Homeschooling and menopause. Yikes.

[helena]

I am in serious need of some BTDT advice. I have one kid to go, she's in 10th grade. 

 

What's the problem? What isn't the problem. No real serious SERIOUS problems. Just an endless series of insane thoughts, conversations, and hot sweaty rage waves.  :huh: We both seem to be at a funky time in our lives at the same time. I don't want to develop bad habits between us. I want to keep the respect and and high standards we've worked so hard on since kindergarden. 

 

Just because i want to quit homeschooling and move away to a commune and focus on propagating fruit trees, doesn't mean I don't want to make sure her planner is filled out and that she hit every subject every day. 

 

Hit me with your best tips.

Tell me I can manage this hideous stage of my life with a bit of grace because there's a part of me that's saying "shove that grace up your rear, I don't need this sh*t" (I hate that voice and don't say it, but I think it before I can stop it)

 

It's only 10am and I already thought I was going to eat a woman who tried to cut in line at the drug store. Haha!

Like I said Yikes. I can't lie… sometimes it feels good. Yikes.

 

So… epsom baths??  :lol:

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2017 by helena

[Tess in the Burbs]

I'm in the same boat.  I have a 10th grade boy who hates any kind of formal learning, and a 9th grade girl who's emotionally like me.  And I'm definitely going through some hormonal changes right now.  It's awful.  I want to run away and live in the woods alone.  Some days I spend a lot of time in my room crying.  They don't want to go to school, I don't want them to go to school, but gosh, the emotions in this house right now are so up and down it's like swimming in a poison river and you never know when the water will slam you up side someone's emotional paddle in your face!

 

Anyway, I would love to hear advice...

[helena]

My family knows. There is a lot of joking about it. That's how we cope. 

 

The week before I found out what was happening, I barricaded myself in my room and watched every episode of Veronica Mars. My husband kept asking what was going on. Once I found out, he started calling it Veronica Marsopause. :/

 

 

 

[helena]

Our family practitioner, to my dh, when our son was born:  "You know, she's going to hit menopause just about the time your son his puberty."

DH:  I'm leaving town. 

 

I wish they both had.  I bitterly regret may actions at that time.  I had no idea that it would be that bad, and I always thought I could just "master" it.  But I didn't even *recognize* it.

 

My hindsight advice for my ds would be that he should have gone to school at 8th grade.  

But in your case, I would just flat out be honest with your daughter.  Tell her what is going on, that it is somewhat like a personality transplant, that you intend to be kind and patient, and that sometimes it is just an overwhelming passion that hits you.  Tell her what you are going to do to manage it--"When I feel like I am going to go "hot", I'm going to leave the room so that I won't say or do things that I really do not mean to say or do.  But if I let them fly, can we agree that it is OK for YOU to leave the room?"  

 

Something along those lines.  Not excusing bad behavior--but showing that you intend to overmaster it, even if it means locking yourself in your room for a couple of hours until you CAN overmaster it.  

That's much nicer than my way. I get frustrated and growl MENOPAUSE!! MENOPAUSE!!

Jeez. I need to act more mature...

 

Patty, I can say it your reasonable way. I will try. Very hard. Most of the time.

[AimeeM]

I'm just here for the ride and to listen in.

 

My kids have started calling me "Mommy Monster." Seriously -- it's like every bit of restraint I had, regarding what I say and how I say it, goes out the window when I feel the least bit irritated, hot and sweaty, or tired (which, by the way, is essentially always these days). I'm fine one minute, and an emotional, irate mess literally five minutes later. And I'm so, so tired.

 

 

[scoutingmom]

Another going through it with 2 teens and a couple of youngest. And my husband lost all his patience with a stroke 3 months ago.

 

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[amy g.]

I'm 51 with 10 more homeschooling years ahead.

 

I hate the menopausal symptoms, but I also hate that my older kids had to deal with my pregnancy hormones and PPD.

 

I will say that stopping sugar and grains has made a huge difference in my mood swings and hot flashes. I don't think this would necessarily help everyone, but in my case it has made the situation much more manageable.

 

I try to never miss taking my vitamins and minerals. Things get worse if I forget them.

 

Lastly, I am being very kind to myself. I just took a long epsom salt bath at 12:00 noon to regroup. If I need a nap or a Netflix show or a goof off day, I take it.

 

This is much better for my family than pushing through and then raging at everyone as a result.

 

Dh has stepped up by doing more chores and errands so I'm less stressed.

 

It is challenging, but I'm not ready to give up or run away quite yet.

[gardenmom5]

yoga. you can both do it - start your day with it.  can be a fun "bonding" time.   there are many videos on youtube.  I do them from dvds.

 

it REALLY does help me with hot flashes.   and the moods . . . .

[Guest]

See? I knew it was not only me.

 

I’m sorry; I’m no help. I am so fried on homeschooling and I know those hormone challenges play a major role.

[Guest]

In the book Fried Green Tomatoes, the one woman is going through menopause. Oh, my how much sense those vignettes do actually make. I love how she creates this mental alter-ego, Tiwanda, who smashes the cars of people who steal her parking space and other such infranctions.

 

Relate. If you have never read the book, or if you read it before you knew how accurate it is, read it. You will feel in great company.

[Zebra]

I was a little dismayed to overhear someone in line the other day saying, "All these young women think menopause is over by 50, but it's more like your mid-fifties."

 

I don't think I can take it.   Although, I am not sure what my choices are  :lol: .

 

DD and I have been trying to walk together a few times a week.   I used to make DD come, now she wants to come.  I think because we actually get a chance to talk like friends.   I don't have to be mom, or homeschool teacher or whatever for a little while.  I try to make little bonding times more of a priority now that she's a teen.  We can be friends, some.  Which I know isn't possible for everyone but has seemed to tamp down the resentment that builds up on both sides.

 

It isn't all ponies pooping rainbows, that's for sure.   But anything that helps is good.

 

I wish I had better advice for you OP.   But the only thing that comes to mind is, if the teens years aren't like this you will never want your dd to move out and have her own life.   Also now you won't have to cry and miss the homeschooling years... :laugh: !

[mom2scouts]

I'm in menopause and my daughter is just starting puberty. The next few years should be interesting.

[trulycrabby]

Yes, it's a pain to teach while sweat is dripping down your face. "Mom...why is your face so red?"

 

"Mom, why is your shirt so wet?" :ack2:

 

I'm not homeschooling anymore, but estrogen/progesterone isn't doing a thing from for me! I've got more hormones than a teenage girl, but the sweats continue!

 

Fruit smoothies used to help a lot (fruit contains phytoestrogens), so some of you who are just beginning to get flashy might consider trying them.

[gardenmom5]

Do you have a couple dvds that you recommend that my daughter and I could do together?  

 

for me, my out of shape and bloated practice is "suzanne deason's yoga conditioning for weight loss".  it's a good all around practice for someone who is not particularly strong or fit.  show different levels of modification.   it's my fall-back practice.  before my last knee injury - I had actually shelved it because I had made so much progress.

 

then Ashley turner (more flow), or Barbara benagh.    both good teachers, don't show the adaptations to make a pose easier.   not quite as beginner.  Like them both, and have several dvds by both of them.

[helena]

I'm 51 with 10 more homeschooling years ahead.

 

I hate the menopausal symptoms, but I also hate that my older kids had to deal with my pregnancy hormones and PPD.

 

I will say that stopping sugar and grains has made a huge difference in my mood swings and hot flashes. I don't think this would necessarily help everyone, but in my case it has made the situation much more manageable.

 

I try to never miss taking my vitamins and minerals. Things get worse if I forget them.

 

Lastly, I am being very kind to myself. I just took a long epsom salt bath at 12:00 noon to regroup. If I need a nap or a Netflix show or a goof off day, I take it.

 

This is much better for my family than pushing through and then raging at everyone as a result.

 

Dh has stepped up by doing more chores and errands so I'm less stressed.

 

It is challenging, but I'm not ready to give up or run away quite yet.

Netflix and I are becoming good friends. :)

I'm watching a Spanish soap opera kind of show. I love it and it drives everyone away. I can feel myself calming down as I watch it. 

 

I don't think I'm being kind to myself. I was raised that when things get hard, work harder, bleach stuff and don't be a wimp. 

[helena]

In the book Fried Green Tomatoes, the one woman is going through menopause. Oh, my how much sense those vignettes do actually make. I love how she creates this mental alter-ego, Tiwanda, who smashes the cars of people who steal her parking space and other such infranctions.

 

Relate. If you have never read the book, or if you read it before you knew how accurate it is, read it. You will feel in great company.

Is that the movie where Cathy Bates rams her car into the young girls car? I think about that scene a lot. Haha!

[mlktwins]

I'm 50 with twin boys going through puberty.  Fun times  :banghead:  :blink:  :boxing_smiley:  :willy_nilly:  :scared:  :D

[KungFuPanda]

I am terrified! I’m 45 and I’m completely paranoid that it’s going to start any minute to the point of imagining symptoms and wondering if that’s “it.†A friend told me today that when a real flash happens I’ll be sure. I haven’t missed any periods yet, but they’re changing. Next year is my last year of homeschooling with my youngest child. If it could just hold off a bit longer . . .

 

Knowing it could happen anythime between now and a decade from now is super annoying.

[ScoutTN]

I'm 51 and past menopause.

Definitely had a few bad years. Acupuncture helped lots.

[Pawz4me]

I"ll be 55 in a couple of months and it's just been in the last few months that I *think* maybe I'm past the worst of it. Maybe.

 

Be kind to yourself. Don't feel guilty about doing little things throughout the day to help you get through. Whatever those are. You've reached this milestone, you've earned the right to take care of and pamper yourself.

 

Going through menopause also made me realize how truly rough it must be for kids going through puberty. Poor things don't have a clue what's happening to them. Women of our age do and it's still SO challenging.

[Scarlett]

I was starting it by late 30s and the worst of it was over by the time my divorce was final at age 45. I could not get through it without hormones even though I swore I wouldn't take them because my mom had bc.

[gardenmom5]

I was a little dismayed to overhear someone in line the other day saying, "All these young women think menopause is over by 50, but it's more like your mid-fifties."

 

I don't think I can take it.   Although, I am not sure what my choices are  :lol: .

 

DD and I have been trying to walk together a few times a week.   I used to make DD come, now she wants to come.  I think because we actually get a chance to talk like friends.   I don't have to be mom, or homeschool teacher or whatever for a little while.  I try to make little bonding times more of a priority now that she's a teen.  We can be friends, some.  Which I know isn't possible for everyone but has seemed to tamp down the resentment that builds up on both sides.

 

It isn't all ponies pooping rainbows, that's for sure.   But anything that helps is good.

 

I wish I had better advice for you OP.   But the only thing that comes to mind is, if the teens years aren't like this you will never want your dd to move out and have her own life.   Also now you won't have to cry and miss the homeschooling years... :laugh: !

 

I only just finally had my full year of nothing this year.   (yippee).    i'm mid 50's.  so, I don't know.   I thought symptoms were supposed to continue for a while after that.   If I don't' do yoga - my hot flashes do come back.

 

I feel like I had more rages and struggles in my 40's.   or maybe I'm just more placid after dudeling has made so much progress.   (one of his rx SIDE EFFECTS - is reducing anxiety - so, he's much easier.)

[Rosika]

Going through menopause also made me realize how truly rough it must be for kids going through puberty. Poor things don't have a clue what's happening to them. Women of our age do and it's still SO challenging.

 

This is so true. 

 

I did fine with my older kids. I was younger back then, and they're so close in age that their puberty hit like a hurricane - hard and fast, and then it was over. It felt like most of our time was spent assessing damage and re-building. In hindsight it feels like a blur, kind of like when they were all potty-training. 

 

My little one is just starting puberty. She was a complete monster for the year prior to her first cycle. She's my first girl and I didn't know this was normal. I thought she was possessed. Each time she'd get a crazy look in her eye, I braced myself for a waterfall of green vomit and her head spinning circles. I was pregnant at the time, and then postpartum, so I was a huge mess of uncontrolled hormones myself. We're lucky her brothers were around, especially that first year postpartum. They'd hug whichever of us was emotionally wounded, talk down whichever of us was gunning for a fight, and basically just referee and pick up the pieces. They deserve medals. 

 

I had a big problem with getting flushed and staying hot for hours. It doesn't help that everyone in this house thinks the thermostat at 74 = freezing. When I'm home alone I turn it down to 65, and I could go lower but am trying to not spend my entire retirement on next month's a/c bill. We compromise on a daily temp of 70, and it irritates me that they walk around all dramatic in sweaters and blankets while I'm still dying of heat in a tank top and thin cotton skirt! 

 

My hormones have become more stable, and hers are getting there. But I am peri-menopausal, and I fear for our future when there are no more older brothers at home to run interference. For now she and I just lay it all out: "both of us are trying to gain control of these floods of hormones" and we consciously try to give each other more grace. 

 

My normal relaxation technique was to take a hot shower or bath, even mid-day. I can't do that right now because I'll run internally hot for hours. I can barely stand to take my normal shower/bath (I like them super hot. I can't do lukewarm or cool.) I had to find a new strategy. Walking has helped a lot!

 

We walk to Sonic and treat ourselves to something sweet on really bad days. Most days we walk around the neighborhood or the park. It's a good break to our day, a nice way to connect during our hormonal lulls, and I really do think the exercise helps regulate whatever is going on in our bodies. I always order a Sonic ice water. Sipping it throughout the day, and then chewing the ice helps keep my internal body temp a bit lower. It makes me more pleasant to be around. I really just don't do the overheating thing very gracefully. 

 

I like the suggestion above to give myself and my daughter permission to have days where we just roll with the hormones instead of trying to power through them. I need to work on not seeing it as a weakness, and to realize that my mental health and our relationships are more important - and maybe worth being a little "weak" over. 

[helena]

I'm 51 and past menopause.

Definitely had a few bad years. Acupuncture helped lots.

That's good to know! Just last night my husband was suggesting I go back to acupuncture for Lupus related stuff. It never dawned on me to use it for menopause. I think it might be really cheap for me until the end of the year too. 

Thanks!

[helena]

I"ll be 55 in a couple of months and it's just been in the last few months that I *think* maybe I'm past the worst of it. Maybe.

 

Be kind to yourself. Don't feel guilty about doing little things throughout the day to help you get through. Whatever those are. You've reached this milestone, you've earned the right to take care of and pamper yourself.

 

Going through menopause also made me realize how truly rough it must be for kids going through puberty. Poor things don't have a clue what's happening to them. Women of our age do and it's still SO challenging.

Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear it. It know I'm hormonal right now, but these words choked me up.  :o

[GailV]

yoga. you can both do it - start your day with it.  can be a fun "bonding" time.   there are many videos on youtube.  I do them from dvds.

 

it REALLY does help me with hot flashes.   and the moods . . . .

 

I just realized that there are a bunch of yoga video choices on Amazon Prime.  It's amazing!  I can't believe it took me this many years to figure this out!

 

Dd and I go together to a yoga class at the fitness center once a week.  It really is a nice thing to do together, even though she can actually do the poses and I can't.

 

Edited to add:  We used to take long, long walks together.  I needed to get out and exercise to work off random adrenaline surges, and it was great for bonding.  These days her class schedule is too weird for that, but the yoga fits in nicely.

Edited November 17, 2017 by GailV

[GailV]

I'm 51 and past menopause.

Definitely had a few bad years. Acupuncture helped lots.

 

The mention of acupuncture reminds me to mention EFT, which involves tapping on the ends of the meridians, and is sometimes simply called "tapping". It's great for stress.  Lots of websites about it, lots of youtubes (Brad Yates is very prolific).  Our library has books on the subject, including through Hoopla and OverDrive.

 

Some of the books are geared towards teens and preteens, speaking of what the kids are going through.

[matrips]

I'm 50 with twin boys going through puberty.  Fun times  :banghead:  :blink:  :boxing_smiley:  :willy_nilly:  :scared:  :D

 

I'm 52 with triplets going through puberty!  Yep, I know how you feel.

[Mommyof1]

I'm staring at 50 and perimenopausal with a just turned 5 yr old. Just starting my homeschool journey. Hopefully menopause will be over before her puberty begins.