I think a lot of it has to do with how his mental health and anxiety affect his every day living.
Is he is the type to get stressed out because he forgot to write a paper and shuts down? Does he get overwhelmed with work, so he hides in video games or sleeps all day? Then I would suspect going away to college will make this worse, not better.
Is he the type to just not care and have a bunch of zeros on the grade book? But can still go to class, learn and just do intermittent work? This is the situation where I think someone could turn it around and make it. But he will have to know what works for him and take some skills with him. Like actualy using a planner. Understanding a syllabus and putting due dates on a calendar. etc Even if it is an agreement with him, that you will Skype and have a once a week, scheduling meeting with him to check in on his progress.
Does he try to do good work, but gets lots of missed points for forgetting details. ie, he writes the paper but forgets to do the bibliography? Does he make simple mistakes like missing a question on a scantron, and gets the answer rows off so he fails on material he actually knows? Those are things that disability services and tutoring supports can help with.
Does he have holes in his knowledge that could hold him back? Does he get bored in class and checkout mentally, only to find that he missed important material while he was zoning out? Many college textbooks have online components that people forget are there. They often have links and explanations to material, that if the college student actually uses, can fill in some gaps. There are lots of basic tutorials on line like Khan Academy and Youtube if he is willing to use them. Those do require willpower and determination to find and sit through, but the content is there if he wants it.
I can totally understand you saying it isn't a maturity issue. To me, it is more of a life experience issue. Is he ready for this experience and can he be successful while he is there, taking his current "tool box" of life skills and struggles with him? That will be very hard for anyone to gauge. All I know is that if he is the type to shut down and hide when he is stressed, I wouldn't send him. There are too many other opportunities in the world than to send him into a situation that will inevitably crush him.
I have 3 kids, 2 in college. 3 different experiences with MI and LD.
DS23 has 2 BA and will have his MA in May. It will also be completely paid off with zero debt. He has ADHD and struggled at different times in his life. He is gifted and while school has never been hard for him, he has a high standard for himself. He went straight into local college out of high school. One term in school about his Junior year, his grades dropped to a C, and he lost his academic scholarship for a term. It was very, very hard on him, but it was the catalyst he needed to go into counseling and to deal with some family things he was avoiding. That rough semester, was the turning point of his education and life. He was living at home and that was also good for him, in the sense that he had emotional support, didn't have bills and food to think about while putting his education back on track. I think his current GPA for his Masters is a 4pt. He is a classic example of a kid who faltered and then rebounded stronger than ever. A big part of that, is that he had the skills to do the work. What he was struggling with, was will power, time management and his mind getting caught up on things that were uncomfortable, so he hid in video games to avoid reality. He is really good at video games, so it was a happy place for him, when reality wasn't happy. Unfortunately, homework and studying weren't getting done and his grades suffered. Once he decided to make the shift, it wasn't easy but he did it and came out stronger in the end.
DD19 can not go away to college. She has a health issue and when she gets stressed out, her health issue gets worse and she will crawl into bed and not come out. While it is a physical health issue, it is much like someone who has a mental health one. When she starts to feel better, it is a bit of a road to recovery, so she can't just power through and get caught up very fast. She is taking 2 college classes right now and doing just OK with a B, but she is working hard for that B. She is trying but I can see the toll they are taking on her at the same time. She had Very high academic goals, but he body isn't cooperating with her. It is hard to see her struggle with a physical illness holding her back, when she is so bright and capable of amazing things. There is no way going away to college would be something that would be a positive place for her physical health. There are too many things that can go wrong, too fast for her to be safe at this time.
DD10 has such huge gaps in her learning that I don't know if she will be able to get through highschool, and she is only in elementary school. Her mental health issues have really caused problems for her academically and whenever she gets stressed out or frustrated, she gets angry and avoids all work. She can't really go back and finish, without instant anger flares. We have to wait and see what will happen when we reintroduce concepts later. She is in 5th grade and only doing 2nd grade work due to her instant anger at frustration. She has special teachers and supports, but it is hard to fight biology.
Edited by Tap, 15 November 2017 - 11:37 AM.