Ideas to help with Preteen Mood swings

[NewIma]

My dd11 is having lots of meltdowns and mood swings. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. This is harder than having a two or three year old. Has anyone used supplements or vitamins that helped their child? Books or other resources?

[Carol in Cal.]

Borage oil helped mine. 

Gave out capsules as needed and it worked really fast.

[NewIma]

Thanks Carol! So you only took as needed? Not daily? Do you remember how much? Thanks so much!

[Arcadia]

Besides sleep, chocolates, fish oil and salmon works for my DS13 regardless of his age. Chocolates works for my DS12 but he is much less intense all along compared to DS13. My DS13 had terrible twos and threes and teen meltdowns from him are actually milder because he gets embarrassed sometimes now.

 

My boys have different temperaments and different meltdown triggers all along so knowing the triggers was more helpful to me than any books.

[MEmama]

Extra exercise and food were the sure fire remedies here. Also lots and lots of extra sleep.

[FriedClams]

Sleep, shower, sandwich. And, I may get flamed here, but that's a good age to learn to deal with emotions in a healthy way and becoming more self regulating. We express, but don't indulge here. Taking a dog for a walk, hitting the gym, listening to music, taking a break.... Whatever it is we work to find ways to diffuse stress without making everyone else miserable (which is not allowed).

[nansk]

For my dd, a snack, and/or plenty of alone time to do her own thing (like play with slime) has worked.

[Carol in Cal.]

Thanks Carol! So you only took as needed? Not daily? Do you remember how much? Thanks so much!

When I was so furious with her that I thought I needed it myself, I learned to calmly pull one out and offer it.  She would go 'OH!' and go off and take it, and 15 minutes later or less would come back for a teary hug.  I never 'got' the patterns exactly because this started during pre-puberty and the timing was unpredictable.  Later on it tended to be most necessary on about Day Two.

[Seasider]

Vigorous exercise and time outdoors. Extra effort to get them together with friends no matter how inconvenient it is to run the taxi. Time with same-age friends (or near) is good, not just hanging with their own siblings all the time.

[wintermom]

Vigorous exercise and time outdoors. Extra effort to get them together with friends no matter how inconvenient it is to run the taxi. Time with same-age friends (or near) is good, not just hanging with their own siblings all the time.

 

Definitely getting girls outside the house to see their friend(s) is important. The stress on getting out and being with someone besides mom. It's so easy for dc to act poorly with mom. Lots harder when they are with other adults, so they usually manage to pull themselves together and act human. ;)

[TechWife]

Sleep, shower, sandwich. And, I may get flamed here, but that's a good age to learn to deal with emotions in a healthy way and becoming more self regulating. We express, but don't indulge here. Taking a dog for a walk, hitting the gym, listening to music, taking a break.... Whatever it is we work to find ways to diffuse stress without making everyone else miserable (which is not allowed).

 

Although I don't have a daughter, I do agree with this approach. This is part of life. If a pre-teen/teen girl is otherwise emotionally healthy, being able to deal with hormonal mood swings is a necessary life skill. 

[gardenmom5]

enough sleep.

no sugar

exercise, lots of it.

protein

 

if those don't work.

 

theanine

gaba

ashwagandha and bacopa monerii

 

eta: MOST kids will respond to the first group of sugggestions.  I have one,. . who needed more.  (so I recognize, that some kids just do need "more".  but most kids don't.)

Edited January 18, 2018 by gardenmom5

[StartingOver]

Baileys in your coffee!! Morning are the worst here.

[HS Mom in NC]

I drink.  Just kidding.

[Zebra]

I drink.  Just kidding.

:lol:

 

I've said it before, but if it makes you feel any better, 11 was absolutely the worst with my dd.    

 

It is a very difficult process for a body, turning from a child into a woman.   

[Joyofsixreboot]

Wine. Administered to myself. I am on my 7th 10yo. It is still a struggle. Seriously more physical activity (much more), fewer sweets and sleep. I wish it were more magical.

 

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[Sarah CB]

Baileys in your coffee!! Morning are the worst here.

 

I was going to say wine. And a strict bedtime (which was good for both of us). 

[Soror]

My oldest girl is nearing 11. It hasn't been horrible yet but it has certainly started. I'm listening in, my current plan is just to hold on and hope for the best.

Edited January 18, 2018 by soror

[Momto6inIN]

For us, the worst year was the year before she started her period. I was not at all sure we were both going to make it out alive lol

 

After she became regular, it seemed to settle down to a couple days/month, which was predictable and therefore more bearable (for both of us). My very unscientific hypothesis is that before she started the hormones just kept building and building and didn't have their monthly "reset" back to normal levels, which created a monster whose emotions never really got reset either. [emoji4]

 

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[bolt.]

Be aware that while preteen meltdowns have to do with puberty, they are much more related to neuroscience (maturation if the brain) not so much about "hormones" (sexual maturation).

 

The condition where the amyigdilla (sp? Sorry -- on my phone!) is more powerful than the prefrontal cortex is a temporary phase of development. It isn't going to last (the prefrontal cortex catches up) and it is very difficult for most people to manage without outside assistance. The brain is actually struggling hard to manage the erratic behaviour of the newly intense emotional events.

 

There are MRIs and everything.

 

People do best with someone else to be their 'rock' until the intensity subsides. There are lots of healthy coping strategies to try, but there is an important element of having someone to rely on while your brain grows.

[TechWife]

Be aware that while preteen meltdowns have to do with puberty, they are much more related to neuroscience (maturation if the brain) not so much about "hormones" (sexual maturation).

 

The condition where the amyigdilla (sp? Sorry -- on my phone!) is more powerful than the prefrontal cortex is a temporary phase of development. It isn't going to last (the prefrontal cortex catches up) and it is very difficult for most people to manage without outside assistance. The brain is actually struggling hard to manage the erratic behaviour of the newly intense emotional events.

 

There are MRIs and everything.

 

People do best with someone else to be their 'rock' until the intensity subsides. There are lots of healthy coping strategies to try, but there is an important element of having someone to rely on while your brain grows.

 

This is very interesting and makes a lot of sense. Have these studies that shown this ruled out the effects of hormones, though? Could there not be two different mechanisms at play here - brain maturation and hormones? I ask because I know hormones affect me, as an adult with years of menses behind me and probably a few more years in front of me. It was essential that I learn to recognize how my cycles affect me emotional and learn appropriate coping skills to incorporate into my life. With all of that, it can still be a challenge at times. 

[ScoutTN]

My dd 12 is not bad at all, but ds 10 is another story!  

[lexi]

It’s good to know I’m not alone. My oldest was a bear all the time at age 10. I truly didn’t think we would survive. Daily magnesium and joining a swim team for intense exercise has really helped. But we had lots of discussions about how I could help her when her emotions overwhelm her. She’s got to learn some coping skills. At 12 things are a little calmer.

 

But my son just turned 10. Overnight he became surly and moody. It’s nuts! He is usually the most laid back kid ever. Now he’s not very pleasant.

 

I’m now trying rod figure out he best ways to help him calm down and be a little easier to live with.

 

Parenting. Goodness. It’s so hard!

[NewIma]

Oh my gosh I cried reading these responses. It is so good to know we are not alone. I've been taking naps and eating chocolate a lot! Lol I am sorry so many others are struggling too, but relieved it seems normal. Her behavior has really caught us off guard. I was expecting this moodiness and rudeness when she was 13, not 11!

 

She is on a swim team for exercise but using exercise to diffuse bad moods isn't something we've tried. I talked to my Dr today and he says there is some evidence that taking calcium helps so we might try that along with borage oil. I think this might be harder because she is homeschooled. Since she is home with me we have more time for her to resent me and pick fights. Lol Does that make sense?

[nansk]

Her behavior has really caught us off guard. I was expecting this moodiness and rudeness when she was 13, not 11!

 

..there is some evidence that taking calcium helps so we might try that along with borage oil. 

My dd is becoming more mature and reasonable at 13. Now the inexplicable tantrums only last a few days each month. So hang in there.

 

I would caution against supplemental calcium. Better to eat more calcium-rich foods.

[bolt.]

When mine was not homeschooled, she had less time with me, but still had plenty of melt downs. Some weeks nearly 100% of our time together was strained.

 

Now that we are together more, we bond more and enjoy each other more. Also, at 13, her brain is over the worst phase. Even when she melts down, the proportion of time we spend in conflict is balanced by the time we spend together well. I think this is probably true for you too, even though you are in the thick of it.

 

By the way, it's not real resentment, nor picking fights -- these moments of excessive reactivity blindside and bewilder her too. She is not in charge of when, where, or how something will provoke one. They feel real to her in the moment, but afterwards she doesn't believe what she said and can't imagine acting the way she acted. It's best for you to try not to take the outbursts meaningfully (or personally).

 

She is melting down like a toddler, but now there are words not just wailing. The words just mean, "This feels awful! It's wrong wrong wrong! And there you are nearby, mom, so it must be your fault! Make it better! Now!!!" They don't mean what she actually says.

[umsami]

My honest opinion is that the British upper class were so smart to send the kids off to boarding school at 11.  Sigh.  

 

Honestly, so far for the two eldest, the whole preteen mood swings were really just a phase.  They did pass....and knowing that does help.

 

We did Coromega packets, exercise, drawing/reading time, and alone time.... oh and alone time with Mom too.  Not sure how much it helped, but it made me feel like I was doing something.  

[bolt.]

We did plenty of omega 3 (fish oil) and minerals (calcium and selenium were what I wanted primarily, but it's a multi mineral with lots of traces).