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Independence - wwyd for 8th grader?


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My dd is taking all of her classes at a one-day-per-week co-op.  The teachers are doing a fantastic job of organizing all of the assignments.  They each get an assignment sheet and then all parents get a copied email with extra notes or things to remember or to watch out for (upcoming things etc.) 3 of the 4 teachers require some type of parental signatures to ensure we've gone over the work.  I appreciate this and it actually helps keep me involved and remember to do my part (grading lab reports, tests, recording grades) Both English teachers require parents to oversee writing drafts and help make corrections and revisions.  

 

My dd is doing a wonderful job!  She has completely risen to the challenge and I am very proud of her.  She has received compliments such as "most enthusiastic"  in her starting points the teacher says she is the most well educated, as far as theology, student she's had in ten years.  WOW!

 

BUT...my dd starts to blow a gasket, when I go in detail over her work.  Not because she's angry that I don't trust her....or anything like that.  She just feels like she worked SO HARD and she is super afraid I'm going to find something she needs to re-do, or to do more of.  

 

She doesn't mind the writing help, or when I just check her work quickly, to be honest when I sign off on her assignment sheet.  She's fine with those things and even enjoys that time with me.

 

BUT if I open the starting points book on Thursday (everything is due Friday), for example, and say, it looks like you may have forgotten to highlight as per this instruction here....  she just gets so upset and even to the point of being rude to me.

 

Should I just back off since she's doing so well, overall...?  AKA not check in detail the actual work, but just check that it's done and is neat?

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:grouphug:  It's the age of emotions. 

 

I would tell her that she has put so much work into doing a good job, it would be a shame if her scores didn't reflect it because she didn't follow all of the instructions.  Either she needs to go over everything again on Thursdays, to carefully double check that she did each and every thing that was requested, or you will do it for her.  Be okay with her answer, whichever it is.  This is 8th grade, and it's a skill she needs to learn.

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If it is Thursday and she feels that she has worked hard and has completed things for Friday, I can see why she might feel frustrated that she isn't really finished when you tell her something else she needs to do.  What happens if it doesn't get done?  Is it something that the teacher will mark that will make more of a lasting impression on her?  Is it something that she has done a good enough job on?  If she is doing well overall and learning (which is the goal), I would not micromanage specific performance; I think it shifts the focus to "perfect performance" rather than learning.  

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I basically let DD manage her own outside classes except for prompts and reminders (remember, next week you have X on Weds, so you need to make sure Chem is done before then so you have it for Thurs). One reason for outsourcing was so DD could have more control and a chance to make mistakes on her own when she still has the support and shelter of being at home, so I'm trying to give her that opportunity.

 

 

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I'd start checking earlier in the week so she doesn't feel so up against the deadline. I've come to see the value in helping even the older kids with their scheduling of tasks; it eventually becomes second nature to them (to an extent, dependent on personality), but the reminders and modeling seem to be helpful in the process. My 8th grader (third daughter) has made great strides this year in learning how to stay on top of tasks, and my need to remind her is lessening.

 

That said, 8th grade girls can be very emotional and cranky! Comes with the territory.

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all of these thoughts were so helpful, from the "let it go" to the "the focus has changed from learning to perfection" to the reminders that they're emotional.

 

I've decided just to check that it's done Thursday and sign off, rather than look at the nitty gritty.  

 

Thank you so much! I am looking forward to an improvement in our Thursdays :)

 

 

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