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friend issue -- reach out again, or wait patiently? -- UPDATE in Post #48 (11/19)


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#51 ILiveInFlipFlops

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Posted 20 November 2017 - 09:00 AM

You sound like you're in a good place about this crummy experience  :grouphug:  I'm glad you're seeing things clearly and not jumping to appease her. Because you shouldn't! I'm sorry it got to this point, though, and that she's not a better friend to you. 


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#52 Okra

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Posted 20 November 2017 - 09:07 AM

In many ways, the email provides much clarity. This seems like a person who thinks about herself most of the time.

You don't have to be involved with her.

And, also realize that this might be a predictable pattern for her.
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#53 Jaybee

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Posted 20 November 2017 - 09:56 AM

I had a very deep friendship that lasted over many years. It was forged through mutual difficult experiences, and was valuable to me in many ways. This friend encouraged me and provided support, and vice versa. Without going into details, a series of events took place that caused a rift, and then essentially an end, to the friendship. It broke my heart. We had shared so much through the years. Yet, as time had gone on, one of the things I realized was that I was never going to be the kind of friend that she wanted me to be. I was constantly disappointing her. I think she wanted me to agree with her about everything (I didn't), she wanted to spend more time together than I wanted, and so on. I felt like my personhood got sucked into hers, in some ways, and that I was not allowed to be myself. She had a strong personality, and it sometimes made me really tired, having to wrestle so hard within myself just to hold onto who I was. When the rift came, it hurt me horribly. Yet, as time went on, I began to feel freedom as well. I began to see the ways that the friendship had been--or had become--unhealthy. I will always treasure the times we had and the family friendships we shared. But there came a point where I couldn't compromise who I was any more to try to meet expectations that were unreachable. 


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#54 SKL

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Posted 20 November 2017 - 09:59 AM

After refreshing my memory from the old thread, my question is:  wait patiently for what?  She sounds like the kind of "friend" who is only going to bring unwanted drama into your life.  It sounds like it's time to move on.


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