IGotThis - any experiences?

[Targhee]

https://igotthis.com

 

Considering this app so I no longer have to be the reminder monkey on their backs. In our family of 6, four have ADHD and I have been feeling the mental load for a long time, trying to be the frontal lobe for everyone else. Kids are older and don't want to be nagged, DH hates me always double checking him. I hate to nag, but falling flat on their faces doesn't teach them EFs (and we have tried so many strategies with the oldest two), and we all feel frustrated or in a pickle when people forget or don't do things to completion that need to be.

 

So if anyone has experiences using this I'd love to hear - how old the users were, did they have their own devices, was it easy to set up, did it get the results you wanted, other input??? TIA

[PeterPan]

Haven't used that app, but yes each person would need their own tech (and ideally their own ecosystem of tech) to make it work. For my dd, she has all her tech, all in the same ecosystem, and she's a rabid user of it. So iphone, laptop, ipad, everything all in the same ecosystem. That way reminders, calendars, alarms, files, everything syncs. 

 

You definitely want them using their tech and getting comfortable with relying on it BEFORE they have to do something higher stakes like college. Your oldest is *close* to the age where she will probably start to problem solve for herself if she has the tech and the nudge.

[PeterPan]

I'm looking at this. Why does a 15 yo need this? The youngers, sure, great, do it. Is it available for android and apple? Android just has your cheaper device entry points. But for a 15 yo, honestly they need to be finding an app and problem solving for themselves. Like you sit down together and look at a bunch, then THEY enter their stuff in. You don't want to be entering "make your bed" type stuff for a 15 yo.

 

The other thing is that some stuff ought to be chained as habits. Do they have posted routines? It sounds like you've already tried a lot. The app looks great, but the issue is whether it's appropriate for your oldest dc. They need to be taking that stuff over, and they might like a different checklist app. There are tons of them. My dd really liked one, Cross It Off... She liked the swoosh of drawing her finger through it and having it show a line through. That was really satisfying to her. So that psychology matters.

 

If you do it, definitely report back? Do they do a trial period? 

[Targhee]

The issue isn't that Dd 15 doesn't have tech or know how to use it, nor is it that she doesn't have input into it. She has been using an iPod/iPhone for 3 years, we have shown her different uses (task lists, reminders, timers, etc) for helping her manage. The issue is she doesn't use it. Her EFs are across the board extreme,y low, her intelligence is extremely high, and there's some issue of pride. She doesn't use it because she thinks that makes her weak. We have struggled with this mentality in other areas as well. So she keeps hitting a wall and getting overwhelmed b cause things are lost and forgotten. It's complicated and ongoing.

 

My thought was to present the tech as a family solution, so she didn't take it as an attempt to "fix her." My concern is ds, whose EFs are also extremely low, especially in response inhibition, needing his own device. We've already run into trouble with device use and are working on managing family-shared device use. And while dd6 would be more responsible with a device she doesn't really need one, except for this. Dd10 I'd just have to make sure she didn't spend hours on end taking photos and typing in emoji.

[exercise_guru]

I would have to check it out but I can tell you what I use for most everything. I use Google Calendar. It works across devices. I have a calendar for each child and my husband and one for me. There is an app you can download on devices that will allow you to have reminders signal individually. It is  called "Calendar event reminder." 

 

OK so in addition to this for my son who doesn't use a planner at school he has a school google calendar that I place reminders on. (I know google also has google tasks but so far I haven't figured out how to implement that. )

 

The great thing is I can set an event in my teen daughters calendar or she can set an event. Then I can go in and on my phone set a reminder to pick her up for that event and boom I get an alarm. If she does it on her phone she gets an alarm at least I think she does.  I will have her test it. 

so here are my calendars: Its cool because you can turn them on and off and see them in your phone. I downloaded google for my ipad and so I am sure it would work there as well. 

DaughtersLife

DaughtersSchool

SonsLIFE 

SonsHomeSchool

Husbands LIFE

MY LIFE

MY work calendar

 

 

There are a few  systems I use for everything else. 

• Have a place for the 10 most common things and keep those things in your own personal proper place. These are so I don't have to track down peoples shoes, laundry, coats, instruments, electronics, car keys etc. I fine people if they don't put those things in their place and just leave them laying around. 
• White boards on the door in the office with daily reminders I write on each day that the kids are responsible for. Each kid has their whiteboard and on those I would put "get soccer stuff together," and I list the chores for the day. Its usually only 2 but each kiddo is supposed to read and use their judgement and skills to do it. 
• 15 minute blitz after dinner where we set a timer and everyone including my husband runs around and cleans up. This keeps it to a reasonable level.  I also make everyone clear their plate, help with clearing the table & ask to be excused. 
• My last trick is to use the communication sandwich "positive statement" "expectation with an action item I want done" "positive statement. I read in social thinking something like "If you define the expectation you can eliminate 80% of the unwanted behaviors" so I work very hard to define what I expect and not narrate. I also sandwich it so everyone knows I appreciate them contributing. For example  BREAD I see you have made big progress with your writing and have done some work on _____ project"  FILLING " I expect 4 good sentences by 6:30" BREAD You will feel really good to have the project started.  

Also with my spouse I have a box I put his stuff that he forgets like tools etc and if he can't find it he knows to look in that box. I give him some slack because he works dang hard and is quite amazing other than leaving his drill the last place he used it.  I appreciate the calendar with him because he can add a late meeting or whatever and I can put reminders for him on days I am running late so he can pick up kids, food etc. 

 

That being said the app probably would help with reminders of what they are supposed to be doing but it probably doesn't integrate as well as google calendar and sync. If I could figure out how to get google tasks to work as well as google calendar I could keep everything in one spot and have reminders to boot for each kid its also free and I have each kid use their google drive for things I want them to have on their devices (ipad,samsung pad and android phone)

 

 

 

Edited January 18, 2018 by exercise_guru

[exercise_guru]

Now that I have posted all that if I had a compliant child I would certainly get this app because getting started with things like loading the dishwasher, whatever .......uhg

 

that is exhausting to remind them and I have one child in particular that would profoundly benefit from breaking tasks down with reminders. Actually I take that back I have two children that would help. I have tried to find a way to use google tasks with reminders for that very thing the app does but wasn't able to get it to work correctly.

 

BTW I started those calendars when my kids were 6 and kept them for myself. Now they got old enough to handle devices but I get the electronic thing. I say try the whiteboard and google calendar first. My daughter is 12 and has high function but horrible scattered disorganization. The only way to solve that was with a written agenda for school work, white board for daily chores and reminders, and making sure the 10 things were where they go. For example my daughter takes everyone's hairbrush,phone chord, scissors,sunscreen you name it.  It is so bad she has stacks in her locker and her bedroom she can't find hers so she takes someone elses. Hence she has her 10 things and I color coded them and she has a place for them. It took us a year but she never loses her shoes, phone any of that any more and I don't have to babysit it. My son has a different color. 

 

Also get her laundry separate. Try to get everyone in their own lanes. I find that when everyone is not managing their own things I am a mess and I only have my 2 kids and a husband at home.  My older ones were very particular with their stuff and didn't leave it around so this experience is very new to me. 

 

For devices I have a main router line that I use and a second band with parental controls. I shut it down at 9pm and or if people are on their stuff when they are not supposed to be. My younger kids use my devices until they are 10 and then they got their own but they use it during electronic time and are off when I want them off. Hence using the planner on the devices for kids is just going to have them using it as an excuse to play games. Atleast that is what my son would have done. My sister in law gave everyone MAC addresses but they just learned to sneak around that. Hence I don't bother. 

Edited January 18, 2018 by exercise_guru

[PeterPan]

Targhee, has she been in a situation where she was *motivated* to do better? Is she socially motivated? My dd started using tech when she realized it helped her do better in online classes. There was a social motivation there, with competition and saving face with the kids. She has a leader personality, so it just went together with that. But I can totally get where kids might not be motivated, might lack motivation even in other settings, etc. That's hard. :(

[Targhee]

Targhee, has she been in a situation where she was *motivated* to do better? Is she socially motivated? My dd started using tech when she realized it helped her do better in online classes. There was a social motivation there, with competition and saving face with the kids. She has a leader personality, so it just went together with that. But I can totally get where kids might not be motivated, might lack motivation even in other settings, etc. That's hard. :(

Motivation is an issue, but mostly it's pride. I'm not condemning her, I understand, but "I feel like it makes me seem weak" is her response to why she doesn't use her reminder systems. We have been using Google calendars for 3 years with her. I have been stepping away from it because she has several on campus classes now and needs to put her own reminders in for school work and what not. My hope with iGotThis for the family was that it wouldn't make her look weak because we would all have reminders in there and accountability. Thanks for input!

[exercise_guru]

My daughter committed to her agenda at school when she realized its value. She had taken a study skills student management class and that was life changing for her. Is there something you could do like this for your daughter? We even have it independent study here but in a class would help far more. 

[Targhee]

My daughter committed to her agenda at school when she realized its value. She had taken a study skills student management class and that was life changing for her. Is there something you could do like this for your daughter? We even have it independent study here but in a class would help far more.

We did two years of Leadership class online (4 days a week, including time management, goal setting, Crocodiles International), SuperStar Student, and she has a class this year in her half-day early college high school program that is teaching notetakibg, test taking, assignment tracking, researching, etc. It is not for lack of trying. She has NOT internalized the value, and I think mostly because of the pride issue above. I am rereading Smart but Scattered Teens to see what other ways I can help. Edited January 20, 2018 by Targhee

[exercise_guru]

I have read and underlined almost that entire book.....lol

 

OK there is the last resort. I would use It may or may not work but I would choose the one thing you want her to focus getting organized with. For example keeping the smart but scattered day planner. Pay her for that each day she fills it out she gets a quarter.

 

This is what I do with one of my kids.

I pay my son for good handwriting because he really hates it more than anything. I do it instantly and I only do it for that. No allowance for chores they do that because they live here and they need to contribute. I pay individually and only for things that are hard for them and very narrowly defined. And I praise and reward instantly when n I see effort.

 

Breaking down to the smallest expectation day by day. Keep the expectation specific and achievable and reward for it.

 

But also since she isn't your only child find a way to get the other kids to personal manage and have personal reaponsibility. If you can empower the ones that have skills and even improve it by 10 percent that is 10 percent less you need to do. Hey that app doesn't look that expensive . I think you have some good ideas and trying something is better than nothing. You might stumble onto the solution that works for her and even if it only works for her and not your other kids you are miles ahead.

 

Find anywhere in her life where something works and see if you can replicate it in another area. Also for me it is far easier to just get my son and my husband to manage their items and keep them seperately from my daughter's keeping everyone in their own lane and being clear in my expectations has helped a lot.

 

Just set small achievable expectations and clearly articulate your goal.

 

It's easy to say but it's my strategy to try to keep my house running

 

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[PeterPan]

Just as an observation, those classes all sound like non-academic classes. They're fine, but they're not for AP exams, not something where students compete or see each others' grades posted with student numbers XXX out or something, kwim? When I say my dd was motivated, I mean she was in an online academic subject class where the teacher intentionally created a competitive element. 

 

The pride thing I can't address. I guess I sufficiently put my dd in her place over the years by chronically, rudely, flatly telling her that her IQ was lower than mine and that she wasn't hot stuff. I probably gave her a psychosis about it or something. I don't know, that's what I did. She now has a very strong sense of self, so apparently she recovered. But yeah I was pretty brutal. 

 

What does she do in this half day program? I'm not really interested, but is there something about the process that is reinforcing this assessment of herself? Would she fail if you removed the supports, or are the demands too low? Or if the demands are high, is it time to transition over to someone else bringing compliance? Like if she has paper trail and it's a college, she should be able to use disability services. You could just be really b&w and go I'm done with you, you bug me, I'm done helping you schedule your stuff, you work with the disability services, hand her the number, walk away. She wouldn't be the first college student with EF issues. If it's college classes, DE, she should legally be getting access to any services other students enrolled with that college are getting. If it's on a high school campus, might be stickier but still worth checking. If she's a student with a college, the law gives her access to their disability services. If she's doing online, she has access, legally, to all their disability services, same as if she were on campus. 

 

So maybe punt? I don't know, just throwing out ideas. Good luck. I always find it challenging enough just sorting out my own kids' problems, lol.

[PeterPan]

Motivation is an issue, but mostly it's pride. I'm not condemning her, I understand, but "I feel like it makes me seem weak" is her response to why she doesn't use her reminder systems. We have been using Google calendars for 3 years with her. I have been stepping away from it because she has several on campus classes now and needs to put her own reminders in for school work and what not. My hope with iGotThis for the family was that it wouldn't make her look weak because we would all have reminders in there and accountability. Thanks for input!

 

Yup, I would let her fail. In fact, that's something the university advisor WANTED for dd. These people work with tons of incoming freshman, and they saw dd's confidence level and they went ok, she's going to fail, and we're NOT gonna keep her from it. 

 

They didn't let her fail disastrously, but they did let her fail at some things. Because that was what she actually needed. With their experience, they knew how stuff was probably going to pan out. Her grades were enough to keep her scholarship, but they let her get in some pickles so she could grow at being more realistic.

 

And I guess I'm sharing that because it would be really unfair for you to think you're doing something wrong if you can't fix this or that you haven't tried hard enough or something. She may really need to fail at some things to learn these hard lessons, and it's really about controlled fails. And I talk about the neat and great things my dd has done and how well it has gone, but let's just say she also had some hard lessons. It wasn't like your kid will be the only one where this has happened. 

 

It's more your wisdom on when that happens and what is good for her. Roll with your gut. It will probably pan out eventually.

Edited January 21, 2018 by PeterPan

[Lecka]

My son hasn’t committed to using a planner yet, either. He thinks it is stupid and he resents being told to use it. He is in public school and he has had his grade marked down for “planner checks†and he just continues to think it is stupid.

 

What has happened this year, though, is we moved and he is in middle school, and after being in elementary school or just the towns are different, I don’t know, but here I get No Communication about important things.

 

I get nothing about school pictures, yearbooks, special events, field trips, etc.

 

These are things he does want to do. Some of them anyway.

 

He was used to me getting a school note home and emails with this kind of information.

 

Here, if he doesn’t listen to intercom announcements or listen to his teacher in home room, there is no back up where I am still tracking the information.

 

That is what made him be motivated to feel responsible for this kind of need to keep track of things.

 

As far as school, I would not be comfortable with too much “letting her fail.†But maybe there is a way to back off. Maybe you can back off on homework assignments, or maybe you can back off to checking in weekly and then if she has missed a homework assignment she might get points marked off, but it wouldn’t be like you went totally hands-off. I don’t know what I think about that overall, but if you wanted there are ways to back off a little bit. I don’t think letting kids fail a huge amount on something important is guaranteed to teach ownership, I think it can, but I think it can backfire, too. My son would not take it well if he thought nobody cared or we hoped he would do poorly so we could say “I told you so, you should have used your planner.â€

 

I think I would try more for — maybe not be able to be involved daily (if you are) but check in weekly. If something is missed you can be sympathetic and see if she goes “oh no, I will get it done and turn it in late,†or if she goes “I’m too embarrassed to deal with this†or what.

 

Also you could pretend to be too busy to help her at times, and just say you’re sorry but you are having to do more in other areas. I don’t know if you input stuff from her syllabus for her at the beginning or what exactly, but maybe you could say some things ahead of time about being busier and then not do it, but still do weekly check-ins. Something where it’s backing off in some way, if you want to do that.

 

I think for a lot of things, there are changes made to dates or assignments, and you’re just supposed to track it, so you just have to write it down or remember it.

 

We also had a major natural consequence about a year ago, that made a huge impression on my son. He played rec league soccer in 6th grade and at the end of a game, the coaches announced that there would be no practice on the next Tuesday. For this kind of information — always before he would be in an age group where information would also be texted or emailed to parents. But I got no email or text. Anyway, I needed to drop my son off a bit early to pick up my little kids. Then I went back to pick him up from practice two hours later, and nobody was there. My son ended up walking home about two miles, after waiting around a long time and then remembering “oh yeah coach said there would be no practice today.†It worked out fine but I was in a panic when I went to the soccer field and nobody was there, but my husband was able to drive to our house immediately and he was there, so I only had a few minutes of panic. I was looking around the area of the soccer field for him.

 

I think too, if you see that things fall through the cracks for her, that she actually wanted to do, if she doesn’t have help — then maybe she really needs more help and it’s not only/completely an attitude. Or maybe you see that 1-2 things fall through the cracks that she wanted to do, and she adjusts how she does things.

 

Part of my son’s issue with his planner is it is hard for him to do the handwriting for it. So at this point, he wants to just remember things, and it’s okay (not perfect). He makes some mistakes and I wish he would use the planner. But he is taking more responsibility compared to when I did get notes or emails about every important event or due date for him.

 

I wonder too if she does keep track of some things already that aren’t school-related. If she does, that is something to build on if she has any way that seems to work for her, even if it’s not ideal.

[Lecka]

He has also had consequences with not having what he needed for PE this year (in 7th grade). He has PE on different days and I don’t even know what his PE days are. And there is no way whatsoever for me to know what kind of clothes the PE teacher wants him to have. My son got a C in the first marking period for this and he was embarrassed to get a C in PE, and my husband talked to him about it.

 

But it’s more like, he is in some situations where he has to keep track on his own and figure something out.

 

But that’s not something where it is so hard or the consequence is so disappointing that he would just quit trying.

 

He has been more like that in the past and I think it is really hard to come out of if it has been too disheartening. But at the same time, smaller things being missed or not getting done might not be too disheartening but maybe she would mind enough to try to keep better track of things.