Jump to content

Menu

Could we just skip putting up a Christmas tree this year?


Hannah
 Share

Recommended Posts

We have one Christmas decoration out, but so far, that's it.  I'm just not getting the mood this year.  Part of me feels really guilty that I'm not doing more to keep up with Christmas traditions.  My sisters (who both live in Europe, so are indoors at this time of year) go all out and I love seeing their pictures on Facebook.  My mom used to do the same with decorations and baking and a big countdown.  My girls do not seem to mind either way. 

 

On the day, we'll be eating lunch with my mil at her old-age home.  She has Alzheimers and moved there in September.  At the moment she is still over medicated. They are treating anxiety and very aggressive behaviour.  The protocol is to cut back on the meds over time. The recommendation from the doctor and matron is not to disrupt her routine too much by taking her out.  In previous years we fetched her to spend the day with us.

 

I need permission from the hive to put the gifts in a basket decorated with a Christmas ribbon and leave it at that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Permission granted.

I don't have a tree up and my house is sparsely decorated.

My kids are older and don't want much this year so there really wasn't anything to put under a tree.

We usually have a party sometime around the holidays and that is the only time anyone other than us would even see the decorations.

 

You are not alone in not being in the mood!  Several people I know, me included, are not "feeling" it. 

I have been blasting Christmas music the last few days and it has helped some.

 

I do miss how nice our house looks when decorated but so far I do not miss the work at all and I will just enjoy other's efforts instead.

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry, but I vote put up the tree. I think sometimes, when you least feel like Christmas is when you NEED a bit of Christmas. And although you may not mind skipping this year, there is something to be said for keeping those traditions, for you and your girls. You may do it and still feel "blah" but there is a good chance that either you or your kids will find great comfort in having the traditional stuff up and around as you deal with the stress of your mother not being well. Give yourself and those kids something else to focus on, some normalcy. 

 

Sorry. I know that means more work. But truly, I think you'll be glad in the end. The song from Mame says it well...

 

It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.

For I've grown a little leaner,
Grown a little colder,
Grown a little sadder,
Grown a little older,
All:
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder,
Need a little Christmas now.

Edited by ktgrok
  • Like 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tend to agree with ktgrok. Sometimes the act of carrying out the tradition brings the feelings. Maybe that's part of holding the tradition. 

Maybe ask yourself, "What do I want my memories of this Christmas to be? What do I want my kids to remember?" Will it be, "Remember that sad year when we didn't even put up a tree?" That may leave an ache in the heart.

Or, will it be, "Remember that year when we decided to not have a tree, and how much more relaxed we were, and how we discovered that the tree didn't make Christmas, something else (insert here) made it Christmas, and we really learned from that."

 

I need the symbols. Maybe you and your kids don't. 

 

Either way, you get to decide. Own it! 

 

If you don't do it, and you find you miss it and it feels, IDK, empty or sad or something on Christmas morning, then you can choose to go out and get a tree then, or choose to put one up next year.

 

Hope you find your best way. <3

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Ktgrok. If you are able to find it in to put up even some of your decorations and continue with some of the stuff that you normally do, I think the kids look forward to it, even if they say they don’t care.

 

I remember a thread on here years ago talking about holiday regrets and adult kids. Some of the regrets were not doing their own things in their own homes, because when their adult kids got married (or were in a serious relationship), they didn’t think it was important to go back to their family for the holidays since they didn’t have traditions and just spent the holidays with their partner’s family. (I am a terrible forum searcher, so I have no link of the thread for you)

 

This is the time that you establish the traditions in your own home. Sure you CAN totally skip doing anything if you really want, but when your kids grow up, they may decide that since the holidays aren’t important to you, they’ll just spend them with another family.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I say put it up. Your dc will be happy you did. When I was 16 my family moved far from the area in which my parents grew up. All of our extended family pretty much still lived there. We missed it terribly. Instead of Thanksgiving dinner, since it was just our immediate family, my mom made a small meal that just made us all feel worse. It was so depressing. The next year we had a full Thanksgiving meal and it was so different. Those traditions are what ground us the most when life is changing so fast around us. It is hard to keep up those traditions, especially with teens, but I feel like keeping up the traditions, even then, gives our kids a sense of “homeâ€, where things are done a certain way and they can count on it.

 

Obviously, do what you want, but I force myself to do some of our traditions, even when it gets hard or seems like no-one cares.

 

ETA: I wrote seems like no-one cares, because they really do care. I sat down with my family a couple of weeks before Advent and asked what traditions they wanted to do this year. The answer: All of them! So while it might outwardly appear that they don’t, they often do.

Edited by scholastica
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess I have a third option.  No, you certainly don't always need a tree.  No, you don't always have to keep up yearly traditions.

 

But, do make it special for your children!  Just because you're not in the mood and just because they say they don't mind doesn't mean it wouldn't be very special for them to feel that Christmas spirit.  So, you can always get one of those living mini Christmas tree-looking plants and put a few decorations on it, and liven up the living spaces with a few strings of garland and candles.  You can get your dds a gingerbread house making kit.  Spend one evening reading each other short Christmas stories.  Listen to Christmas music.  

 

I think that figuring out a way to make an event feel special even by doing it very differently and simply can be very meaningful.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its ok to skip putting up the tree...however, Ktgrok's suggestion is exactly what got me into the spirit this year.  I was dragging my feet, kicking and screaming, into this holiday season. I wanted nothing to do with it. It's been an awful 18 months and I just didn't want Christmas. But we finally put the tree up and it does bring me happiness to look at it.  That led to me doing more Christmas things.  The tree didn't make me all 'yay Christmas' but at least I'm no longer being a grinch. And this year that's the best I can do. 

 

Whether you put a tree up or not, I hope you have some happy times this Christmas.   :grouphug:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know what, I wouldn't skip it. 

Do a little tree, or just string lights on it, or decorate your houseplants, or buy a little tabletop one that's all decorated and lit and you just plug in. Do something. Otherwise, every day is just like every other day.  

 

ktgrok is right. When you don't feel like it is when you need it the most. 

We're an atheist family & don't really get all excited about xmas but even the year we went to Hawaii for xmas we took a silly little tree with us in the suitcase. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess I have a third option. No, you certainly don't always need a tree. No, you don't always have to keep up yearly traditions.

 

But, do make it special for your children! Just because you're not in the mood and just because they say they don't mind doesn't mean it wouldn't be very special for them to feel that Christmas spirit. So, you can always get one of those living mini Christmas tree-looking plants and put a few decorations on it, and liven up the living spaces with a few strings of garland and candles. You can get your dds a gingerbread house making kit. Spend one evening reading each other short Christmas stories. Listen to Christmas music.

 

I think that figuring out a way to make an event feel special even by doing it very differently and simply can be very meaningful.

This.

 

Most of my college years I stayed where I was going to school, but one year I went home to my mom’s for Christmas. I was 20ish, I think, so not a child, but still. My mom is very busy in the fall, and I had been busy and neither of us felt Christmasy. At the last minute, it felt somehow wrong to do nothing at all, so we strung lights on her huge indoor plant (you could grab a Norfolk pine, tie some ribbons on it and put it on a table with a Christmas themed table cloth as a skirt, even). We hung some garland and lights, and that was it. But just that little bit worked, and we still talk about that special Christmas. It’s one of my favorite Christmas memories.

 

So, I think it’s ok to skip the tree, but I also think it’s important to create that special atmosphere, and to do something special. Even if you’re just going through the motions, just something to mark it as a special time.

Edited by Spryte
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have an alternative for the "don't skip the tree" philosophy.

 

One year, pre-kids, I had no money for a tree, no energy for the whole shebang, and not a lot of time, yet I wasn't feeling especially Scrooge-like...I decorated a little evergreen tree outside as my alternative. I could see it from the front window, and I could see the birds enjoying it. I did add lights, and a star on top, and that was our Christmas tree!

 

If you Google "how to make a treat tree" or "decorate a Christmas tree for the birds," you'll find lovely, very simple and easy ideas. There are also expensive and complicated ideas, which if you're going to do that, might as well do your typical indoor tree! But you could keep it simple.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

WARNING:

Some 'easy, traditional' decorating ideas are a pain.

I tried stringing cranberries one year.  Wow is it hard to get needles through cranberries.  And what a mess.  Never again!

Stringing popcorn is not all that easy, either.

Paper chains are not bad, but don't look all that great when they are finished.

 

I think if I didn't have a tree but still wanted to be festive I'd pull out all the tree lights and put them on things.  Two strings across the mantel, one on a desk, stack up a bunch of books in a triangular pattern and drape a string or two around them.  That kind of thing.  I think I could do it all in about 45 minutes, and it would be decently festive in a quirky homeschooler kind of way.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Last year I sort of skipped the tree. I bought one of those outdoor, prelit, topiary things in a vase, plugged it up inside, and called it good.

 

As long as my family gets a few gifts and yummy food they don’t really care much about decorations. Christmas was just as cozy with the easy effort tree. No tree would be fine too. A friend actually bought a predecorated one from a charity this year. I wish I would’ve known about THAT.

 

One of these days I’m going to figure out how to put a tree away decorated so I just have to pull it out and plugged it up.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

One of these days I’m going to figure out how to put a tree away decorated so I just have to pull it out and plugged it up.

This is pretty easy but you have to have the space for it.  You drag it into a back room or closet, and drape bedsheets over it on a frame.  I don't have that kind of space, but I admire the concept in theory.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Last year I sort of skipped the tree. I bought one of those outdoor, prelit, topiary things in a vase, plugged it up inside, and called it good.

 

As long as my family gets a few gifts and yummy food they don’t really care much about decorations. Christmas was just as cozy with the easy effort tree. No tree would be fine too. A friend actually bought a predecorated one from a charity this year. I wish I would’ve known about THAT.

 

One of these days I’m going to figure out how to put a tree away decorated so I just have to pull it out and plugged it up.

My in laws did this last year. They somehow wrapped it gently in plastic and stuck it in the storage room. Brought it back our after Thanksgiving. Worked well!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:grouphug:  So sad your mom is not doing well.

 

That's tough, because it's NOT just about putting UP a tree or decorating the house, but also the taking it all DOWN again, plus repacking it and getting back in the closet or storage. And with your hands full with your mom doing so poorly, sometimes there just isn't the mental energy to organize doing it yourself.

 

Could DDs be in charge of the bulk of putting up/taking down this year, and you just join them for putting on a few ornaments? Esp. if DDs do the putting away. And if you went with a small "table top" 3-foot tree this year, it would keep it very manageable, yet feel festive every time you walk in that room.

 

If you can manage to at least do a few of your family's simple all-together traditions, that will really help your DC, and will probably lift your spirits, too. Drop anything that is done just by you or most of the work is done by you -- sending out Christmas cards, or hosting special holiday dinners, etc. Keep it simple and cozy -- curl up on the couch with your family and purchased cookies and hot cocoa and watch some holiday movies. :)

Edited by Lori D.
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do I infer correctly that you are in South Africa? That in the southern hemisphere our northern hemisphere Christmas traditions and trappings just don't feel right? I can imagine that I wouldn't celebrate the holiday the same way if I were in a southern hemisphere country. It would feel silly to get out my winter village legos in the summer. So I could see making some changes, but I would still want to mark the holiday in a way that's meaningful for us. I would still want the day to be special for my kids, especially if the middle of the day is perhaps a little depressing being with a loved one who isn't what they once were. The tree and our ornament collection (kids get a new ornament every year) is actually important to us, but I could see scaling it down or decorating something other than a fir tree. My kids would still have stockings because that's something they really enjoy and it would start the day on a happy note. Evening would still feature some favorite foods. Permission granted to change the way you celebrate, but I would still mark the day somehow and make it special for my kids.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We do live in South Africa, but most of the Christmas traditions come from the Northern Hemisphere.  

 

Thank you for those that have encouraged me to put up the tree anyway even though we're not feeling it.

The girls and I put a small meter high fake tree (the only type available here) up this morning.   It has 'minimalist' decorations with a strand of lights and only our nicest ornaments.  It looks very pretty! 

 

The Christmas cookie jar is filled with bakery bought cookies - but no-one seems to mind as they're quite delicious.

 

We have strings of fairy lights from a party a few years ago that I forgot about and found when we took out the ornaments.  The girls are wrapping them around the trees in our garden.  Its going to look very festive tonight! 

So, scaled down, but not nothing - and you were right, I'm feeling it a bit more.

 

We've also decided to go out on Christmas eve for dinner at a restaurant and to open the gifts when we get home.   This will be our new family tradition.

And on Christmas day we'll treasure the time with mil and the other old folks in the home.

  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Ktgrok. If you are able to find it in to put up even some of your decorations and continue with some of the stuff that you normally do, I think the kids look forward to it, even if they say they don’t care.

 

I remember a thread on here years ago talking about holiday regrets and adult kids. Some of the regrets were not doing their own things in their own homes, because when their adult kids got married (or were in a serious relationship), they didn’t think it was important to go back to their family for the holidays since they didn’t have traditions and just spent the holidays with their partner’s family. (I am a terrible forum searcher, so I have no link of the thread for you)

 

This is the time that you establish the traditions in your own home. Sure you CAN totally skip doing anything if you really want, but when your kids grow up, they may decide that since the holidays aren’t important to you, they’ll just spend them with another family.

That is a really good point. It is why I made holidays center around my ILs and not my family of origin. My parents had not done anything noteworthy for holidays in several years by the time I got married, so I just gravitated to where stuff was happening.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

We've also decided to go out on Christmas eve for dinner at a restaurant and to open the gifts when we get home.   This will be our new family tradition.

And on Christmas day we'll treasure the time with mil and the other old folks in the home.

 

I think this sounds lovely, and that way your family celebration gets it's own time, apart from visiting MIL.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...