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Girls and Dual Enrollment/early CC


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Hi,

 

We plan to send our dd to college a little early (a year or two, but she's old for her grade due to differences in state cutoffs from when we moved here) ...but I was thinking of doing a DE course when she's 15 to see how she handles it, and likes it etc.

 

A friend of mine IRL though cautioned me to be aware that girls are more of a target than boys...in other words my attractive dd may be a target for the young men looking to hit on the girls, etc.

 

I can't really picture this scenario much, since at college, unless you join a club or something, there isn't a whole lot of interaction with the same people.  You are in a class for 3 months, and then you are likely never to see them again. 

 

But I guess my dd would have to be aware of the fact, and ready to rebuff such advances,....

 

any thoughts? Has this ever happened to your younger dd's and if so how did they handle it?

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ANY attractive girl is going to get hit on. If she knows how to handle that though, I wouldn't worry about it. Mine has gotten used to it and knows how to be careful about being alone on group projects, giving out her phone number, etc. etc. 

 

I

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If by "hit on" you mean someone might try to flirt with her, I'd say yes definitely expect it and it's probably happened already. With most college guys just her saying "I'm fifteen" will get them to drop it.

 

If you mean directly and without preamble propositioned, probably not. I mean it's a possibility. But doubtful.

But some college boys won't drop it. And some teen girls will be flattered by the attention. I wouldnt send a 15 year old girl to CC.
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Sure, your daughter may get attention from other students.  When my daughter started DE, she was 16.  We talked about how to be friendly without seeming too friendly/interested, and how to deflect unwanted attention.  Of course she knew never to be alone with anyone - it would be hard to be alone with anyone on our CC campus so I wasn't worried about that.  

 

For the most part, when she said "I'm in high school" people backed off.  But, lots of people in college are interested in meeting new people, dating, etc. There's nothing necessarily bad about it, depending on how the person approaches it.  Nothing wrong with a guy asking a fellow student "Hey, want go to hang out at the coffeehouse after class today?"  

 

TAs, tutors, and even professors sometimes can be inappropriate, btw.  But those can be reported to administration as needed. 

 

Edited by marbel
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My DD started at 12, and most guys tend to ask her age really quickly because she DOES look young (and since DE is paid by the state for juniors and seniors who qualify, there are a decent number of 16-17 yr olds on campus). Or, it comes up pretty early (what high school did you graduate from? Oh, I'm dual enrollment-I haven't graduated yet...). So, DD hasn't had to suggest "We can meet in the library" for a group project, because the adult males suggested it. They did the project mostly through texting and google drive/google notes. If anything, the unwanted attention she has faced is students, both male and female, being a bit over protective ("Where is your next class? Do you want me to walk you there??", when that's the LAST thing she wants.)

 

I really don't think a guy flirting is a reason to not let a kid do DE. It's a reason to make sure she knows what the laws are, that ALL attention of that nature is unwanted and unsafe, not just for her, but for the guy involved, no matter how nice he is, and how to let him down directly, but politely. "Thank you, but my mom won't let me date until I'm 16" works quite well :).

 

Honestly, my 19 yr old Bonus kid handles it the same way "Thank you, but I need to focus on my education right now".

 

 

 

 

 

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 If anything, the unwanted attention she has faced is students, both male and female, being a bit over protective ("Where is your next class? Do you want me to walk you there??", when that's the LAST thing she wants.)

 

 

 

My dd started at 13 (she's 15 now) and has experienced this as well.  She is very tall so people always think she's older than she is but, once other students and instructors find out how old she is, they tend to be overprotective of her.  I think that will start to die down soon since she'll be 16 by fall semester, and there are so many DE students on campus that her age won't be unusual anymore.  She hasn't had any issues with unwanted attention so far.  

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My DD started taking college courses at age 13. At 15, she was tutoring in the tutoring center for physics of the university. She looked older than her age, was immensely knowledgeable in her subject, and so naturally occasionally students tried to ask her out. As soon as her age came up, they backed away.

It was never a problem.

 

ETA: Conversation would go like:

Guy: "Hey, lets get together and study sometime. What's your major?" 

She: "actually, I'm in high school."

Guy: "Oh, so you're like, seventeen?"

She: "I'm fifteen".

Guy: speechless... "never mind"

Edited by regentrude
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I've had to have lots of these conversations with DD15. She's part of a swing dance group and they attend events where there's college men. Although she keeps to her group of high schoolers, occasionally she gets asked to dance by a college student. I have found (I'm always present at these events) that the college-age men are more respectful and become protective as soon as they find out she's 15. It's the high school boys that I need to watch out for. ;)

 

DD introduced me to a Youtube channel called "Blimey Cow". The channel was created by homeschooled siblings and they have done a few videos on how to politely decline advances from the opposite sex, dating, etc. They are funny and I used them as conversation starters with DD. I feel the content is healthy and presents these sometimes-difficult-to-navigate topics in a humorous way.

Edited by omd21
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I can't really picture this scenario much, since at college, unless you join a club or something, there isn't a whole lot of interaction with the same people.  You are in a class for 3 months, and then you are likely never to see them again. 

 

The bolded is not my experience. There is a lot of cameraderie that develops when you are in a class together. Many of my students spend hours each week at our open help sessions, talking, interacting, socializing while doing physics problems (I offer ten hours weekly for my course, and many kids come there two afternoons or evenings per week). Often, the same groups get together the following semester when they take the next class in the sequence. Students who are in the same class go to the library to study together, go have lunch together, go have a coffee before their next class. They are often in other classes with the same cohort as well - whoever is in my physics 1 is likely also in calc 2, for example. 

There is a lot of interaction, and the institution and departments foster this, because that is great for student success.

 

ETA: And in some classes, there are group projects that require students to meet outside of class to prepare. DD's team partners were always very protective and didn't, for example, feel comfortable meeting in the dorm what they would normally have done, but decided to meet in the library instead, because she was so young.

Edited by regentrude
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The niece of a good friend of mine was an attractive well-developed 12-year-old, who looked older even without makeup and normal clothes.   "Old men" (16+) hitting on her just out in public skeeved her out.   They got her a t-shirt that said, "I am 12" with 12 in big letters.  You could modify that.  

It also helped with the kids her age.  They thought she was older and didn't want anything to do with her until they knew she was their age.  

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They got her a t-shirt that said, "I am 12" with 12 in big letters.  You could modify that.  

 

That would have been the LAST thing my DD would have wanted in a college setting. This will completely alter the dynamic with fellow students and professor and create an uncomfortable atmosphere. Most early college students would prefer not to broadcast their age but be treated like a regular student. And, heaven forbid, could you imagine this in a tutoring situation? "Hello, I am your calculus physics tutor and I am 15"? 

Edited by regentrude
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That would have been the LAST thing my DD would have wanted in a college setting. This will completely alter the dynamic with fellow students and professor and create an uncomfortable atmosphere. Most early college students would prefer not to broadcast their age but be treated like a regular student. And, heaven forbid, could you imagine this in a tutoring situation? "Hello, I am your calculus physics tutor and I am 15"? 

 

I agree.  The student wants, and needs, to fit in with the class.  Or, as my daughter said "I didn't want to stand out and be treated like a freak."

 

Also, re: socializing and interaction, I agree with Regentrude there too. There is a ton of interaction before and after class, study groups, etc. In my daughter's art classes students would often take a break from their own work and stop to see what someone else was doing, and talk about it, or students sitting at the same work table might chat while painting or drawing. Discussions on topics of interest might extend into the hallway and/or the cafe after a class. 

 

I would say that if a student isn't ready to handle him or herself as an adult in that environment - for ex, knowing how to deal with unwanted advances/flirting - they should probably wait to enter college.

Edited by marbel
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At our local CC, any student under 16 has to have an adult on campus with them. Not in class, but around. I was planning on having Trinqueta start with online classes first. There are more sections online than in person so I don't think it would be weird or unusual to start that way.

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I can't really picture this scenario much, since at college, unless you join a club or something, there isn't a whole lot of interaction with the same people.  You are in a class for 3 months, and then you are likely never to see them again. 

 

 

That doesn't matter. Guy sees cute girl, walks over and begins chatting her up. Or vice-versa, the point is that young people are generally fine with the idea of asking out a relative stranger. They certainly don't wait for a semester to go by or a deep friendship to form. 

 

My youngest is so, so bad at deflecting this, lol. She still tends to yell, "I'm waiting for my mom!" at random points in the conversation, instead of any of her carefully rehearsed responses. 

 

The vast majority of 18+ guys will back off when they hear 15 or 16, but not so much when they hear 17. 

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I had no problems being in college classes at 14/15. 

 

I would worry somewhat about maturity of the course content for classes in the humanities, especially art/literature. But not about the guys so much -- unless you have reason to be concerned about your dd returning their interest. 

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I do have friends (with both boys and girls) who did have their young dual enroll student end up dating someone older they met at a CC, so if you have a kid that might be prone to that you may want to set down ground rules early.  My son has ZERO interest in anyone at his CC.  LOL.  

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What I've heard from friends...young men are not the issue. It seems to be older men who don't get the message that a girl is not interested.

 

Teach her skills others have mentioned as well as where security is located and how to contact them if needed.

 

If she is able to take maturity level of classes, she should be mature enough to learn what she needs to do to keep herself safe (applies to younger boys too).

 

If it really is an issue, perhaps you could both visit and walk through the campus a few times, showing her areas where you would pick her up (assuming she won't be driving or taking public transportation), and just general things like where the campus police are located, how to ask them to escort her to your car if needed, etc.

 

 

Edited by quark
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My DD started taking college courses at age 13. At 15, she was tutoring in the tutoring center for physics of the university. She looked older than her age, was immensely knowledgeable in her subject, and so naturally occasionally students tried to ask her out. As soon as her age came up, they backed away.

It was never a problem.

 

ETA: Conversation would go like:

Guy: "Hey, lets get together and study sometime. What's your major?" 

She: "actually, I'm in high school."

Guy: "Oh, so you're like, seventeen?"

She: "I'm fifteen".

Guy: speechless... "never mind"

 

This is pretty much exactly what happened to my husband, who was on a college campus at age 13.  A girl he was studying with was flirty and angling for a date. Finally asked him herself. He mentioned his age and it went back to all business.

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I taught face-to-face college classes for eighteen years, and I saw some of the back-and-forth. Enough to know that it was mostly just class banter, and some was not. Because I taught evening classes, there was a wide range of ages.

 

In one class two class members started dating, slept together, and then broke up. I didn't know all this until they guy caused a scene in class, and I had to call security. Security gave him a good talking to, and then talked to her. After that they sat on opposite sides of the class a few more times, and then he dropped.

 

DD is very savy and has a lot of guy friends, so it's been just a rare annoyance for her. Other than class, she doesn't hang out at the CC.

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OP sure your DD might get hit on. In the CC or somewhere else. She should have something ready in her mind, to say or do, if/when it happens. The same for my DD if she goes by herself to Texas for 2 weeks this Summer.  I have read that the majority of women reporting sexual attacks on university campuses are Freshmen. So, for your DD and mine, exercise caution when in a place that is strange and new, as well as in places that are familiar.  I hope your DD does great with her DE courses.

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