northcoast Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Can I just say parenting a college freshman & his moody 15 yr old sister is not for wimps? :) DS told us last night he dropped a class. Today he discovered that if he doesn't take this summer it could delay graduation a whole year because of course offerings & pre-req's. The course is not offered locally. He ignored our advice to get help. For some reason adjusting 1st semester was easier than this 2nd one. He was totally clueless about the repercussions. Now he feels bad about this mistake. I alternate between feeling angry at him & feeling like I failed him because I sensed he was dealing with more than what he was letting on. We should have encouraged him more, followed up more with him getting help. In 20 yrs all this won't matter, right? ... Sigh. At least he has a couple more days at home for Spring Break. I tell myself I will make the time enjoyable that we have together. But makes me sad to think probably he won't be home for the summer so he can take the class. That is the least expensive of all the options. He already had a good summer job lined up for here at home too. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Oh, no! I was hoping when ds 18 leaves that it would be easier! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanetC Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Ugh. My college sophomore really wants to add a second major. The problem is that it's a pricey school and I really don't want to pay for a fifth year or even just an extra term. These things have huge financial impact. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Oh, how difficult! The only thing I can say is ... people make mistakes. Our college aged kids will not always make perfect decisions. And sometimes, those decisions can be expensive. And sometimes, they put their heads in the sand instead of actually dealing with the problems that ensue. We basically lost a year of private school tuition (minus the scholarship) due to K going off meds and spiraling out of control and failing classes, when she should have taken time off to get stable. All I can say is you will have to let it go. It is water under the bridge. It is hard to do. But, your sanity depends on it. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree Frog Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I look at it as a learning opportunity. It might cost him some time and additional money, but it's a lesson he will learn from. In the future, he will be more likely to think about the consequences of his decisions. Now is a much better time than when he gets married or changes jobs. I, too, have a freshman. She is learning a lot about life, things I couldn't have taught her because she has had to experience them herself. Don't beat yourself up, Mama. They need the opportunity to learn on their own. He knows if he has questions, you will always be willing to help. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 My friend's freshman college daughter had been saving for a car downpayment and was just about ready to apply for a loan. She had been at the same job for two years. SHE QUIT, due to some ongoing problems. She had no idea that would affect her ability to get a loan at a good rate. She was devastated. They just don't have the experience, ya know? It's hard to watch. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Oh, no! I was hoping when ds 18 leaves that it would be easier! For me, I care and worry just as much but have even less control over anything. *sigh* 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Ugh. My college sophomore really wants to add a second major. The problem is that it's a pricey school and I really don't want to pay for a fifth year or even just an extra term. These things have huge financial impact. Has she talked with advising? Schools will sometimes be flexible on required classes if you are going for a double major, such as allowing substitutions. You just need to get approval in writing. If it will require an extra year or semester, would taking students loans from now onward cover the deficit? Or does she already have loans? She might be able to take some classes at a less expensive school over the semester. Definitely she needs to talk to advising. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Any chance the class is offered online and can be taken at home? If not online at his university, perhaps online somewhere else that would transfer? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northcoast Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 For me, I care and worry just as much but have even less control over anything. *sigh* Same here! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northcoast Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Any chance the class is offered online and can be taken at home? If not online at his university, perhaps online somewhere else that would transfer? Thanks for your post. No one in state offers it online. Maybe he needs to draw a wider net... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I'm sorry! It can be frustrating to watch/deal with. "Little kids - little problems; big kids - big problems" The daily minutiae is a thing of the past, but when issues arise, they are often complex with wide-ranging implications. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) What kind of class is it? He needs to speak to his advisor and discuss the situation. How definitive is it that not having the course this semester has indeed such grave implications? (Just because a suggested curriculum sequence is posted does not mean it is set in stone; often there are creative ways). How much wiggle room does the department offer? Can he request independent study and credit by examination? Edited March 16, 2018 by regentrude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) Ugh. My college sophomore really wants to add a second major. The problem is that it's a pricey school and I really don't want to pay for a fifth year or even just an extra term. These things have huge financial impact. When I wanted to change my major and mused to my mom "I think I might need a 5th year" she asked how I was planning to pay for that. I figured out a way to make it work in four... Has she talked with advising? Schools will sometimes be flexible on required classes if you are going for a double major, such as allowing substitutions. You just need to get approval in writing. If it will require an extra year or semester, would taking students loans from now onward cover the deficit? Or does she already have loans? She might be able to take some classes at a less expensive school over the semester. Definitely she needs to talk to advising. ETA: And by say 'make it work' I meant something like this, not necessarily just drop the idea - one can often get creative or ask for waivers or substitutions. In my case I ended up with a cobbled-together interdisciplinary major. Edited March 16, 2018 by Matryoshka 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northcoast Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 What kind of class is it? He needs to speak to his advisor and discuss the situation. How definitive is it that not having the course this semester has indeed such grave implications? (Just because a suggested curriculum sequence is posted does not mean it is set in stone; often there are creative ways). How much wiggle room does the department offer? Can he request independent study and credit by examination? The class is mostly MatLab but sort of specific to the First Year Engineering program. At this school one does first year engineering then applies to the specific engineering major. Maybe some wiggle room could be had but he & we didn't want to depend on "class is typically offered fall & spring." Actually the first Chem E class is only offered in the fall. After talking with the advisor & prof yesterday, the plan is to take the class in the summer. DS also found out today his summer job here at home will take him for the first 5 weeks. They could have said "no" since he originally agreed to work the whole summer. Then he will take the class the 2nd session this summer. And he will be home for a little bit, yay! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Oh, no! I was hoping when ds 18 leaves that it would be easier! Not to burst your bubble of hope, BUT... May I just say, that parenting adult children is by far the hardest stage of parenting. The tightrope of being hands-off (but being available). Or watching the crashes and consequences that are far bigger and more long-lasting -- while keeping your mouth shut (unless asked for advice). Because they ARE adults and this is THEIR time to make what they will of their lives... And I have easy adult kids, who had their roughest stage as baby/toddler/pre-schoolers... :eek: 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northcoast Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 We found out a bit more today about how DS got in over his head with the class he dropped. Maybe others can learn & give a heads up to your students. Life experience sometimes is the best teacher but it could be less painful if advice is heeded. DS took dual credit of Calc 1 & 2 & Chem 1 at our local high school & college. Credits didn't transfer for Calc 2 & Chemistry even though in our state stuff is suppose to transfer to state schools. So first semester Calc 2 & Chem 1 were not all that difficult but there was some new material presented. Fast forward to 2nd semester by the 4th week with all new material in all new classes, DS is realizing he doesn't know it all & it's not coming as easy as things previously had. The 2 credit hour MatLab class he thought would be easy was not. Putting it off & then not being able to complete assignments, he missed more that what he could get a good grade in. So he dropped without consulting or totally knowing the implications. So if your kid has "easy" classes the first semester in college, warn them that 2nd semester may be much tougher. A successful first semester doesn't mean they have it all figured out. :) He also wasn't "hearing" us & today admitted so. We have had some really good conversations today & even had some fun baking cookies together. Thanks for all advice & thoughts! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northcoast Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Not to burst your bubble of hope, BUT... May I just say, that parenting adult children is by far the hardest stage of parenting. The tightrope of being hands-off (but being available). Or watching the crashes and consequences that are far bigger and more long-lasting -- while keeping your mouth shut (unless asked for advice). Because they ARE adults and this is THEIR time to make what they will of their lives... And I have easy adult kids, who had their roughest stage as baby/toddler/pre-schoolers... :eek: I didn't want to "like" this but what you say is so true. It is a tightrope of being hands off but available. It's a wonder I have a tongue after all the tongue biting I have done since last summer, lol! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree Frog Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 The class is mostly MatLab but sort of specific to the First Year Engineering program. At this school one does first year engineering then applies to the specific engineering major. Maybe some wiggle room could be had but he & we didn't want to depend on "class is typically offered fall & spring." Actually the first Chem E class is only offered in the fall. After talking with the advisor & prof yesterday, the plan is to take the class in the summer. DS also found out today his summer job here at home will take him for the first 5 weeks. They could have said "no" since he originally agreed to work the whole summer. Then he will take the class the 2nd session this summer. And he will be home for a little bit, yay! I'm so glad it's working out! Your advice about 2nd semester being more difficult is advice I'll tell my son about. I could easily see him in the same situation when he's a freshman in a couple of years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 So if your kid has "easy" classes the first semester in college, warn them that 2nd semester may be much tougher. dd's school makes us insane bc they recommend 12 hours for the first semester! Well, 13 with "first-year experience." Their reasoning is that the first semester should be easier because of the many other adjustments of being at college. My reasoning is "start as you mean to go on" because first semester is when you establish habits. They have so much free time that first semester, they think, whoa, college is awesome, lol. And then struggle in second semester, because things get harder and they have another course. Fifteen hours also leaves scholarship students with zero room to drop a course. Of course, there are students who would benefit from the slow start, just as there are students who handle 18 hours the first semester with no problem. I just think that 15 should be the standard recommendation (it's "15 to finish" after all), and you adjust up or down as needed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 dd's school makes us insane bc they recommend 12 hours for the first semester! Well, 13 with "first-year experience." Their reasoning is that the first semester should be easier because of the many other adjustments of being at college. My reasoning is "start as you mean to go on" because first semester is when you establish habits. They have so much free time that first semester, they think, whoa, college is awesome, lol. And then struggle in second semester, because things get harder and they have another course. Fifteen hours also leaves scholarship students with zero room to drop a course. Of course, there are students who would benefit from the slow start, just as there are students who handle 18 hours the first semester with no problem. I just think that 15 should be the standard recommendation (it's "15 to finish" after all), and you adjust up or down as needed. I, too, cringe when I hear college advisors suggesting students only take 12 hours their first semester. On top of that, I have heard them recommend not taking math, or any other "hard" classes. I think it is important to set those habits and expectations regarding the workload at college. Some students will even be bored with only 12 hours; other students need the wiggle room to drop a course when the find that a college course is different than what they were expecting. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 dd's school makes us insane bc they recommend 12 hours for the first semester! Well, 13 with "first-year experience." Their reasoning is that the first semester should be easier because of the many other adjustments of being at college. My reasoning is "start as you mean to go on" because first semester is when you establish habits. They have so much free time that first semester, they think, whoa, college is awesome, lol. And then struggle in second semester, because things get harder and they have another course. Fifteen hours also leaves scholarship students with zero room to drop a course. Of course, there are students who would benefit from the slow start, just as there are students who handle 18 hours the first semester with no problem. I just think that 15 should be the standard recommendation (it's "15 to finish" after all), and you adjust up or down as needed. I’d just been thinking about starting a thread about this! Ds is bringing credits in with him from DE and I anticipate his first semester transition being difficult but I’m torn about recommending 12 vs 15 credits. I can see good and bad both ways. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I didn't want to "like" this but what you say is so true. It is a tightrope of being hands off but available. It's a wonder I have a tongue after all the tongue biting I have done since last summer, lol! Keeping my opinion to myself is NOT my strong point... but I'm sure learning! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I’d just been thinking about starting a thread about this! Ds is bringing credits in with him from DE and I anticipate his first semester transition being difficult but I’m torn about recommending 12 vs 15 credits. I can see good and bad both ways. I think this very much depends on the kid. I just posted on my other thread that DD may be backing off to 12 from here on out. But she has always been very easily overwhelmed. She doesn't thrive on stress, it crushes her. This didn't just start with college. Know your kid! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Not to burst your bubble of hope, BUT... May I just say, that parenting adult children is by far the hardest stage of parenting. The tightrope of being hands-off (but being available). Or watching the crashes and consequences that are far bigger and more long-lasting -- while keeping your mouth shut (unless asked for advice). Because they ARE adults and this is THEIR time to make what they will of their lives... And I have easy adult kids, who had their roughest stage as baby/toddler/pre-schoolers... :eek: TRUTH, you speak! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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