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I have six kids ages 4, 6, 8, 9, 12, 13. I've always homeschooled. It was my plan to have my kids reading so well that they could do an independent study/online school for middle/high school because I can't teach everyone in one day. I don't have time. I spend one on one time with the 6, 8, and 9 year old right now, totally neglect my 4 year old, and over see the older two's work, make sure they do the assignments. For the last year, my oldest has not been putting hardly any effort into her assignments. She'll say she did them, but didn't. So I've switched to different programs hoping to provide more accountability for her, but it's not working. I just checked the last two week's assignments and again, she said she did them, marks them off, but there's no work to show. I don't know what to do. She's been lying. And I don't have time to hold her hand through each assignment. Im either an going to stick her in the public school tomorrow or... make time to teach her every day: read her assignments to her, have her turn them into me every day. I don't know if I can do that. I'm so swamped as it is. Any advice?

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My 8th grade DS13 is an absent minded professor sometimes even though he has always been independent at studies. When he wakes up we spend some time going over what needs to get done ASAP and what needs to be done after the ASAP tasks. In the early evening like 7pm, we’ll do a quick check of what is completed and what is outstanding. He does like me checking so that he doesn't miss deadlines for homework submission and lose points. It takes me 30 mins to an hour per day.

 

Can your husband help check every evening what is completed? My husband would help grade for anything that has an answer key or solution manual. He can check our kids’ Chinese and German homework as he understands those languages as well. It gives me time to help DS12 who needs more handholding.

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Well, my oldest is 11, and I'm still really hand-holding with her.  She and my two 8yos each get a daily checklist for their independent work plus the items that we'll do together in the afternoon.  All the kids do their written work at the dining table (ear protectors are available for anyone who needs quiet), and they may go into the living room to read.  So I can generally keep an eye on them and notice when they're doodling or reading Wings of Fire instead of doing schoolwork.  (What is your daughter doing during the time that she should be doing schoolwork?)  In the afternoon, we do some schoolwork together - generally read-alouds, discussion, and mapwork related to their literature, science, and history.  

 

What are you using now?  Do you think your daughter is at grade level?

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I think I will flip the order of work distribution. Since this is a new semester, I will get a binder for the older two. I will look at what curriculum I am using and how much they are actually able to do themselves not how much I will prefer them to do.

If they can’t do their math or Lang arts then I will need to spend at least 30 mins alternatively with each one on that. They are more critical at this time than the younger ones. I will get simple workbooks or readers for the younger ones now.

I will spend 30 mins on math with 11 yr old, then move to 30 min math with 13 and also do Lang after 30 mins, each one can do some problems on their own or if Lang, use that time to read or write.

Lang and math is essential and I will make sure it is done for the older ones. I will not give an 12 or 13 year old work and expect them to do it in their own for more than 1 day at the most. My 13 year old is hard working and diligent but will not do her work if she knows I won’t check it for 2 weeks.

I will check each work each day since I have seen that they really can’t do it by themselves. Most students at that age really do need direct instruction. They might seem older because they are the older of young ones but they still need direct instruction.

Edited by Lilaclady
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Could you combine the 12 and 13 year olds into the same Language Arts/English program, preferably whatever the 13 year old is using?

Could the 12 & 13 yos each do their own math, at the same time, and then check each other's work, marking any incorrect answers. Then they could make their own corrections and hand it in to you for the final check?  I know checking answers always felt like a big time sink for me. I did it bec otherwise my kids would probably let things slide, too, but it was a chore. At 12 and 13, they should be able to compare answers to an answer key & take some of the load off you.

 

 

I agree with the previous poster about English & math being essential. Do those two consistently & well in the grade school years, K-8, and most other things will fall into place with less supervision. You aren't going to have time to do everything to the extent you might like to, so focus on the most critical things. I only have three children, though, so maybe even just math & lang arts is going to be a stretch. Hope you find a good groove!

Edited by yvonne
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You may well run into the same sorts of issues if you send her to public school. Not saying that it's a bad idea, but it likely won't solve the problem, just change it a bit. Unfortunately, she probably does need a bit more time/observation.

 

Sometimes adding in regular visits with a tutor can bring a bit more accountability into the homeschool situation.

Edited by GoodGrief
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I find that workboxes really help with this type of issue. It is a very visual and 3-d way of organizing the student's materials, and helps them be more aware of what needs to be done--it's harder to lose or forget something when you are physically marking off each box as they are done. 

 

Also, I find that it's pretty important to check work daily for many students. There may be some who can be left to their own devices for 2 weeks--but not many 13 year-olds are up for that! And students with any kind of executive function issues are going to think they have things under control and are doing fine and won't even realize they're getting buried under with work through their procrastination! 

 

I checked work daily and had a daily one on one time for about 30-45 minutes where we went over any work and expectations for that day. (I got the one-on-one tutor idea years ago from the Manager's of Their Homes mom who taught 8 kids.)

 

If your daughter is used to working in her room, have her work in the kitchen or some other public room for awhile. Help her to see that this isn't a punishment, just what needs to happen since she gets too distracted in her room to get her work done. When she can see that she regularly gets work done in good time, then maybe she can try going in her room again.

 

See who you can combine and for what subjects (maybe 3 groups: 12/13, 8/9, 4/6--or put the 6 yo in with the 8/9 yo's and do something separately with your 4 yo)--can you combine several of the youngers for history or science? Can you sometimes do audio books for some subjects? Can some of your children rotate 30 minutes at a time with the 4 year-old? I always found spending 20-30 minutes first with the preschooler was beneficial--maybe you could do that to feel like you are getting time in for that one. 

 

I hope you can find a way to make things work!

 

 

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I have 6 sweet children and totally understand not having energy to do everything.  I believe scheduling has a lot to do with not just the hours in the day, but also the energy that the parent has.  If you are up nursing at 1 in the morning (like I am right now-lol) or are expecting (thus physically exhausted) you may need to work during your personal most energetic time of day which can change from season to season. 

 

Right now I am alternating "intensive" days with my children and I give them 2 days of assignment at a time. Below is my schedule.

30 minute read aloud to my "littles" while my older children do morning chores/ brush teeth and hair

30 minute family fun " Madlibs, Bible Memory, and flashcards 

Reading Hour- Older children read Bible followed by a reading intensive subject or a literature study program/ My middles begin reading their Bible readers and I pull children youngest to the oldest for "mom time" which is 10-15 minutes a piece.  I review letter sounds with my 3 year old and give him a letter coloring page, Phonics Pathways or reading aloud a story with my 6 year old, Comprehension/Speed Drill with my oldest 3 one after another using Abeka or The Reading Detective series.  If I get done before the hour is up- I wait for the timer by playing with my one year old- kissing his face off-lol.

English or Math hour-I pull my children starting with the youngest- her English is copywork at the moment and Spelling (literally 10 minutes), then I pull my 8 and 12 year olds for one on one time- and I grade as we go through problems- and only assign needed practice for the next day.  My oldest works on his HS independent work during this time.

Then I do Adventures with my 6-12 year olds as a group.  My oldest continues working independently.

Lunch hour

Quiettime- all children read silently in their own rooms.  If I don't need a nap, then I will tutor my oldest in his TGatB and Algebra.  If I am feeling very energetic I will have discussions on the books he is reading or do oral quizzing in his Science or vocabulary.  If I need a nap then we will do this after the kids are in bed at 8 p.m..

We often readaloud in the evenings before I put the kids in bed, which we call our evening basket. 

 

I highly recommend having your children after the "hour of whatever subject" you are doing switch papers and grade each others papers with pen.  Just have the circle the number of the problem that is incorrect, and then you will know it was graded and they can call that homework and you can address those problems first the next day when you tutor.  Another thing to think about is- Teaching Textbooks for math if you can afford it (it is out of our budget, but for those that can afford it- it teaches and grades for you, and with monitoring it could save you time.)

 

I think we all have had a child pick a subject or day (or week when we were very sick or busy) and say they were done to sneak outside early- it just has to be nipped in the bud.  I hope this semester goes well for you.

 

Brenda

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Middle school was hard for my kid.  We nearly killed each other, with his refusal(?) to work and lack of organizational skills.  It was like parenting a toddler again.

 

You have to make the time to connect daily.  DAILY.  This is the minimum.  Either a morning meeting that covers what was completed yesterday and looks over the schedule for the day, or an evening one that covers that day's work and looking over tomorrow's.  It shouldn't take more than half an hour or so, and every child should be able to get half an hour with their parent each day.

 

Second, the child who doesn't work independently gets to work in line of sight of mom.  I set school hours - and if my kid wasn't trusted farther than I could throw him then he got to sit right there.  He could wear headphones, or have his back turned, but knowing I was watching him work/not work made him more accountable.

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I just wanted to say that I get you. Mine are 15, 12, 9, 6, and 4. I can combine a little content for the younger three but not much else. My first three all are extremely different learners. It’s not that I can’t teach the older ones; it’s that Time is a serious issue. I only have so much of it.

 

Are the materials you’re using for your oldest working well for her? My DD learns very differently than I do, and I’ve really needed to consider that. She uses a lot of videos from Khan Academy in her learning, which would mean zero to me as a learner, but which make her interested and are good at helping her retain information. Khan can be set up so you can track their progress and even make assignments for them.

 

What’s your oldest doing instead of schoolwork? All distractions need to go. Check in with her frequently, and ideally, have her working in a public area.

 

What about some outsourcing? For sheer lack of time, I’m really considering outsourcing English and maybe science or history for my oldest next year. We already outsource Spanish for her, which has been fantastic. The outside class also has some accountability that helps.

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I agree with most of the others. You need a daily meeting time to go over daily assignments and a check in time to make sure they are done. Set a timer to make sure you do it and have consequences ( start with her having to work evenings and weekends). You may have to slack a bit with another child to get in a good rhythm. IMO it is an extremely rare 13year old who can be completely independent. My present 15 year old dd is exceptional in her responsibility and diligence and I just had to call her on letting a subject slack while I've been preoccupied with her brothers Eagle Court of Honor.

 

Since math is the hardest to catch up in, my kids have to put their notebooks in s pile on the coffee table for me to check daily. Other subjects I check daily in our meeting time. With my high schoolers this may be just 5-10 minutes where I visually make sure it is done (even if I actually mark the work at s different time).

 

I found a 5 or 6 week on-1 week off schedule helpful in making sure we stay on top of things. When my youngest was littler, it was a week I gave her extra attention. The other kids catch up in any subject they may have fallen behind in. The more they stay on top, the more free time they have that week.

 

So mainly I think you need to change your expectations. I know it is hard. I only have four and I've watched Mons of more struggle even more with this. I think for a long time we were told that we could expect our teens to self-teach and self-check. In real life I have seen that expectation crash and burn almost 100% of the time. It has taken my oldest, who is very bright, until his twelfth grade year to get to that point and even he prefers me to be much more involved in checking and giving feedback.

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Oh, and, yes, she needs to work in the main room with limited internet access anc computer screen in view. I know I am making an assumption here, but computer distractions are s huge factor for all the kids I know who fall behind. As my ds said the other day-- when I was in ninth grade I was stupid bc somehow I thought I could get my work done while spending all day looking at Bionocle websites. And he really thought that bc he was 13/14 and his brain was in adolescent meltdown.

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Can I just give you ladies a hug???  Thank you so much for your suggestions.  It helps so much. Yes, I'm requiring too much of her and expecting too much of her.  I am going to make time for her every day, I just have to rearrange my priorities.  I'm putting everyone else's school on hold for a few days and I'm going to focus on her for a little while.  She has a combination of online classes and at home classes, so she spends a lot of time online.... way too much time.  Every time I check on her she is on her computer "doing" her online classes. I think I've given her too much work and some classes are not a good fit.  So I have a lot of adjusting to do, with her work load and with my expectations.  We did switch to Teaching Textbooks just before Christmas because the math checking of everyone was taking way too much time.  That has been a good decision for us.

 

My husband is deployed until November.  I wake at 330am and work for three hours from home every day before my day starts.  I'm way busy and tired.

 

 

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Oh mama, solo parenting and working both add another layer of busy! My hat is off to you.

 

There are programs out there that will let you block some computer apps without blocking others, or they will let you block certain sites while allowing others. I also have computers set so they won’t allow the kids to use them before a certain point in the day (so they can get started on non-computer schoolwork for several hours first), and they go off between certain hours for chores/dinner. With several children, this has made things much less complicated for me to track, although there’s no substitution for parents checking in.

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I teach classes online, and I can tell you that the majority of my students have issues of focus because of that. Some seem determined to work around any control that is put in place from what parents have told me. 

 

When mine were taking online courses I had to really monitor them to make sure that they did NOTHING but schoolwork on the computer until they had completed everything to my satisfaction. If I saw anything other than schoolwork before it was done, there were grave consequences for them. I had to see all of the schoolwork completed and approve other usage. Their computers were in plain view at all times. They used sound-blocking headphones when they had to focus.

 

Thankfully they got to the point that they proved to me that they were managing it, and I was able to back off in the later part of high school. They both have done beautifully in college with managing their time.

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Thankfully they got to the point that they proved to me that they were managing it, and I was able to back off in the later part of high school. They both have done beautifully in college with managing their time.

 

This deserves to be stated again.  It is really easy to feel despair at this age and think they'll never develop the habits they need. :grouphug:   They do, or at least still have a chance of doing so.  Remember I said ds and I nearly killed each other while he was in middle school?  The same kid got to college and within his first few days made a spreadsheet of all his classes with study times, and set up/joined study groups for classes he knew would need more of his attention.  No prompting or prodding from us parents.  He just knew what he needed to do in order to succeed and actually did it. :lol: I was never more proud!

 

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I have a 14yo who is bright and generally easy to deal with.  But she cannot work independently.  At all.  Some kids just take longer to develop independent study skills.  I have to be right next to her for most of her subjects.  I leave the stuff I know she likes for when I have to be at work.  Or I will leave specific assignments that must be done by the time I return. If they are not done, they become "homework" and must be done at night, cutting into her free and/or social time.

 

The computer was also a BIG problem.  Dd takes two online classes and some of her other work requires the use of a computer.  I discovered she was wasting time every day messing around online.  We changed up our WIFI system so that I can turn hers on and off from my phone.  I can even do this if I am not home and can put time constraints on it.  So, if I am at work and I know dd has a class from 1-2pm, I can have her WIFI off for the whole day but it will turn on 12:55-2:05 so she can take her class.  She has to request WIFI access when she needs it for other things.  

 

I trust that sometime before graduation, dd will be able to better manage her studies on her own.   

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I have 2 high schoolers.  One can't be left alone in the room or he stops working.  He can't finish assignments without a detailed schedule for the week.  He can't look ahead and figure out what to work on first.  We are working on these executive functioning skills, but maturity wise it's just not there yet.  10th grader.  Scares me for next year if he can't get it together soon.  My younger one is 9th grade.  She can work alone on everything. She remembers her online class before I remind her.  She understands big projects and how to schedule out her time to complete them.  She never waits last minute to do schoolwork.  9th grader.  Who is ready to go to college tomorrow if she could.  

Some kids just manage school well.  Others do not.  I raised both these kids and they are completely opposite in their abilities.  So I have no advice in how to fix the problem, just letting you know that kids vary in ability to manage their life/school.  I'm not saying you can't find an independent program that works, but if she really needs more of you, give it.  She's the high schooler.  She needs you more than the younger ones.  

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:grouphug:

 

Hoping the suggestions made will help.  You are not in an easy position.

 

FWIW, most kids really do need daily supervision/structure/outside accountability/daily feedback, all the way through Middle School, usually into High School and frequently some still need that support even in College.  I certainly did.  So do my kids.  Heck, my husband STILL needs these things or while he can stay focused on and get things done that he likes to do, he completely quite literally forgets the rest.  Not because he is lazy but because the rest just leaves his brain.  Then he feels guilty which makes him subconsciously avoid doing whatever it is even more.  It has been something we still work on.  And for me, I have to have outside support systems in place or I hyper focus on one or two things and everything else falls by the wayside.  I do much better with outside accountability and feedback and structure and since I homeschool I frequently have to create it on my own.  Even being a mature adult with years of living under my belt I do not find that to be an easy task.

 

Hopefully as you navigate these waters you will find something that works for all of you.  

 

(Also, I will mention that sometimes a brick and mortar school actually does work better for some kids because they need a whole lot more support/structure/feedback/outside accountability than a parent can provide.  That doesn't mean either person failed or that either path is better or worse.  The different paths just provide different things for different needs.)

 

Good luck and best wishes.

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I have three middle schoolers, and I was having the same issue. This year they all have a planner. I write out their daily work; they can tackle it in any order. Once they check they’ve done it, then either then or some point that day, I need to ‘okay’ it. That means physically showing me their work, or I’ll grab a book and look at it, and I’ll spot check for accuracy or if it’s a reading assignment, to summarize it or tell me something about it. And I mark ‘ok’ next to their check mark. It must be done before free time, or no free time. It’s doing the job of keeping them on track, knowing I am checking. I try to check throughout the day; I don’t want a big pile at night to look at.

 

Computers are kept in the kitchen so I can pretty much see if they are doing an online class or typing a paper.

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 As my ds said the other day-- when I was in ninth grade I was stupid bc somehow I thought I could get my work done while spending all day looking at Bionocle websites. And he really thought that bc he was 13/14 and his brain was in adolescent meltdown.

 

Oh my goodness, this made me LOL! This could have been my son!

 

 

Can I just give you ladies a hug???  Thank you so much for your suggestions.  It helps so much. Yes, I'm requiring too much of her and expecting too much of her.  I am going to make time for her every day, I just have to rearrange my priorities.  I'm putting everyone else's school on hold for a few days and I'm going to focus on her for a little while.  She has a combination of online classes and at home classes, so she spends a lot of time online.... way too much time.  Every time I check on her she is on her computer "doing" her online classes. I think I've given her too much work and some classes are not a good fit.  So I have a lot of adjusting to do, with her work load and with my expectations.  We did switch to Teaching Textbooks just before Christmas because the math checking of everyone was taking way too much time.  That has been a good decision for us.

 

My husband is deployed until November.  I wake at 330am and work for three hours from home every day before my day starts.  I'm way busy and tired.

 

Bless your heart, I agree, no wonder you are exhausted! My hat's off to you--you are doing phenomenal! Thank you for the sacrifices you are making.

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This deserves to be stated again.  It is really easy to feel despair at this age and think they'll never develop the habits they need. :grouphug:   They do, or at least still have a chance of doing so.  Remember I said ds and I nearly killed each other while he was in middle school?  The same kid got to college and within his first few days made a spreadsheet of all his classes with study times, and set up/joined study groups for classes he knew would need more of his attention.  No prompting or prodding from us parents.  He just knew what he needed to do in order to succeed and actually did it. :lol: I was never more proud!

 

 

My oldest is actually a developer on one of the more popular games. He also pulled all A's as a junior at a very competitive business school and held a part-time job in the evenings. He leaves for Army National Guard Basic Training later this month.

 

Middle school was tough for both of us, but he's so responsible and self-motivated. Yesterday we got a call that my daughter's computer needs new hard drives, and I was upset because one of my gigs doesn't pay me in January. He wrote me a check. Amazing kid! 

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In my family, there was a golden age of about 9-11 when my kids could work somewhat independently and honestly. It gave me hope that it would be like that forever or they'd actually get more independent as they got older, but no. I think teens and preteens actually need more support from mom than preschoolers as far as school work. They need it because you are asking for more, they are going through major brain changes, and because it is actually important that they do the work! So please don't be frustrated or think that your oldest is unusual or a bad kid or not living up to some standard set by a perfect mom on a happy homeschool blog who doesn't exist. 

 

My DS is now 16 and he's at PS in part because of the pain of middle school homeschool. He's matured so much in the last year or two and I could probably work with him again but our school offers opportunities and classes that we couldn't afford or access on our own so he stays in PS. 

 

If you want to keep all the kids home, could you combine them all into 3 groups of 2 who do basically the same work in most subjects? I only had 4 to homeschool and had a hard time fitting time in for one on one with everyone. I can't imagine doing it times 6. I'd also look into outsourcing some classes so the accountability and checking of work falls onto an outside teacher for some subjects. You could also either choose more workbook style curricula that's easier to check OR choose one that minimizes output and busywork so you are only checking what you need to check and most work is done verbally with you or combined into one paper or one essay. 

 

Middle school is rough whether you are in PS or at home because the middle school years are rough on the kids.  :grouphug:

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I have six kids ages 4, 6, 8, 9, 12, 13. I've always homeschooled. It was my plan to have my kids reading so well that they could do an independent study/online school for middle/high school because I can't teach everyone in one day. I don't have time. I spend one on one time with the 6, 8, and 9 year old right now, totally neglect my 4 year old, and over see the older two's work, make sure they do the assignments. For the last year, my oldest has not been putting hardly any effort into her assignments. She'll say she did them, but didn't. So I've switched to different programs hoping to provide more accountability for her, but it's not working. I just checked the last two week's assignments and again, she said she did them, marks them off, but there's no work to show. I don't know what to do. She's been lying. And I don't have time to hold her hand through each assignment. Im either an going to stick her in the public school tomorrow or... make time to teach her every day: read her assignments to her, have her turn them into me every day. I don't know if I can do that. I'm so swamped as it is. Any advice?

 

 

Your daughter NEEDS daily accountability.  When you say you went to check two weeks worth of assignments that means she could be, for example in math, missing the same problems for two weeks and then just further cementing her wrong thinking.  She needs that accountability and I think it is reasonable that she needs it - very age appropriate.  

 

Yes, the 12yo and 13yo should be your main focus.

 

It was a good plan but it neglects the idea that your older children will need active teaching, discussion, accountability.  I always thought my teens would need me less as they grew older.  The truth?  They need me DIFFERENTLY, not less.  I love (LOVE) homeschooling teens and would rather have my children in PreK-2nd grade than EVER put them in high school.  Switching programs is a solution that won't work because it doesn't address the problem.

 

Your older kids need active teaching, discussion and accountability.  Are the 8yo and 9yo reading?  If so, they need more independent work, combine them if possible and give them a "teaching time" with you at the table daily.  The 4yo?  Let play, sit in on read alouds, be in the circle, but don't worry about her formal schooling.  Honestly? I'd do the same with the 6yo except with some practice at handwriting and some oral school.

 

12yo and 13yo is middle school.  THese are FOUNDATIONAL years.  THis is prep for higher order thinking, advanced maths, the ability to write well. This is NOT the time for independent schooling.  It will come but don't build the house before you lay the foundation or it will all crumble. ;)

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Thank you to everyone, even those that pmd me.This week has been great. I've been meeting with my two oldest everyday, getting my oldest back on track, and it really doesn't take that much time. Thanks for the reality check. I love this forum!!

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I prioritize my 14 and 15yos over my 10 and 7yos.  Technically, I spend more time TEACHING the younger ones, but I put more effort into managing the older ones.  I have to check their work daily.  When it's not done, and it still sometimes isn't, they have to spend their evenings finishing it.  That doesn't require holding their hands every minute of the day, but it does require consistency on my part.  Whenever they don't think they're going to be checked, they slack more.  2 weeks would bury them!

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