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I’m just really struggling and stressed

Terabith

By Terabith,
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Terabith

Terabith

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It’s been a really hard few weeks. First, I got strep throat, which sucks, but I don’t know if I had a virus or what, because I ran a fever at least part of the day for eight days. Then the antibiotics gave me an awful yeast infection that resulted in the skin being scraped like it went through a cheese grater and bleeding. So I’m physically depleted, and I am one of those “me too†people, so it was triggery in that respect, too.

 

And then we realized we have a financial crisis. We were getting our insurance through the ACA, but our location was this year going to be served by only one option, and prices were jumping 50% for our area (and not top notch coverage). Three quarters of us are on psych meds, so a medishare wasn’t an option. So my husband closed his consulting business and accepted a salaried position. We thought it would drop our income by a third, but it’s actually by a half. Which means we cannot afford to keep our kids in the private school they are in. Anna was going to leave after this year anyway, but Catherine has special needs, and we’ve been warned public school may be.....not a good fit. She’s come a long way. We are talking to the school to see if we can figure out a way to get them through the end of the school year. But I don’t know if it will work. Have to pull them from art lessons and Catherine from dyslexia tutoring and me from therapy. And Christmas is going to suck. I know we are super blessed comparatively. But I feel heartbroken about not being able to give my kids the world. It’s not a huge crisis in the long run, but it’s just so hard, and I keep crying and we don’t have enough information to talk to the kids and stuff. It’s just hard.

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Rosika

Rosika

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Yes, you'll be fine. Yes, you're still very lucky and blessed. But give yourself plenty of room to process this stress - this is a lot of stuff happening all at once, and it's not surface level stuff. It's the real nitty, gritty, life-changing and upheaval kind of changes. 

 

Sometimes a good solid cry, or four, alone, in the shower or the car, can be so cathartic. Get it out of your system. Something tells me you know when it crosses the line into something deeper and more dark, and that you're not going to let yourself go there. But don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to grieve all of the crap that's fallen into your lap lately, either. 

 

In the meanwhile,  :grouphug: We all know life will be full of challenges, but it'd be nice to maybe not have so many of them dumped on us at one time.

 

Hang in there. 

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Spryte

Spryte

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I’m so sorry.

 

You will get through this.

 

You are not alone. ((Hugs))

 

I agree that a good cry is sometimes helpful - just permission to let yourself grieve and feel the pain.

 

We are in a semi-similar situation, and it’s due to a series of medical crises in the only year we’ve ever had not-so-great medical coverage. I just try to keep breathing and know that we will get through it, one step at a time. The worst part is not knowing all the details, for me. Hot baths and a glass of wine are my thing. If you have a self care thing that helps, now is the time to pull it out. Hang in there.

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Terabith

Terabith

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On Friday, my mother in law took my younger daughter to get her hair cut.  The hairdresser announced she had lice and wouldn't really cut beyond the bottom.  I freaked out, because I honestly have some ptsd from a lice incident two years ago that lasted MONTHS and resulted in me shaving my head.  My mother is paranoid about lice, and if we had them again, that meant we would be uninvited for Christmas and I wouldn't get to see my sister or my nephew whom I haven't seen for 18 months, at least partially because everyone has been so afraid of us having lice that they've refused to be around us.  So this was awful, and I freaked out and started sobbing hysterically while I started doing laundry.  Plus, since it was 4:30 on a Friday, I couldn't find a doctor to call in the prescription shampoo.  But I combed both kids, and I swear they DON'T have lice.  They both have a LOT of dandruff, and in my younger's dark hair, it looks like nits if you don't look very closely and you haven't seen a lot of lice or nits.  But I've combed both of them (and me) repeatedly and found lots of dandruff, but not a single bug or egg.  So I think we're in the clear on that, at least. 

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PeterPan

PeterPan

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Oh my goodness, what a mess! With your income drop, would your dd's qualify for state insurance coverage? For the tutoring, can you barter with her, offering some kind of service in exchange for continued tutoring? You never know till you ask. Sometimes people will do that. 

 

That seems reasonable to keep your younger in the private school and enroll your older. Maybe the school will find a scholarship or something.

 

You might start a thread on the dandruff and see what people suggest. There might actually be some cures for that. Iirc I had dandruff as a dc, and now I don't. I don't know if zinc or omega-3 or other things would help, sigh. 

 

It would be money, but have you tried Florastor? I think we were on antibiotics about the same time. It's wicked expensive, but it seems to be helping me bounce back. I did that for several weeks, and now I'm drinking cranberry juice (diluted, yuck).

 

Is your dh allowed to do consulting on the side, or does the contract/salary position bind him? Maybe he could pick up some extra hours to smooth things over?

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Terabith

Terabith

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Our state didn't do expanded Medicaid, so no, they don't qualify.  And honestly, we have decent family insurance through the employer.  And it's really an adequate income.  It's that the school is so expensive.  When we started, we paid $5,000 for Anna, and there was this thing where you got discounts for using Kroger cards, and we and everyone  we knew did that and saved ourselves a further thousand dollars.  Tuition has gone up.  It's now $9,000 per kid.  And frankly, the quality of the education has gone down, to the point where it probably isn't worthwhile.  The amazing science teacher retired, and the awesome math teacher left.  The religion teacher is burned out and they're watching movies and doing worksheets in there.  The new science teacher, who also teaches Cat literature, frankly sucks.  They just finished a two month unit on the Civil War, and while she could tell me that Millard Filmore was a Whig, when I asked her what led the South to secede, she shrugged and said she couldn't remember.  So I asked Anna, who had the course two years ago, and she wasn't sure what the Civil War was about, either.  I about screamed.  I drove them to Illinois to visit the Lincoln Museum four years ago, you know?  I care about history! 

 

Moving to public for next year is almost certainly the right thing to do, and there are some possible benefits, even, since the public schools offer keyboarding as a course, which Catherine really needs, and the private school doesn't.  And she doesn't have a bosom buddy or close ties to a friendship group there, so that's not being disrupted.  The main advantage of the private school is that it is small, nurturing, and treats middle schoolers as children.  They have recess.  It's structured.  And it's familiar, which is comfortable for her with her anxiety and pseudo-autism.  And those are BIG advantages, but honestly, they probably are not $9,000 worth of advantages.  I called the person who is the liason for special needs between the private school and the public schools today and asked her about getting an IEP and what her read was on how Cat would do, and she said because we already have an ISP, we walk in and they write an IEP, first day, no observations or testing.  And that she thinks she could do fine, as long as we get an accommodation of spelling not counting off, which is totally reasonable.  She even thinks Cat can handle the pre-AP classes, which is important to me because the quality of the peers and instruction tends to be better in those classes, and there are fewer behavior issues.  She's gifted, so she needs the stimulation to feed the brain, and as long as nobody cares she can't spell, it should be okay.  So I feel relieved. 

 

I think we can probably get them through the end of this school year.  Maybe.  My husband's parents are offering to finance it, but we are reluctant to accept that much money for something that is definitely not a need.  Anna got a $500 scholarship for academics last year, which is awesome, but still off of $9,000, isn't that much. 

 

I talked to the tutor and their art class instructor and we're taking a break till after Christmas.  We'll see where we are after we have more budget numbers.  Mike says tutoring is a priority, and that while we might go to alternating weeks with art lessons, that's a pretty high priority, too.   Catherine says her psychologist really isn't helping her, and it doesn't really seem like he is either, so we're going to put a hold on counseling for awhile anyway.  She gets way more mileage out of Dungeons and Dragons, anyway. 

The kids have said they understand and have great lives and that things will be okay.  They're the best kids ever. 

 

I've taken Florastor before.  It is really expensive, but it did help.  Should get some of that again.  Just......ugh at the price. 

 

I have three more semesters before I have my teaching certification and should be able to get a decent paying job, which will help.  And really, we have enough money.  It's just that we're paying more than double in tuition what we are on our mortgage.  It's by far the biggest expense we have.  We still have an emergency fund.  This isn't a financial crisis; it's a budgetary one. 

 

When they actually use Head and Shoulders shampoo, it helps a ton.  So we just need to do that before dealing with hairdressers.  I'm so darn glad it's not lice.  That was a huge stressor. 

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J-rap

J-rap

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I'm sorry.  Financial woes are such a huge stress, plus the feeling of not being able to give your children the opportunities that you want to give them.  

 

Two things though...  Public schools can be really, really great!  We only have one public school in our town (no other schools at all), and our kids were part-timers there during high school some years.  I can't say enough good things about it.  So many caring teachers and and extra help for kids who needed it.

 

Also, try not to feel too badly about what you can't provide for your kids.  This is life.  Talk to your kids about it openly, but be positive.  We went through one year when our kids were older (and several years when they were younger -- but they were too young to notice  :)) where we really struggled financially.  We made a lot of adjustments and had to back out of a lot of things, but became quite creative as well.  Christmas was all homemade or service gifts.  Of course inside, my dh and I were really stressed!  But weirdly, all our kids have fond memories of that year and the changes we had to make.

 

Rising health insurance costs is really the pits though.  I'd continue with therapy for yourself if that's necessary and helpful and at all possible -- maybe doing it less often, but still checking in from time to time.

 

:grouphug:

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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 I am so sorry you have had so many hard blows all at once!  Wow!  I don't care if you do have an adequate income now even with the reduction, it sucks feeling like you are moving backwards or having to cut things out like private school.  But I am of the mindset to take a deep breath and be happy for the good....

 

Oh, and I have to say that reading your post....the LICE just about sent me over the edge for you.  Sooooo happy it turns out you don't have lice.  

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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Yeah, honestly, the other stuff sucks, partly because it does feel like we're going backwards.  We're 41 and still having financial struggles!  It's crazy!  But honestly, it was the lice thing that was going to give me a nervous breakdown.  Soooo relieved.

 

 

I feel your pain about the lice.  My son and I have had it ONE time in our lives (the same time thankfully) and it about sent me over the edge. I remember I stayed up all night  using the shampoo and  cleaning and then the next morning I drove to my mom's house and she spent two hours combing through my long hair to make sure she got all of the nits.  

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Terabith

Terabith

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Yeah....my oldest had super long hair.  After combing two kids, my husband and I both shaved our heads.  It was in October, so I told everyone it was to raise awareness of breast cancer.  But it wasn't.  It was the lice.  We got rid of it, and two months later, my oldest went on the sixth grade retreat, where they did rock climbing and shared helmets.  She came back with lice.  And then that summer, we all got it.  It was awful.  

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Terabith

Terabith

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Yeah....my oldest had super long hair.  After combing two kids, my husband and I both shaved our heads.  It was in October, so I told everyone it was to raise awareness of breast cancer.  But it wasn't.  It was the lice.  We got rid of it, and two months later, my oldest went on the sixth grade retreat, where they did rock climbing and shared helmets.  She came back with lice.  And then that summer, we all got it.  It was awful.  

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