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Can an extroverted middle schooler be happily homeschooled?


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I'm really interested in what you all think, or even hearing about your own experiences.

 

My oldest boy is what I would consider an extreme extrovert and has always been this way. I remember him being 2 yrs. old and waiting at the edge of the driveway for the school kids to get off the bus. If they didn't come play with him, he'd cry. He's the same now at age 10. He went to PS this year for the first time, and seems to be thriving.

 

My husband would prefer to homeschool middle school, but I seriously wonder if some kids just shouldn't be homeschooled. Believe me, there are a million reasons why I'd consider homeschooling middle school, but my biggest fear would be making that decision and him being miserable. I think it's too early to talk seriously with him about it, but I think he'd prefer to go if asked right now-although I do know he's not totally against homeschooling either.

 

So to sum it up-do you think homeschooling extreme extroverted children is actually hindering them? I know a million factors could be at play, but let's start here. I'll be faced with this decision in a few months.

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We pulled my very extroverted son out to homeschool in 6th grade and he gets so much more socialization time in homeschool than he ever did at public school. He finishes his school day so much earlier now without homework in the evenings that he used to have, so he can go out and spend time with his friends after school all the time now.

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Yes, but he has Classical Conversation's Challenge program one day a week and other activities nearly every evening - two basketball teams, swim, piano and volunteering to help with a local chess club.  So we're on the go a lot!  I could not have been on the go this much with a 4yo and 2month old.  I'm not saying you can't do it, just that it's harder with little ones.  By the way, we live out in the "country" so no neighborhood play time here.  If we get together with friends, it's usually on Friday evening or Saturday.  

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My boys are not extreme extroverts but they love places with lots of people. We just homeschool at crowded places like the library, bookstores cafe, Target cafe, even the airport when traveling.

 

My DS11 does need social interaction even though he is supposedly an introvert. We rely on regular brick and mortar outside classes to supply that. Most times we rely on the YMCA because he can attend class while DS12 can read or do his work at the YMCA lobby waiting area. If he does not have enough social interaction, he is difficult to deal with. Since he was a newborn he had to be out of the door everyday before lunch or he will be staring at the door.

 

It is easier for me to get DS12 to tag along to fulfill DS11’s social needs though as that kid is content with a book and lots of people watching. You have six kids so is there any play dates or social activities that would be easily accessible (by walking, carpooling) for your child to fulfill his social needs?

 

My DS12 does need time to be his own person instead of being the big brother/first born. When he is with DS11, he naturally takes care of him. So we try to have classes and camps where DS12 might be in the same location but different class.

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I have an extreme extrovert who is happily homeschooled. She does have a ton of activities and her schedule totally exhausts me but she is thriving. So yes it is possible. A bit of a struggle for this introvert mom but we are making it work. Are you willing to do the driving to activities, etc? It's good if you can find some that do not have every minute super structured so there is actual time to hang out and chat with people and not just 'get to work' in whatever sport, activity etc. We do a mix of dance classes, community theater, co-op, clubs, etc.

 

I don't think she would be happy if we did school and then stayed home each night though. She is ready to get going, see her friends, etc when school is done. If she gets too much time hanging around the house she will beg to go to the library or the grocery store even! We have activities most days and she relaxes somewhat on the weekends.

 

Thank goodness she is also a bookworm. It is the only time she slows down each day!

Edited by CaliforniaDreaming
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Dd12 and dd10 are extroverts.  I just put them in a lot of stuff.  They both do ballet, gymnastics, art classes, Youth Group and dd12 works one morning a week with the horses at an equestrian physical therapy center.  It's a lot of driving around...   :glare:  Neither of them have complained, but they both homeschooled from the beginning.

 

I do try to make a point of getting some playdates for them.  If that means cancelling school one day, so friends can come over, then I'll do that for them.

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My younger boy is extremely extroverted. He has an activity on every day. See my siggy!! 😀 We live in the city so he can get to most of them in his own by bus or train or walking.

 

Us, too.  Also have an activity every day and we live in the city...

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Yes!! One of mine is, and always has been. BUT we are really active in out of the house things, but I have control over her influences at those. We are in two different co-ops. She is in dance classes that meet 3-4 times a week, plus sometimes extra performances. These are her longest friends. She has grown up with them and is where a lot of her overnight friends come from, her texting buddies, etc.  We are in scouts too. It doesn't meet as often and isn't completely hsed kids. But that gives weekends away camping together and project get togethers on top of regular meetings. We attend church so she has a youth group there. And she is pretty active in a lot of her friends' youth groups too. The kids from the co-ops and dance classes all kind of overlap and invite each other to things their groups are doing.   Then there are neighborhood friends that are in PS. Those friends are busier in the school year with all of their school activities, but since the kids have all grown up on the same street, it doesn't seem to matter. Even now in late middle school for one of mine and high school for the other, the kids are almost inseparable during summer breaks. 

 

As a homeschool mom of a teens, I spend a lot of time on the road or preparing activities to keep these great activities going. (Teen social night for the co-op kids. Teaching co-op classes, co-leading the scout troop.) I just consider it all part of our homeschool.  We only have one day/evening that we don't have scheduled activities here. 

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Yes but it’s exhausting.

 

Rather than straight homeschool I would recommend a university model school where they go 2-3 times per week and stay home the other two days. If he is involved in sports or programs that he goes to on a regular (aka several times per week!) basis you can make it work.

 

If you don’t have a UM school you basically have to ensure he is in a co-op once a week and the rest of the week you need to have a long scheduled activity out of the house! Such as, karate two times, maybe another sport, maybe YMCA after school program. Or a half day sports program for Homeschoolers if you are lucky enough to have one nearby. We had one in Florida that even took kids the entire day and the fees were very reasonable. But you really have to plan it out, and then also plan get together because usuallly in middle school none of the homeschool kids go to the weekly park days anymore, so the homeschool support groups aren’t as exciting for middle schoolers.

 

When people say “oh you can plan park days and have plenty of get togethers if YOU plan it I think they must live on another planet. Nowadays most middle schooler are so busy with their activities and their own friends they either don’t have time or don’t want new activities or friends.

 

It can be done! :). But it requires a LOT of driving and planning and regular, schedules activities

Edited by Calming Tea
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All Homeschool moms with teens I know spend an average of two hours per day driving! I’m not making it up.

For example my week includes :

Monday

8 AM BJJ Muppet Boy

3-6 PM babysit neice after school

6:30- 8 Pm Boy Scouts (both)

 

Tuesday:

Co-op 11-3

5:30-7:30 PM BJJ Muppet Boy

6-8:30 PM D&D Sherlock

 

Wednesday:

5:30-7:30 BJJ Muppet Boy (This pick up falls to DH or my brother if DH is out of town)

5:15-6:00 Karate Sherlock

6:00-8:00 youth group Sherlock

6:00-8:00 choir me

(This goes 5:15 drop off Sherlock, then drop off Muppet Boy, the pick up dinner for me and Sherlock, then eat dinner while waiting for Sherlock, then drive to church while Sherlock eats in car, drop Sherlock at youth group then go to choir . . . We are always a few minutes behind for these church activities

 

Thursday

5:15-6:00 karate Sherlock

6:30-7:30 MMA Muppet Boy

 

Friday:

8 AM BJJ Muppet Boy

Babysit niece after school 3-6 pm

5:15- 6:45 karate Sherlock

~3pm -10 pm Magic the Gathering Muppet Boy

 

Saturday:

10-12 Open Mat BJJ Muppet Boy (usually only goes 60-90 minutes)

10- 1130 Karate Sherlock (Sometimes only goes 1045-1130)

 

Sunday

745 AM rehearsal for choir before church me

8:30-11:00 church and Sunday school

5-7:30 Youth group Muppet Boy

 

Repeat...

 

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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My son is extremely extroverted and homeschooling high school has been very difficult. He plays sports for about 10 hours a week. DS went through a spell where an older boy became mad at him, and my son was shunned at the co-op for the majority of his 11th grade year. My son has a strong aversion to fellow homeschoolers now and spends the majority of his time with our church youth group when not playing sports.

 

We homeschool to address his maths and handwriting SLDs. Otherwise, he would be sitting in a classroom. Outside classes following a university model have helped son a lot. At end of the day, he still needs to hang out and be with friends his own age

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I think they can be happy and even happier if you make the socializing a priority when not doing academics. Now if you are in a very rural or isolated area, this will be a lot harder or require more driving from you. But if you have a lot of local activities that he likes, sports that he’s involved in or even just friends that are close distance enough to hang out with after school I think that is the best of both worlds.

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My DS is extremely extroverted and has been homeschooled since kindergarten.   His idea level of social interaction peaked with high school - co-op classes on 2 days per week, cross country & track practice 6 days per week, guitar lessons, church 2 days per week, plus refereeing baseball and soccer in season.   Plus keeping up with neighborhood friends in the evenings and on weekends.

 

Outside classes have been a very good fit for DS.   Even online classes, if they involve discussions among students, are good for him.

 

I agree with others that it can be exhausting.   I am counting down the months until he turns 16 and can drive himself to all of these activities, starting next summer.  

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I appreciate all of the responses, but if I'm being honest, I'm exhausted just thinking about leading that type of lifestyle. I admit that I don't think I could possibly feed his social needs with tons of outside activities. With 6 children, I just can't handle all of the running around. Maybe this is the dose of reality that I needed though because I can see that it would take quite a bit of effort and driving to pull this off. I suppose if he's happy at school, why pull him out. Except that I hate hate hate middle school. Ahh...it's a never ending struggle.

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Hugs.  I know that Middle School can be a hard series of years.  I understand your concerns. On the flip side of that coin, it can also be fun.  While I had some tough times in middle school, I also had some great times and made some very close friends that I am still friends with today even though we have not lived near each other for decades.

 

If you really feel you cannot commit significant time and effort to helping your very extroverted child meet his social needs and you know that he is happy in school, I would not pull him out.  For those of us that are extroverts, NOT having those opportunities can be genuinely harmful.  It can affect mental health.  Physical health.  It can lead to anxiety and depression.  

 

FWIW, I had to pull my extremely social/extroverted son out of school and I wish with all my heart we had not had to.  (He is very intelligent but also has learning challenges and the school was not able to help).  DD has thrived as a homeschooler.  DS has not.  It has been a long tough road.  He loved school.  If we had the option to put him back in I would do it in a heartbeat.  Instead, I have worked very, very hard to try to keep him involved wherever I can.  I only have two and don't mind driving around at all.  And yet, I still struggle daily with meeting the needs of my son and it has definitely had a negative impact on his mental health.

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FWIW, my parents put my extremely extroverted brother in school at 7th and again at 9th, mainly for the social reason. There were four sisters at home and he wanted school instead.

 

I would not say it went well at all. There was a very negative social dynamic in the gifted program where he was placed and it caused a lot of problems. I could go on and on, but having seen that, I will hesitate a great deal before making the school choice for social reasons.

 

I have a younger sister who is also extremely extroverted. She stayed home for high school (my parents felt more strongly about it by then!). While she did do outside activities, my mother was not driving anywhere near most of the amounts listed in this thread. They did a one-full-day co-op, Sunday church, Wednesday youth group. She was welcome to have friends over or arrange friend activities. There were sometimes other things, but never daily. There were five of us kids... we did spend time together and that is people interaction too. Between my brother and sister, I would say that my sister is the socially healthier person of the two. And her social calendar as a young adult always exhausts me! 😂

 

I don't think that nonstop driving is the only answer to homeschooling an extrovert. Just saying that because some of the driving posts here made ME feel like crying and I have seen that it's not the only way. HTH.

 

ETA - typos

Edited by indigoellen@gmail.com
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My sixth grader super extroverted boy is probably a little lonely, but not so much that I'd consider sending him to school for more people. He's enrolled in an after school program at the y where he meets up with the local middle school crowd in a well supervised environment. It's a good group of kids that seem to tolerate him. I would highly recommend looking for something like that. It's the best of both worlds really. Plus I get a break from all the extroversion[emoji12]. We can't afford a ton of extracurriculars, but we do have choir, co-op, and several youth group activities. You can make it work!

 

 

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PS- I just read through this thread and realize I don't drive or have anywhere near the number of outside activities that many PPs list. I think I'd die. I don't think my DS is any less extroverted than their kids, he really is at the extreme end of the spectrum, plus ADHD. I *might* drive a total of 2 hours on Monday, but those activities are for my other children too (co-op and choir). Then it's just to the y and back (5 minutes from the house) the rest of the week unless there's a youth group activity. We regularly bring a friend home from church for the afternoon on Sunday.

 

 

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Edited by SamanthaCarter
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My super extrovert needed school last year as she was constantly ISO friends and DS and I weren't cutting it. I guess I'm fortunate that she's thriving in that environment. Even with her FT schooling/bus rides, she's had three sleepovers, countless after school hangouts, weekly bible study, and two birthday parties just in the last nine weeks. The other 3 members of our household could not meet those needs. Our extrovert will be back home most of next spring/summer/fall and has asked to be homeschooled rather than attend schools in our temp locations. FWIW, I'm not sure she would have made that choice if I had forced her to stay home last year and I'm not sure I'd have sent her last year if I didn't know it was both an acceptable and temporary placement.

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I appreciate all of the responses, but if I'm being honest, I'm exhausted just thinking about leading that type of lifestyle. I admit that I don't think I could possibly feed his social needs with tons of outside activities. With 6 children, I just can't handle all of the running around. Maybe this is the dose of reality that I needed though because I can see that it would take quite a bit of effort and driving to pull this off. 

 

I have 5 kids.  It is a ton of work.  Between the 5 of them, we have ballet (2 nights a week), one kid in Confirmation class, three kids in Youth Group, three kids volunteering one morning a week at an equestrian physical therapy center, one kid who volunteers on the weekends with a dog rescue, homeschool gymnastics, an outsourced forensics science class for the 10th grader, one kid who works with a teacher twice a month (my 12 yro is at a late high school level in something, so she meets with a tutor), one teen who needs physical therapy once a week and three kids who do track & field (but that's seasonal).

 

All while dragging a 2 year-old with me.   :o 

 

I think the key is organization.  Our homeschool is very organized and if we weren't, I think it would be overwhelming.  My kids always know the night before exactly what we're doing the next day.  I keep a big dry erase board in the kitchen with our daily schedule on it.  We have chore charts...teens have their daily schoolwork as a checklist on OneNote.  So, in the morning, they just grab their Kindles and start working on their checklist.

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I appreciate all of the responses, but if I'm being honest, I'm exhausted just thinking about leading that type of lifestyle. I admit that I don't think I could possibly feed his social needs with tons of outside activities. With 6 children, I just can't handle all of the running around. Maybe this is the dose of reality that I needed though because I can see that it would take quite a bit of effort and driving to pull this off. I suppose if he's happy at school, why pull him out. Except that I hate hate hate middle school. Ahh...it's a never ending struggle.

 

I hear you.  While I don't have six kids, I have a disabled child and yes, all that running around looks exhausting to me.  I too have a very extroverted child going to public school.  She THRIVES at school because of all the social interaction.  She's an influencer not a follower so I'm not too concerned about negative socialization.  But, like you, I hate hate hate public school and she hasn't even gotten to middle school yet.  I just don't think I could fill her social bucket well enough while homeschooling.  I am looking at alternatives, but it involves me driving a lot.

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I have two middle schoolers this year. One is extremely introverted and one is extroverted.

They are both thriving.

 

My introvert loves being home with me. He would never want to go to school.

 

My extrovert always wonders what it would be like to go to school and talks to me about it sometimes. She is a Pollyanna when it comes to imagining life.

 

I have made sure both of them have extracurricular activities outside the home. My dd wants as many as I can give her (3 right now) my ds goes because I make him, lol. Both are doing well.

 

I think if you decide to homeschool your child again, make sure he has enough outsourced activities and playtime with friends. It doesn’t have to be a lot to fulfill the need though.

It could be park meetup time , or even doing clash of clans game (video game) with a few friends from his home.

Just some thoughts.

Edited by Peacefulisle
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I have 2 extreme extroverts, and my oldest one (now in high school) wanted so badly to go to middle school. Our middle school is horrible! So I didn’t let her.

 

Now in high school, she is so glad she is home. She is incredibly busy and active. She couldn’t do what she does if she was in school. So for her it works well. We have a homeschool group once a week. She is deeply involved in 2 extracurricular activities. They take up 2 to 5 days a week depending on the season. So she is always with friends and people.

 

My younger extrovert has something 2 days a week and tags along to most things, so he gets to see people a lot.

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I'm just not sure anymore. I'm homeschooling an introverted high school boy and an extreme extrovert 5th grade girl. I know that homeschooling my son through high school is the best choice. He went to public school for two years and never wants to go back. He does activities with other boys his age and gets along well with them, but doesn't hang out with them outside of the formal activities or invite them to our house. He says they're nice but not "his people". He has things he loves to do on his own and has older mentors who share his interests.

 

My daughter loves to do things with people. She never gets enough social time. I try to keep her very busy with evening activities outside the house and she does have friends, but she's always sort of on the periphery of friend groups. She has a girl at one of her activities that she considers her best friend and another girl with whom we carpool. She wanted to invite her best friend for a birthday sleepover and I let her invite the other girl too so she wouldn't feel left out since we carpool with her. They all seemed to have a good time. These two girls ended up in the same public school classroom this year and are becoming good friends. Today, dd came home from her activity and said they went home together for a sleepover. She acted matter of fact about it, but I think she was a bit hurt. There are other girls she's done activities with for years, they get along great, but she's not at school with them or sharing their school experiences and she kind of gets forgotten sometimes. My heart hurts when I'm scrolling through FB and she sees that the parents have posted pictures of the girls she considers friends having a party or event she wasn't invited to attend. Her one homeschooled friend went to public school this year and all the kids in our neighborhood are much younger than her (She plays with them anyway.). We aren't part of any homeschooling groups because they are too far or only filled with very young children. Short term homeschool activities never result in long term friends. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to meet her social needs as she moves into her teens. She'll be our last kid left at home when she's ready to start high school. She's never been to school and I can see her wanting to go to public high school.

 

I'm an introvert. We are less well off than many of the people we know and our house is small and our stuff is worn. We homeschool and my dh works at home, so our house always looks very lived in. I'm not always up to inviting people to our house, but making an effort to do things outside of extracurricular activities is the only way I'm going to be able to meet her needs. I guess I need to start making a bigger effort to invite the girls she really likes from her activities to do stuff with us and taking her to homeschool activities even if her brother prefers to stay home.

Edited by mom2scouts
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My oldest daughter is extroverted. She was homeschooled from the beginning until late middle school. She did fine in both public school and homeschool. I'm actually quite glad she was junior high/high school age when she went to public school because in addition to being extroverted, she's also a follower. She loves to copy and mimic anything that catches her interest, always has since she was a toddler. She had plenty of time at home to figure out who she was before she was exposed to public school peer pressure (as opposed to controlled peer pressure being at home like when at just shy of 2 years old, she figured out she was the only little girl in our neighborhood playgroup that still wore diapers and decided the next day that she was never wearing diapers again. She had one accident and then was completely day time trained. LOL)

 

My current 4yo boy is an extreme extrovert. He is happy to talk to anyone and everyone no matter where we go. I also have no qualms about homeschooling him all the way through high school if that's what happens to be best for him. The great thing about homeschooling is that it isn't an all or nothing kind of thing. If he's miserable being at home for some reason, we can always look at enrolling him in public school, private school, more extracurriculars. That's why I've always taken homeschooling one hurdle at a time, one year at a time. If something comes up that requires enrolling him immediately mid-school year, we can do that. At the end of every year, we re-evaluate whether or not homeschooling is working for everyone involved; me, my husband, the kids. Everyone. If it's working, then we start planning the next year. If it isn't, then we start looking at options.

 

Every family is different, every child is different. No one can tell you whether or not homeschooling is right to your family or your child. But if at some point you feel you've made the wrong decision, you can always change the situation as far as homeschooling goes. Best of luck figuring out what is best for you and yours.  :grouphug:

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In my experience, it has been easier to homeschool my extreme extrovert because these types can make friends anywhere, under any circumstances. The introvert has been a problem, largely because he needs the built-in friends he made at organized schools; he isn't so great at making them on his own, and that's caused some issues here.

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I have 4 kids and a 12yo extrovert. I pick activities that multiple kids can do. My girls both dance, my boys both are in Bjj and all kids are in stem. My extrovert facetimes a lot. She has a phone but most of her friends just use and ipad to facetime. She also is always at someones house. She has a group of 4 close friends and they all rotate getting together at eachothers houses. The moms are all close friends of mine also so we are all comfortable with them going to eachothers houses.

Edited by Momto4inSoCal
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I think my issue is that I *really* protect our evening time. I cannot stand the few activities that we already have on our plate, especially the ones that are over the dinner hour. My husband gets home at 5:00, then supper, and baths..and family time. I just don't want to be that family that is running in all directions quite yet. 

 

I feel like I have to choose between homeschooling and tons of evening/weekend activities, or school and minimal activities. I think my personality type is that I just cannot be running my kids around everywhere. Sigh.

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I also have 6 kids, mostly older than yours (19b,17b,16g,11g,9b and 4b) but when I had lots of littles like you do right now, I didn't like doing lots of extracurriculars either. I hate feeling stretched too thin and it doesn't take much to feel stretched too thin when you already have 6 little people who need you. I tried to make sure any extracurriculars we did do, benefited or included as many of the kids as possible so that we didn't have run around like chickens with our heads cut off getting everyone to their activities.

 

Park days, even if it's not a homeschool group sanctioned park day but just taking the kids to the park and letting them play with whoever was there. Or just letting any group that we were a part of know we would be at such and such park with all of my kiddos if anyone wanted to join us. The great thing about extroverts, like someone else mentioned, is that not only do they make friends everywhere they go, but they don't tend to be terribly picky about potential friends. My extroverts didn't care what age, gender, interests, schooling type, socioeconomic... they would/will literally befriend anyone who happens to be around. They also tend to be the type that makes sure everyone is included. Don't forget, there are also neighborhood kids, cousins and other family members including their own siblings, neighbors (my 4 year old extrovert loves to ask the elderly neighbors about their day and they love that he is such a friendly little guy. He was so excited to see that someone moved into a rent house nearby that has been vacant a while. It didn't matter to him that they don't have kids, he wanted to go over and talk to them lol).

 

Also, this is just a season, it is ok to be too tired to do tons of activities. Now that my teenagers can drive themselves to their own commitments, they are involved in more activities. They do not seem in anyway damaged by doing fewer extracurriculars when they were homeschooled. My 16yo is my older extrovert and even she has been fine with seasons of life where we are homebodies and seasons of life where she has tons of activities. I guess all I'm trying to say is that if the only thing keeping you from homeschooling is that you are afraid he will be miserable socially because of his personality, why not give it a try? He might surprise you and love some other aspect of homeschooling more than he loves being social. If it doesn't work out, you can always re-enroll him in school and then at least you know for sure instead of agonizing over hypotheticals.

Edited by sweet2ndchance
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