Oh, please tell me how to handle this. I'm fuming!

[Meadowlark]

So, my son joined 4-H last year. I was on Facebook then, and they have a FB page which is where some communication with the group occurred. Maybe 1-2 posts a month, nothing big. I left Facebook a few months ago. I communicated that to the leader immediately, and made sure she had my email and phone number.

 

Since then (2 months ago), I have not received ANY communication about the events or changes. My son is the vice-president btw. Well, today he showed up 1/2 hour late to the monthly meeting because we were not informed that she moved the meeting up to 5:30 instead of the normal 6:00. This is the 3rd time that we have missed something somewhat important. My son had a big presentation tonight and he was quite flustered and upset about this.

 

I immediately emailed and asked her if she communicated to me and I somehow missed it. This was her exact response: Tell me your take on it before I write something snarky back.

 

"Sorry. It is hard to remember to email since the majority of communication is via Facebook. I started the meeting from the sole purpose that the Clover kids were. I didn't want to inconvenience the parents with dual parent.  Feel free to check with me if you are not sure or text me at XXX-XXXXXXX. "

 

And if you're tactful with words, give me a good response to this.

 

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

There have been tons of discussions on this board about how people need to own their own choices on media. If a group communicates by FB then it is your responsibility to keep up with it or to get a personal friend to let you know if they are willing. It is not the responsibility of the group to find a way to communicate with you specifically.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[poppy]

It sounds like she does not want to have to remember to do a second communication each time, on top of her other leader volunteer duties. So she is saying, if you want to stay in the loop, you should take the initiative to confirm meetings and check in.  Sounds reasonable to me, honestly. 

 

I am going to assume that your son, as VP, must be older and not a cloverbud. So the change didn't directly impact him.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

So, my son joined 4-H last year. I was on Facebook then, and they have a FB page which is where some communication with the group occurred. Maybe 1-2 posts a month, nothing big. I left Facebook a few months ago. I communicated that to the leader immediately, and made sure she had my email and phone number.

 

Since then (2 months ago), I have not received ANY communication about the events or changes. My son is the vice-president btw. Well, today he showed up 1/2 hour late to the monthly meeting because we were not informed that she moved the meeting up to 5:30 instead of the normal 6:00. This is the 3rd time that we have missed something somewhat important. My son had a big presentation tonight and he was quite flustered and upset about this.

 

I immediately emailed and asked her if she communicated to me and I somehow missed it. This was her exact response: Tell me your take on it before I write something snarky back.

 

"Sorry. It is hard to remember to email since the majority of communication is via Facebook. I started the meeting from the sole purpose that the Clover kids were. I didn't want to inconvenience the parents with dual parent.  Feel free to check with me if you are not sure or text me at XXX-XXXXXXX. "

 

And if you're tactful with words, give me a good response to this.

I'm sorry, but I don't think she's done anything wrong.

[Cosmos]

"Sorry. It is hard to remember to email since the majority of communication is via Facebook. I started the meeting from the sole purpose that the Clover kids were. I didn't want to inconvenience the parents with dual parent.  Feel free to check with me if you are not sure or text me at XXX-XXXXXXX. "

 

I have no idea what the bolded sentences mean. The rest of it seems like a fine apology. I'm sure it is hard for her to remember.

 

I think the easiest solution would be to create a new facebook account with the sole purpose of following that group. You don't have to friend anyone or even check the page. Just set your settings to get email notifications from that group.

 

I'm sorry your son was late for his meeting. I can see how that would be upsetting.

 

[eternalsummer]

I must not be understanding some technical language or text-speak or something because a few sentences don't make sense to me; that said, she should have told you when you told her you were leaving facebook that communication couldn't be guaranteed outside of facebook.

 

I don't think you can assume or demand that she contact you outside of facebook, but certainly she should have warned you of that (or did she not reply to your message about leaving facebook at all?  I'm assuming she said something like, cool, I'll let you know anything important - if she didn't say anything, you should definitely have pursued it until you established some form of reliable communication).

[school17777]

I don’t really understand the reason for the change in the time, but I do think it’s a lot to expect the leader to remember to communicate in a different format for one family. If someone wants to receive communication in a different format than the leader has chosen, then that person needs to be the one to follow-up to make sure they are kept informed. Especially when there hasn’t been communication for some time, I do think you should have reached out to make sure you weren’t missing anything.

 

I am sorry that your ds got flustered tonight. (((Hugs)))

[EmilyGF]

People I know who despise Facebook but have joined for groups use a fake name so that people won't be able to friend them or try to contact them. That might be a way to be on Facebook for 4-H but not for the social aspect.

 

Emily

[OneStepAtATime]

I don't understand her response, although it does sound like she was trying to apologize.  Also, if there has been no communication for 2 months have you tried talking to her in person in that time frame?

 

FWIW, I truly understand your frustration and frankly I cannot stand FB but it is really hard to communicate with multiple people through multiple means.  She is a volunteer and probably very busy.  You knew that the group mainly communicated through FB.  It is apparent that she is not doing well trying to remember that you cannot communicate that way.  I would absolutely cut her some slack and try to be more understanding if you can.  I would encourage her to set up a group text for any scheduling changes since people may be more likely to see last minute changes on a text than an email or a FB post but other than that I would set up a FB account as suggested up thread and use it strictly for communication with this group.   

[gardenmom5]

gently - when you joined the group - you knew they used FB to communicate.  You stopped using FB - which is fine in and of itself, but the group is still FB based.   it's very difficult to have multiple forms of communication in a group, and it does put an extra burden on the person in charge of communication to be expected to use multiple forms, and remember which form to use with which person.  So, it does require some effort on the person who is using a different method of communication.  if the majority of parents would rather have another form of communication, I'm sure it could be changed - as a group - or someone else take over communication using multiple forms.

 

as to the message itself - it sounds like information is missing.  I didn't understand the context of her "starting the group (?) because the clover kids were"  (were what?) or what "parents with dual parent" means.

[Word Nerd]

I realize this is probably a JAWM, but I don’t think anything she said is out of line (though it is worded poorly). It’s your responsibility to follow up and get group info if you opt out of the group’s regular communication method.

Edited January 10, 2018 by Word Nerd

[AK_Mom4]

DD16 has Facebook so that she can communicate with a particular group. She has her notifications set as above - when someone posts on that page, she gets an email. You get the best of both worlds - no need to access Facebook and you get the information via email.

[sassenach]

If group communication happens on FB, I suggest you set up a friendless dummy account. Gently, you can’t expect her to personally contact you. That’s not her responsibility.

[goldberry]

I also don't understand her reply.  When you told her you were no longer on facebook, did she respond?  She should have been direct with you at that time that the communication would be through facebook and that emailing wouldn't be guaranteed.

Edited January 10, 2018 by goldberry

[Meadowlark]

I don't understand her response, although it does sound like she was trying to apologize.  Also, if there has been no communication for 2 months have you tried talking to her in person in that time frame?

 

FWIW, I truly understand your frustration and frankly I cannot stand FB but it is really hard to communicate with multiple people through multiple means.  She is a volunteer and probably very busy.  You knew that the group mainly communicated through FB.  It is apparent that she is not doing well trying to remember that you cannot communicate that way.  I would absolutely cut her some slack and try to be more understanding if you can.  I would encourage her to set up a group text for any scheduling changes since people may be more likely to see last minute changes on a text than an email or a FB post but other than that I would set up a FB account as suggested up thread and use it strictly for communication with this group.   

Ooh I love the group text idea. I'm going to see if she'd be open to that.

 

On another note-There are only 6 families, and I know 1 of them personally. I have asked her to inform me of things if possible because this is becoming an issue. But, she is also busy with 6 kids and hasn't communicated with me either.  I just feel so in the dark, and don't know what to do. This is starting to bother my son so I have to find a way to fix this. I will not join FB under any circumstance so that is out. I've asked a friend to help inform me-not working well. What is next? 

[Meadowlark]

I also don't understand her reply.  When you told her you were no longer on facebook, did she respond?  She should have been direct with you at that time that the communication would be through facebook and that emailing wouldn't be guaranteed.

 

I just checked my email to see what her response was. Her words were "okay, good to know". How would you take that?

[Meadowlark]

I realize this is probably a JAWM, but I don’t think anything she said is out of line (though it is worded poorly). It’s your responsibility to follow up and get group info if you opt out of the group’s regular communication method.

 

There is a master calendar that my son got at the beginning of the year. It lists all of the meetings, times, and even the fair dates for the summer. The only communication I would need is if something has changed, which it did tonight. Is it really too much to ask for an email or a text in those circumstances? There are only 6 families.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Can your son have a FB account, or are you opposed to FB entirely?

 

I can say that as a co-leader of a group like that, the people who don't want to use FB to keep up with the group don't fare too well. I understand the philosophical oppositions to FB, but frankly, it is the easiest way to manage group communications. We used to use another method, but people would ignore it or not check and then complain they were missing communications or email a million questions that were already answered via our communication page. We switched over to FB, but now we have people who don't want to use FB and want personal emails. We can't win. FB has the features we need and most of the members are on there, so FB it is. We are volunteers, and we are already turning ourselves inside out to run this group. We can't personally cater to individual members. 

 

I'm sorry that it's making things difficult for you, but I don't see what else you can do. If you can't rely on a friend, you're going to have to go with the method the group prefers or miss out. 

[Meadowlark]

It sounds like she does not want to have to remember to do a second communication each time, on top of her other leader volunteer duties. So she is saying, if you want to stay in the loop, you should take the initiative to confirm meetings and check in.  Sounds reasonable to me, honestly. 

 

I am going to assume that your son, as VP, must be older and not a cloverbud. So the change didn't directly impact him.

 

So every month email her and ask if the meeting is at the same time, etc? I can do that. But if something changes at the last minute, then I need to somehow be made aware of that. My son is in 5th grade, so not a Clover Kid. His usual meeting is at 6:00, and tonight it was moved up to 5:30.

[Sneezyone]

There is a master calendar that my son got at the beginning of the year. It lists all of the meetings, times, and even the fair dates for the summer. The only communication I would need is if something has changed, which it did tonight. Is it really too much to ask for an email or a text in those circumstances? There are only 6 families.

Yes, yes it is. Sorry.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

If you refuse to have even a dummy FB account, you should remove your children from activities that are only communicated about through FB. It's not fair to them to be left behind or to feel foolish or embarrassed. If you joined under Facebook communication status, you're the one who is messing this up for your son by insisting on special treatment - which the leader is politely (and reasonably) telling you she can't do.

[Sneezyone]

I have a friend who is also ‘leaving FB’. That’s fine, of course, but as much as we move, change addresses, change plans, etc., she WILL miss some things and be out of the loop. It’s a known trade off. The only friend I regularly email is someone who never had FB to begin with.

Edited January 10, 2018 by Sneezyone

[Pen]

Call her frequently (weekly?) to ask about time changes, or anything else that is different from master calendar that you need to know about.  Also always call the morning of meeting and remind her right then that  you are not on FB so if anything changes between your call and the meeting, you need to know by phone call or by text by _____ time in order to be able to get your son there on time.

 

edit: point is that OP should take the initiative to call to check.  The frequency should fit the frequency of events that are happening and fit with what may be needed for her son to prepare given his VP position.  The point is not to "bug" the group leader, but that the group leader, to me, seemed to indicate that it is hard for her to remember to email or call aside from FB, but that she is fine with being called or texted to get updated info.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Pen

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Call her frequently (weekly?) to ask about time changes, or anything else that is different from master calendar that you need to know about. Also always call the morning of meeting and remind her right then that you are not on FB so if anything changes between your call and the meeting, you need to know by phone call or by text by _____ time in order to be able to get your son there on time.

As a person in charge of multiple groups, this would drive me bonkers. If she will put up with a weekly phone call, and a confirmation call the morning of every event, when she has already posted the info where people can access it on their own time...she is a saint.

[happi duck]

Maybe your son as vice-president can present a plan and take over communication especially communicating to other kids. An additional authentic responsibility would be good for the officers.

 

If the adults want to keep control of communication maybe you could volunteer to make calls and send texts. The leader would need to remember to copy and paste to you though.

[poppy]

As a person in charge of multiple groups, this would drive me bonkers. If she will put up with a weekly phone call, and a confirmation call the morning of every event, when she has already posted the info where people can access it on their own time...she is a saint.

 

Agreed.   OP, it's like you are deciding to be a burden on either her, or on a friend, because you refuse to use the platform... maybe it's just not the group for you.

 

I don't say that to be mean. But I am a volunteer leader.  You being furiously angry with someone who spends hours setting up stuff for your kid to enjoy--  because she didn't tell you about a change that didn't even affect your kid --- that is the kind of thing that makes people stop volunteering. That level of lack of appreciation gets really, really tiring after a while.

[happi duck]

I just realized, can you look at a public fb page without being on Facebook? I know this works with Twitter.

 

Then op you can just check the page from time to time.

 

.

Edited January 10, 2018 by happi duck

[melmichigan]

I just realized, can you look at a public fb page without being on Facebook? I know this works with Twitter.

 

Then op you can just check the page from time to time.

 

.

It will depend on the group settings.  Many pages aren't public or even searchable.  There may be a public page for the county, or even a particular project area, but the individual groups may be private.

 

I just read the thread again to see what response you were talking about.  Do I understand correctly that this is a woman with six of her own kids, who is also a volunteer 4-H leader? I can't speak for someone else, but in all honesty, I would be quietly rolling my eyes if I were typing that response.

Edited January 10, 2018 by melmichigan

[Seasider]

How would *I* handle it?

 

I would rejoin fb and that fb group for the remainder of my son's time in that activity. You can refuse friend requests and block all sorts of nonsense, set up notifications fornthat group so you only have to look at fb when you get a notification. Whatever it takes to prevent your child from being humiliated in front of his peers because he's not able to keep up with the activities of a group that elected him to a leadership position.

 

I have no love for fb. One day I will sign out for good. But right now, there are a few groups vital to my family's activities, so there I stay.

[KungFuPanda]

Can you text her the night before to confirm the meeting time? You’re to one who opted out of the communication loop, so you’ll need to find an alternative that doesn’t create extra effort for other people.

[Seasider]

I just realized, can you look at a public fb page without being on Facebook? I know this works with Twitter.

 

Then op you can just check the page from time to time.

 

.

It would be very poor youth protection policies for a student group like that to have a public fb page.

[Meadowlark]

Agreed. OP, it's like you are deciding to be a burden on either her, or on a friend, because you refuse to use the platform... maybe it's just not the group for you.

 

I don't say that to be mean. But I am a volunteer leader. You being furiously angry with someone who spends hours setting up stuff for your kid to enjoy-- because she didn't tell you about a change that didn't even affect your kid --- that is the kind of thing that makes people stop volunteering. That level of lack of appreciation gets really, really tiring after a while.

[Meadowlark]

It did ( and has) affected my kid so I'm not sure what you mean by that. And I'm always appreciative of people that volunteer their time for my kid. I'm not trying to make it difficult for anyone but golly, my kid can't be in 4-h because I'm not on Facebook? Now that seems absurd. I'm trying to do my part and meet her halfway.

[OneStepAtATime]

It will depend on the group settings.  Many pages aren't public or even searchable.  There may be a public page for the county, or even a particular project area, but the individual groups may be private.

 

I just read the thread again to see what response you were talking about.  Do I understand correctly that this is a woman with six of her own kids, who is also a volunteer 4-H leader? I can't speak for someone else, but in all honesty, I would be quietly rolling my eyes if I were typing that response.

No the woman with 6 kids is a friend that also has a child or children in 4-H.  OP had asked the friend with 6 kids to help OP keep up with any changes since the leader was having difficulty remembering to communicate with OP through other means besides the FB posts.  The friend is also having difficulty remembering.

[Elizabeth86]

I thinl she has no obligation to contact you outside how the group communicates, but personally I feel your pain because I loathe groups that communicate via facebook. I hate facebook with a passion.

[Tsuga]

Ooh I love the group text idea. I'm going to see if she'd be open to that.

 

On another note-There are only 6 families, and I know 1 of them personally. I have asked her to inform me of things if possible because this is becoming an issue. But, she is also busy with 6 kids and hasn't communicated with me either.  I just feel so in the dark, and don't know what to do. This is starting to bother my son so I have to find a way to fix this. I will not join FB under any circumstance so that is out. I've asked a friend to help inform me-not working well. What is next? 

 

I'm not on Facebook either and I also miss things because of it, so I know how irritating it can be to have to be on proprietary (and IMO predatory) software to get basic information.

 

But I think you're wrong here.

 

The next step is to decide whether or not you're willing to start your own group, without Facebook.

 

If you won't start a group--why?

[melmichigan]

No the woman with 6 kids is a friend that also has a child or children in 4-H.  OP had asked the friend with 6 kids to help OP keep up with any changes since the leader was having difficulty remembering to communicate with OP through other means besides the FB posts.  The friend is also having difficulty remembering.

Thank you for clarifying!  

 

I think the OP is asking to much of both her friend, and the leader.  Sadly, I think you (OP) need to join in a way to get the group notifications, or realize that your son may miss out on things.  

 

We have a family in one of our 4-H groups that doesn't use technology, so everything requires a phone call, and sadly they do end up missing things.  It's not intentional, but it happens.  Like many people have mentioned, I don't care for FB, and limit my friends to a dozen or so family, but I do end up using it for many group notifications, particularly 4-H.

[OneStepAtATime]

It did ( and has) affected my kid so I'm not sure what you mean by that. And I'm always appreciative of people that volunteer their time for my kid. I'm not trying to make it difficult for anyone but golly, my kid can't be in 4-h because I'm not on Facebook? Now that seems absurd. I'm trying to do my part and meet her halfway.

This confuses me.  I'm not sure how you are meeting her halfway since the burden of reminding you through means other than what the group normally uses is entirely on her shoulders.  You are unwilling to use FB, based on responses in this thread you don't seem to be calling/emailing your friend or the leader periodically to check in for changes, and you did not speak with the leader directly in the past 2 months of communications issues to try and brainstorm a more effective way for both of you.  How is that meeting her halfway?

 

I do understand your frustration.  As I mentioned, I hate FB.  If that is your line in the sand and you are unwilling to cross it then it is honestly on your shoulders to find another way to confirm information and changes.  I don't mean you have to be on FB or your child cannot participate.  I mean you need to be proactive in finding solutions.  One text letting her know you are leaving FB and implying she must communicate by other means is not being very proactive or supportive of the leader.  Talking with her directly, maybe offering to help with communications as a whole in some way or at least meeting with her direclty to try and work out something would be more proactive. 

 

The leader does sound like she is trying and she even apologized.  It sounds like she changed the time of your son's meeting to meet the needs of parents of kids from two different groups, including another group that apparently meets earlier?  It sounds like she is juggling a lot, including scheduling for multiple groups?  I do think it makes sense to have a group text set up that the leader can quickly send out changes on.  I also think, though, that expecting a volunteer leader to try and remember your special needs every time there is a change is unrealistic in today's day and age.  Do you ever attend these meetings?  Could you maybe talk to her directly? 

 

On a side note, I would like to share something.  In my honest opinion volunteer leaders should be cherished.  There are not a lot of people who make the time/have the energy/are willing to volunteer to lead groups like this anymore.    If she were to quit is there anyone else who would be willing to take over?  I'd be trying to work with her and encourage her and seek ways to help her instead of condemning her.

 

I'm sorry this is so frustrating and your son is having issues.  I truly am.  I do think maybe you would both benefit (and the leader too) if you were willing to shift your perspective a bit and work to be part of the solution.

 

Good luck and best wishes.

Edited January 11, 2018 by OneStepAtATime

[sassenach]

Ooh I love the group text idea. I'm going to see if she'd be open to that.

 

On another note-There are only 6 families, and I know 1 of them personally. I have asked her to inform me of things if possible because this is becoming an issue. But, she is also busy with 6 kids and hasn't communicated with me either. I just feel so in the dark, and don't know what to do. This is starting to bother my son so I have to find a way to fix this. I will not join FB under any circumstance so that is out. I've asked a friend to help inform me-not working well. What is next?

Make peace with your son being the odd man out and understand that it’s no one else’s fault.

 

OR

 

Open a new google email. Use that email to open a FB account without using your full real name (my friend’s account for our homeschool FB group is “Molly Fourkidsâ€. We all know who she is. Set the FB to forward to your new fake email. Check that email regularly.

 

That’s how to make a dummy FB account.

[mathnerd]

OP, from reading your responses, you are saying that your son has a right to be in 4-H even though you quit facebook and that it is a reasonable expectation.

Here is what I understand:

1. You joined a group that uses FB

2. You quit FB and asked others to keep you in the loop.

3. Nobody reliably keeps you in the loop.

4. You are mad because of #3 and feel that they should have gone the extra mile because you are a very small group.

5. You will not start a real or fake FB account to get communications from this group.

6. The leader politely apologized but did not promise any action.

 

Here are questions for you:

1. Are you willing to volunteer your time to take over communication from the Leader of the group since you are the only person who wants change? You can implement texting, email, flyers, phone calls or whatever you choose. There are even calendaring applications like Google Calendars that might work.

2. Are you willing to check for updates by calling, emailing or texting the leader on a weekly basis proactively because this is bothering you (checking once a week is not such a big deal if this issue is a big deal to you)?

3. Are you willing to pull your son out of the group and maybe start your own group? People forget, your son will miss something else and even if others remember to alert you, there will be slip ups. So, for the long term, this is not a group that will work out for you.

 

Edited January 10, 2018 by mathnerd

[Tanaqui]

I would encourage any group I'm in to decouple from FB, or at least not use it as the SOLE means of communication. Because of the way Facebook handles your feeds, it is common for people not to see updates: https://twitter.com/Hellchick/status/942863353403150336

 

That's an extreme example, but it's typical. Until FB stops "curating" posts and offers the ability to simply view your feed chronologically, it's sub-optimal for this sort of communication.

[Retired]

Op you can do facebook your way.  I have a facebook page I do use my real name but have zero information anyone can read.  How you do that is just don't take friend request LOL.   I'm on facebook to follow people and professional stuff.  . My job pretty much uses facebook and twitter for all emergency notifications  now.  I have to stay up with technology but I'm figuring how to do it my way.  I had an original Facebook account years ago.  I didn't like the gossip, the coveting of other people lives  and stuff kwim.    i'm member of several private groups. I share in the group information I want them to have it similar to this forum.  I'm still private but not totally anomous  in local group cause the people in the group know me.  They understand my need for privacy that I don't do friends because of that reason.  The ones that are true friends have my phone number.  I'm sure it would be simple for you to do the same.   

 

 

[justasque]

I would encourage any group I'm in to decouple from FB, or at least not use it as the SOLE means of communication. Because of the way Facebook handles your feeds, it is common for people not to see updates: https://twitter.com/Hellchick/status/942863353403150336

 

That's an extreme example, but it's typical. Until FB stops "curating" posts and offers the ability to simply view your feed chronologically, it's sub-optimal for this sort of communication.

 

FB drives me nuts too, and you're right that you can't rely on something popping up in your feed, especially if you have a lot of groups and friends.  But you can adjust your settings so you get a notification whenever there is a new post in a particular group.  Click on the notification and it takes you right to the post.  

OP, running a group with six families is HARD.  There are a MILLION details that need to be taken care of before and after each meeting; communication is just one of many details that have to be done.  Find a way to take the burden of communicating with you differently off of your leader; she's got enough on her plate.

[SKL]

I also don't really understand the message, so I have no idea how I would respond to it.

 

I think it's more fair for you (or better yet, your son if he's old enough to be VP) to figure out how to stay informed via the facebook group than for the leader to have to remember and cater to the communication preferences of every member and parent.

 

I'm the newsletter person for our AHG troop (I do a sucky job but I try).  It's enough work to compile all the different communications and send them out timely, forward on the messages that people send to me because they think I'm who they should reply to about random things, add new people and drop old people etc.  Troop communications aren't the only thing I do.  I have a job and kids and a broken toilet and a leaky tire etc etc.  I think I'd have to quit if I was expected to personalize my delivery method to each recipient's preferences.  It's nothing personal.

[catz]

I would guess she is responding from her phone quickly and didn’t have time to elaborate and didn’t proof her message. It’s probably another good indication that she really doesn’t have the bandwidth to do multiple communications.

 

I really don’t think it is extreme to say that if you don’t want to do it their way maybe this isn’t the group for you. Giving someone your contact info isn’t meeting them half way. It is giving an unpaid volunteer another thankless job. Should the leader and other family let you know keeping you in the loop probably wouldn’t work for them? Sure. But sometimes it’s hard to know your limitations ahead of time when someone assumes you are willing to do something like this. You tried it. It didn’t work.

 

You really can set up a fb account very simple with notifications set up such that you probably wouldn’t need to log in ever. Or maybe starting your own group where you are in charge of communications might be a good way to go. Or consider not participating in volunteer run activities. Often larger organizations that run programs for kids with paid leaders are more willing to communicate in multiple ways.

 

Please do not respond in an angry or snarky way. You learned this won’t work. Move on and take ownership of the problem.

Edited January 10, 2018 by WoolySocks

[Carrie12345]

No the woman with 6 kids is a friend that also has a child or children in 4-H.  OP had asked the friend with 6 kids to help OP keep up with any changes since the leader was having difficulty remembering to communicate with OP through other means besides the FB posts.  The friend is also having difficulty remembering.

 

I think the fact the friend is also not getting the information across demonstrates just how frustrating the seemingly minor request actually is.  A friend doesn't WANT to keep a friend out of the loop, but it IS difficult to remember that someone isn't seeing these messages, let alone remembering to pass them along.  And I don't understand being furious with the leader, but not the friend. They've been asked to do the same thing and neither one has been able to keep up with it.

 

Communication methods are always going to annoy someone. I'm part of a large group that sends out messages via multiple methods (with different volunteers to handle each one so no one has to juggle all of them), and our mid-sized group has been moving toward that.  Which means *I* get repeated messages dinging all over the place for certain situations, and it makes me nuts.  It's a minor frustration, for sure, but blech.

 

The other aspect to this is that FB isn't always "announcements" so much as conversation.  

"Something came up, and I'm not sure I'll be able to make it by noon."

"I'm running a bit behind, too. Oil change is taking longer than expected."

"My dog just threw up all over the place, so I'll be running behind."

"Okay, why don't we just plan to meet at 1 instead."

"Sounds good."

"Okay!"

"Thank you."

 

And then everyone is busy taking care of their stuff, with no time to remember "Oh, I should call that one person who doesn't find this format convenient."  No matter how understanding I try to be about the anti-FB sentiment (because I feel like I do "get" why some people hate it,) I can't stop feeling like it's rude to require special handling when its incredibly effective for most people.

[J-rap]

Her response is unclear, but I think she's vaguely trying to tell you by sounding polite that she really doesn't want to have to make exceptions.

 

I understand your frustration with Facebook too, but I don't think this is something to fume over.  Yes, you can be frustrated that Facebook is such a big deal these days and has weird aspects to it, but this is the here and now and this is how some groups have chosen to communicate.  It will probably change eventually to something else.

 

I have a Facebook page and I either don't accept friend requests, or I do and then unfollow them.  I don't post anything.  It's a pretty sad-looking Facebook page, but at least I can follow groups that I need to follow.

 

Maybe the leader is a little flaky with her organization skills/leadership skills too.  Changing the time of a 4-H meeting and having important events that are only announced on Facebook and not discussed previously at the monthly meeting seems a little unusual for 4-H. 

 

I'd try and let go of it emotionally though, and then simply decide to startup a simple Facebook account, or find a different group in the area to join.  This is, after all, about your ds -- not you.  You want to do what's best for him.

[RootAnn]

There was a recent thread about this very type of request from the perspective of the volunteer leader. It was an interesting read for me because I'm a no-FB user.

 

Our homeschool group is split between FB and Yahoo Groups. Most times, someone will cross-post, but not always. Yes, some kids miss out because of it. It is annoying to have two platforms, but there are holdouts on both sides. It will eventually cause the group to splinter, IMO.

 

My dd was selected for a neat honor - to be part of a select group of teens in our state to provide input to one of our federally elected officials. However, they only communicate on a private FB page. So, she has missed out on this opportunity so far. I'm very conflicted about this and still waiver on telling her to set up an FB account so she can participate the rest of the school year. So sad that some groups will only use this messed-up platform. So far, we are living with our decision, lumps and all.

[clementine]

I think you are being a bit stubborn in not being open to setting up a fb account just for activity info purposes. That completely fine, but I don’t think groups that communicate that way should make special accommodations for those that refuse to join.

[Word Nerd]

There is a master calendar that my son got at the beginning of the year. It lists all of the meetings, times, and even the fair dates for the summer. The only communication I would need is if something has changed, which it did tonight. Is it really too much to ask for an email or a text in those circumstances? There are only 6 families.

It sounds like for her the answer is yes.