Presents from my husband--the saga continues

[Carol in Cal.]

Email from DH:

 

Carol, do you still want this bracelet?  (Picture included)

 

Answer:

Dude, I already HAVE this bracelet.  You gave it to me for my birthday two years ago.

 

(Backstory:  3-4 years ago we visited the jewelry store in another state where we got our wedding rings lo these many years ago.  They had a couple of costume jewelry things that I liked and that would not make me faint dead away with OMGoshThisIsSoExpensive stress when wearing them.  And they had a registry.  So I put three things on the registry, which is the only reason DH can remember any of this.)

Edited December 15, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[prairiewindmomma]

Lol. I keep an up-to-date private pin board on pinterest for dh to select gifts from.  He wants to know what I want, and I still like some facade of surprise re: gift receiving occasions.

[MysteryJen]

This is my husband.

 

I have resorted to buying my own jewelry and telling him what he gave me. Still doesn’t notice on a regular basis.

[Carol in Cal.]

The really weird thing about this is that I wear this particular bracelet a lot.

[prairiewindmomma]

My husband doesn't really see what I wear, or really any changes re: my body.  I have cut 8" off of my hair, and nada.  He also can't find anything in the household by sight--it's all by a memorized location.  I realized this about a decade into our marriage, and it has helped me be at peace with it all....and my only hope is that he also doesn't see my wrinkles, gray hair, and fluffiness.

[Garga]

I love shoppng for things for myself, but don't have the money to do that...except at Christmas.

 

We save all year for Christmas so that we have a chunk of money to spend. I take my portion of the money and have a blast buying a bunch of stuff for myself. I get that happy rush of excitement at getting something new, without the stress of worrying that I'm spending money I shouldn't because it's already been saved. I will put stuff on a list all throughout the year and wait until December to get it. Like, if I want a song, I will wait to get it on Dec 25th on itunes. If I want new kitchen towels, I wait. If I want to splurge on a nice shampoo, I wait until December and get the cheap stuff the rest of the year. If I want a pair of earings, I wait. Etc.

 

I do the shopping online and get that rush of adrenaline when I buy it. Then I get another rush when the boxes appear and I open them and inspect the items. Then I get a third rush when I open the presents (that I bought) on Christmas morning and get to start using them.

 

If I bought myself stuff all year, it would be different. But I buy myself almost nothing all year and save it for Christmas. My birthday is Dec 30th, so it's not like I get presents any other time of year. We do very modest gifts for our anniversary and Valentine's day. For birthdays, we just go out to eat, so there is no present there (Dh's birthday is Dec 29th, so we share our bday celebrations.)

 

The first decade of marriage had me getting weird gifts from DH or none at all. NONE. I found it hurtful.

 

The next 5 years was me giving DH explicit instructions and he would buy me exactly what I want.

 

But these last 10 years have been me having the fun of buying, receiving the box at the door, and opening the present. I have loved these past 10 years of presents much more than the first 15. But doing it this way isn't for everyone. If I got myself things I wanted/needed throughout the year, it would be selfish of me to want more, but I wait for many months for some of the things I want/need.

Edited December 15, 2017 by Garga

[sassenach]

That's so funny. 

[hjffkj]

I love shoppng for things for myself, but don't have the money to do that...except at Christmas.

 

We save all year for Christmas so that we have a chunk of money to spend. I take my portion of the money and have a blast buying a bunch of stuff for myself. I get that happy rush of excitement at getting something new, without the stress of worrying that I'm spending money I shouldn't because it's already been saved. I will put stuff on a list all throughout the year and wait until December to get it. Like, if I want a song, I will wait to get it on Dec 25th on itunes. If I want new kitchen towels, I wait. If I want to splurge on a nice shampoo, I wait until December and get the cheap stuff the rest of the year. If I want a pair of earings, I wait. Etc.

 

I do the shopping online and get that rush of adrenaline when I buy it. Then I get another rush when the boxes appear and I open them and inspect the items. Then I get a third rush when I open the presents (that I bought) on Christmas morning and get to start using them.

 

If I bought myself stuff all year, it would be different. But I buy myself almost nothing all year and save it for Christmas. My birthday is Dec 30th, so it's not like I get presents any other time of year. We do very modest gifts for our anniversary and Valentine's day. For birthdays, we just go out to eat, so there is no present there (Dh's birthday is Dec 29th, so we share our bday celebrations.)

 

The first decade of marriage had me getting weird gifts from DH or none at all. NONE. I found it hurtful.

 

The next 5 years was me giving DH explicit instructions and he would buy me exactly what I want.

 

But these last 10 years have been me having the fun of buying, receiving the box at the door, and opening the present. I have loved these past 10 years of presents much more than the first 15. But doing it this way isn't for everyone. If I got myself things I wanted/needed throughout the year, it would be selfish of me to want more, but I wait for many months for some of the things I want/need.

This is what I'd like to transition to next year for dh and myself. He's a good gift givers but I'd still prefer to get most of the things myself. Maybe exchange one gift each and allot a certain amount of money for ourselves each. We rarely spend money on ourselves.

 

I think I'll mention this to him after Christmas.

[Arcadia]

I get plenty of duplicates. That’s why my husband usually shops at stores that has a return policy. My husband remembers the model actually but forgot the color. So he can get me two identical blue windbreakers thinking that the one I have already is black.

 

My birthday was Tuesday and he already bought me three dress watches as presents, one of which was picked by me at the store. He bought me a fourth watch that day which was another that I was eyeing. Now he is looking out for the other watch that I am eyeing to drop the price further. Then we decide which to keep and which to return. Ironically it is DS12 that is a watch collector and not me but I don’t mind having spares. I wear my Timex Ironman watch to sleep as well.

[Julie Smith]

My husband doesn't really see what I wear, or really any changes re: my body.  I have cut 8" off of my hair, and nada.  He also can't find anything in the household by sight--it's all by a memorized location.  I realized this about a decade into our marriage, and it has helped me be at peace with it all....and my only hope is that he also doesn't see my wrinkles, gray hair, and fluffiness.

At least he can find things by location.

 

A week or so ago my Dh had to work late into the night. I woke up when I heard him banging around the dresser. He said, “I can’t find my ankle warmers†(think short leg warmers, he is always complaining about cold ankles in winter). I gave him the advice, “have you looked in the draw labelled Ankle Warmers?â€

 

His response, “I forgot about that drawerâ€

 

The drawer that had been there for years. The drawer that has held his ankle warmers for years, and has, for years been labelled on the outside In bold black letters over an inch tall. “Ankle warmersâ€

 

I did get a thrill out of being able to tell him where to look without having to say, “look in the top right drawer, ... yes of the brown dresserâ€.

 

And that is why every dresser and area in our house that Dh uses is labelled on the outside in bold black letters.

[Carol in Cal.]

OmGosh, he has involved a saleswoman at that store who sent him a picture of some earrings that I don't remember ever liking.  They are way too dainty for me.

 

Crap.  There were two other things on the registry.  Maybe they are not in stock anymore.

 

OK, I have resorted to asking him for something else.  A painting.  I hate doing 'your order please' but I am At That Point.

 

[itsheresomewhere]

At least he can find things by location.

 

A week or so ago my Dh had to work late into the night. I woke up when I heard him banging around the dresser. He said, “I can’t find my ankle warmers†(think short leg warmers, he is always complaining about cold ankles in winter). I gave him the advice, “have you looked in the draw labelled Ankle Warmers?â€

 

His response, “I forgot about that drawerâ€

 

The drawer that had been there for years. The drawer that has held his ankle warmers for years, and has, for years been labelled on the outside In bold black letters over an inch tall. “Ankle warmersâ€

 

I did get a thrill out of being able to tell him where to look without having to say, “look in the top right drawer, ... yes of the brown dresserâ€.

 

And that is why every dresser and area in our house that Dh uses is labelled on the outside in bold black letters.

Are you at my house? DH can not find the plates or cups in the kitchen. He has to open every dang cabinet until he gets it right. He says it is because I move things.Best part is the cups and dishes have been in the same cabinets for TEN years.

 

DH wants to buy me something I just don’t think I would like. At least he told me before he bought it.

[MBM]

My husband thinks all women want Chanel #5 perfume. Every occasion. LOL.

 

I keep a folder of what I like, where to buy, how much it costs. There is no way dh could figure it out on his own. I really like the Pinterest board idea, though! Gonna have to start a new board I think.

[Annie G]

This made me chuckle because I wear the same bracelet every day (only take it off to shower and then it goes right back on) and I am positive my husband couldn't identify it if he had to, and may not even notice I wear one at all.

 

 

I wear a Catholic medal and a small enamel quilt block on a chain around my neck every single day. Have for years. If I disappeared and some coroner asked dh to identify my necklace he probably couldn't.  But if I cut my hair an inch he notices that!

[bettyandbob]

Two years ago dh picked a sweater out for me. I really liked it. This is the first time in 26 years he picked something out entirely on his own.

 

Last year he gave me the exact same sweater. I told him I liked it, it was the right size and color. And he gave it to me 2 years ago and I've been wearing it. Poor guy.

[Sarah CB]

I gave him the advice, “have you looked in the draw labelled Ankle Warmers?â€

 

His response, “I forgot about that drawerâ€

 

And that is why every dresser and area in our house that Dh uses is labelled on the outside in bold black letters.

 

I think it's hilarious that someone else labelled their dh's drawers. We have a walk-in closet with shelving for baskets and most of dh's clothes that would normally go in a drawer are in those baskets. He was constantly putting things back in the wrong baskets and every few weeks I'd have to pull all the baskets out and reorganize them. I finally got so frustrated that I labelled every basket. 

[scholastica]

There are wishlist apps out there. You can keep it updated, adding and removing as necessary, and he can access it. I don’t use one, but I’m sure you can get recommendations. I have an amazon wishlist that dh looks at. We also talk about it when we talk about the budget for gifts.

 

I feel for your poor dh because my dh unnecessarily stresses about what to give me. I hate to be the cause of undue stress in his life. I don’t really care, so I try to make it as painless as possible.

[Carol in Cal.]

The only reason my dh and ds keep me is that I know where All The Things are.

That is because of your Uterine Tracking Device.

[shawthorne44]

This made me chuckle because I wear the same bracelet every day (only take it off to shower and then it goes right back on) and I am positive my husband couldn't identify it if he had to, and may not even notice I wear one at all.

 

 

 

I saw a show where they tried to see what things they could change about the woman on a first date without the guy noticing.   At first they did subtle things, then less subtle.   Eventually a guy would start a blind first date with a brunette in a blue dress and she'd go to the bathroom and come back as like a blonde in a red dress.   They wouldn't notice!    The women wouldn't even mention what they had been discussing pre-bathroom trip.   So, his date would talk about how much she loves sky-diving, then go to the restroom and come back scared of heights.  They sort of noticed that because in the post-date interview he'd say she was odd.   

[Guest]

I saw a show where they tried to see what things they could change about the woman on a first date without the guy noticing. At first they did subtle things, then less subtle. Eventually a guy would start a blind first date with a brunette in a blue dress and she'd go to the bathroom and come back as like a blonde in a red dress. They wouldn't notice! The women wouldn't even mention what they had been discussing pre-bathroom trip. So, his date would talk about how much she loves sky-diving, then go to the restroom and come back scared of heights. They sort of noticed that because in the post-date interview he'd say she was odd.

My dh recently told me he thought, if not for hair coloring, I would be totally grey. I was so puzzled. I was like, “Honey, the color hair you see IS largely my hair color. I have grey hairS, but not all-grey hair!†He had some notion that when I “go get my hair done,†I am having my hair colored from entirely grey to brown with highlights. Not that there would be anything wrong with this if it were the case, but it was just sort of weird to me that he thought I have GREY hair, except that I have color done.

 

He doesn’t even have entirely grey hair himself, which would at least make this assumption a bit more logical.

[Mimm]

Do you ever feel like if you disappeared, your husband would be useless? "What was she wearing? Is this her necklace/scarf/purse? How did she wear her hair?" :laugh:

 

Ok, I'm morbid but really. :)

[itsheresomewhere]

Do you ever feel like if you disappeared, your husband would be useless? "What was she wearing? Is this her necklace/scarf/purse? How did she wear her hair?" :laugh:

 

Ok, I'm morbid but really. :)

I asked one time and my DH said- I will just ask the kids😅. Edited December 16, 2017 by itsheresomewhere

[Carol in Cal.]

We had a little talk last night.

Where did you get the idea for those earrings, I asked?

It was on your registry, he replied.

Really?  I don't remember that.  I remember the bracelet, a pendant, and a ring.  But not the earrings.  Anyway, I have similar ones.  So those wouldn't work, I said.  But, I continued, it's really pretty simple this year.  What I would love is that painting of my very favorite lake for my birthday, and another one by the same artist from the same for Christmas.  Easy.

Your birthday is already past, he said.

 

What I think about that:

Already passed?  So we should just forget it, because since it's already past it doesn't count?  Even though it is a multiple of 10, hence a special birthday?  No, we are still in my birthday month.  Sorry, it counts.

 

What I said about that:

Those paintings are pretty frivolous, really.  Maybe two is excessive.

 

Sigh.  I will never make it as a demanding kept woman if I keep this up.  First of all, letting someone off the hook is a big fat no no.  Secondly, jewelry for a DKW is always REAL, as opposed to my costume jewelry selections.  Side question:  Do DKW wear fancy jewelry without worrying about losing it?  Because I don't think I could do that.  Sigh.  I am just not QUALIFIED.

 

What demanding kept woman would have said:

Oh poochie, you have hurt my feelings.  Now I need two paintings AND a pair of ruby earrings.

Edited December 16, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[sassenach]

We had a little talk last night.

Where did you get the idea for those earrings, I asked?

It was on your registry, he replied.

Really? I don't remember that. I remember the bracelet, a pendant, and a ring. But not the earrings. Anyway, I have similar ones. So those wouldn't work, I said. But, I continued, it's really pretty simple this year. What I would love is that painting of my very favorite lake for my birthday, and another one by the same artist from the same for Christmas. Easy.

Your birthday is already past, he said.

 

What I think about that:

Already passed? So we should just forget it, because since it's already past it doesn't count? Even though it is a multiple of 10, hence a special birthday? No, we are still in my birthday month. Sorry, it counts.

 

What I said about that:

Those paintings are pretty frivolous, really. Maybe two is excessive.

 

Sigh. I will never make it as a demanding kept woman if I keep this up. First of all, letting someone off the hook is a big fat no no. Secondly, jewelry for a DKW is always REAL, as opposed to my costume jewelry selections. Side question: Do DKW wear fancy jewelry without worrying about losing it? Because I don't think I could do that. Sigh. I am just not QUALIFIED.

 

What demanding kept woman would have said:

Oh poochie, you have hurt my feelings. Now I need two paintings AND a pair of ruby earrings.

Buy them yourself, wrap them, let him know that it’s all taken care of.

 

Done.

[Kareni]

Two years ago dh picked a sweater out for me. I really liked it. This is the first time in 26 years he picked something out entirely on his own.

 

Last year he gave me the exact same sweater. I told him I liked it, it was the right size and color. And he gave it to me 2 years ago and I've been wearing it. Poor guy.

 

Why mess with success?!

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Random]

I'd just like to say this thread is really encouraging me. 

I. am. not. alone.

 

:thumbup:

[Carol in Cal.]

I'd just like to say this thread is really encouraging me. 

I. am. not. alone.

 

:thumbup:

This is the third of three.  There is a lot of this going around.  :)

 

Here is the second:  http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/664035-birthday-update/

Edited December 16, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Rosie_0801]

What demanding kept assertive woman would have said:

Oh poochie, you have hurt my feelings.  Now I need two paintings AND a pair of ruby earrings.

 

Fixed it for you.

 

Negative language not the best tool to describe positive mindsets.

[Carol in Cal.]

Fixed it for you.

 

Negative language not the best tool to describe positive mindsets.

Rosie, it was a joke.  

I was joking about being a Demanding Kept Woman who is mostly a gold digger.  That's all.

I don't actually think it's a positive mindset to want ruby earrings to make up for something.

Edited December 16, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Rosie_0801]

My apologies. The rest of the post displayed a context of pain, so I didn't recognise the humour.

 

 

 

I think it is quite reasonable to want compensation when one feels wronged.

[rebbyribs]

I’m not that great a noticed if physical changes. My then-fiancé Not ever husband shaved off a VERY noticeable beard and I completely missed it. My mom noticed it first.

 

[emoji849]

I think I am the exact opposite and wouldn't recognize my husband if he got rid of his beard or changed his hairstyle. Well, I would recognize him by voice once he spoke, but I am face blind and pay too much attention to hair and clothing to keep track of people.

 

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

[Laura Corin]

Do you ever feel like if you disappeared, your husband would be useless? "What was she wearing? Is this her necklace/scarf/purse? How did she wear her hair?" :laugh:

 

Ok, I'm morbid but really. :)

 

I just asked my husband and he correctly listed my jewellery, so that's okay.  He designed the ring I wear every day - he can't remember the name of the stone but he knows the colour and design.

Edited December 16, 2017 by Laura Corin

[Seasider]

The only reason my dh and ds keep me is that I know where All The Things are.

LOL! They would miss so much without me telling where the gear for it is!

 

My dh really tries. But when one is asked numerous times what she wants for Christmas/whatever, it takes some of the magic out of it. Pay attention, fella! I shouldn't have to carve it across your forehead.

 

(Love my dh, tho. He makes up for the gift-giving stress in many other ways. Such a brick.)

[Seasider]

I saw a show where they tried to see what things they could change about the woman on a first date without the guy noticing. At first they did subtle things, then less subtle. Eventually a guy would start a blind first date with a brunette in a blue dress and she'd go to the bathroom and come back as like a blonde in a red dress. They wouldn't notice! The women wouldn't even mention what they had been discussing pre-bathroom trip. So, his date would talk about how much she loves sky-diving, then go to the restroom and come back scared of heights. They sort of noticed that because in the post-date interview he'd say she was odd.

That's hilarious! Links?

[Seasider]

Do you ever feel like if you disappeared, your husband would be useless? "What was she wearing? Is this her necklace/scarf/purse? How did she wear her hair?" :laugh:

 

Ok, I'm morbid but really. :)

I'm sure my dh would give some description, but I wonder if it would be me, what I look like today, or the decades younger me that he first met and fell in love with? That would be a fun party game!

[JudoMom]

I'm sure my dh would give some description, but I wonder if it would be me, what I look like today, or the decades younger me that he first met and fell in love with? That would be a fun party game!

You just reminded me...one time in our small group we played a game. Husbands we're separated from their wives, and both were asked questions.

 

One was: what did your wife wear to church today?

 

I was still wearing the same outfit. Dh I got it wrong, and was gobsmacked it was the same thing. The creepy part was another husband knew.

 

That was back when we were busy having 5 babies in 6 years, so I don't blame him for not knowing, but it was very funny.