Chanley Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 My husband has a job where he can live anywhere. So is it totally crazy for me to be looking at houses in the town where my daughter wants to go to college? It is about 9 hours away from where we are now. She says she would rather live in her own bedroom than a dorm room with a roommate. The college has a policy where kids must live on campus all 4 years or live at home. I think I have forgotten over the years how much I dislike institutionalization and what a role that played into my decision to homeschool. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 (edited) It's not crazy. Is her school in a place where you would like living? Is it a place where you could afford to live? Do you have other children? Would they be impacted by a move? Do you have extended family that you need to take into account? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Edited October 2, 2017 by Jean in Newcastle 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanley Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 Would I like living there...not totally sure. The other kid is game for anything. My husband thinks I should rent a house there for a few weeks or a month and just get a feel. The COL is about the same although we would never be able to replace the house we have now with a similar house for what we have in it. We got a great deal. None of us like the town we are currently in and we have been talking about moving out of here for several years. We get serious about it about every 6 months, then realize we will have to pick up all of our junk and physically move it, so we table the discussion. But being closer to my kid and saving on housing expenses...that makes moving my stuff look a lot more appealing. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Would I like living there...not totally sure. The other kid is game for anything. My husband thinks I should rent a house there for a few weeks or a month and just get a feel. The COL is about the same although we would never be able to replace the house we have now with a similar house for what we have in it. We got a great deal. None of us like the town we are currently in and we have been talking about moving out of here for several years. We get serious about it about every 6 months, then realize we will have to pick up all of our junk and physically move it, so we table the discussion. But being closer to my kid and saving on housing expenses...that makes moving my stuff look a lot more appealing. You could also purge a lot of your stuff. ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Before making a big move on this basis, I would try to work with the daughter to see what the reasons are for wanting to live at home. There might be underlying anxieties that it would be useful to address. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanley Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 I am the one that wants to move, she does not mind living at home. She definitely wants out of this town and is totally ready to move out and be independent. But if she had to choose between rooming with a stranger and her own bedroom, she would choose a bedroom. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I probably would have moved to the city my dd is going to college in, partly because my dh and I were already planning to move there anywhere at some point but also because my dd wasn't really wanting to live in a dorm. In our case, it didn't work out after all but I think it would have been fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I don't think it's a crazy idea, but assuming a student is neurotypical, I think learning to live with others, esp others who are different than we are, is a very useful life lesson. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie of KY Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 in the town where my daughter wants to go to college? My question is if she is going to change her mind about where she wants to go and/or if there is any problem with her getting admitted there. I'm assuming it's pretty sure as you are considering moving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I don't think it's a crazy idea, but assuming a student is neurotypical, I think learning to live with others, esp others who are different than we are, is a very useful life lesson. I think the main lesson I learned in 4 years of dorm living was that I never wanted a roommate again, lol. Living in an apartment with others or a dorm suite is one thing, I do think that can be useful. But learning to live with another person in my bedroom is not a skill I have ever needed. It was not at all transferable to sharing a bedroom with an intimate partner :lol: 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Dd can entertain you for hours with bad dorm room stories. It wasn't pretty. It seems like either it works well or terribly. Ds would happily live in an apt with friends now but is happy saving the money and having the space of living at home. And cats! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 A couple more questions. If you move so that one child can live with you during college, are you going to move to the other child's college area when the time comes? Will their time overlap? Will it set up resentment if you did it for one child but not the other? What if you move but during those college years they start to spread their wings more and don't want to live with you? (I have no answers for you. Just questions to help you to think it through.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I don't think it's crazy at all if you think that community would be over all a better fit. Especially if you're in the US and it would help to establish residency in a new state. That said, kids say things and change their minds later. Including decisions on housing in college and school. So unless she's a senior this year, I would take all of that with a grain of salt. I'd ask yourself if you'd still be happy with the move if she wants to attend school somewhere else or would choose to live on campus for all or part of her college experience. Would you still be happy with the move? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 A couple more questions. If you move so that one child can live with you during college, are you going to move to the other child's college area when the time comes? Will their time overlap? Will it set up resentment if you did it for one child but not the other? What if you move but during those college years they start to spread their wings more and don't want to live with you? (I have no answers for you. Just questions to help you to think it through.) In addition to these questions, do you like the town enough to stay when she leaves or are you setting yourself up to move again? And, if so I guess, do you mind that? Is there another option for your dd to live without a roommate without it being in your home? Ds's University has an on-campus or at home residency policy too. He lived in a dorm with single rooms that joined 4 small bedrooms into a suite with 2 bathrooms. This year he moved into a campus apartment that is a small studio and he loves it. He has never had a roommate. Dd's dorm had some single rooms, always in suites, I think it was 2 single rooms and a double room sharing a bathroom. Their campus apartments include 1, 2, and 4 bedroom options, but all just have one person per bedroom. So living on campus all four years doesn't necessarily mean having a roommate. Some campuses will also allow you to pay extra and turn a 2 person room into a 1 person room. All the colleges we toured acknowledged that most kids have had their own bedroom these days and few want roommates. Dorms that accommodate this are growing in popularity. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 It sounds fine to me. I think dorm life is not especially healthy at many schools. I recall noise and light pollution all or nearly all night long, making sleep hard. Lots of rapid travel contagious illness. I've had wonderful groups of assigned roommates and terrible ones. The wonderful ones were great and made for long term friends. But the terrible ones made life terrible, and it was really a "luck of the draw thing," not an ability or inability to get along. Separate bedrooms did help the wonderful group be more wonderful, but others who had same suite set-up that year had some terrible experiences if the combo was not good, so just separate bedroom is not the whole thing. And shared bedrooms w/ the terrible group made it worse, but others I knew had the same type of suite set-up and a wonderful group with shared bedrooms, so that was not it either. If your dd would prefer to be home, and other things like work and lack of fond attachment to current community make that possible, sure, why not. A temporary rental does sound like a good idea to make for a decision / transition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Just be aware that kids grow up a LOT during those college years. What seems like a great workable idea when a kid is 17 may be a emotional trap by the time a kid is 21 or 22. * Would you feel okay if you movedto be where she is but she ended up moving out to live with friends her junior or senior year? * What happens if she wants to transfer? * What happens if she drops out? I just think that moving so she can live at home puts a lot of pressure on her to stay the course in school (even if it's not necessariy the "right" thing for her) and it may prevent her from developing those wings. LIiing at home is great, but normally students do have the option to move out eventually. If you move to be with her, she may not feel she has the option to move out, and this may cause resentment down the road..... 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daijobu Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 I think I have forgotten over the years how much I dislike institutionalization and what a role that played into my decision to homeschool. Yes, that is the word. It also reflects my irritation with all those nonsense requirements and hoops that schools put up for you. Vive la homeschooling! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 One thing to consider is how you would feel about her coming and going as a college student if she is in the same household. If she has a late night study group, will you be worried about her until she gets home? Often college students do not keep what parents would consider "normal" hours. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest2 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 If it works out to move, make sure you get a home equipped with a very loud fire alarm. Then you can pull the alarm in the middle of the night a few times a week to wake your Dd (so she can get that college experience). 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 I would definitely rent and try it out for a semester before I sold current home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 If it works out to move, make sure you get a home equipped with a very loud fire alarm. Then you can pull the alarm in the middle of the night a few times a week to wake your Dd (so she can get that college experience). That would be annoying. Can't say it ever happened to my three (several in a week - they only had drills very occasionally). I'm not sure I'd call your experience a "typical" college experience any more than the students I hear from who get annoying living at home that their parents require them to babysit when they need to be studying or doing something college related (also not typical, but happens). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest2 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 (edited) nm:) Edited October 7, 2017 by Silver Brook Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanley Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 The number one choice for this kid has a mandatory requirement of living in the dorms all 4 years. On one hand, I think a year in the dorms might be good. But I know this kid, she is going to hate it. She is so meticulous about space and environment that the chaos of others is going to drive her nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted October 7, 2017 Share Posted October 7, 2017 The number one choice for this kid has a mandatory requirement of living in the dorms all 4 years. On one hand, I think a year in the dorms might be good. But I know this kid, she is going to hate it. She is so meticulous about space and environment that the chaos of others is going to drive her nuts. Do you know what the dorm rooms are like on the campus? Some schools have dorms with suite arrangements where students still have their own private room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanley Posted October 7, 2017 Author Share Posted October 7, 2017 Yeah we toured it, the dorms are very old, no suites. She has lived briefly in other dorms at other schools for intensives and well the dorms are not a highlight of this school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 8, 2017 Share Posted October 8, 2017 The number one choice for this kid has a mandatory requirement of living in the dorms all 4 years. On one hand, I think a year in the dorms might be good. But I know this kid, she is going to hate it. She is so meticulous about space and environment that the chaos of others is going to drive her nuts. Is it her #1 or just the best looking fit on paper? If she's ranking her choices, she would need to contemplate the living situation in her thoughts. Does she want you to move there? If it all is an option everyone is willing to do, then it could factor into her decision making. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 8, 2017 Share Posted October 8, 2017 I would not do this, for many reasons already stated. Instead, I would help dd look for other schools that meet her criteria but are more flexible re:housing. And I would move, since everybody wants to move, but to some new place that suits the needs of parents and minors at home. I think this combo of approaches gives dd more stability and support from home, since she will know you all are settled and ok, and will not be affected by changes to her own plans. She needs to be able to make decisions to transfer, or even drop out (hopefully not, but things happen), without feeling like the whole family's destinies are wrapped up in her choices. The question about younger siblings is important, too, whether they will feel like you should also move to their college towns. Might not happen; they might prefer to leave the nest. But what would you do if they didn't? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 (edited) I agree with this. The four years I spent away from home ( first 2 years in a to want to dorm and last 2 years of college in an apartment with roommates) was a huge period of growth for me. It was so impactful that I've told my kids that, despite the cost savings, it would be best to forgo community college for the four-year living away experience, part of those 4 years in a dorm. It's not just that it is a maturity-building experience, but it is the most sure-fire way to make friends as a freshman - that close living and shared experience. I think it best if parents are a comfortable distance away from their kids at this time. I don't think it's a crazy idea, but assuming a student is neurotypical, I think learning to live with others, esp others who are different than we are, is a very useful life lesson. Edited October 9, 2017 by reefgazer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourisenough Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 If it works out to move, make sure you get a home equipped with a very loud fire alarm. Then you can pull the alarm in the middle of the night a few times a week to wake your Dd (so she can get that college experience).This made me lol! It was exactly oldest DD's experience living in a dorm her first year. She is at a school that requires students to live in campus-owned housing all four years. We all hate this aspect of her school and will steer younger DDs toward schools w/o this policy. Oldest is again in a dorm for her sophomore year, but sincerely hopes for an apartment for her final two years. She's over the community bathrooms and no kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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