.... Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 (edited) So, this is my 4th grader (who I rarely post about). :o I know that I can just "teach her where she's at" and we homeschoolers don't have to worry about grade levels, etc. But, I think I made a big mistake from the very beginning. She missed the Kindergarten age cut-off by 3 weeks and silly me, I just followed the public school schedule, because I tend to be a really laid back homeschooler when they're little. Can't read until you're 8, ah! no worries! Fast forward 5 years and my daughter does not fit her grade academically or socially. :001_unsure: She is very mature. She has a volunteer job lined up for the fall at an equestrian center- helping with the horses. Probably the only 4th grader with a job lined up. She is an entire head taller than her classmates when she does an activity. She also can't seem to relate/make friends with other kids in her grade when she does an activity. It's to the point where she doesn't want to go to outside activities anymore, because she feels like she is out of place. This makes me very sad. My entire family is telling me to just grade-skip her and it will be ok. Maybe more of a "grade correction". *sigh* I am not too worried about competitive stuff for college (I know some people worry about that). That's just not in my homeschooling philosophy. I'm more worried about my kids' "whole person development" and happiness - if that makes any sense (it's hard to put into words). Gifted Idealistic Underachievers, Unite! :hat: I think my issue is if I grade-skip her, I'm afraid people are going to think I'm over-inflating her abilities or pushing her really hard (which I do NOT). We do so many outside activities. She's taking a theater class this fall, she does Russian ballet and gymnastics...if I grade-skip her, she would suddenly be eligible for confirmation class at church... I will need to tell all these places that she is suddenly in a much higher grade, so she would be eligible for different classes and I don't know if it's going to be awkward for everyone. Well, thank-you if you managed to read my long post full of insecurities and indecisiveness. Any advice? Edited March 14, 2018 by Evanthe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Do what you think is right for your kid. I myself skipped 8th grade and other than some teasing my freshman year of high school, never had problems. My DD we started K a bit early because she was close to the age cut-off, and by 4th grade I was contemplating holding her back, and finally did it in 7th grade, with her agreement that she needed more time before high school. Looking at her now, no way was she ready to be in 9th this year--academically, socially, emotionally. You know your kid. Do what you think is best for her and don't waste your energy on what "other people are going to think." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4KookieKids Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I agree with just doing what you feel is best for your kid. In our experience, adjusting grade levels with outside programs was not a big deal at all. I don’t think I even got one single comment about it, Despite a lot of anxiety on my part about what so-and-so would say or think. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Do you think a single grade skip will actually solve the problem? It sounds like she would still be taller and more mature even if she were to be advanced a grade. You don't have to decide all at once. I might give it a trial run by putting her in one activity at the higher grade level. It would be best to pick an activity that she and you don't know anyone at so that no one needs to explain anything. Another way to deal with the problem is to only do activities that have an age range (so, for kids in grades 4-6, for example) where she is on the lower end of the range. This is how we tried to deal with this problem with my younger son for several years. I wouldn't skip her formally unless you absolutely have to because you've decided to put her in school. And then there are a slew of other issues that you're going to want to consider if that happens. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I understand it may seem awkward in some contexts, but it seems she is already a little awkward in some contexts. I would skip her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fralala Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I got my period in fourth grade. I was more mature than my peers and academically advanced. I am a fan of gifted idealistic underachieving myself, but I had especially strong feelings of insecurity and shame related to the activities (dance and swimming) where my physical differences from my peers were most apparent. The academic angle was less of a big deal, but I suffered anorexia for several years, and can't help but think I was trying to make my body match those of my peers. I bet your instincts on this are spot on, and it doesn't matter if people judge you, and they probably won't. Do what's best for your daughter. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 I agree with just doing what you feel is best for your kid. In our experience, adjusting grade levels with outside programs was not a big deal at all. I don’t think I even got one single comment about it, Despite a lot of anxiety on my part about what so-and-so would say or think. Ok, that's reassuring. For some reason, that's what I'm worried the most about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 I got my period in fourth grade. I was more mature than my peers and academically advanced. I am a fan of gifted idealistic underachieving myself, but I had especially strong feelings of insecurity and shame related to the activities (dance and swimming) where my physical differences from my peers were most apparent. The academic angle was less of a big deal, but I suffered anorexia for several years, and can't help but think I was trying to make my body match those of my peers. I bet your instincts on this are spot on, and it doesn't matter if people judge you, and they probably won't. Do what's best for your daughter. :grouphug: I'm sorry. The gifted thing is the big reason why we homeschool. DD16 tested as gifted in the brief time she went to ps. I feel very strongly that they need someone to advocate for them, work with them individually or at least design an education that meets their needs. I went to a school with no gifted program or resources for kids who were different. I ended up running away from home, so I wouldn't have to go to school anymore (melodramatic, I know - lol). They let me start college at 16 and everything was suddenly wonderful. I made friends, liked my professors, enjoyed the classes, etc. I couldn't imagine spending two more years in high school. Sometimes, it's not just about the academics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 (edited) Don't bother about what others might think - you have your own homeschool philosophy which is about whole child development and happiness - she will feel awkward in physical activities where the courses are designed for kids physically smaller than her and she is not happy being with the peer group in her age appropriate classes. So, why prolong this situation? I suggest skipping her a grade level or two and skip grades in all her activities at the same time so that she feels awkward about the changes for as short a time as possible. Don't worry about early college entrance because of grade skips now. There is plenty of time to figure that one out! Is grade level significant for ballet and gymnastics? I thought that they usually tend to be based on skill levels. My son started attending classes for extracurriculars (academic oriented ones like programming, robotics, chess etc) with older teens when he was 8 years old. The coaches moved him up when he completed all the course levels that were age appropriate. He says that the classes he attends are very stimulating, fast paced and he looks forward to them - but, the social scene is not very exciting for him - they treat him in a friendly manner, but, they are all busy with their iPhones a lot, they text during class, they have their inside jokes, they talk about teen issues and they are friends in school and he is not a part of any of that. On the whole, he says that he is happier that he is not twiddling his thumbs in his activities and sometimes it is even a challenge to get things done which is a new experience for him! Edited March 14, 2018 by mathnerd 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathmarm Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 For extra curricular, I would put her where she fit socially. So if that meant going up a grade (or two) on their forms, then I would. I'm curious, does putting her in 5th or 6th grade art/ballet/swim mean anything for her academically? Why would a social grade skip for extra curricular activities matter to her academic education? My son is very advanced academically compared to his peers, but at swim school it doesn't matter that he can read or do math, you know? I just check the box on the form that makes the most sense for each activity. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 I'm curious, does putting her in 5th or 6th grade art/ballet/swim mean anything for her academically? Why would a social grade skip for extra curricular activities matter to her academic education? No, not really for gymnastics and ballet. Those are more according to skill. Where it would matter would be stuff like confirmation class/youth group at church and also at our homeschool enrichment center. My kids take classes at a homeschool enrichment center and it's very grade-dependent. She's taking theater there this fall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaConquest Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I skipped K and it didn't hold me back at all. I was just jealous when my friends all started driving! I agree with trusting your instincts on this one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igbu Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 As others have said, you know your daughter best. Trust your instincts. We have found each year DS’s needs change, especially thru the middle school years. DS has done classes and camps with HSlers and classes or sports with kids his age. A semester or year may have him taking a class or two which he is with kids 2-3 years ahead (subject accel.), a class with peers (maybe band or a 9 wk class at the school ), a robotics club with kids a year or two ahead and a sport just to be around peers. Each of the past 3 years have looked very different based on what we think he needs most at that time...sometimes it’s a greater academic challenge...sometimes academic peers...sometimes age peers. This year DS took a couple age-peer classes for social reasons and his AoPS and a tough English. Now DS is looking to take DE classes next year with kids 3-4 years older...we usually try provide some balance when possible...so again he nay take band at the school to be with age peers twice a week and play soccer. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 If she was a lot younger / smaller than the other kids, that could be an issue, but in your case she is so close to the cutoff anyway, it makes more sense imo to promote her. She might not even be the youngest, and if she is, it won't be by much. If anyone asks, just say you've been contemplating this a long time and decided that this is where she needs to be. If anyone asks her age come August / September, say "almost 11." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 How many "grades" do you think you'll be bumping her by for these outside classes? If it's only one or two, I wouldn't even worry about it. Like, seriously, if they're not checking birth certificates, do they even care? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I'm not sure how realistic this is for you. For some it requires an entire mindset change. For others, it's easy-peasy. And still others struggle for a while but soon realize that their kids are so out of the box for whatever reason and just do it... ...so, what if, you didn't think of grades at all? No grades. Pfft. When people say when you homeschool, grades don't matter, they are talking about being flexible with grade levels. For us, I ended up taking it literally. From the time kiddo was about 9 (or maybe a bit older, my memory is terrible), I just counted it as the number of years we'd been homeschooling and stopped referring to grades at all. For outside classes and such, I went by age-range that was most appropriate for maturity/height/social skills/academic need. We went looking for opportunities with other *very similar kids* in the 8-12yo range when kiddo was 8-9 or kids in the 10-14yo range if we didn't know if the kids were similar in intellectual ability. Oh yes, for things like checking our homeschool charter's boxes, we still submitted attendance and samples with a grade level marked on the piece of paper. But that was just to please our education specialist (nice lady, no need to confuse her right?). It was only when kiddo was very serious about applying to college that I started considering which year should be junior year (for SAT/applications planning purposes) and used that as a gauge to decide which would have been 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th for transcript purposes. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 How many "grades" do you think you'll be bumping her by for these outside classes? If it's only one or two, I wouldn't even worry about it. Like, seriously, if they're not checking birth certificates, do they even care? It would be just one grade. The activities she goes to already have her as a certain grade, so I would need to tell them in the fall that she didn't move into the next grade, she skipped one. But, yeah, maybe no one will really care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 I'm not sure how realistic this is for you. For some it requires an entire mindset change. For others, it's easy-peasy. And still others struggle for a while but soon realize that their kids are so out of the box for whatever reason and just do it... ...so, what if, you didn't think of grades at all? No grades. Pfft. When people say when you homeschool, grades don't matter, they are talking about being flexible with grade levels. For us, I ended up taking it literally. From the time kiddo was about 9 (or maybe a bit older, my memory is terrible), I just counted it as the number of years we'd been homeschooling and stopped referring to grades at all. For outside classes and such, I went by age-range that was most appropriate for maturity/height/social skills/academic need. We went looking for opportunities with other *very similar kids* in the 8-12yo range when kiddo was 8-9 or kids in the 10-14yo range if we didn't know if the kids were similar in intellectual ability. Oh yes, for things like checking our homeschool charter's boxes, we still submitted attendance and samples with a grade level marked on the piece of paper. But that was just to please our education specialist (nice lady, no need to confuse her right?). It was only when kiddo was very serious about applying to college that I started considering which year should be junior year (for SAT/applications planning purposes) and used that as a gauge to decide which would have been 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th for transcript purposes. One of the reasons I need to know when 9th grade is officially starting is that I am a horrible record-keeper. When they are officially 9th graders, I start keeping very detailed records, samples, etc of the school year. And I begin putting together a transcript. But, before that, I'm just not good at recording what they do, what books they read, etc. It would be hard for me to go back and call a previous year 9th grade. Which this is actually my fault and not my kids'. But I agree with what you're saying. We were very unschooly for years and then when the oldest kids started high school, that changed. Unfortunately, we became more school-at-home-oriented. Following the public school calendar, scheduling out our subjects, being less flexible about our resources, using curriculum instead of the library, taking enrichment classes, etc... We somehow got sucked into that mindset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 (edited) How many "grades" do you think you'll be bumping her by for these outside classes? If it's only one or two, I wouldn't even worry about it. Like, seriously, if they're not checking birth certificates, do they even care? A very few activities care a lot. Homeschoolers in our American Heritage Girl outfit are being strongly suggested to put kids in with their age peers to keep them able to do things as they move up. Some activities are age based on birthdays and if they had moved up a year early (or even grade skipped in public school) they would not be allowed to do it if they had not had their birthday to turn that age, etc. I thought some sport teams had gone to birthday-based as well? Edited March 15, 2018 by vonfirmath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 She also can't seem to relate/make friends with other kids in her grade when she does an activity. It's to the point where she doesn't want to go to outside activities anymore, because she feels like she is out of place. This makes me very sad. I don't want to be discouraging, but I wouldn't expect big changes in this just based on a grade skip. It's not like 4th- and 5th-graders are never friends, right? And most outside activities are a mixed group, not just one grade. Some kids just struggle, and the reasons vary. It could be as simple as your dd having an innate maturity and focus that doesn't let her easily relax and get silly with the other kids. I mean, my oldest would come home annoyed from summer camp at that age, extremely annoyed because the kids were not focused on learning the topic or completing the project, lol, but they just wanted to swim and eat snacks. A grade skip might help, particularly if it puts her in the bottom of a new age range, say 5th- to 8th-graders. But I would not make a grade skip based on that hope alone. Likewise, I would not oppose a grade skip based on what other people might think. Is she 10 now, turning 11 in September or so? That would be standard 5th grade to me, going into 6th, and I'd probably 'correct' that without much thought. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 Is she 10 now, turning 11 in September or so? Yes, exactly this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omma Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I would say that one of the most often asked questions of dc by adults or others is, "What grade are you in?" So, whether we homeschoolers like it or not, we do need to prepare our dc to answer that question in a way that is not vague. In our case, we realized in 1st grade that our dd was a bit socially withdrawn, so we made the big decision to 'hold her back' a year, even though we kept advancing her in academics a year ahead of her official 'grade' And, in math, we even advanced her two grades when she was in the new so called 3rd grade, since she seemed to memorize her multiplication tables instantly and I knew that was the main goal in 4th grade math, along with problem solving (as her older brother had just finished that textbook), so I put them both in '5th grade' math with BJU at the time and both of these decisions have proved to be great ones for her. Her closest friends have always trended younger or the same age, never older than her. Incidentally, that 1st grade year our dd was often heard complaining that she wished she wasn't the youngest in everything. So it's been a great call; she is now a sophomore and continues to be quite content and happy with her 'grade'. I do not know what your state cutoff is, but our state's cutoff for K is that they turn 4 by Dec. 31st and our dd's birthday is the end of Nov. What I did was compare my dd's birthday to the cutoff dates in all 50 states and I discovered that in 4 out of 5 states, she would not even have been given the option to start K as a 4 year old anyway. If you were curious or thought you might ever move or that your dd might go to a college in a different state, you could compare these stats and it might help make your decision easier! Blessings, Brenda 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slackermom Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) Yes, exactly this. Where I live, that would put your dd10 in grade 5 now. My kid didn't turn 10 until the summer following grade 4, using our city's cutoff dates. So, I see no problem "grade-correcting" by a year asap. For me, the question would be whether or not to adjust by another year at the same time. What age range are the grade 5 and grade 6 kids in the activities your dd does? In Irish dance, which my kid does, they compete based on the calendar year in which they were born, so the grades overlap a bit, and it is not unusual to have kids from 3 different grades in the same competition. Edited March 16, 2018 by slackermom 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Yes, exactly this. I would adjust her grade for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teyover Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 My daughter just turned 13 and really should be in 7th grade. We have homeschool from the beginning and have her tested yearly. She scores very well and is advanced academically. She is advanced musically as well and is very mature. She is a grade ahead in band and orchestra at our local school. She wants to go to school so are going to skip 8th grade and place her in high school. I do worry about the college thing. She’ll be 17 when she graduates. I keep thinking if we move to a larger city she may be more on par with some musicians and I can keep her in the grade she is supposed to be. I’m not ready to even think about her moving away. I wonder if they let mama’s room with their kid in college. Haha 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Is she 10 now, turning 11 in September or so? That would be standard 5th grade to me, going into 6th, and I'd probably 'correct' that without much thought. My son is a 5th grader who is age 10 now. Will turn 11 in August right before School begins. This is indeed standard 5th grade. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) My daughter just turned 13 and really should be in 7th grade. We have homeschool from the beginning and have her tested yearly. She scores very well and is advanced academically. She is advanced musically as well and is very mature. She is a grade ahead in band and orchestra at our local school. She wants to go to school so are going to skip 8th grade and place her in high school. I do worry about the college thing. She’ll be 17 when she graduates. I keep thinking if we move to a larger city she may be more on par with some musicians and I can keep her in the grade she is supposed to be. I’m not ready to even think about her moving away. I wonder if they let mama’s room with their kid in college. Haha I was age 17 when I graduated (Sept 4 birthday. grade-skipped K but no big deal) and I don't think it mattered that much. I so much did NOT want to move away from home -- until I did. Then I did not want to go home again. I never felt "I'm too young to move away" or anything like that. My niece, on the OTOH, is age 18 (will be 19 in September) and she and her mom are struggling. She wants to be out on her own already and resents that she has not graduated yet. So in retrospect my sister wishes she had planned her graduation last year and not this (My niece has been homeschooled all the way through. One way they managed this year was she took Community college classes all year) Edited March 16, 2018 by vonfirmath 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Just wanted to update: I talked to her confirmation teacher and told her about our plans to have dd skip 5th grade and to see if she was eligible for class in the fall. I was expecting the lady to think we were nuts...or at least to get an eye roll. Nope. The lady was over-the-top supportive and told dd about how she skipped a grade when she was a kid. :laugh: Made dd feel so much better. She invited dd to come and sit in on a class so she can see there's nothing scary about it. lol And the teacher informed her that one of her friends will be in there this fall, too. :thumbup1: Yay!! And we are getting used to the idea and it's turning out to be a good fit for her! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.