Military or law enforcement and Plan B and kid w/anxieties and cold feet

[Ginevra]

I didn’t know what to title this, sorry. DS is a senior in high school. As some of you know, it’s never been smooth sailing. He has ADD and some language processing issues. Regular school work is a struggle for him. He is in one AP class this year (AP Gov) and, though he is passing, he finds it difficult. This causes him great anxiety because, as he says, “If I have this much difficulty with ONE college-level class, how am I ever going to do four?†He is very knowledgeable about history and government; it is amazing the facts he has absorbed and the nuances of political behavior when he is otherwise a very concrete (not abstact) learner. He does not have ASD as far as I know, but it reminds me of that - he has this very insightful knowledge about history and government, but he has tremendous difficulty just writing a coherent paper or understanding the main point of an article or book.

 

So, I noticed he has been hedging when people ask him about his post-high school plans, though he is going through the motions of applying to colleges. Yesterday, on the way home from taking his gf home from Thanksgiving dinner, he told me he doesn’t know what to do for his future plans. He is attracted to military and LE, which has been true for several years. I really, really, really had hoped he would not directly enlist in the military, because I would rather he went to college and went into officers training. But I need to prepare myself for that probability because he is just not confident about faring well at college. (Honestly, when DD stayed up past mid-night Wed night writing a paper, knowing she was not only attending, but also cooking for Thanksgiving at my SIL’s, I was thinking, “C could not do this. He would have to choose between writing the paper and celebrating with family.†And this was *before* he told me he’s waivering on college.)

 

So - I just don’t know what to do to best help him. Honestly, I am not that particular about what direction my kids take as long as it’s, obviously, a positive one that suits them. (Although I honestly do have huge concerns about the vulnerability of my son in either of these fields; I think our current Commander in Chief is...well, you know...and the thought of my beautiful boy being in Syria or Yemen or wherever is...it’s pretty terrifying, not gonna lie!) It’s hard because I can see that DS feels very anxious that he doesn’t have a clear plan; he was talking about his friends who know exactly what they want to do and I can see he feels badly about that. I am, on one hand, reassuring him that LOTS of people his age and older do not really know what they’re going to do. But the secret truth is that I also don’t sit well with uncertainty and I really DO want him to start shaping up a plan. It is my instinct to immediately start gathering info for pursuing one of these two options -military enlistment or LE -but I also don’t want to make up his mind FOR him and propel him along some plan of my design. However, I also don’t want him to just aimlessly loaf around until some plan drops in his lap.

 

One thing I have known for a long time is that, for real happiness, DS needs variety and new experiences. He said last night that when he was working at McDonald’s, the soul-sucking part of it was the sameness, the boring repetiton. He said that would be the worst thing ever in a career. This is just like my DH. He is a contractor and I have always thought it would be bad for him to have a go-to-the-office sort of jobs with the same people, same routine, samety-same-same; DS needs variety just as DH does. DS’ other job is a building assistant job and I can see that suits him much better.

 

Anyway, sorry I am babbling on. Any advice appreciated. We almost had an accident on the way home because there was a dying deer in the roadway and I had to violently swerve to miss it, but I could also see it was suffering. Just the whole ride home last night was a lot to process and then I almost crashed five miles from home. I just want to neither overwhelm DS with Mom’s New Plan (which believe me, would be easy for me to do), but I also don’t want to seem like I didn’t even hear him. I asked him last night if he still plans to apply to his last two colleges he hasn’t yet applied to and he said yes, while he figures things out.

[Laura Corin]

If your son has a diagnosis/medication, it's worth at this stage looking into eligibility.  Both my sons, for different medical reasons, would be ineligible for the US army.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Haven't BTDT, but here's my thoughts:

 

- has he done any of the career questionnaires out there to help orient a person towards a particular field?  

- has he looked into the trades?

- could he expand/move upwards in his current building job?  

 

Even if he enters the military, he will have a career "path" of some kind, or one will be chosen for him.  I would not encourage the military unless he has an actual calling/draw to it for patriotic or I-want-to-be-a-soldier reasons.  It is an option for people who don't have a chosen path, but I think finding a path would be a better choice at this point in time than entering the military.  (Says me, who went into the military, with a clear path, at 17)

 

 

[Lanny]

If your son has a diagnosis/medication, it's worth at this stage looking into eligibility.  Both my sons, for different medical reasons, would be ineligible for the US army.

 

The U.S. Army has recently (November 2017?) relaxed their requirements, with regard to Mental Health issues, drug issues, and possibly also with regard to Physical Health.  They are trying to increase the number of people in the U.S. Army at this time.

 

The DS of the OP might find the Aptitude Tests given by the U.S. Military quite interesting to him. The tests might show interests he doesn't know that he has.

 

It isn't a cakewalk but there are a lot of opportunities in the U.S. Military, for learning job skills and also for advancing one's education. To say nothing of the Financial benefits for education available to Veterans.

 

Another option, would be to join the National Guard or Air National Guard or the Reserves. One attends the same Tech Schools as those who enlisted for years. Weekend Warriors...

 

OP I hope whatever he decides on that he is happy with his choice and successful.

[Guest]

Haven't BTDT, but here's my thoughts:

 

- has he done any of the career questionnaires out there to help orient a person towards a particular field?

- has he looked into the trades?

- could he expand/move upwards in his current building job?

 

Even if he enters the military, he will have a career "path" of some kind, or one will be chosen for him. I would not encourage the military unless he has an actual calling/draw to it for patriotic or I-want-to-be-a-soldier reasons. It is an option for people who don't have a chosen path, but I think finding a path would be a better choice at this point in time than entering the military. (Says me, who went into the military, with a clear path, at 17)

He did do YouScience a few months ago, and it was enlightening. I told him last night I want to pull up his results again and look at it again. I do think Law Enforcement was one career on there for him, IIRC. I know he also had Project Manager and Building Manager.

 

He isn’t really interested in the trades. Although he is highly kinestetic, he is not so gifted with assembly and spatial intuition as, say, my husband is. He was never really a Lego kid.

 

He *does* have the patriotic draw to the military. He has had that sort of streak for several years. He admires people who are “out there, doing that.†He is not attached to living here or in one place; he emphasized that last night. It wouldn’t be a sort of don’t-know-what-else-to-do decision. As his mama, though, I would so much rather he has a “normalâ€, fun college experience over being put through rigorous training, being “owned†by the government, being subordinate to whatever the whims of the US gov. dictate, being in harm’s way. Those things scare me a lot.

[Guest]

The U.S. Army has recently (November 2017?) relaxed their requirements, with regard to Mental Health issues, drug issues, and possibly also with regard to Physical Health. They are trying to increase the number of people in the U.S. Army at this time.

 

The DS of the OP might find the Aptitude Tests given by the U.S. Military quite interesting to him. The tests might show interests he doesn't know that he has.

 

It isn't a cakewalk but there are a lot of opportunities in the U.S. Military, for learning job skills and also for advancing one's education. To say nothing of the Financial benefits for education available to Veterans.

 

Another option, would be to join the National Guard or Air National Guard or the Reserves. One attends the same Tech Schools as those who enlisted for years. Weekend Warriors...

 

OP I hope whatever he decides on that he is happy with his choice and successful.

Yes, the bolded is what I was saying last night. I am not sure how much he realizes that basic training is a shocking difference from having a devoted, caring family. I also pointed out that he wouldn’t have much access to females companions, lol, and that he would have to put aside his music for most of the next few years.

 

OTOH, I have seen young men for whom the structure and seriousness of the military was exactly what they needed. I can see my son really latching on to that. And military benefits are quite good.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Although basic training is arduous, it is a huge, huge bonding experience and confidence booster.  

 

The most difficult part of the military system (ignoring hazards) is knowing your superior may be a dumb@ss and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it (or so close to nothing as to be nothing, barring actual law breaking by the superior).  He's got to be able to do that with a little interior smile, or he'll go nuts.  

 

But I completely understand the motherly-instinct to not want this path for him!  

[Guest]

P.S. I should add that he is not/had not been on medication for anxiety or ADD, which is not to say that may not have ever been helpful, just that we have not gone that route with either issue. He does not have a Psychologist’s diagnosis for either problem; he only has an education specialist’s assessment and opinion, though it is an opinion I agree with. It has only been in the past couple years that I realize he has anxiety and perfectionism very much like I do. I have been aware for a long time that he has attention problems in the same manner as DH does.

 

Ha; I guess it’s easier to see your mate’s bad genetics in your children than it is to see your own.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

P.S. I should add that he is not/had not been on medication for anxiety or ADD, which is not to say that may not have ever been helpful, just that we have not gone that route with either issue. He does not have a Psychologist’s diagnosis for either problem; he only has an education specialist’s assessment and opinion, though it is an opinion I agree with. It has only been in the past couple years that I realize he has anxiety and perfectionism very much like I do. I have been aware for a long time that he has attention problems in the same manner as DH does.

 

Ha; I guess it’s easier to see your mate’s bad genetics in your children than it is to see your own.

Finding more effective treatment options for these may go a long way in helping with this decision making. I know for my guys it makes a significant difference academically and for self esteem and confidence. Edited November 24, 2017 by PinkyandtheBrains.

[Lanny]

Yes, the bolded is what I was saying last night. I am not sure how much he realizes that basic training is a shocking difference from having a devoted, caring family. I also pointed out that he wouldn’t have much access to females companions, lol, and that he would have to put aside his music for most of the next few years.

 

OTOH, I have seen young men for whom the structure and seriousness of the military was exactly what they needed. I can see my son really latching on to that. And military benefits are quite good.

 

It ain't that bad... The first few days or week are the hardest.  And, I'm not suggesting that he join the U.S. Marine Corps (at least one of my cousins, a retired M.D., was a Marine) or that he become a Special Operator. 

 

There is so much information available now on the Internet, that he would have an outstanding idea about what it would be like in Basic Training and prepare for that mentally and physically.  Probably on YouTube and possibly even on the website of the Army https://www.army.mil/   

 

He should be in good physical condition.  When I was in Jr. High (that was before they changed to Middle Schools) and High School, we had Physical Education classes 5 days a week. Not my favorite thing, at that time, but now, looking back, I believe those were the most important classes I had and are partially responsible for me being in good health/shape at this age...

 

NOTE: I believe your DS would be in much more danger, daily, if he were a LEO in your area (Chicagoland?) than if he was in the U.S. Army or another branch of the military. There is much hostility to LEOs in the USA at this time.  

 

There are lots of Females in the U.S. Military now. The services would be lost without them. Probably 10 or 20 percent? He will be around women...

 

ETA: This link is for Army Reserve:

https://www.goarmy.com/reserve.html

 

This link is for Army:

https://www.goarmy.com/

 

If he is interested, he should study the information on those web sites, about the Educational benefits and other benefits available.  

Edited November 24, 2017 by Lanny

[justasque]

You might want to look into civil service jobs - postal worker, parking enforcement, licenses & inspection work, jobs in transportation, that sort of thing, to see what the requirements are.  There are many ways to serve your country, and keeping the wheels of government running smoothly is an important contribution.

I can't see anxiety and military service being a good fit.

He could certainly give part-time community college a try - taking a class or two while also working part time.  It would help give him some experiences that might show him a clear path, while knocking off some credits.

[Lanny]

Okbud made an interesting comment in post #12..   Many many many years ago, when I was young, what I read, or was told, was that the Air Force and the Coast Guard were the most particular about who could enlist.  Their standards are probably higher, at this time, too, especially considering the very public announcement that the U.S. Army has  lowered standards and will take people that previously would have been rejected. 

[Guest]

NOTE: I believe your DS would be in much more danger, daily, if he were a LEO in your area (Chicagoland?) than if he was in the U.S. Army or another branch of the military. There is much hostility to LEOs in the USA at this time.

I agree with you on that. We are not near Chicago, but we are outside Baltimore and DC, which I’m sure you know, is a tough place to be in LE at this time.

[Guest]

Quill I can not say enough positive about The Coast Guard for kids like this. It's a more selective service, and not everyone will give with it for their own reasons, but for those who will.... It's just the best.

 

Without the, yanno, warfare (usually).

I know this sounds odd, but he told me last night he does not want to serve in “waterâ€; i.e., he is solely interested in land or air. Honestly, I have NO idea where that left-field comment comes from, as he has been in and around the water (Chesapeake, Atlantic) since birth. He took boater’s safety, he fishes and crabs, he is a competant swimmer - I don’t actually understand that comment at all, except to say that I personally don’t like the water. I have hardly ever mentioned this to my kids, though.

[Lanny]

I agree with you on that. We are not near Chicago, but we are outside Baltimore and DC, which I’m sure you know, is a tough place to be in LE at this time.

 

From what I see in the news from the USA, being a LEO in the USA, anywhere in the USA, is extremely dangerous now. Some people just want to kill you, because you are an LEO. Or hate you because you are an LEO. Not good...

 

You wrote that your DS has had this interest for several years as I recall, so it might be worth him looking into it and studying the idea and getting more information.

 

 I believe he would be in much less danger in the U.S. Military than being an LEO in the USA.

[Lanny]

I know this sounds odd, but he told me last night he does not want to serve in “waterâ€; i.e., he is solely interested in land or air. Honestly, I have NO idea where that left-field comment comes from, as he has been in and around the water (Chesapeake, Atlantic) since birth. He took boater’s safety, he fishes and crabs, he is a competant swimmer - I don’t actually understand that comment at all, except to say that I personally don’t like the water. I have hardly ever mentioned this to my kids, though.

 

I think the worst part of being on a ship would be the cramped quarters. The berthing areas. Bunks.  In the Air Force or Army hopefully one has much better quarters.  I worked in 2 different places with 2 men who'd been on Submarines. One was retired from the U.S. Navy.  Very cramped. Submariners get the best food in the U.S. Navy.  

 

ETA: Sounds like he   might be interested in the U.S. Air Force or the U.S. Army or one of their respective Air/National Guard or Reserve components.  It also sounds like he is thinking about the idea...

Edited November 24, 2017 by Lanny

[GoodGrief]

He sounds a bit like my son in law, who did try college for a year, but then went and got his CDL and has been driving trucks (not long haul, he works in-town). He's 25 now, and is starting to take college classes again, but driving has worked well for him (and his salary and union benefits are certainly better than that of my new college grad daughter :-) )

[Chess Dad]

Hello Quill,

 

I've served in the Army Reserves for 26 years and counting.  I've also served as a police officer (Retired in May 2017) for 22 years.  

 

The stress in both of these careers is high.  Very high.  Let's start with the Army.  I've been deployed four times, including Iraq and Afghanistan.  There were no front lines so everyone was in danger and the stress level remained high the entire time I was deployed.  I can't tell you how this effects the body.  I would tell anyone going into the military that they WILL get deployed, no matter who is president.  The positive is that the military will pay for your college, you can do any career you want (if you are smart enough), and if you go active duty, you will travel the world.  Has my 26 years (and counting) been worth the stress on me?  hmmmmmm....  tough question.  I returned from my last deployment in February 2017 and retired from my police department.  I just couldn't see myself going back on the street.  

 

Being a police officer has been a totally different experience.  I have been in several scuffles and you can't help most people.  Yes, there are those you can help, but joining a church and doing a charity would go further.  Being a police officer today isn't easy.  You have a target on your back and you are constantly questioned.  When I first started, many years ago, the police officer's word was good, but not today.  The stress is 10 times more today than what it was when I started as a police officer.  I worked the street, as a detective, as a narcotics detective, and on a DEA Task Force.  My career was very rewarding but ...again...very stressful.

 

I'll end by saying that if your son has anxiety now, it will worsen in either of these careers.  Sorry, I know by experience.  I deal with it daily.  But, a career in LE or the Military is a calling.  I would support your DS and have him do a couple of ride-a-longs and also speak with an Army Recruiter about the ROTC College program.  ROTC is an excellent program.  DS would do Basic Training, go to college, be in the Reserves, get his college paid for but owe the military 6 years after graduation.  The good news is the military have many great programs on how to handle stress, free healthcare, great pay, free education, and a solid career. 

 

One last thing.  I'd pick going officer over enlisted.  I went enlisted and they get the short end of the stick in many instances. I then became an officer and there was a big difference.  Going officer gives you the opportunity to lead and make changes.  It also gives you the best chance to help others.

 

I hope I've given you some insight and if you have any questions, please ask.  I hope I wasn't too negative, but I like to be blunt and truthful.

Jim W 

Edited November 25, 2017 by dallas050

[G5052]

My oldest goes for Army National Guard processing on Monday. He's already got an associate's degree and did very, very well on the ASVAB. He basically qualified for anything, but has five MOS choices that he's hoping for. We live in an area with many National Guard armories within 2-3 hours of driving, so we're hopeful that he can get what he wants. In our area, you're more likely to get something you want with the Guard versus the Reserves because there are fewer locations for the Reserves.

 

The education benefits are generally better for the National Guard, depending on the state of course. Because he's a commuter student the Guard education benefits nearly pay for all of his college expenses, and he may return to his part-time job for the rest.

 

My heart of course flipped when he told me what he was planning, but he's done his research and has been talking about this for a long time. For him, I have no doubt that it's the right choice and the right time. If everything comes together Monday, he'll take the January semester off from college for basic and career training, and then come home in August for the fall semester.

[Lanny]

OP post #20 has a lot of great information from someone who has BTDT.   One thing I find incredibly troubling, in 2017, is that a lot of LEOs go into a restaurant and the workers refuse to serve them or are very hostile to them.   I cannot begin to imagine.  That hostility is something LEOs in the USA face daily.  

 

[City Mouse]

I agree with Lanny, this is a very hard time to be in LE, and I would discourage any child of mine from pursuing that field unless he or she was really, really set on it, and my DH has been a LEO for over 25 years. I do not want to derail your thread, so I will leave it at that.

I do know of a young man went into the Marines and was trained to be an air traffic controller. He has since left active duty, but I can't help but think he was given a great opportunity.

Edited November 29, 2017 by City Mouse

[Another Lynn]

A couple of your ds's characteristics point to the possibility that he would really like a LE career, but one thing I didn't read (or maybe I missed it) - is he a people person?  Does he read people really well?  Does he have experience with a broad range of people?  

[Lanny]

I wonder if he would like to be a Military Policeman.  MP. in the U.S. Army. AP in the U.S. Air Force. That would combine his interests in Law Enforcement and in the U.S. Military.

[Lori D.]

Something that could be very helpful for your DS is to get some "hands-on" experience with a local junior law enforcement program or start some dual enrollment with your local community college or vo-tech criminal justice program, to see if he really IS interested in these areas.

 

He might find he prefers something like firefighting or emergency services responder.

 

Perhaps consider shadowing or looking in to becoming an emergency dispatcher?

 

Does he like camping/outdoors recreations? He might want to look into conservations officers (enforce fishing, hunting and boating laws). Fish and Game Warden? Or what about Ski Patrol or other Recreational Protective Service work?

 

What about Airfield Operations Specialist? Or more lucratively, a plane or helicopter mechanic?

 

While some of those are more marginal to police officer, some of those might be duties he would end up doing in the military, so it might be useful to do some research on enlisted military jobs and see if there is a civilian equivalent job that he could work, without losing quite so much of his personal freedom (and with less hazard due to deployment).

 

Has he done any career testing or career exploration to help him see he might have more options, which might reduce his stress level about "having to decide what to do with his life" right now even before graduation.

 

Also, what about getting involved in some local volunteer programs that overlap a little with these fields of his interest? For example, do you have a local Search & Rescue organization, and might that be of interest to DS? Here's the national organization's website.

 

 

DS#2 did not know what he wanted to do upon graduation. He did some classes at the community college, working towards an Associate's but decided he did not want to do that afterall. He stopped and worked for a year, and then did an Americorps project with a trail restoration/conservation program getting chainsaw certified as well as wilderness first aid and some other certifications, which then led to this year hiring on as a wildland firefighter. All that to say that not everyone knows what they want to do right out of the chute, and there are some interesting options out there for exploration.

 

(Side note about AmeriCorps: it is the domestic (within the US) version of the Peace Corps, and partners with a wide variety programs. My DS#2 was with an environmental partner program; but your DS might enjoy being a part of a program for for disaster relief, support of veterans and military families, or even urban safety/crime prevention.)

 

BEST of luck as your son explores his options! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited November 30, 2017 by Lori D.

[Mom22ns]

I have two different perspectives on this. One is my ds who went through similar struggles, lacked confidence and almost backed out of college with cold feet. He is ASD and one AP was enough and he and I both wondered how he would do full time college. The first year was a little rocky, but he survived and now he is a junior bringing in great grades and thriving. It was necessary to push him a bit. It always has been.

 

On the flip side of that coin is my nephew. He has no disabilities, but is a hands on kinda guy and really didn't want to go to college. He considered firefighting and law enforcement. He joined the Air Force reserves and was trained as an MP (they call it something else in the AF but that's what he is) and has served in UAE and in Puerto Rico after the hurricane (as base security). He has loved it and is now going to college with the plan of going into LE. I know my sister prefers AF to LE because it seems safer these days, but either way. The AF has been great for him. 

 

All that to say, I have one close to me who has done it both ways. It worked both ways. If you or he wants to hear more about ds's experiences going to college with struggles, feel free to pm. I don't post details here. But he is glad he did it. Nephew is glad he did AF and will get that degree eventually. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

[Guest]

A couple of your ds's characteristics point to the possibility that he would really like a LE career, but one thing I didn't read (or maybe I missed it) - is he a people person? Does he read people really well? Does he have experience with a broad range of people?

Actually, no. I don’t think he reads people very well. That is a good point. Broad range of people, yeah pretty much.

[Guest]

I have two different perspectives on this. One is my ds who went through similar struggles, lacked confidence and almost backed out of college with cold feet. He is ASD and one AP was enough and he and I both wondered how he would do full time college. The first year was a little rocky, but he survived and now he is a junior bringing in great grades and thriving. It was necessary to push him a bit. It always has been.

 

On the flip side of that coin is my nephew. He has no disabilities, but is a hands on kinda guy and really didn't want to go to college. He considered firefighting and law enforcement. He joined the Air Force reserves and was trained as an MP (they call it something else in the AF but that's what he is) and has served in UAE and in Puerto Rico after the hurricane (as base security). He has loved it and is now going to college with the plan of going into LE. I know my sister prefers AF to LE because it seems safer these days, but either way. The AF has been great for him.

 

All that to say, I have one close to me who has done it both ways. It worked both ways. If you or he wants to hear more about ds's experiences going to college with struggles, feel free to pm. I don't post details here. But he is glad he did it. Nephew is glad he did AF and will get that degree eventually. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

Thanks for that. I was thinking one possibility would be he could go to CC with a PT class load and also work PT. He would have some of the “safety†of being at home and he would (possibly) manage better and become more confident if he is not overwhelmed. Understand - I’m not super-hip to this route for a couple reasons; chiefly, I really want him to have the experience of being independant and to have the opportunity to find a cohort that excites him. But, it is one option I might present if he really seems overwhelmed at the thought of a 4yr school, full class load, away from home.

 

I don’t know. I wish it was easy to figure out what will work best for him.

[Mom22ns]

Thanks for that. I was thinking one possibility would be he could go to CC with a PT class load and also work PT. He would have some of the “safety†of being at home and he would (possibly) manage better and become more confident if he is not overwhelmed. Understand - I’m not super-hip to this route for a couple reasons; chiefly, I really want him to have the experience of being independant and to have the opportunity to find a cohort that excites him. But, it is one option I might present if he really seems overwhelmed at the thought of a 4yr school, full class load, away from home.

 

I don’t know. I wish it was easy to figure out what will work best for him.

 

I considered that option for the same reasons. Ds ended up on campus but only 45 minutes from home. I provided far more than typical support, but he was able to step up each year. I made the deal with ds that he would try one semester and if he hated it, he didn't have to go back. At the end of one he wanted to go back for spring. At the end of spring he wanted to quit, but it turned out there were some specific struggles and I was able to help him overcome them and he decided to go back after all. The next year was better and he never considered quitting again. This year has been the best yet and I haven't had to give any extra support. 

 

You might see if you can convince your ds to try one semester. If it doesn't work, the military options will still be available in January :). 

[1shortmomto4]

I don't come on here as much as I used to but this post caught my eye - because you basically wrote what I'd write about my middle ds - who is graduating in the spring.  He has, from day one, loved loved and loved the military.  He spends much of his time watching most everything on the history and military channels and has read a library full of military general biographies (and he is severely dyslexic).  He has expressed for years that he wants to be a general in the Army.  This is what motivates him to work hard on the subjects that create the biggest challenge for him.  We recently met with a recruiter to discuss options.  We were well-prepared for the sales pitch (worse than buying a new car!) but we needed to allow our ds to gather the information.  During this meeting he was able to take a 30 minute test (the name escapes me) to see how well he'd do on the ASVAB. Shockingly he did well on the reading part but timed out on the math.  We told recruiter that we'd be in touch because I wanted to find out more info from colleges regarding ROTC.  When you visit the local recruiter it is enlistment options only - at least at the one near us.  My dh was enlisted USMC and really wanted ds to go for the officer route if he were to enlist.  He, like your son, doesn't seem to have any particular bent towards a career.  We've asked our ds to spend the next 2 years at the local CC and earn his associates.  He can then transfer to an ROTC program.  It also allows him time to grow/mature a little more (my boys seem to take a little longer to mature) without a big life commitment.  If he hates/doesn't succeed at CC then he still has the option to consider enlistment.  My dh looks at the CC experience as a prep school and it will better prepare him for the final 2 (or even grad school) years.  We did this with our first 2 and they are now finishing bachelor's and masters with minimal debt, and great GPAs.  I think CC is a great middle ground for kiddos that struggle with knowing what their paths are for the future.

 

As for LE - my dh spent 25 years in LE and yes, right now it is hard to be an officer but not impossible.  Young men and women are called to protect despite the current culture.  You are located near me so I have a pretty good idea of the LE climate in this area.  Please be sure to look at department's qualifications because most now require, at a minimum, 2 years of college (or even an Associates).  And don't get the degree in criminal justice - pick something more useful. There are many opportunities in LE - especially in the large department in DC.  Promotions are based on test scores vs who you know.  You might look whether a local department offers the explorers program - for high school and I want to say CC students.  This might be a great opportunity for him to learn much more about LE.  At the very least, some departments have a citizens academy which might also be an option to explore, too. The explorer program exposes the young people to all the various departments.  It is not an easy career by any means but it can be very rewarding.  

 

[mamaraby]

OP post #20 has a lot of great information from someone who has BTDT. One thing I find incredibly troubling, in 2017, is that a lot of LEOs go into a restaurant and the workers refuse to serve them or are very hostile to them. I cannot begin to imagine. That hostility is something LEOs in the USA face daily.

Uh, no. I’m married to a LEO. We go to the restaurant. Often. Even while dh is in uniform. All the time. No hostility. No one refusing service.

 

As for danger? Dh’s greatest risk as a LEO is the same as it’s always been - domestic calls and distracted drivers (either while doing a traffic stop or while directing traffic).

 

I’d say that if your perspective onlaw enforcement comes from somewhere other than Fox News, you see it differently. My dad began his LEO career in the 70s and he’d tell you that we go through cycles. And also, it’s no more dangerous than it was before. The greatest risk for an LEO? Stress related health problems and mental health issues.

 

90% of dh’s job is dealing with people. It’s mediating disputes between neighbors who hate each other and call the cops on each other over stupid stuff. It’s being called to someone’s house to deal with kids or parents who are out of control. It’s parenting parents. It’s helping convince the guy with dementia to go back home. It’s helping get services to vulnerable people who need help. It’s responding to traffice complaints. It’s dealing with drunk people or overdoses.

 

If your ds does not have a knack for people, he won’t make a good cop. If high stress situations are overwhelming, he won’t make a good cop. If he’s not adept at problem solving with people, he’s going to hate the job. If he’s not talented in deescalation, it’s not the job for him.

 

The ADD, though, may not be a deal breaker. Dh tends to have some of those qualities and it’s somewhat of an asset in his career as for him it has translated into him noticing things others miss. But dh is also really good at people.

 

Departments vary. A city police department will vary depending on the city. Working for a township will be different. The state patrol here is a different job than the sheriff’s office. And the two of them are completely different from being a city cop. I’d suggest that your ds look into junior explorer type programs that some departments offer. I’d also suggest he check with a department about things like ride alongs and internships. It’s going to be one of those things that will vary from place to place and department to department.

 

I would not discourage my kid from being a cop because of some notion about how dangerous or “hostile†people are to cops, but I would discourage a couple of my kids from being cops because I don’t think they have the right mix of people skills.

Edited November 30, 2017 by mamaraby