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S/O Holiday traditions you have kept alive as your adult kids moved out


Ginevra
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I remember hearing on the radio once where the mom always gave the kids Christmas pyjamas on Christmas Eve. When the first child moved out, she came home on CE fully expecting to still get her PJs. The mom was surprised this was so meaningful that even adult kids would want to do that. She didn’t have one that year, but she resumed it the next and continued giving Christmas PJs to the grown kids on CE. :)

 

I like the way these things root us to our childhood. I plan to keep doing stockings for my grown kids when they move out permanently. And they will either take their ornaments they have amassed over the years, to hang on their own trees or maybe, depending on living situations, they will have an opportunity to still hang their special ornaments on a tree at our house.

 

Any traditions you are keeping with independent adult kids? Or what so you hope for if you aren’t at that stage yet?

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My grown kids still come home for Christmas (at least we are hoping my second son will, this year) so we still do stockings, have the big dinner about 4 on Christmas Day...and that's about all we do. 

 

I have said they can take their ornaments, but they are here so far, so they still hang on the tree. Dd's, however, will probably go more quickly; she may get married earlier, and she'll definitely have a tree in her own home and may not come home (prob split visits one year off, one on, which my other married son would do except his wife's family lives with them). 

 

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We had a tradition as children that I have passed on to my kids. They have to wait at the top of the steps until I ring the Christmas bells before they can come downstairs. 

 

My kids do not have places of their own - just dorm rooms, so they have to come home. I am sure things will change once they get real apartments and first jobs. 

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I'm still trying to navigate that here. When oldest two moved out I still mailed stockings to them.  But the cost of postage was getting pretty close to what the cost of the stocking stuffers, and the girls would then have to return their stocking to me to use again next year. (We used the same ones every year)  And then oldest dd got married and her husband took over stuffing her stocking.  

 

We rarely have our oldest two home on Christmas- dd's dh is a music pastor and they live more than 1000 miles away so it's hard to honor his job commitments and also visit us. 

 

As far as pajamas, our kids outgrew that in their early teens, especially ds.  

 

So we continue traditions when we can - dd always sends me pics of the grandkids baking family recipe Christmas cookies. If we are together during the season we  drive around looking at lights while drinking hot chocolate and listening to Christmas music.  We did that Thanksgiving weekend once when dd was home. We just do the best we can.  Right now that means the girls carry on our family traditions from far away, and when dh retires and we move closer to them, we hope to resurrect some traditions. 

Edited by Annie G
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Sveti Nikola (St. Nicholas) is our big holiday, so the tradition we've continued is to send our college kids an orange, chocolates, and a token "necessity" or practical type gift (e.g., one son got an aux cord, car charger, and phone mount for his car.) I imagine we'll do this even when they're married. We throw a huge party every year. It's been tricky for college kids because it's sometimes the week before or of finals, but it's nice for married kids because it frees up the 24th-25th for other family events. 

 

We have a tradition of giving each kid an ornament every year. I would like to keep that up as long as it's feasible. But some of my friends are really REALLY into their trees and don't want random ornaments on them; they want a finished "look" kind of tree. So if any of my sons marry someone like that, I'm not going to die on the hill of this ornament tradition. LOL

 

Other than that, the tradition in our community is to give married adult children the gift of cash at Christmas. So that's something I anticipate continuing. Until that point children (and usually their serious girlfriend/boyfriend) get actual gifts. 

Other than that, the tradition in our community is to give married adult children the gift of cash at Christmas. So that's something I anticipate continuing. Until that point children (and usually their serious girlfriend/boyfriend) get actual gifts. 

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My mom still sends is Christmas pj's and she sends all grandkids them as well. It's something we all look forward to.

 

My kids just really like the baking we do. They still get excited at 18 and 15 to make and decorate cookies at Christmas time. They have made an ornament every year and look forward to that so I could see them continuing when they're on their own.

 

We also still do stockings and one unwrapped Santa gift. I will continue that for any Christmas they are here for as they still enjoy it.

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I'm still trying to navigate that here. When oldest two moved out I still mailed stockings to them. But the cost of postage was getting pretty close to what the cost of the stocking stuffers, and the girls would then have to return their stocking to me to use again next year. (We used the same ones every year) And then oldest dd got married and her husband took over stuffing her stocking.

 

We rarely have our oldest two home on Christmas- dd's dh is a music pastor and they live more than 1000 miles away so it's hard to honor his job commitments and also visit us.

 

As far as pajamas, our kids outgrew that in their early teens, especially ds.

 

So we continue traditions when we can - dd always sends me pics of the grandkids baking family recipe Christmas cookies. If we are together during the season we drive around looking at lights while drinking hot chocolate and listening to Christmas music. We did that Thanksgiving weekend once when dd was home. We just do the best we can. Right now that means the girls carry on our family traditions from far away, and when dh retires and we move closer to them, we hope to resurrect some traditions.

I was thinking perhaps I would mail them stockings when we get to that point. I can easily see it becoming too costly, though.

 

I like pictures of the grandkids making taditional vookies. That would make me very happy!

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This is the first year that one of our dc won't be home for Xmas / Boxing Day.  We plan to put some $ into his NZ account for his gift as with his fly in / fly out job we aren't sure that anyone will be home to receive any package we send.  I had been hoping to send  him a box of homemade Xmas baking, like my m-i-l did for dh when he first worked overseas. but ds#1's job situation is different.  Dd & Ds#2 will both get home on the 23rd for a few days.  I plan to still continue our traditions of baking heaps of cookies + a fruitcake for dh.  Ds#2 has been told he still has to bake the pavlova for Xmas dinner.  Xmas breakfast has been the same items for the past 20 years & we will continue this.  Boxing Day is usually a day at the beach where dh spent his holidays growing up & weather dependent we will visit again this year.  In recent years I have had a puzzle on the coffee table for us to put together over Xmas week.  This is a more recent tradition & one I hope to continue.

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Thinking of this more and more all the time. Oldest is a college sophomore and second is two years behind. I feel like they will move on to other things sooner than some kids might. They are just very independent and they have both liked to have steady relationships so I can see them having priorities other than me in just a few years.

 

Just on a whim last night I said something to the effect that Santa will always fill a stocking for anyone that spends the night here on Christmas Eve. I don't know that stockings are important enough to anyone here to mail them so I don't know that I would want to do that. Sounds goofy but maybe socks and pajama pants no matter how old they get? I know dh and I would still like socks and pj pants even though we can afford to buy them ourselves. And they are forgiving on size and style so might be a good thing to always plan on giving or sending no matter what. Also easy and inexpensive to fold in any new spouses, grandchildren, step grandchildren, whatever people might come into our lives to love.

 

We have a couple favorite cookies that I will always do. I have been a bit disappointed that my dc don't have the same connection to food and tradition that I always did.I could totally skip a type of cookie and no one would notice. That makes me sad as those kind of traditions are meaningful to me. My boys and dh just aren't wired that way.

 

My youngest is a girl and she is more rooted to all the traditions, decorations, baking. I probably should take my lead from what is most important to her as I decide how to proceed with adult dc. The boys just don't seem to respond in the same way.

 

We do not frequently do family game nights but we have for the last few Christmas Eves. That might be something to make an effort to continue with who is here with us and then we could mail a game or even a token pack of cards to someone out of town. Could always do a round of Apples to Apples over Skype I guess.

 

One thing I am focusing on is making the holidays and traditions something that is available to the kids as adults and not something that is required. I think the key to keeping people connected is to be engaged and welcoming without pressuring. I think it needs to be "hey, can we try to swing by my parents' place for game night?" and not "ugh. You know my mom will be grumpy if we don't go for game night and we'll be hearing about it all year."

 

I want to make sure traditions that are mine are not forced on adult children and spouses in a way that adds any pressure. They are adults and need to make their own ways with their spouses and families.

 

(I am watching some people in my life put demands on adult children that I think will backfire and cause more stress so I am sensitive to that). For example, I think adult dc should be invited to do the drive around with hot chocolate and look at Christmas lights thing but not pressured to do it.

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 I plan to keep doing stockings for my grown kids when they move out permanently. And they will either take their ornaments they have amassed over the years, to hang on their own trees or maybe, depending on living situations, they will have an opportunity to still hang their special ornaments on a tree at our house.

 

Any traditions you are keeping with independent adult kids? Or what so you hope for if you aren’t at that stage yet?

Re: still doing stockings...my mom still does stockings. My sisters and I wish she would stop. I mean, Santa fills stockings! So why do I/DH/our kids need/get one from her? It makes no sense! Plus, it's just more stuff. We don't need more stuff. And even though she tries to fill them mostly with consumables, we end up giving a bunch to our goats and chickens. my mom would be so sad if she knew that.

 

But...why, oh why, can't she understand that I don't want a second stocking?

 

So please, if that's one they want to let go/continue in a new way (as in, doing it with their spouse/children), be open to change. (Sorry for venting/hijacking this thread.) FWIW, OP seems like a lovely person from the posts of hers I've seen here. So I am sure she will be open to change if that's what the family is asking for.

 

Really, I just hope not to force traditions on them that they aren't attached to. That's easy to say now, though, as our oldest is only 7!

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 Everyone (but husbands) will be home this year,probably for the last time (3 will be Active Duty next year), so we're going whole-hog. 

 

 

Enjoy every minute!  

 

This is probably the last year all of my kids will be home, too, so it feels very bittersweet.

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Our tradition has included 11pm Christmas Eve church and going to see the big Bloclbuster Movie on Christmas Day at the IMAX.

 

But this year, oldest son asked us to hold off watching Star Wars until he gets there after Christmas so we will probably see a Not Big Blickvuater in the regular theater instead.

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Added to the Active Duty, who knows if this will be dh's last Christmas. That sound heartless, but the doctors simply don't know. So, everyone is moving heaven and earth to make it happy. And of course, he could have another 10 years... 

 

One thing I started for one dd a few years ago, as she got a real house, was the start of a Nativity set. She's getting more this year, and I got the start for my oldest now that she is not living hand-to-mouth, moving all the time. We're having our Christmas on the 22nd due to the Navy and work, so the gang will head out to other places by the 25th. It will be nice for oldest to have her own--they're actually putting up a tree this year!

Margaret, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with everyone home. These past three weeks have been really hard for us then we had prayers answered. We will be praying for your family, but especially for you and your DH. 

 

 

Everyone has interesting family traditions.

I wish we did more on CE. I'm sure as the last of my kids leave home and get married, we will continue to change how we do things and what is included. 

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I am 42 and still get a Lifesavers Sweet Storybook from Santa every year. We live several states apart and don't spend Christmas together. Sometimes I find it under my pillow when we make our annual trek to see my parents in the summer, and sometimes it's left in my basement after my parents make their annual trek to visit us. It makes me smile because that was something always in my stocking.

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Re: still doing stockings...my mom still does stockings. My sisters and I wish she would stop. I mean, Santa fills stockings! So why do I/DH/our kids need/get one from her? It makes no sense! Plus, it's just more stuff. We don't need more stuff. And even though she tries to fill them mostly with consumables, we end up giving a bunch to our goats and chickens. my mom would be so sad if she knew that.

 

But...why, oh why, can't she understand that I don't want a second stocking?

 

So please, if that's one they want to let go/continue in a new way (as in, doing it with their spouse/children), be open to change. (Sorry for venting/hijacking this thread.) FWIW, OP seems like a lovely person from the posts of hers I've seen here. So I am sure she will be open to change if that's what the family is asking for.

 

Really, I just hope not to force traditions on them that they aren't attached to. That's easy to say now, though, as our oldest is only 7!

Yeah, I can see that. I guess I was mostly thinking of a grown kid not yet married or with kids. But I’m sure I had not thought it through entirely. It’s nice to see this heads up. It makes sense.

 

I remember when my sister was alive, she always wanted to be the doting aunt. She would shower my kids with presents and it DROVE ME NUTS! I was always caught between understanding, because she had no kids of her own, and just being fed up, because we had enough stuff. And then when she died, I was glad my kids had little treasures from her to remember her by. But one year, she gave them each a filled stocking. It really annoyed me. They had no need whatsoever for another stocking filled up with candy and trinkets. And then I didn’t know what to do withthe extra stockings and ended up giving them to GW.

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I fill my children’s stockings until they marry, when the two of them decide which traditions they want to pursue. Adult children who aren’t married get stockings every time they are home for Christmas. If they’re not home, I don’t send a stocking, but I do give that some thought as I’m buying gifts.

 

 

Anne

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One thing I am focusing on is making the holidays and traditions something that is available to the kids as adults and not something that is required. I think the key to keeping people connected is to be engaged and welcoming without pressuring. I think it needs to be "hey, can we try to swing by my parents' place for game night?" and not "ugh. You know my mom will be grumpy if we don't go for game night and we'll be hearing about it all year."

 

I want to make sure traditions that are mine are not forced on adult children and spouses in a way that adds any pressure. They are adults and need to make their own ways with their spouses and families.

You raise a good point. I do want my kids to always feel welcome but not feel it’s some chore they must perform.

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We still do stockings and presents and a big Christmas dinner and then a walk and some board games with extended family.

 

My adult kids still come home, but I try not make any other demands of them all year other than to be home on Christmas morning. I also make sure that I still pay at least their car insurance and cell phones so I can have a little to back up my request.

 

We still have little kids at home who would be pretty disappointed to spend Christmas without their siblings, not to mention poor mom!

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Added to the Active Duty, who knows if this will be dh's last Christmas. That sound heartless, but the doctors simply don't know. So, everyone is moving heaven and earth to make it happy. And of course, he could have another 10 years... 

 

One thing I started for one dd a few years ago, as she got a real house, was the start of a Nativity set. She's getting more this year, and I got the start for my oldest now that she is not living hand-to-mouth, moving all the time. We're having our Christmas on the 22nd due to the Navy and work, so the gang will head out to other places by the 25th. It will be nice for oldest to have her own--they're actually putting up a tree this year!

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

The Nativity set idea is lovely.  

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My mom still did my stocking up until last year and I'm 41. What she did was set aside all the stuff to go in it and before Christmas give it to my husband and then he would fill my stocking on Christmas Eve. So just one full stocking. But she was the one who did it. She also did his for a number of years. Then we switch to her just sending some stuff to put in them. And this year she gave us cash To use towards stockings and gifts and such.

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My MIL did stockings for us for about the first 2 years of marriage and then stopped. I don't know why she stopped because I really enjoyed it. It was probably too much of a hassle to come up with stuff to put in it.

 

These threads make me nervous. What sort of thing will I do for my DILs (when I have them, my sons are only 12 and 15) that will annoy them to no end and they won't tell me? I'm always surprised when people get so irritated when a MIL tries to do something nice, like give stockings. I kinda hope my DILs are the sort of people who are straight shooters and will tell me when they don't like something, rather than seething about it unbeknownst to me.

 

I haven't thought of what traditions we might do with the grown kids. I think it'll be more of, "We're doing this...you are welcome to join in," than anything else. Right now, Christmas Eve is for the in-laws and we keep Christmas day for ourselves. Christmas Day was meant to be spent with my family (and Thanksgiving with my in-laws) but my parents moved away. Rather than moving the in-laws to Christmas day, we left them with Christmas eve so the kids wouldn't have to be up and bathed and dressed on Christmas morning.

 

Then again--we opened up our Chinese dinner out to anyone who wants to come. DH and I have eaten Christmas Dinner at the Chinese restuarant for a solid 20 years now, maybe more-I've lost count. The in-laws started to come to the Chinese restaurant with us about 10 years ago, and so do a couple we are friends with who are our parents age (about 5 years ago). I'm sure my DH and I will keep doing that in the years that come and our sons will be welcome to join in or not as they see fit.

 

I'd like to see my sons at least on Christmas Eve when they're grown with kids and I'd adore to see them on Christmas day, but I know that there can be a lot of pressure on Christmas Day on families with kids, so I won't insist on the day.

Edited by Garga
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We are far away from the continuing traditions with our adult kids, but being the adult kid is still pretty fresh in my mind. There are a few traditions that we continue with my parents. My 3 favorite are making ornaments every year, helping them get and decorate their tree, and helping my dad make fresh ravioli for Christmas dinner. This may be the first year we don't do either simply because my parents just got back from a cruise yesterday. But we'll see.

 

All the traditions that my siblings and I still do with my parents were things that the siblings wanted to continue, not things our parents suggested. Not that we wouldn't have wanted to if our parents asked. But I thought it was great that they simply waited to see what all the adult siblings would want to do. We are blessed that most of us are still local.

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Re: the stocking issue. Here's how my mom handled it -- as people moved out/away, she continued to buy stocking stuffers for us (and in fact added more people to her list as we got married and had kids). I think eventually she was buying stocking stuff for at least twenty people!  Then she would put each person's items in a paper lunch sack, labelled with their name and stapled at the top. Then she would mail it in the Christmas box with the regular presents. She was contributing to the stockings but the actual stuffing of stockings happened at each family's house.

 

Her mom did the same for many years, and I guess she wanted to carry on the tradition. She was really good at finding neat little things to include. But she finally decided last year to quit doing it. Which was totally understandable! I'm sure it was a lot of time and money. But it was a sweet tradition, and I would certainly consider doing the same.

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