Assuming you are not a teetotaler, which do you think is the better model for a teen?

[Ginevra]

I’m curious about this. I grew up with teetoler parents, so I never saw them drink alcohol at all, so sometimes I wonder which 5hings are the better lesson for my own teens to see modeled.

 

I am going to a Christmas party tonight. You need to know that, though I drink alcohol, it is infrequent and never excessive. My kids have never seen me drunk. Maybe a little buzzed, but never seriously impaired. In virtually all situation where DH and I are together where there is alcohol, I drive home. I am like a permanent designated driver.

 

But for the party tonight, I have asked my 18yo to drop me off and pick me back up from the party. I will still not be more than buzzed, I’m sure (mostly because I can’t really deal with hangovers at this point in my life), but I just want to know that I am off-duty and can have a third drink if I want, no worries, already arranged for. So, DS is going to be my Uber tonight.

 

I’m curious, though, because of this teetotaler background I grew up with: which do you think is the superior lesson modeled to my kids? Is it, “I know I might drink more than one or two drinks and so I am proactively making sure I have a safe transportation option� Or would it be, “I simply never drink more than two drinks at a party in which I need to drive home�

 

FWIW, there is also a part of me that thinks the drinks are stronger than they seem (because they are tasty cocktails) and I want to have NO question in my mind that I might have driven under greater influence than I beleived. That is the larger reason why I want to have made driving arrangements beforehand.

[Xahm]

I'm curious to see what people say. I grew up with parents who never drank at all (though they never said it was evil our anything), which meant I was pretty ignorant of things for a while, but there were no lasting terrible effects of their method. Our kids see us drink on occasion, and I wonder what their perspective will be when they are older.

For what it's worth, I think if he picks you up and you aren't obviously drunk, that will help the "don't even drive a bit tipsy" message I'm sure you want him to learn.

[Arcadia]

I have alcoholics in my family and my FIL loves to drink but now doesn’t drive thankfully. For my side of the family, it has always been to assume someone would be drunk and to have more than one designated driver per drunk relative.

 

Also the amount of alcohol drunk is the same because some relatives would start sprouting “gibberish†when drunk which no one wants to hear. It is one reason why my husband does not want our kids to learn his parents heritage language. So if someone can drive with two cans of beer down for example, that person should not have more than two cans just because the person won’t be driving.

[creekland]

When we have a drink it is never more than one drink of any sort (even wine) if we're driving.  We prefer to model safe over sorry.

 

It's extremely rare that we ever have more than one drink anyway.  That's just us.

[Lawyer&Mom]

I think another good message is "take extra precautions when you know you might drink more than usual. Like Christmas parties."

[marbel]

I agree with Sadie.  

 

I drink about like you do, Quill.  I have never been drunk in front of my kids (or since kids, though plenty of times in my single days, glad that's over).  My husband typically drives if we have drinks while out.

 

So I could see saying to my kid:  "I'm going to this party.  I'm sure I'll have a few drinks as usual, and, also as usual, don't plan to get tipsy (drunk, buzzed, whatever).  But because you're home, and you can drive, I want you to take me and pick me up tonight. I'll have a better time at the party if I'm not worrying about driving home."

 

 

Edited December 8, 2017 by marbel

[EKS]

I’m curious, though, because of this teetotaler background I grew up with: which do you think is the superior lesson modeled to my kids? Is it, “I know I might drink more than one or two drinks and so I am proactively making sure I have a safe transportation option� Or would it be, “I simply never drink more than two drinks at a party in which I need to drive home�

 

I don't see how these are mutually exclusive.  This is the message I send to my kids:

 

If I am going to drive, I don't drink.  (This is basically equivalent to your second statement.)

 

and

 

If I'm going to drink, I don't drive.  (This is basically equivalent to your first statement.)

[eternalsummer]

I think they're essentially the same message, and I don't see one as superior to the other.  One message says, "I don't ever drink (for whatever reason), so I am always safe to drive."  The other message says, "sometimes I drink, and I take precautions to make sure I am safe to drive (by staying under the limit or having someone else drive)."

 

You could also get totally smashed at home, and that would be the same message - "when I want to get totally smashed, I stay home so I don't have to worry about driving."

 

Your kid might grow up to be someone who doesn't want to drink, ever, so your message of, "sometimes I drink and this is how I manage it," is irrelevant except as a general precaution to consider safety and personal responsibility.  On the other hand, if you were a non-drinker and your kid grew up to drink on occasion, he probably will see you being responsible in other situations (like wearing your seatbelt or locking the door or keeping the batteries in the fire alarm) and will be able to generalize to doing the responsible thing when drinking.

[Ausmumof3]

I think the way you are doing it is fine. I do generally think it's best not to drink more anyway but arranging a lift is a sensible precaution. I grew up with teetotallers and my DH didn't. My view is probably influenced by Dh's volunteer role which far too often includes vehicle accident cleanups.

[HomeAgain]

Dh and I both drink.  We keep quite a bit of wine in the house to have with dinners, and then during summer we have beer while grilling out.

 

We've always made it a point to teach good habits when it comes to drinking:

 

1. If you drink anything, please don't drive.

2. Always make sure you have a sober driver.

 

So when we go out to dinner, only one of us will order a drink.  When we have wine with dinner, we make sure we have nowhere to be after that.

 

 

Oldest DS texted me from college.  Two of his friends invited him out and he passed.  Turns out they got in a car with a drunk driver and got into an accident.  It was by grace that no one was seriously hurt.  DS thanked us for being *those* parents for being strict with him but teaching him how to handle alcohol responsibly.

 

 

 

 

 

Long story short: teaching your kids to be prudent when it comes to drinking could save their life.  If we had budged on the rule and had him do the math on how long/how many, he may not be making the best decision.

[MEmama]

I think it's a healthy, realistic message, Quill.

 

We enjoy a good beer or two (never more than 2 anymore), but if we are out the one driving ((typically DH) will only have one with dinner or none at all. Anticipating ahead of time that you might have more--because Christmas party! -- and arranging a ride AHEAD OF TIME is absolutely the responsible and mature thing to do.

 

I have always told DS--Be the responsible one. BUT CALL US no matter what--no questions asked, no judgement. Just CALL. wherever, what ever time. Safety first, always. You are doing that, and modelling that. I say it's the right call.

[elegantlion]

I'm thinking that is proactive. I also grew up with parents who rarely drank and there are alcoholics in the family. I struggled for years with extreme thinking that if anyone has one or more drinks they are an alcoholic, so it was a challenge to find what I felt comfortable with, as far as modeling behavior. I generally plan two drinks, spread out over time, if I'm driving. If I have three, I generally stay for another hour or longer, sometimes two before driving. I'm generally drinking with people who will look out for one another and drive the other home if need be. 

 

ETA: usually if I'm going somewhere for a short time, like out to eat, I will not drink.

 

 

 

 

Edited December 9, 2017 by elegantlion

[Sandwalker]

I’m curious about this. I grew up with teetoler parents, so I never saw them drink alcohol at all, so sometimes I wonder which 5hings are the better lesson for my own teens to see modeled.

 

I am going to a Christmas party tonight. You need to know that, though I drink alcohol, it is infrequent and never excessive. My kids have never seen me drunk. Maybe a little buzzed, but never seriously impaired. In virtually all situation where DH and I are together where there is alcohol, I drive home. I am like a permanent designated driver.

 

But for the party tonight, I have asked my 18yo to drop me off and pick me back up from the party. I will still not be more than buzzed, I’m sure (mostly because I can’t really deal with hangovers at this point in my life), but I just want to know that I am off-duty and can have a third drink if I want, no worries, already arranged for. So, DS is going to be my Uber tonight.

 

I’m curious, though, because of this teetotaler background I grew up with: which do you think is the superior lesson modeled to my kids? Is it, “I know I might drink more than one or two drinks and so I am proactively making sure I have a safe transportation option� Or would it be, “I simply never drink more than two drinks at a party in which I need to drive home�

 

FWIW, there is also a part of me that thinks the drinks are stronger than they seem (because they are tasty cocktails) and I want to have NO question in my mind that I might have driven under greater influence than I beleived. That is the larger reason why I want to have made driving arrangements beforehand.

I think your plan is very good; you are modeling responsible behavior for your Ds, are able to have fun and relax, and ds gets to do you a favor. :)

 

Eta: have a great time!

Edited December 8, 2017 by Sandwalker

[Mimm]

I drink rarely enough that more than one drink leaves me feeling a little uncomfortable about driving home. :) But my kids have seen me drink. I talk about safety and moderation. I think your example is a very good one. He'll pick you and see that even though you aren't stumbling around drunk, you are still careful not to drive.

[KungFuPanda]

I think you have to separate the issue of alcoholism. That’s different, serious, and should be treated as a serious medical condition.

 

If we’re comparing cultures where the parents are zero tolerance/alcohol is evil to cultures where drinking moderately by adults I do think there are differences. I’ve had the chance to live in both and it’s the zero tolerance places, usually with religious undertones, where the teens throw the wildest parties. It’s all taboo and they’ve never seen responsible drinking modeled by adults. When I went to Germany and France it was only the group’s of very young Americans that were blotto and didn’t know how to keep it in check. It’s like sex in a way. Kids are going to do it so you need to have that conversation without stigmatizing everything.

 

There seems no great sense of rebellion or adventure to things when you see your mom and her friends do it.

[KungFuPanda]

Do

Edited December 9, 2017 by KungFuPanda

[Bluegoat]

I think KungFuPanda is right - alcoholism is actually a very different issue.

 

I think that it's ok do manage things like this different ways, based on your own preferences and lifestyle.  Your kids will get the message, if you treat alcohol with respect (really, treat yourself with respect), to do so themselves - even if they don't always do it.  That might mean not drinking to excess, making sure you have transport that's appropriate, and so on.

 

I think maybe where things get a bit fuzzy is - what does that mean, to respect yourself, in this context?  Is any drinking over the driving limit too much, even if you aren't driving?  That answer won't be the same if you think any drink means no driving, which some do.  Is it more a matter of saying, no one can be sure to get it right each time, because sometimes we are affected differently depending on many factors, so it's a good thing to have a back-up plan?  Or, it's ok to get a little drunk, as long as you are in control and safe?  Or something else.

 

To me, those are the different kinds of attitudes that people have that can make others uncomfortable, or they might not want to teach their kids.  But I think that really, if you think you are being consistent with your own values, and you talk about it with your kids too, they will understand what you are trying to say.

[eternalsummer]

Ah, my parents didn't drink when I was growing up but not because of religious injunction as they weren't religious; it was just something they didn't do.  I did not throw wild parties or get drunk all the time in college or anything :)  In fact, I never drink in public.

[Miss Peregrine]

The thing is one can never be sure you won't have to go somewhere later. Even drinking at home. 

 

 

[Scarlett]

The thing is one can never be sure you won't have to go somewhere later. Even drinking at home. 

 

 

I always think about this now that my son is out and about past my own bedtime.  If I have 2 glasses of wine before bed and he has an accident at midnight will I be ok to go to where he is?  

 

Having kids or people you love sure puts a damper on one's life sometimes.  LOL

[Scarlett]

I grew up with 1) a poor mother 2) in a dry county.

 

So that combination means I never saw alcohol in my house and I never saw my mother drink. But she talked about it.....she did not/does not believe it is is 'wrong' to drink alcohol. And then when I grew up and got married....and had a baby....she decided to try wine.  I thought that was cool...we shared like one bottle at my house and then she married my step dad who is a recovering alcoholic (35 years now) so she is absolutely never drinks since marrying him.  16 years now.

 

[regentrude]

I think modeling having a designated driver is always good. I personally am impaired if I have more than half a drink and need an hour to sober up enough to drive. If I want to drink at all, I need a ride, or stay a long time. It's good to have these discussions with the teens.

 

I grew up with parent who enjoyed the occasional glass of wine. I never saw a family member drunk.

 

ETA: And for the person who said one might always have to drive somewhere, even at home: when I am the only adult at home and my kids are out, I don't drink until I know everybody has safely reached their destination for the night and I don't have to venture out and rescue somebody. The nights my DS drives to college 2 hours away, I don't have a drop because he possibly might get stranded and need me. But that's because my body does not produce enough of the enzyme that metabolizes alcohol.

Edited December 9, 2017 by regentrude

[hornblower]

I no longer drink (like I can't remember the last drink I had. I'm thinking close to 5 yrs ago) but I'm not teetotal - I'm not morally opposed, I just can't be bothered.  And now that I have cancer, it's bye bye alcohol forever. 

But our modelling has always been ZERO tolerance, not have 1 or 2 and drive.
It's NONE if you're driving in the next 6-8 hours. 

 

Also, in our province, our young drivers can't have any alcohol in their system during their first 2 years probationary licence. And our definition of impaired is .05 and over so even small amounts can push you into illegal territory, so again, our rules have always been none, zero, zilch. 

So I'd say for safety, modelling should be to drink small amounts, infrequently, discussing that it's a carcinogen, demonstrating that you can participate in social events without drinking, and if you do drink, always arranging for alternative transportation. 

[LMD]

You could always go the route my mother did. Regularly have many more than one (and not just alcohol0 and drive home with your children in the car - "the car knows it's way home"

 

I have never had a drink and then driven. Not once.

[Ottakee]

I think planning ahead teaches responsibility.

 

I also agree with the poster that said to let your kids (and friends) know that they can call you any time, any where, etc and you will come pick them up no questions asked. I even told my kids they could blame me and make it look like I was forcing them to leave.

[MBM]

Both ways of handling the situation seem reasonable, Quill, and model good decision making.

 

My beef is that I really wish more bars and parties would offer a wider variety of non-alcoholic, decaffeinated, low sugar drinks. Ambience — a change of scenery, music, other people — is usually more important to me than the alcohol.

[Tanaqui]

I think "I know I may over-indulge today, therefore, I arranged transportation" is a good message.

 

Also: Especially if you don't drink much, I would suggest that one or two drinks is still too many to drive home. Better safe than sorry, right? If you plan to have a drink, plan to have a ride.

 

Also also: "You should try not to drink enough that you'll have a hangover the next day, but just in case, be sure to eat while drinking, add some rounds of water to the mix, and take an advil with a tall glass of water before you go to bed" is great advice. Advil, not tylenol - tylenol and alcohol like to gang up on your liver. A bit of toast or a banana with that advil-and-water will also not go awry, and you can substitute gatorade for the water if you like. Yes, this is the drinking responsibly conversation I had with the 9th grader today. She's never had more than a sip at the dinner table, with us there, but I feel it's better to say these things early.

[KungFuPanda]

Im going to eat out my son but I think there is a point that responds to your question.

 

Um. What???

[gstharr]

I'm not sure how to describe what I am.  At home, I will go trough a bottle of wine.  But, outside of the house, I never drink--not a party, not out for dinner,  nor family gathering , not ever.   II'm sure the kid knows I am buzzed at home.  OTOH, I hope I am teaching him responsibility.  btw, I too grew in a house where my parents thought the car knew the way home. 

[marbel]

Um. What???

I think she meant rat out.  That's how I interpreted it anyway. 

[Mergath]

The superior message is the one your kid will actually listen to and internalize. Most teens I know are rolling their eyes if someone tells them, "I never, ever drink too much because you never know what might happen." 

 

Saying, "I'm human and sometimes I have a few drinks, and when I do I get a ride," is the one that's going to stick, I think, because it's honest and reflects reality for most people. In all probability, your teen isn't going to refrain from having more than one drink every time he goes out in his twenties. 

[hjffkj]

I say the better lesson is to always be prepared and have a designated driver. When I was a teen, I was going to drink no matter what my parents said.obviously, not all teens are like this, my brother never drank, but you never know the teen you'll get. My mom once said that if I ever need a ride that she will pick me up no questions asked. Knowing that actually made me control myself more.

[SKL]

Either model is fine.  I will say *I* would not dare drive after 2 drinks, or probably after 1 drink for that matter.  :P  But knowing your personal limit is good.  :)

 

I would only say that young people need to know that a lot of people "think" they know their limit, but they really overestimate it.  Most people don't realize how impaired they are in the moment.  I would explain to the teen that you know your limit is 2 based on years of experimentation in safe situations with trusted people.  Better safe than sorry when it comes to young people and alcohol.

[Guest]

Just a silly update: I am home from the party now. DS picked me up and I Am so glad we arranged it

Ike this. I am certainly feeling pretty strongly buzzed and not safe to drive.

 

I have a friend whose beautiful 19 yo daughter was struck and killed by a drunk driver in2008. I think about them all of the time. What if that man had not drank, had had a driver instead, had done anything but drive down that dark road that horrible night? No party is worth the senseless death of a beautiful young lady. Designated driver is the only way to go. Bonus perks for all those hours I spent teaching DS to drive. And he drives a stickshift! Masterfully, even .

 

 

I’m gonna have a headache tomorrow.

[Guest]

Um. What???

That totally gave me a good chuckle!

[Prairie~Phlox]

We know our limits when out & about, our teens have had lots of discussion about it & we allow them to drink at home as well. They've all done shots, had beer or wine to the point of a buzz so they know what alcohol feels like & does. I've told them if they are ever out & unable to drive, to call, no questions asked. We regularly hang out with our neighbors & have a drink. It's just our norm & I'd rather let our kids partake with us, than behind our backs. They're 16, 18 & ~20btw.

Edited December 9, 2017 by Prairie~Phlox

[Carrie12345]

I grew up in a family that owned a tavern, where all occasions called for alcohol (to be available, not required to drink!)  In 40 years, I think I've seen an adult get fall-down-drunk *maybe* twice? And that was while I, myself, was an adult, not a child or teen. I never felt like I received any life impacting messages about alcohol except the clear message not to drink and drive.  Even if ignoring the lethal consequences, it was ingrained in me that drinking underage or driving drunk jeopardizes business owners' livelihood.

 

Anyway, I'm perfectly comfortable with the message that adults can sometimes have a bit more than is safe for driving without that being a bad thing, as long as they have a driver.  "Unsafe to drive" doesn't have to mean "$#*!faced.  However, my kids do get some mixed messages on safe limits.  Dh will have a beer or two while we're out sometimes.  I never have a single drink if I'm driving, or if dh is having a drink or two, just in case I do have to drive.  My body doesn't seem to have a set "limit" that I can depend on.  I've been known to have several drinks without any noticeable impairment.  Last night, my first drink at a party nearly knocked me on my butt.  I have to play it safe.

[fralala]

On the way home, I said how glad I was he said something and got a ride with a sober driver. He said, “Mom, I’m drunk. I’m not a MORON.â€

 

Lots of smart people become morons when they're drunk, though! I certainly do. Good for your son!

 

I think planning ahead is an honest response to a legitimate problem-- that many people make decisions, while drinking alcohol, that they would not make while sober. (Like the decision to have just another drink, for instance.) Easier just to make the decisions when you're totally clear-headed!

 

I will say as the child of an alcoholic that often, it is the person whose tolerance is very, very high who is most in danger of making bad decisions and getting away with them because they can mask the symptoms of their inebriation-- no stumbling or slurring even after many, many drinks. The mom who goes a little crazy and has one drink too many at a holiday party with the gals is the one who isn't going to possess that arrogance of "Look how well I can hold my liquor." I don't think it sends a bad message to be frank about how alcohol affects people.

[wintermom]

I’m curious, though, because of this teetotaler background I grew up with: which do you think is the superior lesson modeled to my kids? Is it, “I know I might drink more than one or two drinks and so I am proactively making sure I have a safe transportation option� Or would it be, “I simply never drink more than two drinks at a party in which I need to drive home�

 

 

My 2 choices would be different. I'd either be a non-drinker and know I was driving, or I'd plan ahead of time to have a designated driver and I'd drink those 2 glasses. Two or even one drink would be too much for me to drive. 

 

In Canada, actually my province as the laws are different across the country, the laws for drinking and driving are different for young drivers. No blood alcohol at all is the law for beginning drivers. For my own driving confidence, this is best for me at all times. No alcohol if I'm driving. 

[Sandwalker]

The thing is one can never be sure you won't have to go somewhere later. Even drinking at home.

Uber. (I don't even drink, but am glad Uber is a thing for those who do.)

[TechWife]

2. Always make sure you have a sober driver.

This one has made me scratch my head ever since I was in college. How in the world does someone who is drunk know whether or not their driver is sober????

 

Designed drivers are largely on the honor system.

[Lecka]

Personally it would be my husband's turn to drive home. 

 

If that wasn't in the cards, I think modeling not drinking and driving is really important.  It sounds like you already model it. 

 

If you aren't comfortable with it, I would try to get another ride home, if that were possible. 

 

My kids are younger but I think I would be comfortable with it.  Sometimes people need rides. 

[Sandwalker]

I think planning ahead teaches responsibility.

 

I also agree with the poster that said to let your kids (and friends) know that they can call you any time, any where, etc and you will come pick them up no questions asked. I even told my kids they could blame me and make it look like I was forcing them to leave.

This is so important. I told my kids this from the time they were very young--and it came in handy when dd was just 12! She went to a sleepover birthday party with her girl scout friends, and at about 6pm, they began discussing how they would sneak out after 11pm and go to a nearby trailer park where an adult man would meet them with beer and they would "party".

 

Dd called me and said she had a migraine, so I rushed over and picked her up, knowing she had never had a migraine or even a headache in her life. And she certainly had never left a party voluntarily! She didn't tell me right away what had happened; she was upset thinking that the girls knew she didn't want to sneak out. She told me a little later that evening, and also that one of the girls had "a huge" bag of weed that she said she was going to sell some of at the trailer park (!). These were 12-year old girl scouts from good homes, in a nice neighborhood.

 

Dd begged me not to tell the girl's mom, or everyone would "hate her", but of course I couldn't not tell, so I compromised. I called the mother, told her I was Joan Archer who lived in the trailer park, and had overheard that her daughter was planning to bring a bunch of kids over there in the middle of the night, and that they had mentioned having weed to sell.

 

Looking back, I really wish I had asked the other girls there if anyone wanted a ride home (in case they felt trapped.) Dd was so upset, I was all wrapped up in her. Nothing terrible happened to the girls that night, and dd was no longer a scout, and had no interest in hanging out with them anymore.

[kewb]

I definitely lean towards teetotaler. Alcohol was present while I was growing up but my parents only served alcohol at parties and holiday gatherings. It wasn't that they were anti-drinking, alcohol culture just wasn't a big part of our family. We have modeled mostly the same in our home.

My dh is more apt to have a beer during a family meal once in awhile. And his family is immersed in alcohol culture. To the point where a few of them are functional alcoholics. When my dh became chronically ill and put on medications where you shouldn't drink he changed his habits to match mine. And once he was truly removed from how his family drinks it was eye opening for him.

How did our alcohol use play out with our teens. Let's just say they have both made their share of poor choices. They don't drink and drive.

Edited December 9, 2017 by kewb

[Sandwalker]

I think "I know I may over-indulge today, therefore, I arranged transportation" is a good message.

 

Also: Especially if you don't drink much, I would suggest that one or two drinks is still too many to drive home. Better safe than sorry, right? If you plan to have a drink, plan to have a ride.

 

Also also: "You should try not to drink enough that you'll have a hangover the next day, but just in case, be sure to eat while drinking, add some rounds of water to the mix, and take an advil with a tall glass of water before you go to bed" is great advice. Advil, not tylenol - tylenol and alcohol like to gang up on your liver. A bit of toast or a banana with that advil-and-water will also not go awry, and you can substitute gatorade for the water if you like. Yes, this is the drinking responsibly conversation I had with the 9th grader today. She's never had more than a sip at the dinner table, with us there, but I feel it's better to say these things early.

Please always take advil with food to protect your stomach, whether alcohol is involved or not. Before or during overindulging, popping a pepcid or zantac is a good idea. Also eat a lot of food before, during, and after drinking. (My lessons to dd, ds does not drink.)

[Guest]

Personally it would be my husband's turn to drive home.

 

If that wasn't in the cards, I think modeling not drinking and driving is really important. It sounds like you already model it.

 

If you aren't comfortable with it, I would try to get another ride home, if that were possible.

 

My kids are younger but I think I would be comfortable with it. Sometimes people need rides.

In this case, the party was my girlfriends only. DH was not going to this one.

[Hikin' Mama]

I think modeling responsible drinking behavior is a good idea. I have a very strict limit for myself of one drink if I'm going to drive. I know too many people hurt (a couple were killed) by drunk drivers, and it makes me furious when people drive drunk or even slightly impaired. I think asking your son to pick you up is modeling smart choices! Hope the party was awesome!

[regentrude]

This one has made me scratch my head ever since I was in college. How in the world does someone who is drunk know whether or not their driver is sober????

 

Designed drivers are largely on the honor system.

 

But the same is true for a sober passenger; you don't know whether your driver is sober, because you can see only severe impairment. Lots of life is an honors system and requires trust. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think it's great modeling.  It would be worse in my mind to hide all this from your kid and claim you don't do it (like my parents did).

 

 

[lavender's green]

I see you're already back from the party. Hope you had a good time and feel okay today!

 

FTR, I think either model is fine. I usually have some wine in the evening, but I don't like to get buzzed because then I don't sleep well, so I think the "I'd rather not even get buzzed model" is a perfectly valid and healthy choice. But for this case I would actually lean a little more toward the teenage designated driver model, for the simple reason that teens talk, so you're modeling smart behavior to everyone who hears the story. Safety first.