I feel summoned. Seriously, um, I've been on the receiving end of a good chunk of criticism myself. I GET that it's really, really not fun to be blamed when your kid is having problems. Thing is, as Tokyo said, at some point you have to actually solve the problem.
What I find is that everybody who sees my ds has a piece they're seeing, maybe something they're good at, and that I have to look for WHY they're saying it and not take it personally. Like guaranteed, just guaranteed, one of the things he's thinking about is structure. It's just a known gig that ADHD responds well to structure, and you're saying you're having behavioral problems stemming from ADHD.
Now is autism on the table? Frankly, I didn't think anybody went to a developmental ped just for ADHD, so is there SPD or something more going on? Why are you there? Have you had a full, private psych eval, or was this ADHD diagnosis only a ped diagnosis? Easiest way to get a MISDIAGNOSIS is to have a ped diagnosis. So you want to know your explanations are COMPLETE. When you have the right words, then you can connect with the right answers.
Yes, Tokyo is correct that we brought in a behaviorist (whom we still use) and ABA workers. It was pivotal for us. You shouldn't need that level of support for straight ADHD, which is why I'm wondering if you've had complete evals and gotten things sorted out. You should be getting OT, checkig for retained reflexes, a full psych eval, etc. etc. The more flags you tick (language issues, sensory, etc.), the more evals you need. Eval, eval, eval.
What are the homeschool laws in your state? Did your dc *not* have an IEP before, even though he was enrolled? My ds has an IEP, because in our state it's the gateway to the disability scholarship system. It's a big pain in the butt and we took two years advocating in it. Reality is they're nice people wanting to do a good job but not always adequately funded or trained. Maybe you'll be stellarly lucky. The well intentioned part is really important. I've had SO many nasty things said, ugh. I try to figure out the good part and blow off the idiot part. Like the ps SLP who tried to tell me I should be on an antidepressant because she was on one.
If you have compliance laws and have to meet certain test scores to homeschool legally in your state, then I can see why your ped is encouraging you to get documentation. You need to figure out what protections you need, step one. It's ALWAYS important to comply with the law and be safe and know you're complying with the law. I comply with the law. Everyone should comply with the law.
Two, you want to do things that get you access to services. In our state, an IEP gets you access to a disability scholarship. You might research to see if your state has one.
Three, your ped is correct that ADHD is not a medication deficit. Honestly, it sounds like y'all aren't communicating very well. He probably had a lot of things in his head, was miffed, and wasn't saying them very nicely. There are a BUNCH of things he was getting at there were not merely about going back to school. The ps can put into an IEP positive behavior supports. They can put in sensory diet and movement breaks. They can put in language work and social skills. They can increase STRUCTURE. They can bring in executive function supports.
YOU can do all those things too!! But because you don't know what any of that stuff is (and the school does), the ped just looks at that and goes ok, kid gets appropriate services if he has an IEP at school and kid gets a higher dose of ritalin at home. And the ped is saying you ought to have more than just meds, that the behavioral supports and the other interventions are essential too.
It's a rare, rare parent who takes the time to learn all these things. It's a pain in the butt to do them, depending on how challenging the kid is. If you want to learn them, you can, sure! You know what you might do, just for sake of argument, is go ahead and go through the IEP process, make the formal written rquest for evals, see what the ps would do with him, and see what you learn through that. I try to go to training and workshops and read books. *I* learned things in the IEP process. They were not idiots. These are people who work with kids all day, and they had TONS of useful observations and things they pulled together. Just their efficiency is good. I realized there were patterns to things, that the issues were predictable, that there are structures to interventions that work, and that SOMEBODY has to get onboard with evidence-based interventions for behavior and academics. It can be me or them, but just somebody has to do the hard work.
And your ped is correct that the studies show that parents who receive behavioral counseling and behavioral interventions BEFORE meds have better outcomes (they themselves are more satisfied) than if they do meds first or even meds + behavioral concurrently. In other words, your ped is right that you need a full picture solution, not just one thing. It's teaching methods plus behavioral supports plus structure plus sensory regulation plus social thinking instruction plus meds plus plus plus...
Edited by OhElizabeth, 03 November 2017 - 12:39 AM.