reward ideas for a child who has to work at focusing

[Pistachio mom]

Hi,

My youngest student is 3rd grade with a just turned 8 in Sept birthday. She is super smart, but is going through a hard time of focusing and concentrating. I am doing what I can to limit distractions, examine her diet, and put together some essential oil blends using oils that help with this.

 

But I need help with rewards for her. She was earning ipad time when she could get her work done before a timer went off. I would add it up for the day so she could enjoy using the time "she had not wasted." The problem with this is that it only takes one situation of really bad distraction or just "forgetting" that she needed to work to loose it all in one shot. After several days of this, she never got to enjoy her reward before she lost it. I have done dot to dots with connecting dots when she is working hard and as she completes a school subject. And we have used school style discipline system in the form of an index card with the word "Think" and a paperclip that moves back and forth with her level of concentration and cooperation. Stickers were added to the card twice in the morning and once for afternoon if she could keep her paperclip on the K or the smiley face I drew after it. Rewards for when she could earn 20 stickers on a card. Now, that she is older - I use a bar graph so she can "see" how much work she  has done, and what is left to do.

 

I am about out of ideas. This is the child who can't remember to wash in the bathtub, she struggles with remembering her "first things first" with getting ready in the morning. Piddeling/dawdling is as natural to her as breathing. She is not trying to be defiant. I am trying my best to help her pay attention to what she is doing or needs to be doing. At times, she can focus clearly - very clearly and work fast. But it has been a while. I do teach her. I do not just assign work and walk away. But I do have to spin my chair sideways to teach her sister also.

 

I want to try letting her use an MP3 player to limit distractions she can hear. But really, I need some suggestions to motivate her to hang in there while I help her develop routine so that certain actions eventually come automatically.

 

I appreciate any suggestions from those of you who have "been there, done that."

[EKS]

Instead of trying to get her to focus better overall, I'd work on building habits.  Choose one thing to work on at a time and expect it to take 3-6 weeks to become a habit.  And I'd start with things like washing in the bathtub, not school related things, which are more abstract and take more sustained focus. Also make sure that the habits you're building are things that will be beneficial for the long haul because once she gets into a habit, if she's anything like my son, it will be difficult to modify or eliminate the habit.

 

As for focus in school, instead of trying to change your daughter, I'd recommend changing your own approach.  At that age, my son with focusing issues needed me next to him the entire time helping to refocus him every few, well, seconds (seriously).  

 

You're not going to get her to magically learn to focus by offering rewards.  Even if she somehow manages to earn a reward one day, that is no guarantee that she will be able to do it again.  And large rewards that are earned by practicing "good" behavior over the course of a prolonged period of time (like a whole day or a whole week) are doomed to failure for such a child.  The only reward that I ever had any sustained success with was allowing my kid to eat one chocolate chip after doing each iteration of some sort of distasteful task (so each math or grammar problem, for example).  We didn't do this very often though.  All big rewards (and, conversely, punishments) never worked with him.

Edited October 14, 2017 by EKS

[Angie in VA]

Does she focus better after physical exercise? I say that b/c one of mine was much better at focusing after getting all the wiggles out. That grew into good, hardy exercise and later work (chopping wood and stacking it) as the child got older. School work got done faster and in a more meaningful way. 

 

Heck, my whole family focuses better after exercise. 

Edited October 14, 2017 by Angie in VA

[nixpix5]

Instead of trying to get her to focus better overall, I'd work on building habits. Choose one thing to work on at a time and expect it to take 3-6 weeks to become a habit. And I'd start with things like washing in the bathtub, not school related things, which are more abstract and take more sustained focus. Also make sure that the habits you're building are things that will be beneficial for the long haul because once she gets into a habit, if she's anything like my son, it will be difficult to modify eliminate the habit.

 

As for focus in school, instead of trying to change your daughter, I'd recommend changing your own approach. At that age, my son with focusing issues needed me next to him the entire time helping to refocus him every few, well, seconds (seriously).

 

You're not going to get her to magically learn to focus by offering rewards. Even if she somehow manages to earn a reward one day, that is no guarantee that she will be able to do it again. And large rewards that are earned by practicing "good" behavior over the course of a prolonged period of time (like a whole day or a whole week) are doomed to failure for such a child. The only reward that I ever had any sustained success with was allowing my kid to eat one chocolate chip after doing each iteration of some sort of distasteful task (so each math or grammar problem, for example). We didn't do this very often though. All big rewards (and, conversely, punishments) never worked with him.

This is wonderful advice.

 

There is much research that shows external rewards actually can lead to worse outcomes not better. She needs time to learn to focus and she is still young. I would do the above advice. Definitely don't punish or remove things because the discouragement will get paired to her tasks and make the tasks that much harder to do. MP3 might be a nice idea if music isn't a distractor for her.

[sweet2ndchance]

Hmmm... an 8yo with a September birthday would be a second grader here. She would have started kindergarten as a 4 year old, correct? She would have had to wait to start kindergarten until she was almost 6yo here since the cut off is August 31st for us.

 

Not that she couldn't have done the work in kindergarten at 4 years old. But now the demands of the work may have caught up with her? Is she maybe ready for the 3rd grade level material but not quite mature enough for higher expectations of third grade level work? Does she maybe need a little longer to complete the assignments or smaller bites of work until her maturity level catches up with her intellectual level?

 

Just some thoughts based on the fact that her maturity level for both school and life related things (the shower/bathing thing) seems to be lower than where a I would expect a third grader to be. But I would also expect a third grader to be turning 9 years old at some point, not just turned 8.

[Calli]

Hello~  I'm new to posting here but I have experienced (and still experience) what you describe.  I have to agree with the other posters that rewards really will not benefit you or your child.  Since she is a seemingly young 3rd grader, you could slow things down quite a bit to take time to work on the habit of focus and attention (it is a real struggle that many kids have).  The best advice that I have received for handling this in the home (and has worked) is this:  

 

• definitely physical activity first (aerobics video, etc.)
• a specific and dependable START / STOP time for each subject lesson (Example: Math is going to be from 10:20-10:30.) AND a specific and dependable START/STOP time for your homeschool day. (Example: school is from 8:30- 2:00 every day).
• an undefined day is torture to a child who struggles in this area - knowing ahead of time that there is actually light at the end of tunnel is like a breathe of fresh air (for you and her).
• does she like checklists and planners?  it sounds like you have used other systems, would something that was HERS possibly work?  it seems little girls love things like that.

Communicate with your daughter when the day will start and when it will end, when she will have breaks, etc.  At the beginning of each subject tell her how long you will work on it.  During that time you and she are focused.  It may just be 5 minutes at first.  When that time is up it is up (even if the work is not completed, it is completed for that day).  Success!  Her reward is her accomplishment.  This will also build her confidence and drive home the expectation of focus. Slowly extend the time, if she is ready.  Unfortunately this does require you sitting next to her but since she is a young 3rd grader, you have the luxury of having the time to slow things down to really work on these habits.  It would be completely acceptable to be doing, "3rd grade," for 2 years.  It will make the future years much easier.

 

Regarding the bathing... I had to laugh because I understand that so well!  It is like you have to categorize what are "common sense," type skills and then teach those too.  

 

HTH in some small way! :)

 

Edited October 14, 2017 by Callista

[sweet2ndchance]

Oh and I meant to add, when my older kids (young adults and teens now) were all little and it was just too much for me to stand in there and make sure they all washed everywhere, I had a framed checklist on the wall on the kids' bathroom wall. If I suspected they showered but didn't wash, I'd tell them to go back and make sure they did everything on the check list. It seems like common sense to us adults but we have been washing ourselves for much longer than they have, lol.

[Calli]

Oh and I meant to add, when my older kids (young adults and teens now) were all little and it was just too much for me to stand in there and make sure they all washed everywhere, I had a framed checklist on the wall on the kids' bathroom wall. If I suspected they showered but didn't wash, I'd tell them to go back and make sure they did everything on the check list. It seems like common sense to us adults but we have been washing ourselves for much longer than they have, lol.

 

This is SUCH a good idea!  I'm doing it!  :thumbup:

[maize]

2nd, 3rd, and 4th the physical activity recommendation.

 

Also: I had undiagnosed ADHD as a kid. All the "motivation" in the world did not help me become more focused and organized because it was not motivation I was lacking. I had biologically based executive function deficits in my brain.

 

I would look into neuropsychologist evaluations so that you have a better idea of what it is you are working with and can approach things from an angle that will help and not just frustrate the child. I have children with very high IQ abilities combined with very low executive function abilities, what works for these kids is different from what works for kids with good executive function.

[OneStepAtATime]

You might read Smart But Scattered to help understand and work with your child more effectively.  "Focus" involves a lot of subsystems.  And sometimes kids are born with a deficit in these areas.  They may need a LOT of very specific, very targeted training and usually in short increments over years for it to really help them.  Sometimes they end up needing to be able to implement external scaffolding and support because the ability to stay focused on tasks may never be something their brain can do on its own.  It takes time to get to the point where you are mature enough and have enough targeted training to be able to implement those external supports on your own.  Kids that struggle in this area usually cannot overcome these issues just through reward and punishment.  It is a difference in brain function.  Reading that book helped me find more ways to help my kids and to understand them better.  

Edited October 14, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[Pistachio mom]

I have read Smart, but Scattered -  the teen version. And yes - my teen used to be like this too - just not the bathtub issue. She had a disgraphia issue coupled with a fungal overgrowth that later explained the lack of focus. I spread 1st grade out to two years with this child since she was another one who was truly interested in books and could read at 3 and 4. I had to slow her down so her writing could catch up to her reading.

 

I do sit with this daughter #3  while she works. Lots of homeschool kids do need mom physically near by. I expect that. She is very intelligent, but does struggle with executive skills. Amazingly, science bypasses everything. She can quote verbatim from Aurora Lipper's Supercharged science, as well as her high school sister's Apologia Biology DVDs from last year. She does not just quote, she takes over the microscope and has an amazing comprehension.  And then there is the rest of life.

 

I like the idea of a bathroom checklist. That is something I can implement.

 

This daughter does love her bar graph because she can see what she has done, She likes this better than a think card. I like it better than a dot to dot. She definitely takes ownership here.

 

EKS, thanks for the advise about reward systems. I will think about what you have typed.  I want to encourage good habits without frustrating her.

 

Have any of you ever dealt with a child who deliberately stalls when she does not like a task - like subtraction - one who will purposefully use up her "math time" with behavior that puts her think time/time out type of break. Later to be heard bragging about getting out of work to a sibling? In a way, it reminds me of high school, when the guys in my class would purposely ask our teacher about the Vietnam war to get him off the subject. Mr. Burk lost a few fingers in the war....

 

About real learning issues, I am exploring the possibility of an eye dominance issue, and she has a few auditory processing symptoms. I have to use Right Brain teaching techniques to help her remember math facts and, in the past, phonics. We are doing a modified version of Dianne Craft's brain training exercises to work on these issues. maybe I should have this actually on my written schedule for her - so that she is expecting it.

 

Callista (and everyone)  thank you for your good ideas and perspective.  I need to do my best to be very consistent with clear structure, maturity needs to be kept in mind - I don't want to put her in over her head as school work is getting harder, decide which habits to work on first.

 

Anyone with a child with executive functioning issues knows how challenging it is to get and keep those kids on track with life skills, and then to add in academics on top of it is very challenging. Teaching her to use the morning checklists will be my next step. No getting ready of any kind gets done without my direct supervision. It is  my responsibility to help her with this.

 

OneStepAtATime, thanks for reminding me about scaffolding. It is the stage where we are right now. I might need to read the elementary version of the book.

 

I appreciate you all taking time to share you thoughts.

 

 

[Kiara.I]

 

 

Have any of you ever dealt with a child who deliberately stalls when she does not like a task - like subtraction - one who will purposefully use up her "math time" with behavior that puts her think time/time out type of break. Later to be heard bragging about getting out of work to a sibling? In a way, it reminds me of high school, when the guys in my class would purposely ask our teacher about the Vietnam war to get him off the subject. Mr. Burk lost a few fingers in the war...

You could have a reasonable math time but also a math assignment for the day. At the end of the math time, put away the math. "After school", whenever that is, pull out the unfinished math assignment for the day, which then gets completed "after school" in what could have been her free time.

 

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[MerryAtHope]

You could have a reasonable math time but also a math assignment for the day. At the end of the math time, put away the math. "After school", whenever that is, pull out the unfinished math assignment for the day, which then gets completed "after school" in what could have been her free time.

 

Yes, we did the "homework during free-time" for this type of dawdling too. It makes it very concrete. "School is done and it's time for your free time unless you have homework." Homework is done at the kitchen table, and mom is not nearly as available. It's not the cozy, cuddle on the couch together time that math was earlier in the day. Mom is sympathetic but not overly so "You're right, it is a bummer that you have math homework during your free time." (walks away.)

 

However, I'll also say that subtraction was more difficult for my kids, and I found that using concrete examples with base-10 blocks (where we just worked a bunch of problems with the blocks and me writing what they said) was very helpful. Show first, then have her teach it back to you with the blocks, and then when she's solid with that process, walk through how to write it, etc... Manipulatives can really solidify understanding and make it more concrete, and that in turn makes writing less of a chore in the long run--but it may take some time to get there. 

 

I also found that if they were dawdling as I sat there, changing things up helped. "I'm going to fold these baskets of laundry across the room from you while you finish up. Let's see who can finish first--me with the laundry or you with math. Ready...Go!" I made it possible for them to win if they tried--and that little bit of a contest helped them to focus.

[Rosika]

So much great advice already here. I'm adding to the chorus that PHYSICAL ACTIVITY and DEVELOPING HABITS worked for us. 

 

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY - sometimes this was the reward! We'd start with an "easy" subject. After it, we'd have a 10-15 minute recess. It might be free play outside, it might be a family walk around the neighborhood, ... it did take some practice learning how to transition, and one child in particular couldn't do free play because of difficulty transitioning back to school. He did things like the mini-trampoline, jump rope, juggling and boxing (which naturally tired him after 10-15 minutes.) Immediately after recess is when we'd tackle the more challenging subjects, like math. 

 

And sometimes physical activity was done during class. I had one child who could focus best on math if his brain was simultaneously engaged in a rote activity. He used to juggle balls, jump on the mini-trampoline, or juggle a soccer ball while he did math. Obviously this required some creative presentation of the material. During recess I'd sometimes write the math problems on the sliding glass door. I'd write large enough that he could still look at and solve the problems while jumping or juggling from a few feet away. It seems counter-intuitive, but he'd have no problem dropping the balls or stopping to jump in order to write his answer on the door. Then he'd hop back to it to solve the next problem. We had to do this until about 6th grade. 

 

Sometimes to address focus we'd also split up math into bite-sized chunks throughout the day. This would look like cutting up the MUS page and solving 1-2 problems intermittently, e.g. as I serve up lunch, or at lunch, or upon returning from a bathroom break. We eventually built up into being able to focus longer on more problems at a single sitting. But during the thick of things, this helped meet the child where he was WRT focus and still needing to get the work done.

 

Good luck to your family! Lots of support and ideas here.  :grouphug:

[Pistachio mom]

More very good ideas. Maybe it would be good to have a clip board reserved for free time activities. Whether it is drawing paper or math could depend on the day.

 

I can add in more physical activity, I am working right now on tweeking her routine to try out some of these ideas. We do have a mini trampoline that could be incorporated. Thankfully, we are past needing the manipulatives for addition and subtraction, right now the challenge is remembering the related math fact in order to solve the problem. Renaming is going great for her! Lately, the process of remembering the math fact makes her want to start talking between every column of numbers. So, for this next week - academically - I am trying to help her finish the problem or sets of 2 or 3 problems before she starts talking. Refocusing for every column of numbers in addition or subtraction takes a lot of energy, especially when she is working with 10,000 place value numbers.

 

For getting up in the mornings, we traced her hand for her 5 finger list. One task written on each finger with a clock on the wrist so she knows our time goal. She is excited to decorate this with permanent markers.

 

She came up with a funny poem for Bath Routine which she loves.  Again, permanent markers and contact paper before I hang it up where she can see it.

 

I have to make an effort to change what we are doing. If I do nothing but think about this advise, probably nothing will change. Time and maturity do not fix everything. But to work on one thing at a time is reasonable. You all have given me some very good suggestions. One of them about habits reminded me of an e-book that I have on my tablet by Charlotte Mason. This might be a good source of some ideas also. I have not read much by her. I had actually forgotten about this book until this discussion. The full title of the book is Habits: the Mother's Secret to Success. I am pretty sure that I bought it from Amazon. I have read the beginning.

 

I have some more re-thinking to do, to make a few adjustments in order to try out some ideas.

[sweet2ndchance]

Thankfully, we are past needing the manipulatives for addition and subtraction, right now the challenge is remembering the related math fact in order to solve the problem.

 

True, she may not need the manipulatives but is there any actual harm in letting her use them? She will eventually figure out that it is faster to just remember the facts and do the problem. My kids always had access to manipulatives while they did their work, it was their choice whether or not to use them. If they were struggling unnecessarily or dawdling, I suggested they get the manipulatives to figure it out. If they were struggling, using the manipulatives helped, if they were just dawdling, they were usually offended that I thought they didn't know how to do it on their own and were then determined to show me that they could do it without the manipulatives. Either way, the work got done.

[PeterPan]

What you're doing right now, creating visual supports, increasing structure, it all sounds really good. I like how creative you are with it. Keep doing it because that's AWESOME. 

 

What I want to add is the next step, that one you check for retained reflexes (which you probably already know about since you have the Dianne Craft stuff) and two that you consider meds sooner rather than later. I'm not saying *right away* because the data doesn't show that meds alter educational outcomes. But there's going to come a point, for this child, where she's frustrated by her own inability to do what she wants to do. Like the others, I think a grade adjustment and calling her 2nd grade, since that's what she physically is, would help you keep on track with the time requirements. When we had our $$$$$$$ neuropsych eval for dd (who is now in college and doing AWESOME), the biggest takeaway was academics at her brain level, time requirements and length requirements at her developmental/ADHD level. So that's like work ahead two grades but in a time frame that is behind 2-3 grades. That made a huge difference for us, just being really honest and realistic.

 

I think in the meantime I'd give the kid chocolate milk in the morning and see what happens. It might be just enough caffeine to help her be the student she yearns to be. It's not as much boost as an actual stimulant med, but it might be just enough. You can find charts on caffeine dosing for ADHD. The amounts are surprisingly tiny. There's chocolate milk without corn syrup and there's alternative milk (coconut, etc.) in chocolate too. So me, that would be a tool in my arsenal.

 

You also could stand to work on working memory probably. Working memory is the scratch and short term memory of the brain, and the brain uses it to get things into long term memory. So her deficits there are making it hard to get those math facts, etc. into longterm memory. I would put some significant effort into bumping her working memory and see if it helps with the sequencing and EF issues too. It also sounds like she would benefit from some intentional EF work. Linguisystems has a workbook for this age that is good, very practical. You can also come to LC and learn about metronome work, which you can then use to bring in some working memory work. I would work on working memory three times a day for 5-10 minutes at a pop and see where that gets you.

 

Adding: 10 minutes of mindfulness will get you a 30% EF bump. You can do mindfulness for free with the free tracks from Sitting Like a Frog (google or try your library). Also, the software Mighteor from Neuromotion is EXCELLENT and going to work on mindfulness, self-regulation, working memory, attention and distractors, inhibition, etc. Given the low cost and that it's very, very similar in some ways to Cogmed, it might be something to consider. You can get it with a $20 coupon code Zones20. I'm doing it with my ds, highly recommend. The tablet is included, so you basically get the software for free. I would have her do it each morning and see what bump that gets you. It should get you that EF bump from the mindfulness work, and I think it will have a lot of added benefits for her with the cognitive. I would still do the really intentional working memory work on top of it. You're going to get some when she remembers the "missions" and holds them in her head while playing the games, yes. I'm just saying I would do both. They might get some shifts that would be enough to stave off meds another couple years. Otherwise, I'd be looking into meds once she starts to express frustration.

Edited October 16, 2017 by OhElizabeth

[Pistachio mom]

We just started using manipulatives again to teach basic multiplication concepts. I can make sure they are out next to her desk for easy access. I did this for my middle girl. "Use the manipulatives until you think it is easier not to" approach.

 

I will explore the linguisystems website.  I have not looked at this company before. And the Sittitng Like a Frog looks interesting. I just read some reviews of it on Amazon. I will see what our library has. Thank you also for the software recommendations.

 

A little bit of healthy caffeine in the morning would be a treat to my girl. I am not opposed to trying it.  I will investigate developing the working memory more. Today, I figured out that the talking and distracting herself is not just math, but carries over to lots of things. So, we have some habit work to do.

 

Retained reflexes. I am reading about this now. One informative website I just found it:

https://epidemicanswers.org/is-this-your-child/symptoms_and_diagnoses/retained-reflexes/

The diet/environmental stuff we already live, but there is so much information here. I think the symptoms could apply to lots of children. But some of the symptoms do sound like my daughter. I will look into it!

 

Elizabeth, you have shared lots for me to think about. Thank you!