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Former homeschooler hating public school


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#1 bethben

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Posted 06 October 2017 - 10:13 PM

I knew I would have issues.  I knew why people homeschooled and I know why I did.  I knew the public school would do things differently and knew they couldn't give individualized education just because of the sheer number of kids in a school.  I sent my dd to a school that everyone in the neighborhood seems to love.  They rave about it.  They rave about pictures of 3rd graders learning how to "write short constructed sentences" on the computer so they can do well on a standardized test.  

 

I like that my dd's and my relationship is a ton better than it was when I was homeschooling her.  She's happier because she's around friends more and when she's miserable, I have the emotional energy to deal with it. 

 

So, how can I do this gig without going crazy?!?!?  Do I just have to stop caring and try to just help her do her best?  I can't after school because she's already at school a crazy amount of time and she would lose it if I tried to do more with her.



#2 eternalsummer

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 06:05 AM

What I did when some of mine were in school, and not a school I really agreed with philosophically, was to say: what positives are they getting out of school that I can't give them?  (there are some, of course).  What negatives are there that I can address?  What negatives are there that I can't address?

 

The ones I can't address, if they are still worth dealing with because the positives make it worth it, I just tell myself are part of life right now, like the weather or international politics.  Out of my control, all I can do is help them manage as well as possible.


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#3 bethben

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 08:57 AM

DD gets social time which she really craves and her and I get time away from each other daily so that we can have a decent mother/daughter relationship.  That's the only positives.  I am teaching her math still and she is repeating everything we did in homeschool in 2nd and 3rd grade.  And this is considered an advanced school.  I do have the possibility of changing schools for her next year, but I'm concerned that she would be behind.



#4 eternalsummer

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 09:21 AM

That is all mine got from school too, and as long as the social time was positive (that is, they weren't bullied or picking up bad influences or etc.) I was willing to trade academics for it up to a certain age.  Now that my oldest is in 7th, I am also having trouble considering the exchange worth it.  Do you think they'd allow some independent study on her part?  Is she identified gifted? 



#5 EmilyGF

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 09:47 AM

My son is at a challenging public school whose philosophy I disagree with.

 

For me, I remind myself that we did this because things weren't working at home. I'm not comparing public school to perfect but to reality.

 

I'd love to send ds5 to a forest kindergarten or have him outside all day long with a half hour of academics thrown in. But that isn't happening. He was causing a lot of stress at home (to the point that ds12 was crying any day he tried to do school because of the chaos). I need to compare what is happening now at PS to what really would happen at home.

 

A warning, though, is to be careful not to undermine your child's teacher. I don't say, "Wow, this handwriting sheet is totally inappropriate developmentally!" but just allow a good enough job and try to make the time we have together positive.

 

Emily



#6 bethben

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 10:09 AM

I don’t think dd is gifted. I just think the curriculum they love and rave about is mediocre. I have just come to realize that my standard when I homeschooled was pretty high and my kids succeeded at that level without me feeling like I was demanding too much. I felt like I could have pushed more even and had them succeed. Dd doesn’t do well with all the computer tests they love over there. She doesn’t fill out the written potion at all (I’m talking to her and will ask why) or if she does, she doesn’t fill out the appropriate buzz words that will have the computer mark it right.

No, I will never undermine her teacher because my mom was an undermined by the parents teacher. If she gets reprimanded for something at school I always ask what she did and try to help her see why the teacher did what he did. Honestly, the teacher is just a cog. He’s not in control of what they are learning nor how fast the class plows through material. Every fourth grade class does the same thing. I never speak of my frustrations with the school to her. Dd lives school because she’s a super social girl.

I guess if I was feeling like they were teaching math and language arts well, I could deal with the rest of it. I don’t feel like they are teaching the basics well at all. Those are the subjects I’m reteaching her at home.


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#7 EmilyGF

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 10:29 AM

I don’t think dd is gifted. I just think the curriculum they love and rave about is mediocre. I have just come to realize that my standard when I homeschooled was pretty high and my kids succeeded at that level without me feeling like I was demanding too much. I felt like I could have pushed more even and had them succeed. Dd doesn’t do well with all the computer tests they love over there. She doesn’t fill out the written potion at all (I’m talking to her and will ask why) or if she does, she doesn’t fill out the appropriate buzz words that will have the computer mark it right.

No, I will never undermine her teacher because my mom was an undermined by the parents teacher. If she gets reprimanded for something at school I always ask what she did and try to help her see why the teacher did what he did. Honestly, the teacher is just a cog. He’s not in control of what they are learning nor how fast the class plows through material. Every fourth grade class does the same thing. I never speak of my frustrations with the school to her. Dd lives school because she’s a super social girl.

I guess if I was feeling like they were teaching math and language arts well, I could deal with the rest of it. I don’t feel like they are teaching the basics well at all. Those are the subjects I’m reteaching her at home.


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Argh. I may be frustrated with some aspects of ds's school, but he is clearly learning a lot quickly.

 

Emily



#8 SKL

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 03:56 PM

One of my kids doesn't really learn much at school either.  But she wouldn't learn much more from me if I homeschooled.  She doesn't want me as a teacher and I have no desire to fight about that.  :)  So, on balance, for us, a love of school and the better relationship at home would be worth dealing with the negatives you describe.  Not to say you aren't right to be disappointed in the way they have structured things.



#9 Sadie

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 05:15 PM

For my own sake, I really did have to stop caring about my philosophical differences with my dd's school. I still believe I am right and they are wrong :) But I just had to shrug my shoulders about it. 



#10 Rosie_0801

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 06:22 PM

My dd is losing skills in school, but there's nothing I can do about it. So yeah, I basically have to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. When I can't help it, I write nasty letters to the education minister.



#11 bethben

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 10:19 PM

My dd is losing skills in school, but there's nothing I can do about it. So yeah, I basically have to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. When I can't help it, I write nasty letters to the education minister.


I just can’t seem to accept that as a viable alternative right now. My dd was learning to write a well thought out 3 paragraph paper last year. Now she is learning how to write concise sentences for online tests. I can’t let it go. I continue to look for alternatives where she still gets a decent education and we keep a good relationship.


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#12 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 10:36 PM

I just can’t seem to accept that as a viable alternative right now. My dd was learning to write a well thought out 3 paragraph paper last year. Now she is learning how to write concise sentences for online tests. I can’t let it go. I continue to look for alternatives where she still gets a decent education and we keep a good relationship.


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Is she losing the ability to write a three paragraph paper? Learning to write concise sentences is not the antithesis of writing a paper.

#13 bethben

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Posted 07 October 2017 - 10:48 PM

I have to find out what she is writing. I have to see if the teacher even reads any of it. Basically, all the writing she tells me about is so they can do well on standardized tests. Teacher conferences are coming up so I can ask questions at that point.


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#14 Earthmerlin

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Posted 09 October 2017 - 05:55 AM

Can you talk candidly to the teacher &/or principal? Or a central office specialist? Can you go in & observe? Are weekends a time when you can briefly homeschool? Or weave academics into home activities? Are there outside clubs, etc. with which she can get involved that focus on academic skills (in a fun way)? Isn't that writing (a novel) challenge coming up in Nov.? Can you have a heart-to-heart with your daughter & explain what's important to you (& see if she'd be game for a bit of 1-on-1 with you)?

In my case, I don't always agree with our local (raved about) school. I am lucky in that she loves to learn & spend time with me so I can squeeze in 'my' things. We play school a lot (her choice) & we love board games (we have lots of educational ones). We have lots of dinner conversations about math, current events, science, etc. I also bring home books that extend or enrich her learning. We go on outings that teach as well (i.e., Archives to see the US Constitution)--& I oftentimes can get a friend to come so it blends learning & social time. We usually go through her school papers to discuss strengths, weaknesses, & extensions. I buy kits or toys that teach something (excavating mummies, logic puzzles). I have even offered rewards for completely certain things. Plenty of open-ended discussions & lots of free play (esp outdoors) are important too. I have in my head an outline of what should be covered but I never get to it all. Nonetheless I think my daughter's education is well-rounded because she gets both school & home teachings.

#15 City Mouse

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Posted 11 October 2017 - 07:09 PM

Honestly, if your relationship with her is better, then that is what I would focus on. The best education in the world isn't worth a broken relationship.