Not using the china this year! And other issues...chime in but be polite

[barnwife]

When we hosted, we used both the china and the regular plates because I didn't own enough to cover everyone otherwise.  My mom uses her china, but has thanksgiving themed paper plates out for the veggie and fruit trays that are out before the main meal, as well as for the pies after.

 

As for loud folks.....I am loud.  I have been my entire life.  My hearing is fine, I am just loud.  I am aware that I am loud.....but not aware of my volume as I talk.  I have worked in customer service on the phones and for the first few months I would get a lot of "why are you shouting at me?" and the feedback from quality control was to talk more quietly.   I just.........can't.  I mean, I can lower my voice when someone points it out, but an hour or two later, the volume has crept right back up. 

 

For me, if you just wave that "hold it down" sign at me, I will make the effort to lower my volume.  (it won't help for long, but I try.)  But if you (general you) get all snotty and rude about it, I don't bother. 

 

Everything she said about being loud is true for me too...down to not heeding a request made snottily or rudely.

I don't get this. What is the point of owning and storing items one never uses for 30 years? 

 

I know she responded, but I'll tell a story anyway. I got a box from my parents semi-recently. Upon opening it, I saw a china doll that I had gotten as a child (30 odd years ago) and never been allowed to play with. I am sure my mom thought "oh, this doll is too nice, she might break it" etc...She wouldn't even display it because I might have taken it down and broken it.But the result was that it sat in an attic for decades. We don't remember who gave it to me, but I am sure they would have liked to know I had gotten to use it!

 

When my mom gave it to me recently, I immediately took it out of the box and gave it to our DD5. Yes, she might break it. But, gosh darn it all, someone is going to enjoy it!

I don't own china, but wish I did. We use white plates for everything. My mom uses china if it is at her house, and my dad washes them. We are eating at my sister's this time and I have no idea what she is going to use. I'm fine with paper but would prefer something festive...Party City has really cute ones. 

I have no china. But my mom has 3 sets. My sisters and I have made it clear that we do not want it and will donate it when the time comes. I wish I knew someone who'd take it!

[Zinnia]

My mom hosts. She adores her china, so full china, crystal, and silver for 14. Cloth napkins, ironed tablecloths, the full 9 yards. It's impressive.

[Katy]

Katie, if you want china, check out estate sales.  I bet it would take less than ten sales before you found a full set of a pattern you like for less than $40.  At least once a year I talk myself out of buying a set I'm in love with because we don't need more china.

[gaillardia]

The wide and wise variety of replies is great. Thanks, guys.

I like the idea of signs (quiet down), telling them they can wash the dishes (why haven't they offered?), being right in their faces with hey, don't be so loud or why are you talking so loud?

The dishes part...I thought I'd try to find the clear plastic disposable plates but dh bought chinet today.

I love the idea of buying secondhand pieces I like and not having any of my dishes matching ever again. Someone gave me an entire set of dishes, they do not wash up well in the dishwasher on any setting and do best hand washed. That is not happening. They don't break easily either. 

After washing the china in dishwasher on a light setting once or twice, the design was lighter. Not good.

[MBM]

To help quiet guests down, how about putting on a feel-good movie or calm music? Or starting a game or puzzle? We watch movies and break out the traditional pre-Christmas puzzle at our house.

 

For dishes, I’d grab a glass of wine and hand wash in a sink of soapy water and let drip dry. A bit of a pain but not too bad.

Edited November 23, 2017 by MBM

[Carol in Cal.]

I actually know of a solution to this, from old stories: You do pre-warm it, like a teapot, in the kitchen. Then put it on a rolling cart (in the kitchen), pour or ladle in the soup, wheel the cart to the dining room, and serve from there without picking up the tureen again. You'd also have the soup bowls and plates, and whatever you were passing with the soup, on the cart.

OH!  This actually totally makes sense.

 

Somewhere deep in the garage is a teacart that I salvaged from someone's storage unit but don't have a place for in this house.  I never could quite bring myself to get rid of it because it is old and darling.  Maybe I will try harder to find a niche for it now that I have this great idea from you!  In our previous home we had it set up in a corner of the dining room, and it was great for serving punch buffet style (glass top--easy to clean up drips).  When we weren't having company I displayed a China coffee service on it or something seasonal, so it always looked pretty.  It's the old-fashioned kind with one set of large diameter wheels and one set of tiny ones.  I've never used it in a 'wheel it around' kind of way but I imagine that the wheels work or could be made to do so.

Edited November 23, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Carol in Cal.]

. I realized my kids won't want it as it holds no meaning for them. No warm and fuzzy memories of helping me set the holiday table. 

This is SUCH a problem.

My grandmother hosted all of our Big Family Dinners, and her china is definitely sentimental to me.  But we don't have that same level of Tradition anymore as my mother will not ever host, and although I enjoyed doing it, once I started working fulltime and homeschooling it became absolutely impossible.  So DD does not associate our china with Big Family Dinners in the same way.

 

I still love it because DH and I picked it out together and it's beautiful, but I have not used it nearly as much as I pictured.  Sigh.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

I have no china. But my mom has 3 sets. My sisters and I have made it clear that we do not want it and will donate it when the time comes. I wish I knew someone who'd take it!

See, I would take it, totally. 

But I also SHOULD NOT.  Because I have china already.  And I like it.

But I love to set a nice table, and I like variety too.

[Bluegoat]

I use my good china all the time - it does go in a dishwasher though.  Same with cutlery.  All my glasses, OTOH, are mason jars.  My mom didn't want to drink wine out of one last time she came for dinner, I had to hunt out a stray wine glass from the back of a cabinet.

 

I think if they really won't wash, use what is easy.  But I'd also consider seriously saying that if no one volunteers to wash, you won't host.

[Alessandra]

I love china, silver, and so on. I don't have a dishwasher, so no problems on that front.

 

One of the nicest dinner parties I ever went to was given by a friend who lived in a one room apartment, but gave dinner parties for twelve. He collected china and glass. Every piece was different, but they all went together. (The host was an artist with a good eye.) It was fun at the dinner table as we all compared what pieces we had.

[amy g.]

I love china, silver, and so on. I don't have a dishwasher, so no problems on that front.

 

One of the nicest dinner parties I ever went to was given by a friend who lived in a one room apartment, but gave dinner parties for twelve. He collected china and glass. Every piece was different, but they all went together. (The host was an artist with a good eye.) It was fun at the dinner table as we all compared what pieces we had.

My nephew just did this for his wedding. They had collected unmatched china and flatware from thrift stores and antique stores.

 

It was an outdoor wedding at their house and all of the beautiful china made it seem glorious. Paper plates just would not have had the same feeling.

[gaillardia]

It was different to not hear the clanking of the plates and everything seemed more minimalistic even though it filled a trash bag. 

Pies and desserts. No extra vegetables. I wasn't stuck in the kitchen for hours cleaning up. I wasn't stuck in the kitchen at all.

I had a great Thanksgiving with my family and I hope everyone else has had an enjoyable day and evening as well. 

 

[happypamama]

I’m late to this discussion, but I don’t have China (or crystal or silver). When we got married, we were freshly out of our parents’ houses and dorms so we needed basics more than fancy, and China seemed like an unnecessary expense, although part of me does think it’s pretty.

 

For over a decade, we’ve been collecting a piece or two a year from our favorite semi-local potter. I always pick something in the same general color family (blue), and he keeps adding new color schemes, so everything is harmonious but with some variety. In addition to the various serving pieces that graced our table last night, so did the plates; they’re heavy and not easily replaceable because they’re custom, so I do reserve them for special occasions, but they go easily into the dishwasher. Just offering a slightly different option for those who want something special but who want something easier to care for than China.

 

(And for a large crowd, I’d use heavier paper.)

[bettyandbob]

I don't host large gatherings. When we have holiday meals or special celebration's at my house I do use china. I have a mix of three patterns. Dinner plates are simple gold rim. I have two dessert/salad plates both coordinate with each other and the dinner plates. Everything goes in the dishwasher. If everything did not go in the dishwasher I don't think I'd use it as much. I have crystal too. That has to be hand washed. Those are my only wine glasses. I don't think I'd like drinking out of disposable cups.

 

I like the formal look of the table, but I do get why people use chinette . You do want spend time enjoying the holiday. Chinette makes that a lit easier.

 

Honestly, I wish I hosted stuff more, but our immediate family issues make pulling that off hard.

[boscopup]

For large gatherings, I break out the Chinette. Sturdy plates that can hold a lot of food, but no cleanup for me. :)

 

Yesterday, I did use the good China, but mine is totally dishwashable, along with the silverware (it's stainless steel). So cleanup was easy. Plus it was just my family and my parents, so 7 people using the good dishes and the toddler using her plastic plate. If my China wasn't dishwashable, I would never ever use it. :lol:

[KungFuPanda]

Katie, if you want china, check out estate sales. I bet it would take less than ten sales before you found a full set of a pattern you like for less than $40. At least once a year I talk myself out of buying a set I'm in love with because we don't need more china.

I’ve seen full sets at goodwill. People just aren’t keeping it anymore. Mom tried to give me some silver and I backed away in fear.

[HS Mom in NC]

China

Things are meant to serve people; people are not meant to serve things.

Most years it's china and some years it's pretty disposables-whatever fits the current situation. I got the china it at Linens and Things (L&T) 20+ years ago.  It's cream colored with a sliver rim which works year round for all holidays and events. It says fine china (it didn't cost a lot because I got it on sale and L&T is low end anyway) and it's supposed to be handwashed, but I don't ever handwash it.  I put it in the gentle cycle in the dishwasher and what happens to it happens to it. Now, after 20 years, the silver rim is fading and blotching a bit on some of them and I don't care.  Now I consider those to look antiqued.  I have place settings for 24 along with the serving plates and bowls, which I use a few times a year.  NO WAY will I handwash all that in addition to prepping my house for a couple of dozen people.  That's not reasonable.  I don't have half a dozen kids to line up and assembly line handwashing dishes. I don't have servants to do it either.  I may have local SILs and mother, but all but one is working full time and everyone has 1 or 2 other Thanksgiving events to attend before or after mine, so they can't come for a couple of days to help with all the prep and clean up. So I do what makes the most sense for my life-I use the dishwasher. 

Same with the crystal glasses.  I bought them at Ross 20+ years ago.  It worked out to $2 a glass.  I don't handwash those either; same gentle cycle in the dishwasher.  One is chipped.  I don't know if it was the dishwasher or handling that chipped it, but so far it's working out for me.

 When my grandmother died I was given the silver serving pieces and immediately passed them on to someone else.  I don't have time or motivation to polish silver, so I don't.  Just because my grandmother owned it doesn't mean I'm obligated to keep it. Giving it away doesn't mean I don't love my grandmother.  Her stuff is stuff and my memories of her are my memories of her and the two don't have to go together.

Relatives

Social gatherings are meant to positively affect relationships, not negatively affect them.

You need a smaller family gathering.  Next year, around Nov. 1, send a nice email or however you communicate.  Something that boils down to, "This year we're just having a small gathering for Thanksgiving.  Enjoy your holiday, have safe travels, and we'll catch up another time." Then you can invite only the extended family you actually want to hang out with you on Thanksgiving for dinner or sometime during the holiday season for cookies and drinks or dinner out.  There is no obligation to always have a gathering with everyone every time.

[ktgrok]

I’ve seen full sets at goodwill. People just aren’t keeping it anymore. Mom tried to give me some silver and I backed away in fear.

 

I would love to start looking for some but really don't even have room to store it :(  But if/when we move and I have room I think I'll start looking for some second hand pieces!

[regentrude]

On the topic of silver : you don't have to polish silver. You can put it in a pan with aluminum foil, salt, baking soda and hot water. The chemistry will take care of the black tarnish in a few seconds

Edited November 25, 2017 by regentrude

[HS Mom in NC]

On the topic of silver : you don't have to polish silver. You can put it in a pan with aluminum foil, salt, baking soda and hot water. The chemistry will take care of the black tarnish in a few seconds

 

Sure, you can,  but if you have large silver serving dishes and silver pitchers like with my grandmother's silver, you're talking about another project getting the big pieces chemically polished added to straightening up, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, setting up extra tables, washing linens (mine are microfiber so they don't need ironing right out of the dryer,) decorating, cleaning up, storing leftovers and putting everything away.  Why not just streamline things by only using what goes into the dishwasher? Wash it after a meal and it's ready for the next gathering. People can spend their time and energy how ever they want, but when lists get long and time gets short people are likely to cut the least necessary things, and adding in a double cleaning for silver (chemically polishing it before setting it out on the table) is one of the likeliest candidates for getting the ax.