Incentives & Consequences for KG-1st grade

[Maryam]

I am actually asking this to help my sister, who started in September to homeschool her first child. My kids are all homeschooling but much older so I don’t remember details when they were her son’s age. She is frustrated and already questioning whether or not she can continue homeschooling. Her son, a normally sweet child, refuses to cooperate and do school. He is intelligent, has no indications of learning challenges, and doing a mix of kindergarten and first grade level work. Nothing too intense, just basics. She adds / includes fun things, but obviously he’d rather be playing, so if he often outright refuses and the stressful battle of the wills begins. What kinds of incentives, consequences, and discipline systems do you implement to actually make the kids do their work at that age? And what fun activities do you add in between?

ETA: He is currently doing Math Mammoth 1, reading Bob Books and Phonics Pathways, and Handwriting without Tears. Science is very light and more interest-led. She reads him some Let’s Read and Find Out books and does some fun experiments.

Edited October 14, 2017 by Maryam

[Rosie_0801]

I found it was mostly about routine and short lessons. Fun takes too long.

[JMG221]

We are still finding what works for my 6 year old but what has helped most so far is:

Letting her play before school must be done

Having her choose the order of subjects she does

Doing academics in 2 seperate sessions spread out with bike ride/park/active play between

Using a timer and going by time (assuming she has sustained effort) rather than expecting to get through lesson. I remind her that after 15 min of good concentrating she is done with math/reading/phonics 5 min for handwriting/memory work/recorder practice

Having a snack for her to munch on while working

For history/science/religion/art/geography are treated just as fun reading and she listens while she plays or we watch vidoes and tells me what she likes/remembers. Just normal conversation we have had since she was talking.

As for fun stuff, DD LOVES her out of the house classes and any time withfriends so keeping up with regular park dates, playdates, and classes keeps her happier in general.

[HomeAgain]

Firm routine.  Wake, breakfast, chores, school.  Every day.

 

Keep lessons short.  5 minutes at a time to begin with and work up slowly to 10.

 

Look at the work and think about how you can present it in a more child friendly manner: through play, hands on, whatever.  It doesn't matter that the worksheet page isn't filled in.

 

Praise effort.

 

Connect through other means: play together, read together, be active together.

 

Don't neglect the basic skills.  Small children need the play.  They need to develop their core muscles, their shoulder muscles, and their gross motor skills before the emphasis is too heavy on fine motor.

 

Create a theme of the day or week to explore and center work around that theme.

 

 

We don't do stars or consequence charts for school.  They don't work.  K-1st is more about consistently tweaking my teaching to be in tune with his learning.

[sweet2ndchance]

How old is he? Just because he is a bright child doesn't necessarily mean he is ready for any amount of seatwork and boys tend to resist seatwork longer than girls do just in my experience (4boys and 2 girls here).

 

Up until 6 or 7 years old, I find that how I introduce the lesson is as important as keeping it short. If they ask for a game or a video, and I need them to practice a Bob book still for school that day, my answer is generally something along the lines of "Yes, you may but first we need to practice your reading. Let's read your Bob book first then [insert activity they asked for]." I find that I get more cooperation when they are young when I phrase things that way and they learn work first, then play. I also praise like crazy for willing cooperation and good effort.

 

Math especially tends to stick better in their young minds in the form of play. Math Mammoth had far too many problems per page in K or 1st grade to expect a completed page per day. Even from a bright math student. Sometimes we would do the problems concretely while playing with cars or blocks and I would fill in the answer with a note to myself that we did the problems orally with toys so I would remember why the answers were written in my handwriting. Sometimes I would only require a certain number of problems or boxes of problems done rather than a full page. If they got into it while they were working and did more than required, they would get 5 extra minutes of computer time or some other kind of bonus for putting in the extra effort to do more than I asked for. Some of my kids never did more than asked for, some would put in extra effort now and then knowing that they would be rewarded for it. And that's ok. I never expected more, just dangled that carrot out there for them and let them have it when they earned it.

 

For the interest led stuff, I let their attention span and interest level tell me when we were done with a lesson. If they aren't interested any longer, then they aren't learning anything so I tried to stop the lesson while they were still interested and left them wanting more. Even if that meant stopping in the middle of a book and coming back to it later. I also tried not to drown them in too much information on something that they lost interest. If every little thing that they showed even a little interest in was turned into a school lesson, well, I wouldn't like that either to be honest so I use the same rule as above, leave them wanting more. Don't keep on if they are no longer asking questions. Remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint, they don't need to know everything on a topic of interest in first grade. Let them mull on little bites of information and present more when they are ready for more. 

[Jess4879]

I honestly found it was more about gauging the situation then about rewards and consequences.  If they are engaged with an activity and you pull them away for 'school', it's unlikely to go well, so we'd start a lesson right after breakfast, do read alouds during snack, allow them to 'stay up late' if they wanted to read to me for a bit, etc.  It was also very important to be aware of when interest was waning and end the lesson on a good note.  Definitely keep things short and sweet. 

 

For my youngest, there was also a phase where you just couldn't use the word "school".  It was akin to a dog hearing the word vet. HAHA  We did a lot of stealth teaching during that phase. 

[blondeviolin]

For my kids it is best to get it done right out of the gate after breakfast and chores. If he's kindy, reading lesson, play, counting junk as you play, and call it good. None of my kids have done dedicated math in k and they've been just fine.

[fralala]

I bet the best thing you can say to your sister right now is: This is completely normal! (If I were inclined to go overboard with exclamation points, there would be about 100 there.)

 

The unwillingness to do even 5 minutes of lessons? Normal! The battle of wills? Normal! The wanting to give up? Normal!

 

I mean, there's all kinds of good advice that's been offered above, but some days, you just need a hug and the reassurance that it's actually okay to be doing very, very little formally with a 6 year old and that it won't always be like this, and that if your child is happy playing, you should make yourself a cup of tea and sit down with your favorite book, or play the piano, or do some gardening, or knit, or whatever you love, and you will be either interrupted 5 minutes into it with a child who is ready for your attention (and the lesson) or you won't and will get to enjoy yourself (and be a good role model).

[happynurse]

I am going through the EXACT same thing with my kindergartner. He's very bright, advanced in some areas, but 'doing his lessons' is such a challenge. I want to add fun stuff, but we can't even get that far because he wants to just play on his own. I think younger kids who grew up with their older siblings homeschooling actually *want* to do school because they've seen their older sibs do it. It's a cool, big-kid thing for them. But the firstborn? Nope. You've been 'mom' and they've been free to do as they wish for so long that transitioning into that more formal instruction is a challenge.

 

So far, I do one subject (two if they're short) and then set a timer for a 15 minute break. Also, if he puts up a real battle, I take away his state license plate collection (his current favorite toys) until he finishes his school. It's tough. For what it's worth, I'm eager to hear all the responses to this thread because it's been a challenge around here so far, too. 

 

ETA: I should mention that I use the consequence primarily due to attitude. When I say, 'Hey, buddy let's do some of your lessons!', and he responds with a fit, that is when he gets a consequence. Not for not actually doing the lesson, if that makes sense.

 

Edited October 15, 2017 by happynurse

[Ellie]

I am actually asking this to help my sister, who started in September to homeschool her first child. My kids are all homeschooling but much older so I don’t remember details when they were her son’s age. She is frustrated and already questioning whether or not she can continue homeschooling. Her son, a normally sweet child, refuses to cooperate and do school. He is intelligent, has no indications of learning challenges, and doing a mix of kindergarten and first grade level work. Nothing too intense, just basics. She adds / includes fun things, but obviously he’d rather be playing, so if he often outright refuses and the stressful battle of the wills begins. What kinds of incentives, consequences, and discipline systems do you implement to actually make the kids do their work at that age? And what fun activities do you add in between?

ETA: He is currently doing Math Mammoth 1, reading Bob Books and Phonics Pathways, and Handwriting without Tears. Science is very light and more interest-led. She reads him some Let’s Read and Find Out books and does some fun experiments.

 

Of course a little six-year-old person would rather be playing.

 

I can't get worked up about "making kids do their work at that age." I cannot think of incentives or consequences for not doing schoolwork, not for a six-year-old child. I would have to be a fly on the wall to see what she does and how she does it.

 

It may be that she's using the wrong materials or methods with her dc. Maybe he really, really hates Math Mammoth.

 

Does he balk at every.single.thing? Only certain things?

[barnwife]

Well, I go with the "when you have XXX, then you can YYY.."

So, "of course we can build with blocks when we have finished our number work (we our kids call math)."

I also just make school routine. So they know we do breakfast, go for a walk, writing, number work, and then phonics/reading. RA gets thrown in whenever baby is fussy (I do that while I nurse him). We stop for meals and snacks. But that's the order we go in. And I won't play Candy Land or whatever with them until those things are done.

Of course, this is only our 2nd official year of HS, so I could be way off base.

[lavender's green]

My oldest kid is 6 so I don't have a lot to say, but I'll echo that it sounds normal!

 

We are in the process of transitioning away from Math Mammoth. I had high hopes for it, but neither of us could stand it. The pages are so long, dry, and overwhelming, and there's a heavy emphasis on solving for an unknown even before they have the basics down. We tried doing it orally for a while, but I was still dissatisfied. I recently bought some cuisenaire rods and pattern blocks and we're having fun with those while we wait for the new math books to arrive. I got my husband to help me research, because he minored in math, and, while he's not at home all day like I am, he has a lot of insight into how our kid thinks and learns. I showed him everything I thought was going wrong, what was going right, what my ideas were, and some websites that help compare curricula. FWIW we chose Singapore (which may raise a few eyebrows because MM didn't work for us). We'll see how it goes. :)

 

I was also using Bob books, but kiddo hit a wall with those (his personal speech issues got in the way for one of the books, and after that he hated all of them). I got several sets of early readers and when it's reading time I let him choose. Sometimes we alternate pages. It's going much better now, and he's so proud of his progress!

 

Finally, for writing...yeah, he hates it. Much to my surprise, he loves cursive: the flow, the way it's interconnected, the different look of the letters, the challenge of figuring out the word. We still do both, but end with cursive, to make it a positive experience. One of our early science lessons (we use Memoria Press as a core - I think it was in week 2) had us make berry ink, so the novelty of writing with a feather and home-made ink helped us get over the boring hump of writing.

[rose]

I agree with others that the 10 mins is about max at this time. They also do much better doing work that is verbal. Sit down, independent work should take no more than 5 minutes. I usually offer a story after my ds6 completes a reading lesson. Little does he know that the book I'm reading is "school" too! He said to me the other day, "I want to do a reading lesson so I can have more of the story." Haha! Really I think that the trick is putting a reasonable cap on time expectations and offering some small incentive for when that work gets done.

Edited October 15, 2017 by Rose M

[JudoMom]

I found it was mostly about routine and short lessons. Fun takes too long.

Yep. Do the basics (reading, math, and handwriting) in the shortest amount of time possible. Do it consistently and slowly increase the time. For me, the biggest lesson I'm teaching in K is the habit of learning.

 

And cut the fun. Let him have his own fun. He'll learn a lot.

[PeterPan]

The thing that changed from my first time through these grades to my second was I figured out how to calm my own fears and just enjoy my child. Because it's her first time through, she's worried about whether the problem is her, whether he'll learn, etc. etc., and she's wanting to increase the control on her part to calm her fears about it. Moms who've been through this know they grow quickly. Now I play more. Like me, that age, we're gonna do read alouds, color, play games, and oh btw pick some math games and work on the reading for a few minutes. So the "school" is what in that? Uh, I don't know, it slipped in there.

 

Personally, I think MM is a terrible choice for that age. Goes totally against most kids' developmental readiness at that stage. So she might be getting pushback because of actual fit and she might be uncomfortable because she's trying to force what should essentially be a relationship. If he's as intelligent as she thinks he is, she just needs to facilitate. So she has three ways to do math and offers him choice with a timer. (We're gonna do math for 10 minutes, which of these do you choose, boom done.) 

 

And I agree it's really easy to look at the intelligence of the child and forget they're little inside developmentally. In fact, if he's gifted, it's even more probable that he would have some social quirks or other things needing compensation. Do they play together? What do they do when they're not doing school? That's what I would improve and make the "school" only a small portion of their day, since in reality it only needs to be 30 minutes total at that age. At that age my ds was doing K'nex roller coasters, listening to Teaching Company courses, playing Catan Junior, etc. Encourage her to do those kinds of things. :)

[Maryam]

Thank you all so much for your advice. She read it all and really appreciated it. [emoji4]

 

 

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