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Flu and a funeral


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#1 athomeontheprairie

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 03:53 AM

on Monday, two kids are sick. By Tuesday everyone was fine. Wednesday, find. Thursday night (now) one kid is throwing up. I'm queasy, but ok. No one else is showing symptoms (albeit, it's three I the morning...)

Question: we are burying their great grandma In a couple hours. Do we go? Not go? Should I take them to the family viewing and leave for the funeral? Keep sick kid home and send the rest with dh? Do i ask my mil her opinion (it waa her mom)?

They knew her, saw her regularly. We get along with all the family. if it was any other activity, I would absolutely keep them home. Because we homeschool , I keep everyone home to keep it from spreading.
this is the last possible time we'll get to see her, and closure is good...

#2 Diana P.

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:40 AM

I'd send dh, with instructions to say some kids are sick and vomiting. (Usually people who think you should still do stuff sick back off at the mention of vomit.)
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#3 CAJinBE

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:49 AM

There will probably be a lot of elderly people there, so I wouldn't go. Maybe dh could go if you are sure he isn't carrying it.


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#4 Monica_in_Switzerland

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 06:04 AM

I'd probably contact MIL and, rather than ask her (which would be a decision burden on her) inform her that DH will bring the kids who are clearly not sick, but that they will be on germ alert and unable to embrace/shake hands (unless they are clearly not carriers because they've had it and it's passed).  Send them with hand sanitizer if you have it, to use frequently, and try to get them to leave ASAP.  

 

That is really, really tough.  Vomiting really crosses a line beyond normal cold germs for most people though.  :-(  

 

My brother had to miss our grandma's funeral because of a kidney stone attack.  It was total chaos, because everyone who was an "emergency babysitter" to his four kids was of course at the funeral, as well as everyone who would normally be able to drive him to the ER.  Life sometimes happens at the most inconvenient times.   :grouphug:    


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#5 ashfern

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 07:05 AM

I would send your DH with the non-sick kids and your regrets. I don't know if I would call and burden your MIL with this before the funeral.  :grouphug:


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#6 marbel

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 09:00 AM

:grouphug:

 

I would probably stay home with either all the kids or the sick kids.  Your husband can decide if he needs to give his mom a heads-up on why you won't be there, and/or explain your absence to the people there as necessary.

 

Then when everyone is well I'd try to plan something for closure for your kids.  A visit to the gravesite with flowers or something like that, maybe?


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#7 Junie

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 09:09 AM

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you have to make this difficult decision.

 

 

 


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#8 caedmyn

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 10:01 AM

I'd send the non-sick kids and keep them from mingling with others.

#9 Spryte

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 10:15 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

What a hard time to have sick kids. Hoping you don’t have it as well, and your queasiness passes uneventfully.

I would send DH with the kids who have had it and are over it. If you don’t think they are carrying it. I’d call MIL and let her know ahead of time.

Elderly, frail people plus germ exposure... not good.

I’m so sorry, though.

For the kids that stay home, maybe you can do something at home to remember her, and still get some sense of closure?
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#10 NorthwestMom

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 10:24 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

What a hard time to have sick kids. Hoping you don’t have it as well, and your queasiness passes uneventfully.

I would send DH with the kids who have had it and are over it. If you don’t think they are carrying it. I’d call MIL and let her know ahead of time.

Elderly, frail people plus germ exposure... not good.

I’m so sorry, though.

For the kids that stay home, maybe you can do something at home to remember her, and still get some sense of closure?

 

:iagree:

 

Please don't send sick kids where there are likely to be vulnerable people. 

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, and sorry you have to miss the funeral too. That's grief on top of grief.



#11 PeterPan

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 11:50 AM

I missed my grandma's funeral due to pneumonia and a year later missed my MIL's funeral for the same reason. It's awful, but honestly it's better. Nobody who is sick should be going. The flu bug going around this year is AWFUL. Hospitalizations from it are up 6X in our state. You don't want to be spreading it when you know you're sick. 


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#12 Ali in OR

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 12:36 PM

With vomiting, keep everyone except dh home, and he should be careful not to shake hands with people. The year we all had norovirus, it started with a cousin who was over it, but clearly still contagious. It spread through our family one by one, and we inadvertently spread it to my sister's family and my dad and my brother's family as this happened over Christmas. It's so highly contagious that it's not worth the risk. And that may not be what you all have, but I would treat any vomiting illness like that.



#13 Arctic Mama

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 12:38 PM

Send the healthy person with regrets. Don’t risk it! The thing that is making your kiddos slightly sick could kill an older and more infirm attendee.
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#14 hornblower

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 01:18 PM

Send only dh and forbid him from embracing, hugging, shaking hands, touching at all or even standing close to anyone.  Last thing anyone will need is a virus picked up at a funeral.  If your children are really upset, I'd ask dh to video parts or even set up a facetime. Many funeral homes now record or stream services anyway. 


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#15 happi duck

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 01:22 PM

Sorry for your loss.

I'm another vote for don't risk it.

#16 Free Indeed

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 02:04 PM

Yeah, I would keep all kids home because exposing the elderly wouldn't be good. Then once everyone was well do a grave side visit for closure. I just wouldn't risk that.

#17 athomeontheprairie

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 03:09 PM

Update for those wondering: my original hope, honestly, was to be able to go to the family only wake this morning. (Only Elderly person would be the deceased's xh. And we live with him. So he's already been exposed). However, my poor kid has been vomiting every 45 minutes since my original post 12 hours ago.
Dh went with the fully healthy kids. And I stayed home with the sick kid and baby (who is showing signs...)

I hate this.

And, I'm so thankful for a washing machine. It's getting a workout...
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#18 Another Lynn

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:17 PM

Update for those wondering: my original hope, honestly, was to be able to go to the family only wake this morning. (Only Elderly person would be the deceased's xh. And we live with him. So he's already been exposed). However, my poor kid has been vomiting every 45 minutes since my original post 12 hours ago.
Dh went with the fully healthy kids. And I stayed home with the sick kid and baby (who is showing signs...)

I hate this.

And, I'm so thankful for a washing machine. It's getting a workout...

 

That would have been my suggestion if everyone was symptom free.  Sorry it didn't work out!   :grouphug:  for you and the sick ones!  



#19 Junie

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:43 PM

I didn't post my experience earlier because I didn't want to influence your decision.

 

We did miss my uncle's funeral because the kids had the flu.  My cousin was 8 months pregnant at the time with two littles.  I figured she didn't need my kids to give her kids the flu during her father's funeral.



#20 Junie

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:43 PM

I didn't post my experience earlier because I didn't want to influence your decision.

 

We did miss my uncle's funeral because the kids had the flu.  My cousin was 8 months pregnant at the time with two littles.  I figured she didn't need my kids to give her kids the flu during her father's funeral.



#21 Rach

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:54 PM

I’m sorry you had to miss it and really sorry your kids are so sick. I hope they are soon on the mend!
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#22 BarbecueMom

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:57 PM

I have a very young relative who has been in the hospital for over a month with complications related to a stomach virus.  Special needs situation, but it's not "just a little tummy bug" to everyone.  Thank you for thinking of exposure to others.

 

I'm sorry about your loss.  And I hope everyone feels better soon.


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