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  1. 1. Would you consider this room a mess

    • Yes!
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    • Nope!
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Me, too. I have never really cared too much about having a messy house. I am not a good housekeeper. And I 100% do not care if you are a bad housekeeper, too. I have a couple of friends who get very, very stressed at how messy their houses are. They don’t really care for their own sakes, but the second someone will step in, they get all upset. No matter how many times I say that I do not care about their mess, they just can’t believe it and spend a lot of time being tense and talking about how they meant to tidy up, blah blah. I get so bored of the conversation.

 

 

I also adore house tours and feel very funny when someone doesn’t offer one. My family always offered a tour so I thought that was the norm. Even though I now know that lots of people don’t like offering/going on tours, I still feel a little off center when I’m not offered one. I’m very curious about houses and it feels strange to be friends with someone and have never seen parts of their house. I don’t feel mad or insulted. Just a little off center.

 

There have been threads in the past about house tours and about half of us like them and half of us don’t. Once I read those threads in the past I better understood people who don’t offer. And it also explained why the last time I offered a tour, the person got really snarky about it and was all, “Why in the world would I want a tour?†(And no, I’m no longer friends with that person. Wasn’t about the tour, but was about the snark that permeated our interactions.). I haven’t had a new person visit the house since that last snarky person, for a thousand different reasons that would require a different thread to talk about.

 

So, the next person that comes into my house, I’m not sure what to do: offer a tour or not?

 

This is fascinating to me.  I'm not arguing with you, but it kind of blows my mind that it makes you feel odd if you go to someone's house and they don't offer you a tour.

 

So I'm not being snarky or mean, but I'm just turning this around and asking:  why do you think a person is obligated to open their entire home to you in order to satisfy your curiosity about it?

 

I was married to my husband for over 15 years, and had stayed in his parents' home many times,before I saw the whole thing.  There are parts to their house that were not relevant to me, or to our relationship.  Same with other family members.  I just realized that I've stayed in 2 of my nieces' homes and have never seen the whole thing.  I saw the rooms I needed to use, and the rooms they wanted me to see.

 

Again, not arguing with you but this attitude is just fascinating to me because I have never encountered it.  And, honestly, I hate the idea that someone might think our relationship is off because I haven't shown them my whole house. 

 

ETA: the person who was snarky with you about your house tour offer was out of line.  When I've been asked if I want to see the house, I always say "sure" but under most circumstances I'd really rather not.  I always wonder what kids think about strangers peering into their bedrooms.

Edited by marbel
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This is fascinating to me.  I'm not arguing with you, but it kind of blows my mind that it makes you feel odd if you go to someone's house and they don't offer you a tour.

 

So I'm not being snarky or mean, but I'm just turning this around and asking:  why do you think a person is obligated to open their entire home to you in order to satisfy your curiosity about it?

 

I was married to my husband for over 15 years, and had stayed in his parents' home many times,before I saw the whole thing.  There are parts to their house that were not relevant to me, or to our relationship.  Same with other family members.  I just realized that I've stayed in 2 of my nieces' homes and have never seen the whole thing.  I saw the rooms I needed to use, and the rooms they wanted me to see.

 

Again, not arguing with you but this attitude is just fascinating to me because I have never encountered it.  And, honestly, I hate the idea that someone might think our relationship is off because I haven't shown them my whole house. 

 

ETA: the person who was snarky with you about your house tour offer was out of line.  When I've been asked if I want to see the house, I always say "sure" but under most circumstances I'd really rather not.  I always wonder what kids think about strangers peering into their bedrooms.

 

You know, I've been wondering the same thing today.  Here are some thoughts: 

 

When you're growing up, there are some things that you know you do differently from other people.  And there are other things that you honestly think everyone does the same way.  And it's a bit of a surprise when you realize that not everyone does X the way you do X.  When I was growing up, we always gave a tour of the house, and everyone we visited gave tours of their houses.  It wasn't a big deal.   It was just a nice thing to do.  

 

So, I grew up thinking we were all that way; that we all enjoyed seeing other people's houses  My family was very quirky and had a lot of fun things in their house and people seemed to enjoy looking at their stuff.  It was common for guests to be slightly distracted for the first few minutes in the house because there was so much stuff to look at.  Not clutter, just stuff.  My mother decorated as if she lived in a pleasant and homey antique store.  People seemed to like her style and enjoyed seeing the whole house.  So many fun little doo-dads to look at and lots of interesting furniture.  She didn't brag about it like another poster said.  But people just enjoyed looking at it.

 

When I finally did find out (only a few years ago, here on WTM) that people actually disliked going on a tour, I was honestly shocked.  I had no idea.  I could understand not wanting to *give* one, if you had parts of the house you felt private about, or where you'd stuffed some clutter or where you hadn't cleaned.  But I was honestly surprised to find out that people don't want to *see* houses.  I remember my mom and I talking about how nice it was when people left their curtains open at night and you got a tiny glimpse of their houses as you walked by.  Not being like a peeping Tom and walking up to the window and peering in, but just a glimpse as you were walking by. I thought everyone felt the same way.  It was nice to see all the different ways that people would use their space--the creativity of people.

 

So now, I've been wondering today why anyone would show the house.  Why did my family give tours?  Why did our friends?  I was thinking that maybe (and this is just a theory I made up today), it's a comforting feeling on a primal level--to know all about your surroundings.  Where are the exits?  Where are the empty rooms?  What's in the rooms?  What if you had to run through them to get out?  Is there anyone else in a room?  Or a danger in a room?  

 

Now, I've never consciously thought of these things (where are the exits, is there danger), and that's why it's just a theory.  But maybe people like tours because it provides the guest with a sense of feeling secure in their location and knowing what's around them so they can feel safe.

 

And that could be complete bunk. But it's a thought.  :)

 

Also, it could be a sense of exposing who you are as a friend to another person, and being a way to connect deeper and show a commitment to the friendship.  Like, I don't really like to let people know what I'm reading.  I feel exposed.  But if I can find someone who likes the same books I do, then I feel a deeper connection with them if I open up to them about what I like.  We are sharing something of ourselves.  Perhaps giving a tour is like letting people know a part of yourself that allows them to connect to you.  

 

And I can understand why people would not want to give a tour, if doing so makes them feel exposed (as I do with books.)

 

I can't really answer you, but it's been fun to talk about it and try to figure it out.  :)

Edited by Garga
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I don't care, but then again we're a more messy than clean family. :) I have friends whom I am more willing to have over time because I know they don't care vs. those who I know will gossip after. (Yes, it gets back to me.)

 

When I'm a visitor to a friends house and they are apologetic about the state... sometimes they're just saying that, and there's truly nothing wrong...no more than normal living mess or often it's spotless. But I also have friends who are overwhelmed with little ones, not a lot of space, etc.... who know that I'll often pitch in to help put things right. Two adults can get a lot done in even 30 minutes. Or while they're feeding the baby, I'll do the dishes, etc.

 

I actually wish I could do things like they do in Egypt. You have one or two reception rooms designed for company. (Some families actually have one for female, and one for male visitors.) These are kept spotless. Nobody goes in them unless company comes. People who visit, know not to visit other parts of the house. Problem solved.

Your last paragraph- that was sort of my strategy for many years when the kids were little. Front rooms were kept clean and as ready as possible. Back rooms? Enter at your own risk. And I would joke with guests, you're free to open closets, but any door you open on your own could set off an avalanche!

 

We've moved around and not all my houses had flirt plans that lent themselves to this strategy, though.

 

I think the photo in the OP is simply a lived in room. I'd straighten it for company but not lose heart over it falling to pieces again in the course of a busy day/week.

 

House tours - I am always surprised when someone offers to give one, and am usually interested and go with the flow. I am usually unnerved, though, when people seem to expect it outright ask of one of my home. I feel like if the door is open, you're free to have a look in that room. But if a door is closed, it's for a reason.

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House tours - I am always surprised when someone offers to give one, and am usually interested and go with the flow. I am usually unnerved, though, when people seem to expect it outright ask of one of my home. I feel like if the door is open, you're free to have a look in that room. But if a door is closed, it's for a reason.

There have been times I’ve wanted to ask, but I never ever would actually ask for a tour. To ask for a tour is really strange. I mean, even though I’m the one who grew up thinking everyone did tours, I still knew never to ask for one when I got older and someone wouldn’t offer.

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There have been times I’ve wanted to ask, but I never ever would actually ask for a tour. To ask for a tour is really strange. I mean, even though I’m the one who grew up thinking everyone did tours, I still knew never to ask for one when I got older and someone wouldn’t offer.

Yes, I am often curious but would never ask! And I really never expect it, not having grown up with that as customary.

 

Like you, I love when I'm walking or riding through an area and folks have their windows open. I like that glimpse of their home. But they are the ones choosing to leave those windows open, right? And I never slow down and stare, it's just a glance. No girl on the train type peeking!

 

I think when someone moves into a new place or maybe does some serious remodeling, a tour - given it or asked for - might feel more appropriate. But if I've been there a while, I've likely got some personally lived-in places that I don't feel has to be shared with everyone. Also, once my kids are old enough to feel a sense of privacy about their own spaces, I wouldn't take a visitor through them.

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I grew up with the tour thing, but it seems weird now. I’ll stick to the public areas of your house, thank you. If I’m not an overnight guest I do not need to see any of the sleeping areas of your home. I don’t get it. Are you proud of your throw pillows or something?

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Oh no. I think it is so inappropriate for someone to ask for a house tour. What the heck? My family's bedrooms are not for public viewing. And how embarrassing for everyone when the host says no. How does one even say no politely?

 

I do agree it's weird to offer a tour.

 

I didn't think it was odd or inappropriate at all for our friends and family members to ask for a tour after we'd bought a new house. We had moved from a much, much smaller downtown home, to an outskirt home in a subdivision. Our new home is almost triple the size of our old home, and suits our family much better. Friends and family members knew how excited we were about the move, and caught some of the excitement bug. When they ask for a tour, we're happy to oblige! Especially the master bedroom and bathroom and closet -- where we now actually have room to walk around the bed without tripping over a dress or bed footing, lol! 

And DH loves to show interested family members the basement that he is currently finishing :P 

 

Our boys do not care at all and love to show others their new bedroom. Our teenager is picky about who sees her room, so we just tell others that it's one room we can't show them, because DD would rather not -- and it's not been at all embarrassing or awkward. 

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I grew up with the tour thing, but it seems weird now. I’ll stick to the public areas of your house, thank you. If I’m not an overnight guest I do not need to see any of the sleeping areas of your home. I don’t get it. Are you proud of your throw pillows or something?

 

Personally, I am super proud of my throw pillows.

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I didn't think it was odd or inappropriate at all for our friends and family members to ask for a tour after we'd bought a new house. We had moved from a much, much smaller downtown home, to an outskirt home in a subdivision. Our new home is almost triple the size of our old home, and suits our family much better. Friends and family members knew how excited we were about the move, and caught some of the excitement bug. When they ask for a tour, we're happy to oblige! Especially the master bedroom and bathroom and closet -- where we now actually have room to walk around the bed without tripping over a dress or bed footing, lol! 

And DH loves to show interested family members the basement that he is currently finishing :p

 

Our boys do not care at all and love to show others their new bedroom. Our teenager is picky about who sees her room, so we just tell others that it's one room we can't show them, because DD would rather not -- and it's not been at all embarrassing or awkward. 

 

Yeah, I think I had said in a subsequent post that there are some circumstances under which it made sense to me - a new home and close family/friends excited to see it, etc.  And a project room, sure. I could see my husband saying, hey, come look at what I'm doing in the basement.  It's the idea that every guest should have a tour, that it's a normal thing to show all the people around the whole house, that I don't get at all.   

 

As for kids, well, I'm sure not all kids are private about their rooms. I mean, I did say I wondered about it, LOL.  I didn't make a pronouncement that no kid ever wanted anyone to see their room!  :-) 

 

LOL now this is totally off-track, but I'm remembering the first big party we had when we moved here.  90% of the guests had never been to our house!  Would have been awkward if every time someone came in, I had to take them around (not that it would take long; it's not a big house). But now I am venturing into the ludicrous... :-)

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Yeah, I think I had said in a subsequent post that there are some circumstances under which it made sense to me - a new home and close family/friends excited to see it, etc.  And a project room, sure. I could see my husband saying, hey, come look at what I'm doing in the basement.  It's the idea that every guest should have a tour, that it's a normal thing to show all the people around the whole house, that I don't get at all.   

 

As for kids, well, I'm sure not all kids are private about their rooms. I mean, I did say I wondered about it, LOL.  I didn't make a pronouncement that no kid ever wanted anyone to see their room!  :-) 

 

LOL now this is totally off-track, but I'm remembering the first big party we had when we moved here.  90% of the guests had never been to our house!  Would have been awkward if every time someone came in, I had to take them around (not that it would take long; it's not a big house). But now I am venturing into the ludicrous... :-)

Tours start every half hour. Please meet your guide in the gift shop. :)

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I can think of very few scenarios where I consider  house tours appropriate: housewarming party, major remodel. Or showing a job candidate we entertain what kind of house their salary will buy (since we are in a low COL area, this is pretty relevant).

Otherwise, house tours, to me, smack of showing off. "Look how nice my home is and what great stuff I have!"? Nope.

 

Edited by regentrude
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People often ask or hint to my mom that they'd like to tour her house.  It's a really beautiful home though, it's really her art form I think to make it into something special.  There are a lot of interesting paintings.  And it's also of historical interest architecturally.  The bedrooms are as interesting as the public rooms.

 

Though my cousin, who is an electrician was visiting and got the tour, and the thing he was interested in more than anything else was the switch plates.

 

I wonder whether people who like tours in private homes are the same people who like to tour stately homes and such.  A few years ago I was able to tour the Governor Generals house, including some non-public rooms, and it was really interesting.  But some people are not so keen on that sort of thing I guess?

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<snip>

 

I wonder whether people who like tours in private homes are the same people who like to tour stately homes and such.  A few years ago I was able to tour the Governor Generals house, including some non-public rooms, and it was really interesting.  But some people are not so keen on that sort of thing I guess?

 

<snip>

 

I  enjoy tours of historic homes that are open to the public. Those homes either don't have anyone living in them, or there are designated public and private rooms.  ETA: In my experience, anyway.  I've never been on a stately/historic house tour that included bedrooms where people actually sleep.  :-)  

 

I don't think that's at all similar to touring the typical house where a family lives.  I know a few people who live in very nice older homes (in my area there are lots of old houses) that are very interesting architecturally.  It still wouldn't occur to me to ask for a tour or to expect them to give me a tour. It's just different to me. 

 

Maybe I am more private than others.  Maybe I'm messier.   

Edited by marbel
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I really don’t care what another persons house is like as long as I don’t bring hidden critters home from visiting them. (Such as fleas, ticks, lice, bedbugs, ring worm...)

 

I can shove the laundry to the side and sit down for coffee with someone almost anywhere.

 

However if I see a house that’s beyond messy with other indicators, I might offer to help out bc it would seem obvious to me they have more mental/emotional load going on than they can handle alone. And who hasn’t been there and done that and appreciated someone giving a damn about helping instead of criticizing?

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I can think of very few scenarios where I consider  house tours appropriate: housewarming party, major remodel. Or showing a job candidate we entertain what kind of house their salary will buy (since we are in a low COL area, this is pretty relevant).

Otherwise, house tours, to me, smack of showing off. "Look how nice my home is and what great stuff I have!"? Nope.

 

You would be very confused by my house tour. "Why is she showing me her hand-me-down furniture and perfectly average house?" lol

 

The only thing better than a house tour is a garden tour. I love it if the host shows me around the garden, especially if they tell me the cultivar name of every plant. Heaven.  :hurray:

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In our previous house, people asked to tour all the time. Because 10 people in 1000sq ft house apparently a big novelty to some people. When we were selling it, about 50/50 were just looking bc they knew we lived there and had wanted to know how that worked.

 

In this house which still feels like a mansion to me at 2800 + sq ft, I figured those days would be at an end. But nope. It’s the first question I get from neighbors. How do I fit us all in this “little†5 bedroom (well 4 Bdrm + gameroom we use as a bedroom) 2.5 bath 2 living room 2 car garage house. Most in this area have similiar houses but only 1-3 kids and just can’t imaginw how we fit in here. Which rather boggles my mind but whatever.

Edited by Murphy101
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Growing up my mom gave house tours and we got them, too. It was just a "thing."  I remember the first time we had someone over to this house, DH said, "Come on, I'll give you a tour." I was cringing a little inside. I could tell the people were a little put off and kind of confused. Even growing up with them, I would not offer it. I did recently get a tour of a friend's house and I loved it, though. She moved somewhere really spectacular. I didn't think of it as showing off, though. So I guess the takeaway is I wouldn't offer one but don't mind getting one. :)

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I can see what a tour of my house would be like:  "Here is my average living room which you already saw when you came in.  Here is my average dining room which is attached to the average living room so you saw that too.  Here is my (less than) average kitchen which you couldn't help seeing despite the fact that it badly needs a remodel because it too is open to the living and dining room.  The bathroom is here in all of it's glory.  Take a second to look at it's average fixtures.  Here are the private bedrooms.  And the private master bath.  Now let's go downstairs.  Here is the Schoolroom of Doom.  Here is the mudroom/ laundry room.  Please throw a load of laundry into the washer while you pass by.  Here is my husband's study with all of his books.  (Actually fellow pastors would probably love to go through his books)." 

 

The only tours I have ever taken were of people who basically had museums in their house.  One was the house of an actual explorer.  It was like visiting a National Geographic exhibit.  The other is my brother who has artifacts all over his house and a couple of rooms set aside just for them. 

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I can see what a tour of my house would be like:  "Here is my average living room which you already saw when you came in.  Here is my average dining room which is attached to the average living room so you saw that too.  Here is my (less than) average kitchen which you couldn't help seeing despite the fact that it badly needs a remodel because it too is open to the living and dining room.  The bathroom is here in all of it's glory.  Take a second to look at it's average fixtures.  Here are the private bedrooms.  And the private master bath.  Now let's go downstairs.  Here is the Schoolroom of Doom.  Here is the mudroom/ laundry room.  Please throw a load of laundry into the washer while you pass by.  Here is my husband's study with all of his books.  (Actually fellow pastors would probably love to go through his books)." 

 

The only tours I have ever taken were of people who basically had museums in their house.  One was the house of an actual explorer.  It was like visiting a National Geographic exhibit.  The other is my brother who has artifacts all over his house and a couple of rooms set aside just for them. 

 

LOL, our houses sound very similar, including the pastor's office full of books and the kitchen in desperate need of a remodel!   

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LOL, our houses sound very similar, including the pastor's office full of books and the kitchen in desperate need of a remodel!

Same here, except DH doesn't have the office. So it'd be more like "Please excuse the towering stack of religious books and loose paper by the chair." :p

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You would be very confused by my house tour. "Why is she showing me her hand-me-down furniture and perfectly average house?" lol

 

The only thing better than a house tour is a garden tour. I love it if the host shows me around the garden, especially if they tell me the cultivar name of every plant. Heaven.  :hurray:

 

Or, offer cuttings.

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I can see what a tour of my house would be like:  "Here is my average living room which you already saw when you came in.  Here is my average dining room which is attached to the average living room so you saw that too.  Here is my (less than) average kitchen which you couldn't help seeing despite the fact that it badly needs a remodel because it too is open to the living and dining room.  The bathroom is here in all of it's glory.  Take a second to look at it's average fixtures.  Here are the private bedrooms.  And the private master bath.  Now let's go downstairs.  Here is the Schoolroom of Doom.  Here is the mudroom/ laundry room.  Please throw a load of laundry into the washer while you pass by.  Here is my husband's study with all of his books.  (Actually fellow pastors would probably love to go through his books)." 

:lol: That would be the best house tour ever!

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I'm kind of getting on board with this tour thing.

Me too!!! :hurray:

 

It would be like one of those living history tours, only without the history part.

 

Visitors could help with the “re-enactments,†so they could learn what it really feels like to do the chores at somebody else’s house.

 

I wonder if we could charge admission...

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An ordinary modern home.  Nope I don't need a tour but it is helpful if they mention and/or point where the bathroom is located.

 

On the other hand my friend owns a historical home and they are working on remodeling it, yet keeping it looking like the time period.  So their home tour was really fun to see what kind of furnishings they had found that worked with the time period and hearing the stories about where they found this or that piece of furniture.  They even took us to the attic that contained the typical random junk tossed in piles here and there but honestly it was the coolest part of their house.  At one point there was a chimney fire and so some of the boards are black from the soot and then you can see the part that was rebuilt as well as seeing the original of how the boards were so perfectly cut to fit together.  Just some amazing work.  They also have a ancient looking phone but it is really an intercom to the business they own next door.  So it's really neat how they blended modern convenience with historical decor.

 

 

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Yeah, I think I had said in a subsequent post that there are some circumstances under which it made sense to me - a new home and close family/friends excited to see it, etc.  And a project room, sure. I could see my husband saying, hey, come look at what I'm doing in the basement.  It's the idea that every guest should have a tour, that it's a normal thing to show all the people around the whole house, that I don't get at all.   

 

As for kids, well, I'm sure not all kids are private about their rooms. I mean, I did say I wondered about it, LOL.  I didn't make a pronouncement that no kid ever wanted anyone to see their room!  :-) 

 

LOL now this is totally off-track, but I'm remembering the first big party we had when we moved here.  90% of the guests had never been to our house!  Would have been awkward if every time someone came in, I had to take them around (not that it would take long; it's not a big house). But now I am venturing into the ludicrous... :-)

 

Our younger boys want EVERYBODY to see their room, lol! Our teenager, though, only allows her friends to see her room. 

 

It would be really weird to offer a tour to every guest, I agree. Those who have only known us since we've lived in our home don't tend to care about the house -- it's just those who knew us before we moved that seem to want a tour :P 

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This thread has made me realize that I more or less automatically give a short tour to anyone new to our house. But, we live in a barn that DH has converted to a house. And the entryway always makes people gasp (due to the amazing circular staircase), so then I usually feel like I need to give a quick tour at some point. FWIW, I show the kitchen (right off the entryway) and then point out there is a bathroom down the hall. Then I take them upstairs to the main living room. I say that there's another small living room, 2 bedrooms, and a bathroom down that way and our bedroom and another bathroom off the other end of the living room.

I can't remember the last time someone new to our house hasn't gone to peek at it all after that.

Maybe I need to stop doing this...
 

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I don't give tours really, but I do a little. If a family with kids comes over, I tell the kids to show them around or offer to show the family where things like bathrooms and toys are located. Like "Bathroom is straight down the hall. Can I show you where there are some fun things?" Then if the parents want to come with the kids to see where they will be playing, they can. Now I'm wondering if this is weird.

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I don't give tours really, but I do a little. If a family with kids comes over, I tell the kids to show them around or offer to show the family where things like bathrooms and toys are located. Like "Bathroom is straight down the hall. Can I show you where there are some fun things?" Then if the parents want to come with the kids to see where they will be playing, they can. Now I'm wondering if this is weird.

 

I don't think it is weird, and I don't consider this a "tour".

I, too, show new visitors where the bathroom is, and where the kids can play. But I see this along the same lines as pointing my guests towards the kitchen "drinks are over there on the counter, and here is food, help yourselves" or showing them where the coat closet is.

That's information they need to make their visit more comfortable.

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I don't give tours really, but I do a little. If a family with kids comes over, I tell the kids to show them around or offer to show the family where things like bathrooms and toys are located. Like "Bathroom is straight down the hall. Can I show you where there are some fun things?" Then if the parents want to come with the kids to see where they will be playing, they can. Now I'm wondering if this is weird.

 

This is just practical.  I see a house tour as different - to show off the house itself.  As someone else said, I can see a house tour in the case of a big remodel or a housewarming or if out of town family comes but not so much when friends come over for dinner.  But that's just me.  I would make all the right noises if someone took me on one.  I would feel a bit awkward if someone asked me to give one unsolicited. 

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I don't give tours really, but I do a little. If a family with kids comes over, I tell the kids to show them around or offer to show the family where things like bathrooms and toys are located. Like "Bathroom is straight down the hall. Can I show you where there are some fun things?" Then if the parents want to come with the kids to see where they will be playing, they can. Now I'm wondering if this is weird.

 

Agreeing with Regentrude and Jean.  You are not giving a tour. You are showing them the places they might need and/or enjoy.   It's not weird at all.  

 

When people come over, they have to be shown some places/things.  Please sit down - indicate where they can sit.  Come on into the kitchen, that's where the drinks and snacks are.  Kids, go on into the playroom, that's down this hall. 

 

A tour is walking people around the house, showing them all the rooms, whether they need/want to see them or not.  No one, and I mean no one, outside my family needs to see my bedroom or my husband's messy office.  Those doors are shut when there is company.  

 

For one thing, all the family's coats are dumped on my bed, so the guests' coats can go in the closet!   :lol:  :lol:

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I personally have no opinion or judgement on other people’s homes, unless they veer into hoarder territory, which I consider a mental health issue.

 

I like a very clean home to live in. I was raised in a clean home and so have many decades of experience. It comes very natural to me. I also would like to point out that one can have a very clean home and still value and enjoy their people.

Maybe. You don’t realize it, but you make general assumptions based on your scenario -like less than a dozen kids, being healthy, etc.

 

I’d call this messy. But I’m not close enough to see if it’s clean.... kwim?

 

I’m not sure how this got so much attention, lol. It really begs, “Don’t judge me!†By a person who fears judging by people.

 

I remember the good old days when my house was immaculate. Kept it up for years upon years and good for me. Now less so. Good for me. It took a LOT for me to be able to let go a little. Control over my environment makes me feel good and not being to keep all the plates spinning to my own expectations was hard for me.

 

So put me squarely in the messy but so what club.

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I think house tours are weird too.  I get if there's something really unusual, "See how we converted this Gypsy wagon into a study." or something of common interest, "I quilt too!  You should my sewing room and my long armer and bookcases full of fabric from the different ports from my quilting cruise in the Mediterranean."  Other than that showing me all the rooms in the house, including those I won't be in during the visit, is strange to me.

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Just like I only care about my fat, I really only care about my clean. I think most people are like that.

 

My idea of a messy bedroom is cleaner than my brother’s idea of a clean bedroom. Provided we don’t have to share said bedroom, it’s all good.

 

I have friends who are, objectively speaking quite, messy. One of them hired me to help get her place ready to list after she moved (beyond move out clean, I needed to hire a junk truck, haul a decade worth of documents to the secure shredding site etc). I absolutely didn’t judge her and I think that shows because she just reached out to see if she could pay me to help another person pack up. She said she thought of me specifically because in all the time I spent in her house, she didn’t feel judged and that the person she wanted me to help was anxious about bringing in someone who would judge her. I had to pass on the job but I am glad my friend didn’t feel judged.

Edited by LucyStoner
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I agree with the person whose house it is that it is neither messy nor tidy. It would only take a few minutes to tidy that up and it is not dirty so it is not messy to me.

 

My house does not have things in the wall or decorations and furniture that matches. Some walls are still painted white. I also hang coats on doors. I guess people can judge me for that.

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