I have boundaries that I always assume are unreasonable, as a result, I no longer invite anyone over. But I really really want to have company, so I am thinking that I need to just get over it. I need suggestions or helpful hints or something.
Basically, I do not like people to stay too long. An hour is my max probably. And I do not like when people go upstairs in my house. I don't mind kids going up there. But as soon as you get to the top of the stairs and look to the right, it is the game room. That is kids space. And if you go straight forward, kids rooms. Also kids space. I have stopped expecting everything to be super clean and leave it as their space. I have an old mattress on the floor in the game room because the kids love jumping on it. It is safe and fun and they get exercise. In fact, it is not even an old mattress, it is just one I bought that ended up being a disappointment. When I grew up, we always had basements. The basements were the kids spaces to keep as messy as they wanted (no food allowed). As I live in the south, with no basements, I treat the game room as if it were the basement. Adults never went to the basement. I feel this pressure like because you go up the stairs rather than down, I have to keep that space clean. Now I have this fear that I will have someone over and the kids will go upstairs and at some point, an adult will head up there and see toys on the floor..and crayons, and art work. You get the idea. The downstairs, my bedroom, the bathrooms, all that is clean and fine. I just made the decision a while ago that the kids space is their space and I decided to let go of my need for order in exchange for their need for a space.
What do you think? I have had too many times where someone was invited over and 3 or 4 hours later, they are still here and it left me stressed and upset. And then the fear of someone going upstairs other than the kids. Is this just hopeless and I should just continue to meet people at parks, which seriously limits our social life, or what? My daughter wants to invite a friend over and the friend will no doubt come with her mom and her 1 yr old sister.