lovinmyboys Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 We are opening our family gifts tomorrow since we are traveling for christmas. I just realized one of my kids has one fewer gift than everyone else. I have a lego set I got on sale and was going to save for his birthday. I am thinking we should wrap it and give it to him tomorrow so they all have the same number of gifts. Dh thinks ds shouldn’t be paying attention to who has more and I should just save the legos for his birthday as we had planned. I agree with Dh, but I don’t actually want to be the one causing the “unfairness.†Especially since we have an easy fix. What would you do? The kids are 11, 9, 7 and 5 (the 9yr old has the fewest gifts). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 I would wrap up the gift but that's because we take turns opening gifts here so it would be obvious. It shouldn't be a big deal and neither of mine would say anything but I would feel bad so if I had an easy fix, I would take it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 We do not do an equal number of gifts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 I think you should give the Lego set to him. But we do give an equal number of gifts to our kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartString Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 We do an equal number of gifts. I would wrap up the Legos, not because the kids were counting gifts, but because I do. It would upset me and make it hard for me to enjoy the holiday if I felt like I had short changed one of the kids. I'm an expert at mom guilt. So we would fix the problem with the Legos because Happy wife, happy life, ya know? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceseeker Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Well if you intended for everyone to have the same number, and it sounds like you did, I would give the legos. If everyone has a random number and there was never a plan to give an equal number, I wouldn't worry about it. Possibly if it was a great pile each, I wouldn't worry about it either. But if it was like everyone gets 3 gifts, except one kid only gets 2, that would be noticeable and I would feel like my kid would wonder why. And I would fret too, as someone else pointed out. If you made a mistake and forgot to buy an extra present, you can use that money to replace the birthday gift. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 We've never done equal gifts so it's wouldn't faze me or the kids one bit if there were different numbers. But if that is something you strive for and the kids have picked up on over the years(such that the one would notice and comment about the fewer number), they go ahead and wrap the Legos. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Wrap up the gift and give it to him. :) A 9yo is going to notice that every other kid in the family has the exact same number of gifts, and it might hurt his feelings to not receive as many as everyone else. It doesn't matter whether your dh thinks your son shouldn't be paying attention to who has more gifts than he does; what matters is how your 9yo feels -- and it seems entirely reasonable that he would feel slighted, even if he's too polite to say anything about it. It seems like you feel like you should give him the extra gift, and what kid wouldn't be happy to receive an extra Christmas present? It's a win-win! Go for it!!! :hurray: 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Mostly I'd go with giving him the Legos. The exception would be if his gifts were more expensive or if the others are getting some wrapped essentials he does not need at this time. Essentials would be things like shirts or gloves. Because he is 9, I might remedy the situation by making an early run to Target. I'd get something like silly putty if the issues was his gifts were overall more expensive. If the issue is related to essentials, might grab a plain solid color tee shirt be or a pair of gloves. We balance present costs as well as present totals. Sometimes that means present totals are slightly off. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 We try to do somewhat an equal amount of gifts because we go around and watch each other open each gift, so an odd number wouldn't work well. But not every gift is a "WOW" gift. Socks, underwear, PJ bottoms, earbuds, candy......all are little gifts. This year my soon to be going away college kid is getting Ramen under the tree (don't judge!) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 We try to do somewhat an equal amount of gifts because we go around and watch each other open each gift, so an odd number wouldn't work well. But not every gift is a "WOW" gift. Socks, underwear, PJ bottoms, earbuds, candy......all are little gifts. This year my soon to be going away college kid is getting Ramen under the tree (don't judge!) Last Christmas was my dd's first year in college. I gave her a microwave ramen cooker for Christmas. It was less than $10 and one of her favorite gifts. She used it alot. Unfortunately she got really tired of eating ramen and didn't even bother taking it with her this year. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fralala Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 I would take a gift away from each of my other kids' piles and stash it in the "Next Gifting Occasion" closet over giving one kid fewer presents than all the siblings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 I always did an equal number of gifts in number but not in money. I usually gave about 4 gifts per child so it would have been noticeable if one child had one less gift. If you've always done an equal number of gifts, I'd say do that this year too. If you don't want to give the bigger Lego set, go out and get something small like a smaller Lego set (car or motorcycle). I'll also say that our Christmas mornings are not an organized affair. We do not open one present at a time while everyone watches. Neither DH nor I grew up doing that so I hadn't even heard about that possibility until I joined this board. I personally wouldn't want all eyes on me and I am 100% positive my youngest dd wouldn't go for that either. Instead, we dole out gifts and each person sits with his/her gift pile and starts unwrapping. If your family opens gifts like this, it's totally possible your child may not even realize he is short a gift. Some of my kids finish opening gifts faster so I honestly don't know if any of them would have noticed not having an equal number of gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 We have never focused on equal number of gifts, although the difference shouldn't be glaringly obvious. We loosely spend the same amount of money, but there have been years that's not been equal either, due to various reasons (age, spending $$$ on college for one, etc.). I'd save the Lego for its intended purpose, if it were me. The nice thing is that neither of your choices are bad! :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 I wouldn't have one kid out of 4 have less than everyone else. Maybe an older kid who would understand that they likely received something more expensive than the youngers. But in your situation, I would give the Legos. It's true that kids shouldn't be counting gifts and comparing, but it sounds like you've always kept them equal, so I wouldn't suddenly change it up on a 9-year-old. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 My kids are similar ages, I think you can go either way. I don’t try to keep things equal but I do try to get things each child would enjoy. So some years I get all the kids the same things and they open the same number of presents. Other years we aim for a certain dollar amount but may spend a little less or a little more depending on what the child wanted. The oldest may request an expensive Lego set and only get that while the youngest request HotWheel cars and get 20 of them plus a couple other things. At age 9 a child can understand that he has fewer presents but he got the things he wanted and you spent about the same on him as you spend on his siblings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 What did you decide to do in the end? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Regardless of whether the 9-year old would notice and feel slighted, the disparity would bother me. I'd get an additional gift for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Quality and the recipients' enjoyment of gifts are much more important here than quantity, so I'd consider whether 9yo will likely be as pleased with the set of gifts for him as the others will be with the set of things for them. I'd only add the Legos if it seems like there's something missing, not just because the numbers are unequal. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted December 9, 2017 Author Share Posted December 9, 2017 Update: I didn’t give him the legos at first, but then everyone was building legos and he was the only one without them so I gave him the set. He was so excited. I’m sure in a few years Lego won’t make him so excited. I might not have given them to him, but it really did seem like the gifts were unequal. I just messed up. He didn’t have a more expensive gift or anything. He is a happy, easy to please kid so unfortunately sometimes he gets forgotten (that isn’t the right word). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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