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Should I take my kids out of PS after Christmas break?


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my older 2 girls are in 4th and 1st grades. We have always homeschooled and this is our first year putting them in public school. It’s going fine. There are things I don’t like but generally speaking it’s ok. I am wanting to homeschool again next year but I am also considering starting after the Christmas break. Here are my pros and cons- we have moved a lot in their lives, this is our 7th home, 3 different states and 2 years in England. Their lives are familiar with disruption. I feel like they have a bit of an unhealthy non-attachment to people and things due to our constant moving. We put them in school because I was just exhausted from all the moving and wanted a break to get settled in. School has been fine, it’s close and we walk everyday, we have been able to meet other families in the neighborhood, and I have had precious time to settle my brain. There are some things I don’t like- each kid has an iPad from the school and they are just in love with those things. The kids are picking up some bad behaviors. But the 2 main issues I have are just that they never have time for anything. Our new City has so much to offer and I feel like they haven’t seen any of it because they are always in school. Secondly, I think they could be learning a lot more. Especially my 1st grades, she is way ahead and complains that she has not learned anything all year. She reads easy chapter books and they are still working on bob-type books. She still likes school because she has fun with her friends. So, I feel like I should let them finish the year just to follow through since we have such a history of moving and leaving things. But I hate feeling like I have to waste another 5 months in the meantime. Also, we now plan to live here forever. I don’t want to look dramatic or cause a scene by pulling them at Christmas. There is no big problem with the school. I want to maintain friendships and I don’t want to burn any bridges with the school. I have 2 younger kids and who knows- we may need to send them to school at some point. Any thoughts?

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I have talked to them about homeschooling next year and they are on board with that. We haven’t talked about doing it after Christmas. I think they would prefer to finish the year. I do feel like I don’t want to waste these precious years with them, but I also think that is kind of just for me and not necessarily what is best for them. The compelling reason for leaving them is just based on our history of leaving people and things so much it would be good for them to finish a commitment.

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I have talked to them about homeschooling next year and they are on board with that. We haven’t talked about doing it after Christmas. I think they would prefer to finish the year. I do feel like I don’t want to waste these precious years with them, but I also think that is kind of just for me and not necessarily what is best for them. The compelling reason for leaving them is just based on our history of leaving people and things so much it would be good for them to finish a commitment.

 

Don't brush aside something because it is just for you.

 

Their going to school is not a commitment *they* made. It's a commitment *you* made. And it isn't really a "commitment," anyway. The school will not fall apart if they leave. The children in their classrooms don't need them. The teachers don't need them.

 

And what you think of as "disruption" isn't that much of a disruption, really. It is their life. No matter where they live, they are with their parents, and when you homeschool, even their education isn't "disrupted." It's an adventure.

 

I'm not saying you *should* withdraw them; I'm just saying that your arguments against it are not very sound.

Edited by Ellie
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If you are staying there long term there's time for the local experiences later. I don't think it will matter much either way though I'd consider how much it would inconvenience the school. If they've done budgets teacher allocations etc. If there's a problem at the school they aren't dealing with that's different of course.

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I agree that your girls will be fine either way. Whatever you choose will be the right decision.

 

For me, as long as they are happy and not asking to be homeschooled, I think I would have them finish out the year. I think you're right that staying in school for the remainder of the year will give your girls more time to solidify the friendships they're making, and those friendships will more naturally continue into the summer. It might also help your girls to remember their time in public school as a largely positive experience (in case they return to public school at some point), rather than thinking of it as an experiment that didn't go well or last very long. 

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I think your concerns about forming relationships are valid and so important. Part of why we homeschool is because we want our kids to form strong attachments to us, but we also want them to be able to form and keep those bonds with friends and other adult mentors! I can see why all that moving around would make you concerned about the latter.

 

My kids have never been in public school, but our homeschooling friends who were formerly in schools seem to do an admirable job of maintaining ties to the friends they made in the schools when possible-- my kids have met their kids "school friends" at parties and playdates, and one thing to consider is that the end of going to school with their friends (whether now or later) is the beginning of when you're going to have to actually teach them about the work it takes to maintain non-familial relationships, not the end. My 2 cents is that all my years of schooling (and work) actually dented my ability to do that kind of work, because I was always able to keep friendships just by showing up at the required time and place (and being reasonably affable).

 

In your shoes, I might consider the amount of time and effort I could invest into involving my kids in the community and maintaining those friendships right now, if that were my priority-- which I think is a fine priority when settling into a new home. Being bored in school is a big problem long-term, but for one year in first grade, it doesn't sound like a terrible situation in context. Rather than seeing this as missed moments with your older two, if you do decide to keep the kids in school for the rest of the year, might this be an opportunity to enjoy that special time with your younger kids, who often-- at least in my house-- have to grasp at the here-and-there scraps of maternal attention they can find while their elder siblings are being homeschooled?

 

 

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I have a similar situation. My dd is in 4th grade public school. Academically, this year is a wash. Math is the only subject she is learning anything new in and the curriculum is so horrible, we are looking at having to reteach 4th grade math just so she has a decent foundation to advance. We have chosen to keep her in school for the rest of the year so she can develop some friendships. Socially, public school has been good for her. In every other way, it’s a wasted year. 4th grade is easy to to make up academically. She’ll catch up easily.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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[This is how dd#3 is currently coming up with her topics & reasons for her essays in writing class. I thought I'd put your post in this format to see how it looked.]

Thesis:  Calizzy should pull her kids from PS @ Christmas

Pro:

iPad from school would go away

Kids wouldn't be exposed to "bad behaviors" at PS anymore

Would have more time for new city exploring

Could learn a lot more, esp 1st grader

Cons:

Disruption by pulling from school to homeschool mid-year

School is fine

Walking to school doesn't take much time/effort

Wouldn't have daily "fun with friends"

Some people might consider it 'dramatic' or 'causing a scene' by pulling them at Christmas

--------------------------

IMO, this could go either way because none of these are really compelling reasons to pull or not pull at Christmas.

So, if it were me, I'd enjoy my 'time off' with the younger two kids for the rest of this school year & be ready to start fresh next school year. Your kids are very young still, so as long as the first grader isn't being told she can only read Bob Books or the bad behaviors aren't learning to bully others, I wouldn't worry about the lost year academically.

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You could go either way and it sounds, at the end of the day, it would be ok.

 

Had you not moved so much I would be saying "pull them" but attachment is really critical. However, if they are attaching to kids you believe are causing absorption of poor behaviors then I might lean towards pulling. The iPad thing really REALLY bothers me. That access can rewire their brains for the type of learning they prefer. If you are bothered by it that would be enough for me to pull.

 

The other element that causes me to lean towards pulling them is your 1st grader twiddling her thumbs because she is ahead. This happened to my DD in 1st and I pulled her at Christmas break last year because of it. She had always loved to learn and after knowing everything she began apathetically "phoning it in" so to speak. I had to retrain her to love learning again once she came home.

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When it comes to attaching to friends, I wouldn't worry too much at those ages. Friends are important, but the key attachment relationship is to parents. YMMV, but I wouldn't personally let that be a deciding factor in whether to pull/not pull. The book Hold On To Your Kids is very helpful in talking about healthy attachment for kids and might be encouraging for you after the many moves and disruptions you have had. It clarified a lot of things for me.

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I agree with RootAnn. I wanted to pull my son at Christmas in firstgrade, and he ended up staying through the end of the year. He is in sixth and a completely different city, and he still talks about his friends at school. You will have plenty of time next year to "catch up" a second grader to where you want. The iPad will go away in May. I understand all of your reasons of wanting to homeschool. but I also understand the importance of those friendships that get even better with all the end of the year parties and traditions and are more likely to last through summer fun outings in the neighborhood if you don't leave right away. This is a city you are staying in, so I think a full year of those friends would be good. I moved a lot as a kid and went to a half year in first grade, etc. I hate that we moved around so much the last few years with our kids. I am thankful we are homeschooling so there was stability in their education. I think educational stability is also important with kids who have moved around. I just want to be settled in a community and never ever move again. So I guess I'm with RootAnn in that I understand all the pros and cons, but I am a homeschooling advocate who is saying I lean slightly toward leaving them there for the year just for stability and friendships. Take the year with your younger kids and enjoy the time you have to plan and get ready for a fun summer and new school year in the fall.

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I agree with others, you could go either way. 

 

Personally, I would probably leave them in if they seem happy, for the most part.  My childhood was very disruptive in many ways because we moved a LOT.  Getting shifted could be hard at times, especially mid-year.  I appreciated it when we would stay put for a bit and I could develop stronger friendships.  Maybe see about inviting a classmate or two to your home after school or on the weekend.  Even after you homeschool again they might be able to maintain those friendships.  Are there any classmates that live in your neighborhood?

 

Also, right now you have a nice opportunity to focus this time on the youngers, spend some really quality time with the littles, because once the older two are back home it won't be as easy.  It can be hard being the youngers. 

 

FWIW, the first three months are often review so things may get more interesting for your 1st grader after Christmas.  Also, you might schedule a conference with the teacher.  They may be able to provide her with more challenging material if they are aware of her level of reading.

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You could talk with the teacher about getting your 1st grader some enrichments, gifted testing, more on-level reading material, etc. Pulling them out is not the ONLY way to bump up what they're doing.

 

Really, you could just be bored. Have you thought about taking up a hobby? If they're happy, leave them in school and solve the issues in the context of school. Tech and bad influences you need to learn to deal with anyway, my lands. Not like you're going to pull them out and just take that away. That box has been opened and you have to learn how to use it.

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