Encourage me to stop sabotaging myself...

[footballmom]

About 5 years ago I tried a Whole30 and it went amazing well.  I lost weight that I really wanted to lose and felt fantastic.  I ate that way mostly for 3 years and then over the last 2 years my eating habits have slipped and weight has crept on.  Life has been stressful during those 2 years and I find myself *wanting* to get back on track with my eating and quickly giving up so that I can try to eat my feelings, lol.  There are a couple of holiday events coming up and I'm finding myself dreading them because I know I'm not my best self and I want to look my best and feel my best.  I know that's vein.  But that's where I am.  And I'm the one keeping myself from that.  Can anyone share how you've moved past sabotaging yourself to get back on track?  

[Kassia]

I struggle with this a lot.  It can be an hour by hour struggle for me.  I just keep my goals in mind and try to make good choices.  I get up very early to run, and it's cold and dark when I run.  A lot of times I tell myself it's stupid to eat junk during the day and then suffer through a cold dark run in the morning.  Also, I love my clothes and I want them to continue to fit!  Maybe try to focus on how you want to look and feel during the holidays when you are thinking about going off track with your eating and then make a healthier choice?  I try to think about how I'll feel after I make *bad* choices - will I feel satisfied, guilty, still hungry, healthy?  The junk I want to eat never fills me up and I end up bingeing with a stomach ache sometimes and guilt.  When I make healthier choices, I tend to eat less and don't end up with a stomach ache or guilt.  Unless I eat nuts - I always overeat nuts!  

[Bluegoat]

Well, one thing that strikes me is that the Whole 30 diet was never intended as a long term eating plan.  It seems to me that for long term success, you want to try and set yourself up in a way that is really straight-forward to keep up with, including when you are away from home a lot, eating with others, or are pressed for time.

 

[Rosie_0801]

You've described your motivation as vanity, and you think vanity is bad. Either you need another motivation or you need to change your feelings about vanity!

[Anne]

It is not vanity to want to be your best, healthiest self!

 

Being healthy is an act of love for your family.

 

Think of yourself as someone you are responsible for helping. â¤ï¸

 

Anne

 

 

[kroe1]

Tape notes to yourself in the pantry and refrigerator.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

You've described your motivation as vanity, and you think vanity is bad. Either you need another motivation or you need to change your feelings about vanity!

 

 

This is so true!  I was talking to a close friend of mine and telling her that I felt "bad" about wanting to lose 15 pounds because she was working very hard to lose about 80 (she and I are very close, this was not an awkward conversation) and I felt vain for wanting to lose that 15, knowing her struggle was real and (in my mind) more important.  She very kindly told me that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be at our ideal weight, and that was a very freeing idea.  It's ok to want to look good!  Having  nice physical appearance CAN be a legitimate, good, motivating goal.  

 

Vanity is more of a mind-set than a goal problem.  

 

Where I am:  I know what i need to do, and that is to stop giving myself the choice to not eat well/not exercise.  If every day I can ask myself, "Gee, are we going to take care of me today?" then I will fail.  I need it to be a non-negotiable.  For several months it was, but I'm off the wagon again.  We have one more holiday dinner, then I plan to get back to really looking at this question and asking why I even let such a thing as self-care be optional.  It shouldn't be optional.  

[Sandwalker]

I think that you first have to deal with the feelings that you are trying to tamp down with food.

 

Edit: that sounds rude, I didn't mean it to. I was overweight in my late 30's; I was eating my feelings and working night shift. I needed to get enough sleep and deal with the problems in my life, then those extra 60 pounds just seemed to melt away.

Edited December 10, 2017 by Sandwalker

[Joyofsixreboot]

I think every person will be motivated by something different. What do you know about yourself? Do you have better results when someone else is counting on you? Maybe a friend, exercise class or even on line accountability will help. Do you like research? Possibly daily reading about health. There is also research that making decisions is exhausting. Decide your meals and that is that. It helps to make your environment compliant but people are so variable. I had to make a mental shift to "I don't eat that." Not I shouldn't or I can't. As a person I want to be healthy, attractive and active. I am not the kind of person who eats junk unless I have decided a special day warrants it. You need to know yourself. Which ain't easy I know. Hugs and good luck.

 

 

 

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[Joyofsixreboot]

Just adding we live on autopilot. I suggest reading the work of Brian Wansink, PhD.

 

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[lavender's green]

Nothing wrong with wanting to be at your best!

 

Whole30 wasn't meant or designed to be a long-term sustainable eating plan. I also worry that such restrictive plans leave certain types of people beating themselves up over small things and then throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Maybe this isn't your issue. But I'd still research a similar but more sustainable way to eat, maybe something with an 80/20 philosophy built in, so that you're thinking in terms of your 20% relaxation of rules, not in  terms of "sabotage."

 

Also, when and how to you tend to slide? Are we talking a snacking issue, a junk food issue, a food prep issue, or an overeating at the table issue? Those all have different solutions.

 

I go through periods where snacks are mandatory (pregnant or nursing), but then I have to wean myself from it. I, personally, do not normally need snacks, except a planned 4 pm one if I know dinner will be late. That alone cuts out many calories per day. If I'm trying to get out of the snacking mindset, I try to plan to be out of the house. If I want to snack after dinner, I try to be busy with exercise or hobbies instead. I also adjust the amount I eat at main meals so that I can make it to the next meal. This is all highly personal stuff, though. You do what works for you. I think some people have better weight loss when they're "fueling the fire" but that's just not the right thing for me.

 

Junk food issue? Keep it out of the house, or buy once a week and when it's gone, it's gone.

 

Food prep issue? There are work-arounds. We eat a lot of seam-in-the-bag veggies and make a lot of bulk versatile freezer meats, like shredded chicken, taco meat, and meatballs. I believe those are all Whole30 friendly. Lunch and dinner are often straight out of the freezer. Squash and sweet potatoes are ridiculously easy. Poke with a knife or fork, toss in the oven or microwave.

 

Overeating at meals is one thing I don't know how to address. My body quickly puts the brakes on if I try to. There's only so much that can fit in my tummy and be comfortably digested, I guess. But I know others struggle here and may have suggestions.

 

Best of luck to you!

[SparklyUnicorn]

One thing I have done is allow myself cheat meals.  Some don't like calling it a cheat.  I like calling it that.  It helps me feel less deprived. 

 

I'm no expert at long haul though.  Bad habits always seem to creep back in for me as well and I assume this is probably pretty typical.  So I take it one day at a time and tackle the difficulties one day at a time.

 

 

[Bluegoat]

Nothing wrong with wanting to be at your best!

 

Whole30 wasn't meant or designed to be a long-term sustainable eating plan. I also worry that such restrictive plans leave certain types of people beating themselves up over small things and then throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Maybe this isn't your issue. But I'd still research a similar but more sustainable way to eat, maybe something with an 80/20 philosophy built in, so that you're thinking in terms of your 20% relaxation of rules, not in  terms of "sabotage."

 

Also, when and how to you tend to slide? Are we talking a snacking issue, a junk food issue, a food prep issue, or an overeating at the table issue? Those all have different solutions.

 

I go through periods where snacks are mandatory (pregnant or nursing), but then I have to wean myself from it. I, personally, do not normally need snacks, except a planned 4 pm one if I know dinner will be late. That alone cuts out many calories per day. If I'm trying to get out of the snacking mindset, I try to plan to be out of the house. If I want to snack after dinner, I try to be busy with exercise or hobbies instead. I also adjust the amount I eat at main meals so that I can make it to the next meal. This is all highly personal stuff, though. You do what works for you. I think some people have better weight loss when they're "fueling the fire" but that's just not the right thing for me.

 

Junk food issue? Keep it out of the house, or buy once a week and when it's gone, it's gone.

 

Food prep issue? There are work-arounds. We eat a lot of seam-in-the-bag veggies and make a lot of bulk versatile freezer meats, like shredded chicken, taco meat, and meatballs. I believe those are all Whole30 friendly. Lunch and dinner are often straight out of the freezer. Squash and sweet potatoes are ridiculously easy. Poke with a knife or fork, toss in the oven or microwave.

 

Overeating at meals is one thing I don't know how to address. My body quickly puts the brakes on if I try to. There's only so much that can fit in my tummy and be comfortably digested, I guess. But I know others struggle here and may have suggestions.

 

Best of luck to you!

 

Or that there is a nutritional deficit, which could lead to eating issues of some kind.

[Laurie4b]

About 5 years ago I tried a Whole30 and it went amazing well.  I lost weight that I really wanted to lose and felt fantastic.  I ate that way mostly for 3 years and then over the last 2 years my eating habits have slipped and weight has crept on.  Life has been stressful during those 2 years and I find myself *wanting* to get back on track with my eating and quickly giving up so that I can try to eat my feelings, lol.  There are a couple of holiday events coming up and I'm finding myself dreading them because I know I'm not my best self and I want to look my best and feel my best.  I know that's vein.  But that's where I am.  And I'm the one keeping myself from that.  Can anyone share how you've moved past sabotaging yourself to get back on track?  

 

 

Try shifting mindset:  Anytime you negatively judge or label yourself  (such as "self-sabotaging") , you will tend to set up a downward spiral of exactly the behavior you wish to avoid. 

 

Instead,  try thinking of it  as having obstacles to face  for which you need both the motivation and a strategy to get around .  

 

To find the motivation, you will need a big "why" and you will need to make that very salient to yourself. 

 

Appearance doesn't tend to work well as a motivating force for very long. It can be effective short-term and then there is the bounce back.  It tends to be very externally focused. I am guessing that "feeling fantastic" again will have more endurance as a motivation. But dig a little deeper into that as well: in what ways were you different when you felt fantastic? Was it just an internal feeling or were your relationships with family & friends better, were you more productive, etc. Often, health concerns can serve as a big enough "why" for people, or a desire to have more energy to play with their kids, etc. 

 

Once you've spent some time really thinking about your why, make it salient. You may want to do a picture board of photos (your own or clip some from the internet) and inspirational sayings that relate to your "whys." You may want to journal about them, etc. Some people get encouragement from reading others' victory stories regularly. Keep your whys on your front burner. 

 

Set goals:  After setting some long term goals based on your whys, set some short term goals. Process goals (what you will do) tend to be more motivating than outcome goals (what will happen as a result of what you do.) Keep adjusting them as needed until you have reached maintenance for your longterm goals. 

 

 

Develop & refine strategies

 

Consider what you did before that worked for you for those years. Is stress the sole reason for the difference or were there strategies that you used then that have fallen off along the way that you could dust off and put to work again? 

 

You have noted that stress is the trigger for eating in the ways you don't want to. Stresses can't always be changed, but they do present obstacles to our health goals that we need to planfully strategize our way around. Stress-management is a big part of our overall health. You may want to think about what you know about stress management. Would you benefit from an increase in knowledge about stress management (such as a google search could get you started on?) and/or do you know several ways to handle stress but aren't using them? 

 

Keep thinking about the obstacles. Is stress the only one? Consider other things like whether your kids want a special food that is a trigger for you or that you have less time to cook. 

 

Other obstacles may come from changes that happened in your body as you regained the weight. Your gut microbiome may have changed, for instance. You may have gotten more insulin-resistant, etc. These obstacles will take time to overcome. I recently read a research piece that said exercise positively affects gut biome. FWIW.

 

For each obstacle you identify, choose a strategy or two to try. Your focus will be on finding what works to overcome that particular obstacle.  Once you identify obstacles, it's easier to search for solutions online as well. 

 

As you choose strategies, keep in mind that will power is finite. There is research that shows that we use it up every time we pass a candy bowl without indulging (if we like candy!) So by the 17th time we walk by, we may have run out. It's kinda cruel, but in terms of food intake, we get no credit for the first 16 times we walked by. All that is to say, make sure your strategies don't rely solely on will-power. (For instance, wrt the candy dish example: you could exercise your will power at the grocery store and not buy any. Or if you feel you must have some for holiday guests, you could put it somewhere you don't see it (like behind something in your pantry) and only take it out when someone comes for a visit.) 

 

I like the free material at  My Fitness Pal's blog: http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/  Nerdfitness has some good free material https://www.nerdfitness.com/,  Nia Shanks https://www.niashanks.com/start/  is very sensible even if weight-lifting isn't your thing. Also check out her articles (top of bar) .  Girls Gone Strong also has excellent articles. https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/

 

 

For the short term, for the holiday parties, you could take a 3 pronged approach: 1) Spend some time thinking about what there is about you besides your looks that is of value  2) Do everything you can to look your best "as is." Feel free to use Spanx, optical illusions of clothing lines, etc. as your help. 3) Focus attention outward and try to leave the party feeling great because you were able to offer affirmation and encouragement to others there. 

[mamaraby]

Well, one thing that strikes me is that the Whole 30 diet was never intended as a long term eating plan. It seems to me that for long term success, you want to try and set yourself up in a way that is really straight-forward to keep up with, including when you are away from home a lot, eating with others, or are pressed for time.

This. Don’t lose weight via a method that you can’t sustain the rest of your life. And by sustain, I mean the thing you can do without expending a bunch of mental/emotional effort (aka “willpowerâ€).

 

OP, I think what this shows you is that Whole30 is not your way to sustain weight loss. That’s ok. The good news is that there is no universal way to lose weight. Consider this a positive thing. Hey, now you know what doesn’t work. What will work? Maybe you can start by tweaking what did work so it’s sustainable. What us about Whole30 that you liked? What is it that you didn’t like? You don’t have to answer those questions, just considerations to make.

 

Run an n=1 experiment. If it works, then stick with it. If it doesn’t then the problem lies with your chosen method, not with you.

[lavender's green]

Or that there is a nutritional deficit, which could lead to eating issues of some kind.

 

Yes, this too. A few of my health issues improved when I learned about nutrition and went paleo, but I also didn't thrive on it. I still don't know what I was missing out on, but I really do much better on a well-rounded diet. I've also been intermittently vegan for religious purposes, but that just leaves me feeling like a puddle of jello. There's so much we don't know about nutrition. Based on my own experiences I believe it's best to not arbitrarily restrict yourself unless there's a pressing need for it, and Whole30 is highly restrictive.

[Element]

Re: Moving past sabotaging myself: If I buy something and binge it, I don't allow myself to buy that item again. I'm gluten/legume/(mostly)dairy free, and the other day, I bought a GF cornbread mix that tasted *exactly* like regular old yellow cake. It was ridiculous. I ate half the box at least. I'm not allowed to buy it ever again.

I don't have a problem with gluten at all, but I found that making myself go GF causes me to (1) think about what I'm eating, every single time, and (2) read labels, wherever I am. I can't find a GF option?  I've learned to bring almonds everywhere and start the day with as much coconut as possible, because it's filling. Just setting one arbitrary rule for myself has caused me to have to consider everything I eat. W30 is not sustainable, nor is it meant to be. I don't even quite understand the purpose. What worked for me was setting an attainable rule which can be sustained for the course of my lifetime. 

Another thing that helps: Give yourself permission to spend more money on food. I promise, it won't be more expensive forever. I spent considerably more my first few months of eating for ME, and then costs began to decline for me. I really don't spend any more now than I used to. I know what foods I'll buy and use, justifying the extra cost (coconut aminos!) and what foods will just get thrown out (tapioca starch.) 

I'm sorry. I was there and I know the pain of wondering "Why can't I stop doing this? It physically hurts!" I think everyone is different, and there's no one set of answers that will work for everyone. I hope you find your path. Please be kind to yourself.  :grouphug: