On campus or off campus (what does your child do?)

[DawnM]

Looking for stories.  

 

Is your child in a dorm?  In an apt?  Has your child tried both?

 

We are starting to discuss him moving off campus and know our pros and cons, but thought I would ask.

 

 

 

 

 

[8filltheheart]

My kids have only lived on-campus freshman yr. My older kids all moved into privately owned apts or houses. Our current freshman has signed a contract to live in a university-owned apt in the fall. She doesn't have a car (the older kids did) and she will be living abroad the entire yr her jr yr, so living in university housing was just a simpler choice. Nothing well-thought or planned. :)

[bettyandbob]

Dorm was an extremely bad experience for DD.

 

She's in an apartment near campus. She and roommates renewed their lease for next year. Her roommates will be graduating next year. DD is already talking to some friends about getting an apartment in another complex for her last year.

 

DD has a group of friends who stayed on campus. For that reason we purchased the smallest meal plan, so she could easily meet up for a couple meals a week and socialize.

[GailV]

Living on campus was required for the first two years -- dorms were the only option.  Most students at the university spend a semester abroad during sophomore year.  It was okay, but not great.  She really did not like her roommate freshman year. Sophomore year she fell down some stairs in the dorm and was on crutches much of the semester, so that wasn't a great experience either.

 

She is now in a house that has 5 people, across the street from the campus.  It is considered one of the "theater houses" -- that is, one of the houses that has theater majors living in it.  Apparently the houses  stay this designation for several years as students move in and out.  

 

They have house meetings on a regular basis to discuss issues such as who is leaving dirty dishes all over.  They have a first aid kit, a group chat so they can remain in contact over breaks (one of the students living there is from about 30 minutes away and checked the house over Christmas break, and the group chat means they now have a hilarious story about a long distance call to the local police for what turned out to be a mouse in the house), and are generally learning how to conduct themselves in "the real world" of landlords and utility payments. The house has a washer and dryer, but the dryer stopped working at the beginning of the semester, so they had a crash course in how to navigate that situation.

 

The biggest thing for her is that the food is better when she has total control over it and access to a kitchen.  She can also bulk buy and store various toiletries and paper products, including feminine hygiene products (which may sound trivial, but is one less thing to worry about) since she has more room to store things than she did in the dorm.  Several people have cars, so they can share shopping duties. 

 

OTOH, in one of the other houses (not sure if it was a theater house or another major) the kids decided to save money by turning down or off the furnace over Christmas break, and their pipes froze. Apparently that group wasn't quite as ready to be living on their own in a house.  

 

My personal theory is that homeschool kids are somewhat more in tune with what it takes to live off campus because they're around you while you're running the house (including the time you took the washer apart to find that the reason it wouldn't drain was a bobby pin stuck in the impeller so no more bobby pins left in pockets!).  That's going to vary by individual, of course.

[Night Elf]

My dd is in her Sophomore year and is living on campus again. Last year she had a double room and has a roommate. The first semester was bad because they didn't get along. She got a new roommate for second semester and it was wonderful. This year she got into the dorms that are like apartments. She is in a 2-BR so she has her own bedroom, living room, and kitchenette that has a full sized refrigerator and microwave. She gets along really well with her roommate.

 

Dd's main problem is she doesn't drive. She doesn't have a license and DH won't get her a car for next year so she has no motivation to get one this summer. She really wants to stay near school this summer but doesn't know how to do that. She would need an apartment on the bus line so she could get around town and to work. I told her she'd probably end up back at home this summer. She's signing an 11-month contract for next year in the same setup she has now. She'd rather live off campus but again, she is limited to having to be on the bus line. She also needs her own bedroom. No more sharing for her. I'd rather her stay on campus during all 4-5 years of school but we'll see what happens. Some of the apartments around campus have bad reviews. One place is overun by roaches. Yuck! I just think staying in a dorm is the easiest thing.

 

University Housing's website has a way for students to meet others as potential roommates. Her first try didn't work out. They thought they were compatible but weren't. She found her roommate for this year through their site. She's already on the lookout for a roommate for next year as her roommate this year is graduating.

[elegantlion]

Ds lives at home and commutes, it only makes sense in our situation. 

 

I did have concerns when ds was considering going away. He's not only an introverted and private only child, he has a pretty big and expensive computer setup that was adamant about taking with him. He was looking at single rooms instead of shared rooms, which obviously adds to the cost. He would have been fine, but he would have hated sharing sleeping space with someone and probably only lasted a semester doing so. 

[Hoggirl]

Ds will be on campus all four years - it's guaranteed. It would be far more expensive for him to live off campus.

 

However, at our local Big State U, getting on-campus housing is very difficult after freshman year. I believe there are some university-owned apartments, but I am not sure how many are close enough to campus to still walk. There is a transit system that is pretty good, however. At least by the end of second year, all of ds's friends who are there had to move off unless they were RAs. The university has grown enrollment at a rate that far outpaces dorm space growth.

[Julie of KY]

My oldest is on campus because he is required to live there all four years. :)

 

[DawnM]

Thanks.  Keep the thoughts coming.

 

He is strugging with 3 other roommates in a 2 bedroom place, no kitchen.  The school does have apt. where there are 4 small ind. bedrooms and a kitchen, but they are nearly impossible to get into and go to Seniors first, then Jrs.  He is a sophmore.

 

Living off campus will be roughly the same cost to us, even if he gets the commuter meal plan.  

 

2 roommmates are pretty considerate and nice IF the 3rd one isn't there.  The 3rd one is a leader jerk and the other two are followers who think he is "so cool" because he is an athelete and parties.  My son does NOT want to get caught with pot in his dorm room as he wants no part of pot.  He has already talked to the RA and put in for a room transfer, but he hates living in the dorms.  And it has only been 2 weeks!

 

No snow concerns as it is a very Southern school, but he doesn't drive, so it has to be walkable.  That ups the price a bit just because close by apartments are more $$.  But it will still not be more than he pays currently.  

 

So frustrated for him.

[Arch at Home]

My DD will live on campus all 4 years as off campus is more expensive. There is a variety of on campus housing options (dorm, theme houses, and apartments) to choose from.

 

Sarah

[scholastica]

My ds's scholarships are high enough that he is required to live on campus all four years. He was in a dorm the first year. It was a suite situation. He had a decent roommate and they got along well. Dorms are always loud. He's in an on-campus apartment this year and likes it so much better. He can control what he eats so much more easily, it's quiet and he and his roommate get along well. He will continue in the on-campus apartments for the rest of his time there, with the exception of his study abroad semester. It varies so much school to school. Hopefully, the room transfer will come through quickly for your ds. A new roommate situation may make all the difference.

[8filltheheart]

My ds's scholarships are high enough that he is required to live on campus all four years.

 

This is university dependent.  

[Gwen in VA]

DD transferred in to her college as a sophomore. She HAD to live on campus her sophomore year, and it stunk. Mold, mildew, and not wonderful roommates. (She was the fourth in a trio of close friends, which made it extra-challenging.)

 

She moved off-campus for her junior and senior years. It has been WONDERFUL! She loves her apartment, her apartment-mate and she get along really well, it is less expensive, and she enjoys LEAVING campus at the end of the day and having a life not 100% surrounded by 18-22yo's. She is involved in her church community and in the local dance scene, and oddly enough her social life has improved since she moved off campus!

[Pawz4me]

DS22 lived in a private-but-affiliated-with-the-university dorm for his first two years. It was only a little more expensive than campus dorms and was significantly nicer and closer to most of his classes, plus they had their own dining hall. For his last two years he's shared a three-bedroom off campus apartment. It's an easy walk to most of his classes and the apartment complex also runs shuttle buses on a very convenient schedule. The apartment, parking and him preparing his own food has been MUCH more expensive than the private dorm, parking and meal plan were. Roommates have never been a problem at all, thank goodness. In fact he became friends in the dorm with a good group who pretty much all moved together into the same apartment complex.

 

DS19 lives in a dorm on campus. He's 2e and qualified for a private room (at no extra cost!). That's worked out very well, but he's applying for an on-campus apartment for next year, with three other boys from his dorm lined up to share it if any of them get picked (it's a lottery system). It would be a very good experience for him to live with roommates, so I hope it works out. I think it will cost just a little more than his dorm room if we keep the same meal plan (which we probably will, because left to his own resources he'd live on Pop Tarts and peanut butter sandwiches).

[creekland]

Mine have lived in their dorms all four years (all three of them) except for the Study Abroad where youngest lived with a host family (who had a maid, so he didn't have to cook, clean, or do his own laundry).

 

Middle son was also an RA for three years in charge of freshman on his floor and an assistance his sophomore year.

 

The only bad experience was youngest's first roommate.  Once that changed, the rest has been fine.  They have several fun memories.  They're also all "people" persons rather than disliking communal things, so that's undoubtedly helpful.  They get along well with a huge variety of people and know how to work well with others.

 

Middle son lives in a house with three other roommates now that he's in med school and is far more annoyed with two of them than he ever was when he lived in a dorm.  Apparently they don't like sharing chore duty (basic cleaning, shoveling snow, etc) and one has both eaten and thrown away food my guy bought for himself.   :cursing:

[Mom22ns]

My oldest is on campus because he is required to live there all four years. :)

 

Mine too, although he has moved from the dorm to an apartment.

 

My youngest also lives in an on campus apartment after living in the dorm her freshman year. Her school isn't in a great neighborhood and she preferred being on campus with campus security and also within an easy walk to classes.

[scholastica]

This is university dependent.

Of course it is. Not all universities require it, but many do now.

[Tree Frog]

Oldest was in the required dorm the first 2 years. The second year, she and her roommate got along well enough they've been roommates the last 2 years, too. Her junior and senior years, she has lived with 5 other women in a 4 bedroom house. It's been a growing up experience for dd, who was generally in charge of anything the house needed (she is the "mom" figure): contacting the landlord about getting rid of insects/mice, furnace issues, leaking gas issues, burst pipe/flooding issues, pets (and their cleanup), etc. I believe she's ready for her own house just from this experience. Her house was a "nice" house by college standards, but very nearly a dump by ours. Thankfully, most of the other women are responsible, too, but sometimes they need to be told what to do. DD also gained experience reading a lease, what to look for to ensure she was covered in the case of an emergency, who would be responsible if one of the others didn't pay her share of the rent, etc. They also have a group chat for everyone to set up meeting times (I think they meet once a month to talk about stuff) or what needs to be communicated with the landlord. I think this experience has given dd as much, if not more, knowledge than her classes.

 

Second dd is currently in a dorm with a roommate. They are the same major and get along very well! Roommate would like to live with dd off campus in an apartment next year, but I don't think that's going to happen. Roomie's budget is seemingly unlimited (everything roomie wants is paid for by mom and dad), while dd has a budget she has to stick to. DD's budget is about 1/4 of cost of the apartment roomie's mom wants roomie and dd to live in, so roomie's mom offered to dd to pay whatever she could afford and mom would cover the rest. The apartment is very upscale and very secure, which is what roomie's mom wants. Even though it's a very generous offer, dd doesn't want anyone else subsidizing her housing. So dd is planning to rent a house next year with 3 other people, one woman and 2 men. 2 of the three are a couple she works with. She's excited about being able to cook her own food and be responsible in a way she doesn't in the dorm. She's ready to handle her own stuff, though we'll be there to help guide her and offer assistance if needed.

 

Difficult roommates are very challenging! I'm very thankful that when oldest dd had a difficult roommate, it was toward the end of the year when said roommate was getting ready to move out.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Both of my kids that have been to college lived in dorms at first.  Both colleges had a requirement that freshmen (actually, first year students no matter how many credits they came in with) live in dorms, barring any special circumstances.  And we agreed.   We felt that this would help with the adjustment of going away to college.  Meals taken care of via the meal plan.  There were some social activities and some mandatory floor meetings where the RA would help with orientation activities. If my kid had some special circumstances, I'd reconsider the dorms.  Otherwise, it is my preference for my kids for their first (and maybe second) year away from home.  

 

My oldest had an REU his first summer and lived in an apartment owned by the college.  He was not really ready for apartment living (despite my numerous attempts to teach him how to cook, he just wasn't interested in things like menu planning.)  He lived off of cereal for breakfast, sandwich and fruit for lunch and hot dogs for dinner.  Thanks goodness for that weekly department dinner ... better food and some socialization for my shy kid.  It just about killed me to know that all my work on teaching my kids about good nutrition and healthy living was completely ignored.  In later years, he had roommates who knew how to cook, so he bartered cleaning up with the good cooks.  He will do anything I ask of him, but he won't plan meals.  My next kid is a decent enough cook, but doesn't have the executive function skills to live alone ... mostly can't remember to request refills of meds in time in order to not run out.  

[Jenny in Florida]

My son was on campus for two years. It wasn't a positive experience. Although he's not especially conservative in most ways, he just isn't into the concept of imbibing substances as entertainment. And even though he's not what one would call a driven academic, he's extremely bright and doesn't have a lot of patience with willful ignorance or vapidity as a lifestyle choice. And it turned out that dorm life at the medium-sized private university where he started included all of those things as prominent features. 

 

Food was also an ongoing low-level irritation for him. He's whip thin, always hungry, a life-long vegan and very active (a dancer). As a performing arts major, he was on a weird schedule, with rehearsals that kept him coming and going at at all hours. The lack of access to "real food" (including such luxuries as fresh fruit and non-wilted vegetables) at times of day when he was available to eat was a constant source of frustration. We ended up paying for the meal plan (required for the first year) so that he had as many options as possible, but he/we also spent a significant chunk of cash every month to "supplement" what he was able to scrounge from the dining hall.

 

All in all, living on campus turned out to be just really tiring for him. He spent two years feeling hungry and socially isolated.

 

There were other factors (including a local girlfriend and the decision to change majors), but a general discontent with on-campus life was a big part of why he chose to come home for his third year. He's not necessarily "home" a whole lot these days. He's very busy with school and a couple of part-time jobs and performance commitments, and he splits what time he does have away from those things between our house and his girlfriend's. And, of course, he would love to have his own apartment if that were a financial possibility. But even mooching off us, he's much, much happier as a commuter.

Edited January 23, 2018 by Jenny in Florida

[Jenny in Florida]

I did have concerns when ds was considering going away. He's not only an introverted and private only child, he has a pretty big and expensive computer setup that was adamant about taking with him.  

 

Similarly, my son has a bunch of power tools and a sewing machine that couldn't go with him to the dorm. Having regular access to his workshop was a contributing factor in his choice to come home.

[Lori D.]

posted late to the party... response not needed... ;)

Edited January 23, 2018 by Lori D.

[DawnM]

We will be going down there in 2 weekends (first weekend of Feb).  That is his birthday weekend too, so it will be a nice break for us and for him.  I may take off an extra day as well.  I am trying to decide.  We have told him we will get a 2 bedroom Residence Inn place and he can SLEEP as much as he wants/needs and get some privacy.  And we will start looking around for a place for him to live for next quarter.  We won't actually get a place, but let him get a feel for what apartment complexes are out there, etc....

 

It would be better if he could get through the rest of this year in the dorms and move in the summer or next Fall, so we will assess how miserable he really is.

 

He plans to stay down there for the summer quarter as that will put him on track to graduate in 2 years.  He does have the option of coming home and either doing some classes online or taking some classes at the local CC for transfer, but we haven't worked all that out yet.  This is the only year he could take classes locally and have them count.  The school won't let you take any classes outside of your school for transfer after you start your junior year.

 

 

[DawnM]

Oh, and some of this angst and stress could have been alleviated IF DS had agreed to inform the school that he had asperger's.  We could have requested certain accommodations, etc....but NOPE, he thinks that everyone will just think he is neuro-typical if he doesn't tell them.  And he doesn't want to be labeled (please don't say, "Oh, well you need to tell him X or Y because then he will get it."  We have talked until we are blue in the face.  

[GoodGrief]

My oldest lived in a dorm initially, then went to an on-campus apartment with individual bedrooms, but shared living room/bathroom/kitchen. She really wanted an off campus apartment, but I did not want the worry of her trying to find roommates to keep the cost reasonable. With the on-campus apartment, the school put roommates in when there was space to fill. The downside was that we had to pay rent through the summer, despite the fact that she was elsewhere then. She could have sublet for the summer, but was never good at finding someone to do that.

 

The second is required to live on campus all four years. It's all dorms, but the types of room vary quite a bit. She's currently in a single with a hall bath.

[swimmermom3]

Ds is in his second year at his university, but is a junior. Affordable off campus housing can sometimes be difficult to obtain.

 

He was in a dorm last year with two other roommates. The roommates were great. One was from China and the other was a moderate Republican who enjoyed sparring with my moderate Democrat. They have remained friends and still get together. Being on a freshmen dorm floor was my son's biggest complaint with regards to noise level and the frequent 2am fire alarms the administration seemed unable to stop.

 

Over the summer, ds stayed there for an internship and roomed in a two bedroom/2 bathroom apartment with three other guys he didn't know. It was not a great situation and I would caution anyone that is subletting to really check out the legal arrangements.  Ds would get home from work, still wearing his suit, only to smell the pot half way down the hall. It's not that Sailor Dude is exactly a saint, but he has boundaries. Having his suits and his room reek of pot all the time, pissed him off. He also figured the neighbors didn't need to know either. His roommate got really drunk one night, took his pants off, and instead of turning left for the bathroom, turned right and peed in the refrigerator. Ds said that was the high point of the summer.

He and our Spaniard came back from 3 days in New York to find sticky notes all over the kitchen telling them to clean up the mess, except they hadn't been there. It was the one guy who remained in the apartment during that time. The notes were from his girlfriend.

 

I think it was a relief to return to the dorms this fall although it is a much nicer hall and there are only two of them in the room with their own bathroom.  His roommate is very chill and considerate. The pot smoking only happens in the bathroom with a towel across the door and the fan on. Sailor Dude is leaving for his study abroad in Chile during July. He is looking for a more permanent living arrangement off of, but close to campus, and definitely on the Metro. I am not sure how it will work coming back to campus next January. Next year is his senior year and he will be applying for grad school directly after that, which is what is driving the desire for a more permanent home in D.C.

[DawnM]

Your problem is not on vs off campus. Your dc needs to pick compatible roommates and find a place to live where the residents aren't partying when he wants to sleep.  I feel for him, my random roommate ( a junior, I was a freshman) was up at 6 am to begin studying and turned the lights out at midnight.  I needed 8 hours of sleep.  Yep, I learned to wrap a towel around my head and also to nap in the library as she wouldn't study anywhere but the very small dorm room and couldn't learn to shut the door without allowing it to slam.  

 

Secondly, the attitude toward the roommates....there will always be partiers and athletes. They aren't all abusers.  

 

One thing I'd suggest is checking out the campus counseling center.  Some have help for students who need to widen their social circle. 

 

I didn't say all athlete were abusers.  My husband was an athlete.  I would never say that.  That is how my husband paid for college.  

 

As far as him being able to just "pick better roommates" he is NEW.  He started January 6th, 2018, for the first time.  

 

I am very confident he will make friends, already has some he is talking about, but for now, we need to deal with it as it is.  He has put in for a roommate change and has specified that he is a quiet person and would like quiet (non-partier) roommates.

[MBM]

My kids all started in a college dorm and then moved in to off-campus apartments usually by their junior or senior year. The youngest lived in a frat for two years and will finish his senior year at home which is nicer and way cheaper than renting. Our permanent home is right by his university literally across the street. My husband and I will stay in our rental in Chicago which is closer to dh’s job and makes for an easier commute. (And I’d rather stay in the city because there’s so much to do!)

 

My youngest is in charge of maintaining his frat house, either doing the work himself or overseeing contractors. So far, that’s included cleaning, major plumbing, painting and removal of asbestos. He’s learned a lot and has done a good job.

 

This summer his internship will provide a free apartment near work and that will be his first true taste of living on his own in Chicago for an extended period of time.

 

None of our kids had major problems with roommates thankfully.

[Mom22ns]

Oh, and some of this angst and stress could have been alleviated IF DS had agreed to inform the school that he had asperger's.  We could have requested certain accommodations, etc....but NOPE, he thinks that everyone will just think he is neuro-typical if he doesn't tell them.  And he doesn't want to be labeled (please don't say, "Oh, well you need to tell him X or Y because then he will get it."  We have talked until we are blue in the face.  

 

Ds is ASD but swears he is not and will never admit it or use any accommodations. Everyone who meets him knows the truth. It really is that obvious, but like you, there is nothing we can do about this. I feel your pain.