Am I remembering the backstory correctly? Crafting weekend? She sells, you don't?
Basically, yes. Huge quilting convention; she doesn't sell, but her business is quilting, and so the trip is a business write off for her.
If I remember the background, she’s already been pulling away. From her perspective, she may have felt put on the spot or “scolded” for having what is often a natural ebbing in a relationship. I have been on the other side of this. I have had what I thought were really close relationships with “sisters” which after more than 20 years still came to a close. It hurts. But I felt like I had to accept my (former) friends feelings. I realized that I want relationships that are mutual and not one sided or at least too lopsided.
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Yes, that's about it. Part of things, further complicating it, is that she also has depression. Four years ago, when we first did our in-person get together, she was really really really bad. I was her only safe person, and it just amplified the feelings of closeness, I guess. Now, she's much better than she was, and is able to be more social with more people again. Which is good. Which I'm happy about.
But that's part of why her circle is widening, and I am glad for the healing taking place.....but in the widening of the circle, I feel like I'm finding myself on the outside of it, instead of on the inside of it, if that makes sense. Which is, again, part of why I never said anything (and I only really feel it at this once/year event; I told her, and meant it, that I'd be pretty content maintaining our friendship via email, as normal, so long as next year when this event rolls around I am allowed to stay at my house and attend during the day, maybe staying one night with her in the hotel if she insists to stay there vs my house. Because really the thing is, I just can't afford to spend $500+ on a local event, ya know?
But I also asked her if there's anything that has happened beyond just her getting better that is behind this pulling away that I feel from her. So....we'll see. I'd be thrilled to just continue as normal, and just be sort of "released" from having to spend the whole 4 days at the hotel with her during this event.
I was trying to remember the details, as well, because I seemed to remember thinking the friend was the one who was making things difficult for the OP and not the other way around, so I went back and found the old thread -- at least I'm pretty sure this is it.
Note to TheReader -- I hope it's okay that I'm posting this here, but I think it would be helpful for people to be reminded of the backstory, particularly because I personally believe your friend is out of line if she's upset or angry with you. I don't think you owe her any apology at all!
If you're uncomfortable with the link being posted here, please let me know and I'll remove it immediately.
No, that is totally fine. I almost mentioned it in the first post, but then thought maybe it wasn't relevant and maybe I was talking too much. DH always says I give too many details, so I try to whittle them down.....but yes, that's the back story. Same friend, same issues.
Also, holy cow, re-reading that post makes me realize/remember how bad it had been....I had forgotten some of those details. Wowsa. Yes, things were very much the same this go-round. Sheesh.
That's my impression of the situation, as well.
I suspect the friend doesn't really want to be close friends any more. I just wish she would have handled things differently because I hate to see TheReader's feelings being hurt.
Awww, thank you. You are so sweet! I'm at a place where I'm honestly okay with it....this last event just left me feeling like a bit of an idiot and rather guilty for not listening to my husband earlier on. He tried to remind me of last year and talk me out of staying in the hotel with her; I felt like things had been getting better, and she'd be upset if I didn't, so I pushed it, got the job so I could pay that part (which turned out really fun and I'd do that again), and in the end, cost us money we didn't need to spend and still possibly cost myself the friendship by the way I walked out.
But...if it's not mutual any longer, it's not mutual any longer. And it was pretty clear...it's not mutual, not on the same level as it was. So...okay. Like you mentioned elsewhere....I was honest with her, and it was way past time for that. How she responds is up to her, and whichever way it goes....I think I'm okay with that. I would love to keep the friendship, but if she can't....okay.
Edited by TheReader, 15 November 2017 - 10:01 AM.