Now that I've been in the special education world for quite a long time now, I tend to diagnose people around me. The parents of the kids I work with, for example... well, let's just say that often, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. My mom now thinks she's had ADHD since she was a kid, and I'm pretty sure her dad was on the spectrum.
I've posted about my DH on this forum a few times before. He is a college professor, obviously very smart. When we met in our early 20's, I was drawn to him because he seemed so outgoing and social, something I really wasn't. In our early years together, I was always the "wet blanket," not wanting to go to parties and get-togethers. He had a very strong core group of friends that always did everything together. They still do, but we moved far away years ago, and we haven't ever re-created such a group.
Now that we're in our mid-30's, things have changed. He is not coping very well with his intense workload. In my opinion, he doesn't prioritize well, and he insists on completing things to perfection. His perfectionism used to be just a nice bonus (organized house and clean car!), but it's mostly directed to work these days. He doesn't know how to set boundaries with his students as far as time - he refuses to tell them that he has to actually stop helping them and get his own work done. He never knows how long anything is going to take, and his estimates are usually off by 2-3 hours.
DH was very social in college and in the years after that when we lived in the same city as close friends. Making small talk, on the other hand... it's like pulling teeth to get him to chit-chat, even with people he knows quite well (for example, my mother and even his own family members). He doesn't think it's odd to go read a book in the living room when he's at my mom's house, while we're in the kitchen chatting. Last year we had a huge fight because I told him he HAD TO TALK to my mother when we had dinner together, even if he had nothing important to say. I insisted that he say SOMETHING, anything... ask about her work, her garden, the weather, whatever. He was extremely angry with me, and said something to the effect of, why should I have to act like that, just because society thinks talking all the time is the "right" way to act?
I've seen him with coworkers during college events, and while he participates in conversation, most of the time he just stands there looking awkward and nodding his head. He is most uncomfortable when we run into people we know, and have to talk for a minute or two out of politeness. He either doesn't talk at all, or ends a conversation abruptly.
He loves to read fiction, has a great sense of humor, and really enjoys certain social activities. I just wonder sometimes. Maybe he has Aspergers. I always thought he was super social, but perhaps it was just because he was with people he knew really well. He told me last night that he only went to parties in college because they were in his own apartment, arranged by his roommates.
Until recently I thought he was just being obstinate about many things, but now I'm wondering if he actually is on the spectrum and I've been unreasonably hard on him.