Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) My mom did the dna test and uploaded it to ancestery.com Turns out the man she thought was her father isn't. Apparently it is happening a lot. Update post 118 Edited December 5, 2017 by Scarlett 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Whoa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Wow. That is a shocking revelation. I work in this field, and it is a serious ethical concern. Did you know your purported grandfather? Does she have any idea who her biological father is? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Is she sure the test results are correct? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 Wow. That is a shocking revelation. I work in this field, and it is a serious ethical concern. Did you know your purported grandfather? Does she have any idea who her biological father is? She found a paternal first cousin (probably first cousin but very closely related). From the info she can find on line his father only had one brother. So that is probably her father. She had done a lot of digging and she thinks she has the name of her father....but no one is left alive to confirm it. The first cousin she found won't talk to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Wow. I don't think I would have thought of that aspect if I was getting a DNA test just for fun. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Can you tell me more about how that works? What info is there about her father? He likely won't be in any DNA base, so does the system compare features? Give a probability? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 Can you tell me more about how that works? What info is there about her father? He likely won't be in any DNA base, so does the system compare features? Give a probability? No he isn't in the data base, but his probable nephew is. It tells how much dna they share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Whoa. Talk about rocking your world. My sister recently did the DNA test, I was super curious if we have any unknown relatives. None have turned up, yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 Wouldn't they have to have a sample from her dad in order to compare? No. The way it works is you and a bunch of people upload your dna results. They compare it to everyone and show you how closley related/how much dna you share with various people. She instantly had a bunch of matches with a bunch of people on her mom's side. Including matches to maternal cousins that she knows are her cousins. But not one single match on the paternal side. Not one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 No he isn't in the data base, but his probable nephew is. It tells how much dna they share. So the data base has found this person and based on the dna results concludes that he must be a cousin? How accurate is this? Is that person's ancestry positively confirmed through DNA? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 No he isn't in the data base, but his probable nephew is. It tells how much dna they share. Could the nephew have a different father instead or was related through his mother? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Wow. I don't think I would have thought of that aspect if I was getting a DNA test just for fun. My BIL is a geneticist so he and his immediate family did the registry years ago never having told anyone. When my husband's grandma and uncle recently submitted their info, they popped up as likely relatives to his sister and niece along with the correct relationship. It creeped me out. It also made me wonder about the ramifications for kids born via sperm/egg donor that never knew. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 So the data base has found this person and based on the dna results concludes that he must be a cousin? How accurate is this? Is that person's ancestry positively confirmed through DNA? Well, I am not a scientist, but I think it is pretty accurate. It is matching her up accurately with known relatives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) I am the first person to admit that I'm no expert on DNA testing, but I don't think I would automatically assume, based on this one test where the father's DNA was unavailable for testing, that the results are accurate. Edited September 27, 2017 by Catwoman 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 Could the nephew have a different father instead or was related through his mother? I don't understand your question. The person (unknown to her until she saw his profile) shows to match her dna to the degree that show them to be first cousins. He has no connections at all to her maternal side of the family. And my mom has many. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Well, I am not a scientist, but I think it is pretty accurate. It is matching her up accurately with known relatives. But is "pretty accurate" really good enough when it comes to something as important and emotional as this? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 But is "pretty accurate" really good enough when it comes to something as important and emotional as this? Well, I guess I should rephrase. It is accurate. I am not a dna expert either, but the fact is her dna matches up to not one single person out of millions that connect to her paternal side of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 My BIL is a geneticist so he and his immediate family did the registry years ago never having told anyone. When my husband's grandma and uncle recently submitted their info, they popped up as likely relatives to his sister and niece along with the correct relationship. It creeped me out. It also made me wonder about the ramifications for kids born via sperm/egg donor that never knew. Why did it creep you out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 What?!? This is the man she's always knew as dad? Wow! Yes. She was the oldest of 6. She thought he was her father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I just read about that same thing happening to someone. She not only found out that the man she knew as dad wasn't really her father, but also that she had several half siblings. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 I just read about that same thing happening to someone. She not only found out that the man she knew as dad wasn't really her father, but also that she had several half siblings. Oh yeah. Mom has known about this for months. She has joined a private group of people searching for their bio parents.....it is really painful to some of them. Some are younger and their bio parents are alive still... my mom is oddly not upset or disturbed. I would be so angry if my mom had kept that from me. Of course, grandma probably never dreamed the truth could come out....but it has a way of doing so. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) but the fact is her dna matches up to not one single person out of millions that connect to her paternal side of the family. I do not understand the bolded. Registration to this service is voluntary. How do you know that there any participants on her paternal family side that are using this? If I tried this, I would not be related to anybody, as I am pretty sure nobody in our extended family is using these kinds of services. ETA: To be clear: I am not disputing your statement; I just want to find out more about this because I have not researched these services. Edited September 27, 2017 by regentrude 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 This is happening more and more. One woman got a hit on two half brothers and a half sister. Her father, wasn't her bio dad. Pretty sure in her case someone was still alive to confirm it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Yes. She was the oldest of 6. She thought he was her father. Have any of her siblings done the dna test? It could be that her father was switched at birth. Here's a WaPo story about that happening in the early 20th century and nobody knowing until the dna tests came back wonky: https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/lifestyle/she-thought-she-was-irish-until-a-dna-test-opened-a-100-year-old-mystery/?utm_term=.95b7aa305070 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Curiouser and curiouser.... how *would* she know that it wasn't her dad with the "mix-up"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Yes. She was the oldest of 6. She thought he was her father. And it is quite likely he did too. Therefore he was. Your father is the person your mother tells you is your father. That is the way it has always worked and mostly it worked quite well. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I don't understand your question. The person (unknown to her until she saw his profile) shows to match her dna to the degree that show them to be first cousins. He has no connections at all to her maternal side of the family. And my mom has many. Like, could it be *his* dad that isn't who he thought it was. Could your mom's uncle be his dad? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 I do not understand the bolded. Registration to this service is voluntary. How do you know that there any participants on her paternal family side that are using this? If I tried this, I would not be related to anybody, as I am pretty sure nobody in our extended family is using these kinds of services. ETA: To be clear: I am not disputing your statement; I just want to find out more about this because I have not researched these services. You would be surprised who you are related to. The extended family goes out a long ways and it is probably people you never knew existed. She has hit after hit on her maternal side. None on her father's side. I think it is statistically unlikely no one on her father's side signed up. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 Like, could it be *his* dad that isn't who he thought it was. Could your mom's uncle be his dad? Oh I see. No there is no uncle. He was the only boy in his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 Have any of her siblings done the dna test? It could be that her father was switched at birth. Here's a WaPo story about that happening in the early 20th century and nobody knowing until the dna tests came back wonky: https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/lifestyle/she-thought-she-was-irish-until-a-dna-test-opened-a-100-year-old-mystery/?utm_term=.95b7aa305070 None have but one said she would do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I have had something just like this happen in my family. There is a group on Facebook, that CeCe runs from Long Lost Family called DNA Detectives. When you find out you have a NPE ( Non parent event ) or if you are adopted you can take DNA and hopefully find your parent or parents. You start with your closest DNA match, hopefully a 2nd cousin or closer so that you share a grandparent. Then by process of elimination you can figure out who would likely be your parent. Many times you can find one of their children to test, or they will test one day. It is a very real chance that a DNA test can rock your world. Most encourage folks to test with Ancestry, as you can transfer to Family Tree DNA for $18, then to GEDMATCH,com for free, and also to MyHeritage.com for free. The only big name left is 23 and Me. But if you test, please, please understand that you may not like the answers. My father was terrified when he took his, telling me that no matter the results that I was caught in his net. He was relieved to find out he was actually my father. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) It is also possible her dad was adopted--people usually didn't talk about adoptions in those days. I'd want one of my siblings to test to confirm whether we were full or half siblings. Edited September 27, 2017 by maize 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) My great-great-grandmother's dad abandoned her and her mom when she was really little. Her mom remarried and her second husband pretty much raised her. Now, I know this because the story was passed down. But how easy would it have been to just not say anything about the deadbeat dad? And to just let people - including my g-g-grandma - assume the dad-in-everything-but-name was *the* dad? Edited September 27, 2017 by forty-two 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) I have worked on Genealogy for 30 years, I have tons of family who have tested, or I have paid for them to be tested, this is extremely accurate. I have all faith in it. Edited September 27, 2017 by StartingOver 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I do not understand the bolded. Registration to this service is voluntary. How do you know that there any participants on her paternal family side that are using this? If I tried this, I would not be related to anybody, as I am pretty sure nobody in our extended family is using these kinds of services. ETA: To be clear: I am not disputing your statement; I just want to find out more about this because I have not researched these services. Autosomal tests can detect relationships as distant as fifth cousin or more. As I doubt you know all your fifth cousins how could you know no-one in your family has signed up? My family's tests have come back with matches all over the world (including in Germany). Figuring out exactly how we are related to these folks is more difficult! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) Your mom is the oldest? This happened to a couple people I know. It turned out in every case that mom had them prior to her actual marriage to the man they knew as dad. Mom and dad slid the marriage date back a couple years and dad did a formal adoption, but they never told them. Since she's the oldest child, I wonder if something similar could have happened. Especially considering the time era she would have been born in. Edited September 27, 2017 by MedicMom 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I guess the grandmas mum could have through he was the father as well. I mean she must have known there was another possibility but she may have felt that he was most likely the father? Maybe she was a victim of something and didn't share that information. I guess without knowing the circumstances you can't know why these decisions were made. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I found my birth father (and mother) about ten years ago. I also did 23 and me right when they started. Had I not found my birth father via the courts, 23andme would have showed me him as a father. I think this is going to happen a lot more. How is your Mom taking it? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 My BIL is a geneticist so he and his immediate family did the registry years ago never having told anyone. When my husband's grandma and uncle recently submitted their info, they popped up as likely relatives to his sister and niece along with the correct relationship. It creeped me out. It also made me wonder about the ramifications for kids born via sperm/egg donor that never knew. I recently read info about a donor whose 18 children found him, some through DNA. He left a letter in his file welcoming contact. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Your mom is the oldest? This happened to a couple people I know. It turned out in every case that mom had them prior to her actual marriage to the man they knew as dad. Mom and dad slid the marriage date back a couple years and dad did a formal adoption, but they never told them. Since she's the oldest child, I wonder if something similar could have happened. Especially considering the time era she would have been born in. It is certainly a possibility--requesting the original marriage licence might shed some light on things. My grandma had an aunt who always listed her step father as her dad--her real father was divorced from her mom when she was just a baby and as far as most people knew she belonged to the step dad. You can find the real story through court documents though (and, in her case, the newspaper as well). It doesn't sound like the possibility of dad being an adoptee (therefor not showing up as biologically related to others in his family) has been ruled out yet though either. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frugalmamatx Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I'd go for it. And when / if I can afford to do the testing, I will. I've got two missing siblings that DNA is probably the only way I'll ever find them. One was born overseas and the other was adopted out {in the mom's defense, they thought my dad was KIA in Korea}. It does happen a lot. Like I know my dad's dad wasn't actually his father biologically - something about the blood types made it an impossibility. But yet he looks so much like his grandfather....so it must have been a relative. But who? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 So the data base has found this person and based on the dna results concludes that he must be a cousin? How accurate is this? Is that person's ancestry positively confirmed through DNA? I can say that they told me they found my first cousin, and sure enough it IS my first cousin, that I haven't talked to in a while! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) I just read a blog post where someone got the shocking news that the father they new and loved and who passed away was not their bio father. They were an only child and it came up she had half siblings who were all donor conceived. She had cousins tested from the fathers side and got the confirmation from that they were not blood related. The mother denied it even with proof but she did develop a relationship with her half siblings. I can imagine how shocking it must be to hear that for your mom amd family. Edited September 28, 2017 by MistyMountain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 My BIL is a geneticist so he and his immediate family did the registry years ago never having told anyone. When my husband's grandma and uncle recently submitted their info, they popped up as likely relatives to his sister and niece along with the correct relationship. It creeped me out. It also made me wonder about the ramifications for kids born via sperm/egg donor that never knew. And likewise for sperm donors who were never informed of the news. I know of a man who did the DNA test and discovered he had a son, and from the age he knew exactly who the mother was. They had parted ways, and the mother opted not to tell him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 False paternity events are common through all of history. I am sorry your mom is (understandably) upset. I did the testing, and the only thing I have caught as being "off" was an assumed 4th cousin who, on paper, is a third cousin. The results on assumed relationships is very accurate. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Why did it creep you out? Oh, no good reason. I think it was the realization of how easily people could be connected, the database being built and the unknown of how it will be used in the future. Situations like yours where your mom's father wasn't her biological father, I would find it really upsetting if my biological parents weren't my parents and no one told me. Uncle had no clue his niece and great niece had participated in the registry. He's in the process of writing a book about an ancestor so he had the DNA testing done to find more family members that he hasn't found through traditional geneology reaearch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 False paternity events are common through all of history. I am sorry your mom is (understandably) upset. I did the testing, and the only thing I have caught as being "off" was an assumed 4th cousin who, on paper, is a third cousin. The results on assumed relationships is very accurate. By the time you get to 3rd-4th cousin, the amount of DNA shared is quite variable. Even with a relationship as close as siblings the percentage shared easily varies between about 43 and 57 percent, and the more intervening generations there are the greater the variation becomes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 How upsetting! The important thing for her to remember is that her father was still her father, and this test doesn’t change that even if she had a different biological father. I’m curious and want to do the testing, but I’m also kind of nervous to try it because of privacy concerns. An older relative who died years ago did extensive genealogy research on my maternal grandfather’s side of the family as well as a lot of work for the historical society. She hit a dead end in one of our family lines and suspected it had been intentionally kept a secret. I bet she would have been fascinated by this tool. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 It is also possible her dad was adopted--people usually didn't talk about adoptions in those days. I'd want one of my siblings to test to confirm whether we were full or half siblings. My grandfathers mother died in childbirth. I am certain he was not adopted. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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