Mental Health Question

[1shortmomto4]

My ds dealing with the following:

 

Suit mate is dealing with serious issue and, as a result, shared with my ds that they felt hopeless and considered self-harming.  My ds reached out to RA and shared his concerns and all three spoke together and end result was this young adult wanted space and locked oneself in room for the night.  RA then told my ds to keep an eye on things and let RA know if anything changes.  This student has pretty much remained in their room, not sleeping, not eating and just gaming to pass the time away.  This started last weekend and has been ongoing.  Student is not attending classes.  He did leave the room for a while once over the weekend and got some food with my ds but then became very angry/aggressive.  Moods have been very extreme.  He has been awake for over 24 hours straight (at a minimum) since Monday.  My ds is really struggling because he knows something is very wrong but can't get anyone to listen.  This is now taking its toll on him.  He tried the student advocate office which sent him to the mental health office - and they offered my ds counseling for anxiety/depression.  My ds is so upset that he can't get anyone to help.  He has been told over and over - the person has to come forth to ask for help.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I know this is tricky because it is an adult but waiting until he decides to come forth could be too late.  Am I missing some resource that I could point my ds towards that someone would listen?

[regentrude]

I am shocked the campus is not taking this more seriously. Your DS has taken the right steps.

Besides the normal counseling, there should be a hotline or online system where students and instructors can report students they believe to be in danger of harming themselves or others. has your son found something like this?

Is your DS emphasizing the gravity of the situation hen he speaks to the student affairs people, and not just "my room mate won't come out of his room"?

As a last resort, campus police can be called to perform a welfare check.

This is tough. I am sorry he is dealing with this, and the campus support system is so cavalier about this.

[lmrich]

Can he call the roommate's parents. 

My son went through something similar. He ended up in the ER and that was when I was called. It was a nightmare. 

[yvonne]

If it were my son, I would urge him to put his concerns in writing and email it to the RA and anyone he has already talked to as a “follow-up... this situation is ongoing...â€,and cc me. Sometimes people take things more seriously when it’s in writing and there’s a paper trail. Beyond that, it sounds like there’s not much your son can do on his own. Maybe he should start looking into what it would take to change rooms, if his situation becomes untenable.

[klmama]

If my dc were in such a bad state, I would hope the healthy roommate would contact me.  Does your ds know who the roommate's parents are or where they live?  ETA:  If he isn't getting results through the RA or mental health office, I think your ds should contact the Dean of Students.  

Edited February 14, 2018 by klmama

[1shortmomto4]

Apparently they started some new online anonymous reporting capability but it is basically for Title IX violations.  I spoke with someone last night who advised reporting it via that website/portal and my ds tried but the report wasn't accepted because the person who is struggling has to come forward and ask for help. 

 

I thought about him reaching out to parents but there are no links for facebook to connect him to a parent.  I, myself, would have sent a message, too.

 

I'm not sure if they have a Dean of Students but they have a Student Advocate office and they booted this issue to the mental health people - who offered to give counseling to my ds.  Thanks but we've got that covered.  He is just so fearful that something will happen and he'll be the one to find him.  If that were to happen, I'm not sure my ds would recover from that one.

 

This is so sad and but explains why it is so hard to get people the help they need.  If things escalate a bit more I'll have ds call campus police and request a check. 

[regentrude]

Apparently they started some new online anonymous reporting capability but it is basically for Title IX violations.  I spoke with someone last night who advised reporting it via that website/portal and my ds tried but the report wasn't accepted because the person who is struggling has to come forward and ask for help. 

 

I thought about him reaching out to parents but there are no links for facebook to connect him to a parent.  I, myself, would have sent a message, too.

 

I'm not sure if they have a Dean of Students but they have a Student Advocate office and they booted this issue to the mental health people - who offered to give counseling to my ds.  Thanks but we've got that covered.  He is just so fearful that something will happen and he'll be the one to find him.  If that were to happen, I'm not sure my ds would recover from that one.

 

This is so sad and but explains why it is so hard to get people the help they need.  If things escalate a bit more I'll have ds call campus police and request a check. 

 

They must have some sort of Dean of Student affairs, but it may not be called that. If you want to pm me the school's name, I can look at their website to see if I can spot another avenue.

[*LC]

Thank you for taking the student's concerns seriously and helping your son help the roommate. I know it must seem like you are beating your head against the wall.

 

In addition to the great ideas others have given, have you used whitepages.com or any of the other online people finders to track down a phone number for the parents. This will be easier if your son knows where the suitemate is from. Some names and places will be easier than others.

 

A very random suggestion, does the suitemate have a car? If so, you may be able to use autocheck.com to track down the parents' info if the car is in parents' names. One of my kids used this site this week to find out a car type from just the license plate, and it worked. I was shocked to see it also was offering us the "free" opportunity to check ownership of the car. It said one search costs $0, but I did not investigate it.

 

I hope your son is able to find the right person to help the suitemate quickly.

[daijobu]

Is your son a psychiatrist or an EMT trained to care for this student?  I am appalled the RA is expecting him to monitor this person.  This student's mental health is not your son's responsibility, not only because it isn't his job, but also because it is now affecting your son's mental health, and there are probably privacy concerns as well.  I agree with others that he should do his part to escalate this with the university administration--call 911 if that will get their attention--and then request a new dorm room, so he can get himself healthy again.  

[Bootsie]

This is a very tricky situation.  I have seen many cases on college campuses where students are told to report things.  Sometimes the university does not have much to go on--there is no crime in not coming out of your room or staying in your room and playing video games for 24 hours--it may be unhealthy and a sign that something is wrong, but it may not rise to the level of intervention in the life of someone over 18.  

 

At my university there is an "Office of Student Life" that can sometimes do more than the counseling center because they are not always bound by the same confidentiality clauses.  (For example, they can more easily contact parents in certain situations where legally the mental health center can't.)

 

Another possibility is that the university is doing some things that your son does not know about.  DD is an RA and there are times that she has reported incidents up the chain and cannot tell residents what is being done and instances where once she has passed things on she doesn't know what the university is doing.  It can be quite frightening to know there is a situation and feel like nothing is happening.  She has had to, at times, just trust that Student Affairs knows best what to do and that the details of what they are doing is not her business because of privacy reasons.