Would I be nuts to pull them back out?

[Meadowlark]

Long story short: I put my kids in school this year. Why? I got pregnant in November with a scary pregnancy, and it was all just too much. I was burned out and I needed a break.

 

Fast forward to now. I am going to let my older kids (4th and 5th grade this year) choose to homeschool or do regular school. So far, they both want to go. Schools here are rather good so this isn't a do or die situation. But there is "stuff" that I don't like naturally.

 

BUT- I want to bring my other 3 home, who are in preK, K, and 1st this year. I feel like it's now or never. But here's the thing. They all really like school. I wouldn't say love, but of course it's all fun and games in those early grades. I'm seeing the big picture though and there are several things that have happened this year that I am not okay with, technology integration is the big one. My desire to provide the opposite (CM) being key as well. If given the choice, they would all choose to go back. 

 

The bottom line: I feel HORRIBLE for putting them in and now possibly pulling them out. They have friends. They like it. Am I just terrible? I wish I would've just pushed through this year, but then again, I might be in the looney bin right now if I did that. When I was contemplating making this decision last year, everyone said "give it a year and you can always pull them out". But now that seems just....unfair of me to do being that I was the one that put them there in the first place. Can I really feel okay about pulling them out?

 

Please be gentle. I'm fragile.

[Gil]

You should feel splendidly about pulling them out. It's not "now or never" but probably "the sooner the better". I would not allow anyone to play around with my kids learning any of the basic skills that can be make or break to their future now. Don't ever smother your instinct about your childrens well being or education to go along with the PS. I guarantee that you will regret it.

 

I would absolutely pull the younger kids and that's not a hypothetical for me. I have used BM school off and on as I needed it (for free, socially-acceptable and legal child care) for my elementary aged kids.

 

Don't be worried about what anyone  besides maybe your spouse says or thinks.

You are their parent.

You are responsible for them

You make the decisions for them.

 

Frankly, at those ages, I would not let my kids idea of school "fun" factor into the decision for me at all.

 

 

[Bluegoat]

For kids that young, I'd not hesitate unless you had reasons to think on balance that there were educational advantages that they were not getting at home.

 

That being said, I'm not sure if you mean pull them out for next year, or now.  I would tend to let them finish out the year if they like it.

[Meadowlark]

For kids that young, I'd not hesitate unless you had reasons to think on balance that there were educational advantages that they were not getting at home.

 

That being said, I'm not sure if you mean pull them out for next year, or now.  I would tend to let them finish out the year if they like it.

 

Definitely not now-next year.

 

I would say that last year, yes, it was rough. I was sick and miserable and we had to drop some things. But I think I've had almost a year of rest (with a baby) and I'm feeling a little fresher now, like I can do it.

Edited March 14, 2018 by Meadowlark

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

This is a hard decision to make.  I do understand and sympathize.  Since you are talking about leaving them in for the rest of the year but starting to homeschool this coming fall, my views are a little different than they might have been.  Your original post made it sound like you might pull them immediately, which IMHO is a little trickier.

 

Here are my (somewhat random) thoughts, FWIW:

1.  I don't find a school that emphasizes "fun" at those ages as a bad thing AT ALL.  FWIW, I find schools today are pushing too much clerical work on too young an age group and cutting out all the "fun".  "Fun" is very, very, very often the best way a young child learns.  I would not consider this a negative, in other words, not at those ages.

2.  Having the summer break to distance themselves from the day to day of school and seeing classmates may make homeschooling in the fall a much easier transition than yanking them out right now, when they don't really want to.  If you could just play it by ear for the summer, maybe try some academics to see how all of you handle it, that might give you a much better idea of how things will play out.  Also, though, just because they seem to want to stay in school right now, that could definitely change over the summer as they get used to being home again.  Don't judge their reactions at the moment as how they will feel further down the road.

3.  Mental health is just as important, if not more so, than academics.  That applies to all of you, your entire family.  Keep that as a priority, whatever your decision.

3.  Maybe you should make a list of the pros and cons.  Be honest with yourself on both.  Put in some details.  Then write down your overall goals for each child AND FOR YOU for this next year and how well those goals might be met in each environment.  There is no perfect place for learning.   And some kids actually thrive in a school setting while others do much better as homeschoolers and sometimes those things are for a season, not set in stone.  Be honest and clear with yourself.  Now, let that list sit on a shelf for a day or two.  Review that list.  Add to it as you see fit.  Ponder another few days.  Keep in mind that this is JUST for this next year.  What do you want for your children for this next year? Situations can change on a dime.  Just focus on what is needed for this next year.

4.  Now, pick a date to make a decision.  Then make it, commit to it, and don't destroy yourself waffling and second guessing.  Embrace whatever decision you made as what you will do for this next year and plan accordingly. 

5.  Keep in your heart that you will not ruin your children if you start homeschooling again OR if you keep them in school for another year.  There is no perfectly right or perfectly wrong answer here.  (The exception would be bullying or something else that can cause long term emotional damage).  NOTHING is set in stone.  They are young.  They have a lot of years to learn and grow, whatever you decide.  Having a loving parent that wants what is best for them and is striving to achieve that is worth a ton.  

 

:grouphug:

[Starrinytes]

I think it depends on the kids. For example- I put my 1st grader in school at the beginning of this year. She agreed to go for the year, but then wanted to come home again to homeschool. She was determined school wouldn't be a permanent option for her. It was a school that focused on gifted/special learning needs, so I thought she would love it. She DID have a lot of fun, made a lot of friends, BUT- every single day she asked how many days until she could come back home. She didn't think the work was challenging enough, and said they didn't do all the things she wanted to do, but she still loved being with her friends. I ended up pulling her in December. I felt that school was actually sucking the love of learning out of her, and it's not because it was a "bad" school by any means- it just wasn't a good fit for her.

 

Now, if she hadn't been asking every single day to come home..would I have pulled her? I don't know. I probably would have let her finish out the school year there and then bring her home for 2nd. I can say that I do not regret for one second brining her back home.  I think that if they are adamant about finishing out the year at school, I would strongly take that into consideration. If they are on the fence or want to come home, then by all means, bring them home. I don't think it's necessarily now or never :) Just my outside opinion though- you know them best! <3

[Peaceseeker]

They are so young that if you want to homeschool again you can probably talk it up so much they will want to do it and think it is their idea.

 

Get excited about field trips, plan a not back to school pool party in the fall. Find something exciting they want to learn about and do a fun unit study.

 

They will be fine. Just convince them they want to homeschool. I pulled my daughter out of kindy and my son out of preschool around this time of year when they were young. I just made it all sound fabulous. And it was!

 

Make sure to get names and numbers of any new friends so you can assure them you can still do a play date. Set some up in the summer so they realize they can still see friends when not in school.

[PeterPan]

What is the probability you'll get pregnant again? Unless you know that's a done deal, not happening, it might be wise to wait, see how that goes, see how you feel with that next pregnancy, and then decide. 

 

What is your deadline for making the decision? 

 

It's ok to have feelings and hold them and think about them a while. If no decision has to be made NOW, I would probably wait and let it evolve. You'll know who their real friends are because they'll get invitations over the summer. It will give you time to see if you get pregnant again and see how that goes. Are you feeling bored? Maybe you could do other things you would do if you knew they were coming home, like organize your closets, make a meal plan rotation, update and print photobooks, etc. You could make a list of advantages you have in keeping them IN school and pursue those things now. You could join the Y, do Kindermusic or Mom and me swim lessons with your little one, etc.

 

Yes, I would want to bring the PreKer home for K. It's a very enjoyable age to teach and easy to do along with a baby/toddler. It will give him a good foundation. Just my two cents, but I think the MOST important thing is whether the dc actually learns to read. If your current K5er is not learning to read well, that would be a reason to pull him home. 

[....]

Get excited about field trips, plan a not back to school pool party in the fall. Find something exciting they want to learn about and do a fun unit study.

 

 

Make sure to get names and numbers of any new friends so you can assure them you can still do a play date. Set some up in the summer so they realize they can still see friends when not in school.

 

:iagree:  I would look into doing an enrichment class somewhere, even an outdoor nature class or something.  So, they can look forward to taking a "class".      

[Meadowlark]

What is the probability you'll get pregnant again? Unless you know that's a done deal, not happening, it might be wise to wait, see how that goes, see how you feel with that next pregnancy, and then decide. 

 

What is your deadline for making the decision? 

 

It's ok to have feelings and hold them and think about them a while. If no decision has to be made NOW, I would probably wait and let it evolve. You'll know who their real friends are because they'll get invitations over the summer. It will give you time to see if you get pregnant again and see how that goes. Are you feeling bored? Maybe you could do other things you would do if you knew they were coming home, like organize your closets, make a meal plan rotation, update and print photobooks, etc. You could make a list of advantages you have in keeping them IN school and pursue those things now. You could join the Y, do Kindermusic or Mom and me swim lessons with your little one, etc.

 

Yes, I would want to bring the PreKer home for K. It's a very enjoyable age to teach and easy to do along with a baby/toddler. It will give him a good foundation. Just my two cents, but I think the MOST important thing is whether the dc actually learns to read. If your current K5er is not learning to read well, that would be a reason to pull him home. 

 

No probability at all-as in, none :-)

 

As for a deadline, I don't know. I'm definitely a planner (obviously) but also know that this decision cannot be rushed or made lightly. I'd ideally like to know by July? June would be even better. Great ideas for the things that I could be doing now. For some reason, I feel a lot less productive than ever before even though they're in school!  The kids are doing okay in school, but it's hard for me to judge their actual progress. The teaching is SO different than what I'm used to, that I can't even tell their "level" when they read to me. It's kind of strange actually. You'd think phonics would be phonics but my kids know things that I wouldn't have gotten to (with AAR) for awhile, but then they don't know basic sight words. It's just 100 degrees different.

[Meadowlark]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

This is a hard decision to make.  I do understand and sympathize.  Since you are talking about leaving them in for the rest of the year but starting to homeschool this coming fall, my views are a little different than they might have been.  Your original post made it sound like you might pull them immediately, which IMHO is a little trickier.

 

Here are my (somewhat random) thoughts, FWIW:

1.  I don't find a school that emphasizes "fun" at those ages as a bad thing AT ALL.  FWIW, I find schools today are pushing too much clerical work on too young an age group and cutting out all the "fun".  "Fun" is very, very, very often the best way a young child learns.  I would not consider this a negative, in other words, not at those ages. Oh I totally agree! Maybe I didn't word that right. I'd be delighted if they were having fun and if school at those young ages wasn't so serious and focused on testing. Unfortunately, it IS focused on testing and standards and behavior points and technology and all the things I don't like.

2.  Having the summer break to distance themselves from the day to day of school and seeing classmates may make homeschooling in the fall a much easier transition than yanking them out right now, when they don't really want to.  If you could just play it by ear for the summer, maybe try some academics to see how all of you handle it, that might give you a much better idea of how things will play out.  Also, though, just because they seem to want to stay in school right now, that could definitely change over the summer as they get used to being home again.  Don't judge their reactions at the moment as how they will feel further down the road. So true. No plans to take them out now and hopefully their attitude about how great school is will change when summer comes.

3.  Mental health is just as important, if not more so, than academics.  That applies to all of you, your entire family.  Keep that as a priority, whatever your decision. Yes, I put them in because I was seriously burned out and nobody was happy. I feel like I got my "break" and could do this again.

3.  Maybe you should make a list of the pros and cons.  Be honest with yourself on both.  Put in some details.  Then write down your overall goals for each child AND FOR YOU for this next year and how well those goals might be met in each environment.  There is no perfect place for learning.   And some kids actually thrive in a school setting while others do much better as homeschoolers and sometimes those things are for a season, not set in stone.  Be honest and clear with yourself.  Now, let that list sit on a shelf for a day or two.  Review that list.  Add to it as you see fit.  Ponder another few days.  Keep in mind that this is JUST for this next year.  What do you want for your children for this next year? Situations can change on a dime.  Just focus on what is needed for this next year.I plan to do this with my 4th grader (who I hope chooses to homeschool, but seriously doubt). My oldest is thriving and he will stay.

4.  Now, pick a date to make a decision.  Then make it, commit to it, and don't destroy yourself waffling and second guessing.  You must know me. I'm really good at that! Embrace whatever decision you made as what you will do for this next year and plan accordingly. Yes, will have to pick a date and stick to it!

5.  Keep in your heart that you will not ruin your children if you start homeschooling again OR if you keep them in school for another year.  There is no perfectly right or perfectly wrong answer here.  (The exception would be bullying or something else that can cause long term emotional damage).  NOTHING is set in stone.  They are young.  They have a lot of years to learn and grow, whatever you decide.  Having a loving parent that wants what is best for them and is striving to achieve that is worth a ton.  Thanks for taking the time to write, I really appreciate your thoughts!

 

:grouphug:

Your post is so good, I wanted to comment on your points. 

[Mimm]

I would pull them and not feel bad about it. Or at least, I'd tell myself not to feel bad about it. And I'd be sure to plan some fun stuff for the next year. :) And a cool back to school party. I always got my kids back to school gifts and we went out for pancakes or threw a party at home.

[Mimm]

I would pull them and not feel bad about it. Or at least, I'd tell myself not to feel bad about it. And I'd be sure to plan some fun stuff for the next year. :) And a cool back to school party. I always got my kids back to school gifts and we went out for pancakes or threw a party at home.

[OneStepAtATime]

Oh, yes a back to homeschool party.  That could be fun.  Let them help design the theme and create the decorations.  Maybe there is another family you know that is homeschooling that you could invite over.  Everyone could wear pajamas.  

[...................]

I like to think about it from the kids perspective too. Putting myself in their shoes, it seems like they’re happy, and they’re doing well. Kids do need stability so I try not to take them out of something that’s working just for something “better.†I am a person always trying to improve situations but over time have realized that stability is more important than I originally thought.

 

unless there are problems and issues I’m not sure

I would bring them back home...

 

BUT if you do, I like to get a foot in the door in the new “world†so to speak before leaving the current one. See if you can attend a few events with the Homeschoolers, or look into a hybrid option. What about a two day per week school? Or something like that. Or a large, involved co-op.

 

And whatever you do, don’t do it now! Wait till you see how summer goes, and settle into home routine and make the decisions in July. They’re enrolled at the ps now so you don’t need to do anything to keep them in. So there’s no reason to decide until approximately end of July! Just before you have to buy back to school supplies !

Edited March 15, 2018 by Calming Tea

[Susan in TX]

I would not hesitate to bring them all back home, even the older ones. BTDT.

 

Susan in TX

[JudoMom]

I would pull them all out at the end of the year.  A mass produced education isn't what I want for my boys, and I am in a position to give them something different.  I want them to have time to think and explore and pursue their interests.  I don't want our family time to be usurped by homework time.  I don't want a system telling me what constitutes a well educated child.  I don't want to waste their time by doing work that is below their levels, and I don't want them to be pushed ahead if they don't understand something.  I guess I have fundamental problems with our school system.  While I would use it if needed (and I do take advantage of various options where I live, as long as they further our family's goals), I would also not hesitate to pull them out when that time was over.

I'd work hard to sell the perks of homeschooling, and I'd get some fun things on the calendar.  I'd let them pick an area they want to study and I'd make sure it took top priority.

[Ellie]

Take 'em out. You could wait until spring break, if you want, but take them out. The longer they are in the school, the harder it will be, and the more they will crave  (and be influenced by) the company of peers .

[lllll]

Take 'em out. You could wait until spring break, if you want, but take them out. The longer they are in the school, the harder it will be, and the more they will crave  (and be influenced by) the company of peers .

 

:iagree:   

[Meadowlark]

Ugh. Now there's lice in my daughter's Kindergarten class. I just want to yank her out of there so badly, but that is me talking without thinking it through logically. I mean, if she gets lice...and my other 5 kids get it? Dear Lord, I cannot handle that. There is one week until spring break. Should I keep her home? Should I pull her out after spring break or is that what a crazy, unstable person would do? I do NOT want lice!!! (or is that a dumb reason?) Ugh. I just want out.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Honestly, I would yank her out.  It doesn't really matter if she gets nine more weeks of brick and mortar school in, and it would ease your mind to pull her out.  Babies and multiple kids are stressful enough.  It would be nice not to introduce lice into the mix.  And if someone gets it anyway, well at least you did what you could.  Plus you want her out of there anyway.  Maybe the reason you want it so badly is because your mama gut is crying out for it's necessity.  Just do it.

[Skippy]

I feel like it is much, much harder to homeschool during a difficult pregnancy than with a new baby. Reading your posts, I think your instincts are telling you to take them out. You do not need permission to do this. You are the parent, and you love them and know what is best for them in the long run. You had the break that you needed, and now you are ready again. Trust yourself. You knew when you needed a break, and now you know what your children need the most.

[kiwik]

Lice are in the younger kids classes almost constantly. It is a pain but not really a reason to homeschool.

Edited March 20, 2018 by kiwik