to figure out what is going on. Have him/her go over the steps with you so that you understand. This is overwhelming! Don't be afraid to ask the agent to reexplain or to rephrase so that you understand. This is stressful and you should ease your stress by being armed with as much information as you can.

 

:grouphug:

 

The other party will most likely not go for anymore than your insurance can pay. People know they can't win that. They are just trying to find out how much your insurance will pay out, then they will settle for that amount.

Agreeing with contacting your agent first thing Monday, but IME, this was handled by a designated division of the corporate level. So, your local agent may not have all the answers immediately but should be able to connect you with the actual company rep handling the case.

 

And, I'm going to disagree with Jean about providing any further info to the other party. You exchanged insurance info at the scene, leave it at that and direct all further inquiries to the person the insurance company tells you to - which will likely eventually be the lawyer they hire, but may be a company rep. Our specific instructions were to not share any info or engage in conversation, but to immediately notify the ins company lawyer with word of any type of communication received from the other party.

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Don't sign anything. Your insurance should pay for a good lawyer that will push to settle for less.

 

I've been tied up in one of these as an executor of an estate for two years (they sued the deceased a few months before he died), and State Farm got "big guns" that have handled everything. It's slow and frustrating, but we're optimistic that it will end within the next few months. 

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