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How to do relaxed homeschooling with a depressed 11th grader


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My 11th grader son has been depressed and anxious  since the death of his father four years ago.  He was home schooled up to tenth grade when he asked to go to a public high school.  I let him go but he had to come back home last spring after being bullied.  So we moved to a better school district last summer and he transferred there.  However, he has been missing a lot of school due to insomnia and anxiety so I am considering bringing him back home even though he wants to try to keep going there.  I'm not sure if he can so I want to be prepared with a curriculum.  My priority though is his mental health so I think it would be best for him to have relaxed school at home this year.  He still has a lot of geometry to finish from last year as well as biology and he did almost no English either.  He was tested in his English class at the school recently and got very high scores in a shorter time than most of his classmates.  His teacher commented that he could have been placed in an AP English class.  So...I tried using a Biology textbook with him last spring which was a flop and it seems that workbooks don't work very well for him.  Online classes don't work well for him either.  He doesn't mind doing a grammar workbook though.  So can you give me an idea of what relaxed home schooling in eleventh grade looks like?  He wants to go to college so it does have to be at least somewhat academic.

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My 11th grader son has been depressed and anxious  since the death of his father four years ago.  He was home schooled up to tenth grade when he asked to go to a public high school.  I let him go but he had to come back home last spring after being bullied.  So we moved to a better school district last summer and he transferred there.  However, he has been missing a lot of school due to insomnia and anxiety so I am considering bringing him back home even though he wants to try to keep going there.  I'm not sure if he can so I want to be prepared with a curriculum.  My priority though is his mental health so I think it would be best for him to have relaxed school at home this year.  He still has a lot of geometry to finish from last year as well as biology and he did almost no English either.  He was tested in his English class at the school recently and got very high scores in a shorter time than most of his classmates.  His teacher commented that he could have been placed in an AP English class.  So...I tried using a Biology textbook with him last spring which was a flop and it seems that workbooks don't work very well for him.  Online classes don't work well for him either.  He doesn't mind doing a grammar workbook though.  So can you give me an idea of what relaxed home schooling in eleventh grade looks like?  He wants to go to college so it does have to be at least somewhat academic.

 

Your poor boy -- that just broke my heart reading your post.

 

I don't necessarily think his studies have to suffer -- I agree that his mental health is far more important than geometry (please, nobody shoot!).

 

In a nutshell: I would insist on some kind of workout program. One of my sons is into a particular martial arts (Krav Maga -- awesome for teaching confidence). His twin hated it so I'm having him take jazz and tap classes (free for boys at a theater program).

 

I'm a late bloomer when it comes to working out -- I do Pilates, barre, yoga -- but I really believe in the importance of getting sweaty every day to get rid of depression/anxiety. It's huge.

 

If he likes to read, I'd let him read A LOT -- historical fiction, all of Mark Twain (Roughing It is a great place to start), Bill Bryson. Books by men might be great for him since he's missing his dad.

 

Again, nobody shoot, but I think writing skills are far more important in adult life than math skills (I know you need advanced math for college though). Does your state allow Dual Enrollment? If so, he might take one science class at a local college. Or -- to set him up for success -- a class on a topic he loves.

 

I'm also having wonderful success w/ Great Courses. Check your library b/c we have a lot in our system. I actually bought a membership to a library system neighboring our county so I know have access to even more Great Courses. But I buy them when the libraries don't have something.

 

That would be my approach: work out, lots of reading that isn't morose or sad, Great Course, Dual Enrollment (just one class at a time so he doesn't go into overwhelm), oh, and cooking/baking if he's into that. (He's learning and hearing "ooh, this is good!" from family members).

 

Tell your boy that we're out here thinking about him and wishing him the best.

 

Alley

 

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Yoga. I read recently that yoga twice a week is as effective as antidepressants. I wound NOT give up on meds if you need them, but I'd definitely add yoga (and good, hard sweat). Does he have a good male mentor you could team him up with weekly? An early breakfast before school with a man in his corner would be a good thing. I'd also address sleep with his doctor. And, if he watts to stay, I'd do what I could to make that happen. I'd also team up with the guidance counselor, his advisor, etc. and see what you can do as a team to help him and get him through.

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I'm sorry. It sounds like you all are going through a lot.

 

I think if I were dealing with that sort of situation, I'd try to do something like have him do math with whatever most seemed to suit his learning. To have a significant research and writing project with subject matter of his choice -- perhaps something in science or social studies type area (or more than one), with a goal of achieving something at the end good enough for a portfolio demonstrating his work.  And maybe a significant internship / volunteering / shadowing in a field he thinks he might want to go into for work. Or if he doesn't have such a hing yet, then maybe a significant volunteer work internship .  Especially if the internship could get him around others so that he is not isolated adding to depression.

 

Is it possible that his age would allow him to go back one grade so that he'd be less playing catch up?

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If he wants to go to school, I would work with your psychologist and the school staff to keep him there.

 

 

I agree with this.  

 

Is there anything about the school (bullying again? anxiety due to being behind?) specifically adding to anxiety and depression?  If so, maybe that can be worked on with someone there to help fix the problem.

 

First home step may be to figure out the sleep problem.  And some things that help with sleep also help with anxiety.

 

I'd look at vitamins and other supplements if you feel he could do that safely.

 

Maybe post a separate thread seeking ideas for the depression, anxiety, and sleep. Rather than this one that has a focus of homeschool ideas in case needed.

 

Since he wants to go to school, maybe get him on board with regard to getting up in the morning to go, even if he is tired, to try to turn his sleep pattern into one that fits the school day.

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Just wanted to throw in the idea that with a dr letter, the school can provide “home bound†services where they send a teacher to him if he’s not able to attend for a period of time due to health/anxiety, etc

Then they are still responsible for his curriculum and oversight and he can go back even part time when his dr feels he’s ready.

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It's very difficult to know the right thing to do. My personal experience/observation has been that getting out of the house regularly has a very positive effect on anxiety and depression. 

 

If he wants to stay in school, I would do everything possible to make that happen. The desire to leave the house and do things is a SUPER positive sign in regards to depression and anxiety. JanetC has it right: you can work with the school and strategize.  The more proactive you are, the more understanding they will be. He can still go to a good college without stellar grades, and he can always take a super senior year if he wants to hone his transcript.  

 

These are random ideas for strategizing: 

 

If he sleeps late due to insomnia, can you check him in rather than have him miss the day? If you wake him after a sleepless night, is he able to pull it together and go to school? (I ask that bc my kids can get through the day even on no sleep; the wonders of being young!) If he has severe anxiety some days and isn't sure he can make it through school, can you still get dressed and drive him there, with the agreement that he can then go home if he wishes? This worked with one of my kids for some anxiety-inducing events: let's go ahead and drive over there, if you don't want to go, we'll just run errands while we're out. If he has anxiety while at school, can he be excused to the office or library for a while? 

 

If he has not seen both a therapist and a medical doctor, I would do that right away. Regular exercise is a big plus, but sometimes you need therapy and/or meds to get past the hump and be ABLE to do smart things like exercise. I will tell you that my only regret about meds for me and my kids alike is not trying them sooner. My kids did have both therapy and a physical before meds. 

 

As far as relaxed homeschooling (or possibly relaxed homework?), would he like working with you instead of on his own? For one of my kids, we did not do relaxed so far as curriculum went, but we worked together. We read almost all of the texts out loud together; science, history, literature (engaging novels we read separately for speed). We would read and discuss and research the bunny trails together. Even this semester, with a full DE schedule, I'm often sitting there as she does homework, lol. She has to talk out loud, show me stuff, and so on. Her college strategy is going to include plenty of study groups  :lol:

 

My kids learned a lot from watching and discussing various Great Courses. I do think that the majority of teens get the most out of this when you are watching and discussing with them; I could answer questions and provide context about things they didn't quite get, whereas there is no way my particular kids would make notes and ask later if I wasn't right there, lol. 

 

If he does wind up coming home, I would be prepared with a schedule as well as a curriculum. Have specified times to be out of the house. Field trip one day, history at Starbucks the next, regular strolls through the park. Depression and isolation is such a self-perpetuating cycle! Going out may be the last thing you feel like doing, but also the best thing you could do. 

 

Best of luck to you and him. He is lucky to have a mom working so hard to figure out the best thing. 

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If his anxiety is partly due to being behind and lost in his course work, could he drop back to 10th grade in his current school instead of trying to be doing 11th grade atop a weak foundation?  Even if some if it is from your dh's death, for me, I think trying to do 11th grade studies where 10th was not complete would cause me anxiety.

 

And I learned that I and my ds both have anxiety, procrastination, poor outcome, more anxiety, more procrastination, loops which self feed. Once i started to figure that out both our anxiety has been improving.

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A friend of mine has a son with some health issues. She had asked me about homeschooling, and I gave her information that let him stay in school.

 

I believe he might be taking an extra year. The school he goes to has 5 course periods each day. I believe he only takes 2 or 3 classes - the last 3 periods. I think he takes 1 or 2 courses online through the school system too.

 

This was set up because of the health issue.

 

And my step-daughter, who had attendance issues, was put into a program one year at school where the students worked at their own speed with a teacher available to help. She somehow completed a Social Studies grade 9 credit.... in less than a month.... don't ask me how.

 

Just to say that the school system might have programs and assistance that you are not yet aware of...

 

Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk

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 She somehow completed a Social Studies grade 9 credit.... in less than a month.... don't ask me how.

 

Just to say that the school system might have programs and assistance that you are not yet aware of...

 

 

Yes, many have special credit recovery programs and all kinds of stuff. 

 

For the most part, schools are motivated to keep students, not just for money but for retention rates and other factors they are graded on. 

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Hello everybody, I appreciate all of your replies.  After a few days of thinking about this, my son and I agreed that he would do relaxed homeschooling this year which would mean using workbooks for writing and reading, finishing up a Biology textbook that he started last year, and using a different Geometry curriculum than last year and then reading historical fiction as one poster suggested and watching some educational videos such as Great Courses.  That should be a good fit for his current anxiety.  His therapist said that there is definite hope for recovery so I think in the meantime he needs this type of school.  Then I suggested that he try taking a class or two at the local community college next year and he likes this idea very much.  So he has a sort of a definite goal to work toward, preparing for the community classes next year; and this makes coming home seem less of a negative thing.

I am not sure of the exercise thing, though.  We'll just have to figure that out.

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Merry, if you and he can take a walk together every morning or evening together, whatever's convenient, that's a great starting point.

 

My son struggles with depression and anger due to family problems - he gets overwhelmed-and it is so important to get some physical movement in. Males need it anyway and then you add-in mental struggles and it's even more important.

 

Also, don't underestimate nutrition and supplementation. You can message me foe some ideas, if you like.

 

Later, if there is a YMCA around, you could take him there for specific classes or exercise.

Edited by historymatters
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