When you answer about individual components, it ends up sounding like most are working well for the most part.
But your first post said that one or the other of you ends up in tears most days.
There seems to be a disconnect.
Can you evaluate what happens for each of you to result in ending up in tears?
Maybe her tears are less clear to you, but, as a start, if you are ending up in tears yourself, what is going on with you when that happens?
What sort of tears are these? Sadness? Frustration? Something else?
And could your frustrations or sadness be leading to her own frustrations or sadness?
Could you perhaps ask her what she thinks is wrong and how she herself thinks it might be better?
Also, what is happening different on those rarer days where neither of you end up in tears?
Here are a few examples:
Yesterday we were reviewing some Bible memory work. She typically does well with memory work. We came to a verse we hadn't reviewed in a a while, and she was having trouble remembering it. I was prompting her through the verse, but after a couple mistakes, she just shut down. She was in tears because she couldn't remember it. I explained that it had a been a while since we did it, and I didn't expect it to be perfect. Other times I will give her the beginning of a verse, and she will tell me she doesn't remember it, even though it is one she has practiced and recited often. As soon as she thinks she can't do it, she will not try. If I try to help, she cries.
In science, we will do a short experiment and then read through the lesson (the two older girls and me). There are questions at the end of the lesson to review. We go through the questions all together. There is also a notebook section for them to do. I try to keep the notebook simple because of the writing issues. Typically they draw an illustration of the experiment or something we talked about in the lesson. Then there are one or two questions to go along with it. We go through the questions together, and discuss the answers. I try to modify the questions if they are too much. I explain what I need her to do and ask if she understands what we talked about. She will draw the picture, but getting her to write anything at all is a chore. She immediately goes to "I don't remember," or "I don't know." When I try to walk through it with her verbally, I will get no where. I will ask her about the experiment. She will tell me what we did, but have no idea what it showed. I'll point out the area in the book, and ask her simple questions to at least get the answer verbally from her. She says she doesn't know and melts down.
I am working with her on her writing assignments. She does the keyword outline, and then we discuss it. Yesterday, was asking about one of the words she chose, and if she thought another word might have been more helpful. She started crying saying she was not good at it. At little later after getting settled down, we were putting the paragraph together from the outline. I was asking her questions about the paragraph to prompt her as she was putting words together for a sentence. We had tears again.
Math is a constant battle. I have cut her lessons in half to help her get through them. There were days she would take two hours to do her math. I tired working for ten minutes, taking a break, work some more. I tried do three problems and get up and do ten jumping jacks (or run around the house). I tried doing a portion and then do another subject and then come back to it. I also tried having her work the problems out loud. Cutting the lessons in half has definitely helped. She seems to be able to get through it without as many battles.
She hates any type of correction. She immediately goes to "I'm no good at this," and shuts down. Once she has shut down, she will either not do anything or she will act like she knows absolutely nothing. I can ask her what two plus two is, and she will tell me she doesn't know.
We also have battles when she doesn't want to do something. There have been times she has told me she won't do something I ask her to do. She tells me no (with a foot stomp and all). She will scream at me, I will ask her to go to her room to settle down a little, she still stomp off screaming at me.
We belong to a homeschool co-op, and the kids do short presentations each week. The mom who leads the presentations will choose the order the kids will go in. She likes to go last. We have had weeks were she is not able to go last. She has refused to do her presentation and will sit and cry because she did not get her way.
I had been checking her work with every subject and checking off when it was done. We had a week last year where we found out she was lying to me about getting her work done, so before she could be done with the subject I checked it. I had a day last week, where I got behind checking work. I had sick twins and I was sick. She was telling me work was finished when it wasn't, so I told her I needed to check everything again before she could move on. She lost it. I asked her for her assignment sheet, and she wouldn't give it to me. I honestly don't remember how that one resolved, I did her her assignment sheet, and she has been bringing it to me again.
She is a perfectionist, just like me, so I get it. (I ended up in out patient treatment for an eating disorder about 15 years ago. I know what it is like to be hard on yourself.). Her emotions are all over the place. There is really no middle ground. If she's happy, she's over the top happy. When she's mad or upset, everyone needs to stay out of her way.
Life outside of schoolwork is pretty similar. She melts down when she thinks she can't do something, or something doesn't go her way. She screams or has temper tantrums if she doesn't want to do something. She will joke around with her siblings and say silly things to them, but if they say the same thing to her, she gets upset. The two older girls were sitting in the couch watching a video for history. Their brother sat next to them watching. He was actually sitting still not bothering anyone. (I was a bit amazed as I watched him.). DD for some reason had slid over in the couch unintentionally, but was now touching her brother. She got upset because he was bothering her. I asked her to move over back to where she was. She insisted she had not moved and he was the one who had moved because he wanted to bother her. I tried to explain that even though she didn't think she had moved and had not purposely moved, I needed her to slide over a little to make room for her brother. She refused to move. I gave her the option of moving over, or leaving the couch and finishing the video later on her own. She then moved over about an inch. I asked her to move again and told her this was the final chance. She did finally move, but with a big jump up and over and a loud "fine."
I coach my oldest daughters basketball team. The other three kids come to practice. They bring school work, toys, coloring books etc. The other day she came running on the court during practice screaming because her bother had hit her. She was mad and in tears. She and her brother have similar personalities, so the butt heads a lot. She will completely loose it if her brother does something to upset her, whether it was intentional, accidental, or she just perceives it.
I hope that all makes sense. I know I have made mistakes and have not been patient with her when I should have been. I have not handled situations right because I have been frustrated both with her and with myself for not knowing how to help. I'm sure there are times she has sensed that. I really feel clueless a lot, and am not sure what to do.
You probably were not looking for a huge reply like that. I do appreciate all of the suggestions and support.